COVID-19 tracked me down and kicked my arse

On April 27, 2022August 3, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

This is a special blog for today, because I usually post sometime on a Monday; and as you are all very capable of following the Gregorian calendar, today is Wednesday.

The reason I am posting today, is because I want to talk about COVID-19. Why? Because after two years of avoiding it like…um…the plague, COVID-19 finally tracked me down and kicked my arse.

I’ll be honest with you, in my utter arrogance, I thought I would avoid it. I told myself, that if I kept washing and sanitising my hands regularly, wearing a face mask in public, and following government guidelines, I would be sweet as. What an idiot.

Currently, the COVID-19 Omicron variant is still ripping it’s way through New Zealand, like Cookie Monster at a birthday party. At the time of writing this blog, 18% of the entire population of New Zealand, has been infected with COVID-19.

I’m thinking about it now, and catching COVID-19 was inevitable for me; just as Winter follows Autumn, or the Joker escaping Arkham Asylum. It was always going to happen.

Now as disappointed as I was for actually contracting the virus in the first place, I do feel fortunate for one reason. During my time of being infected, I was suffering from headaches, constant coughing, insomnia, nose bleeds, sneezing, tiredness and a sore throat.

My wife has seen first hand, what kind of damage Man Flu can have on me; but at COVID-19’s peak, she said that I looked, spoke, and walked like a zombie. COVID-19 kicked my arse.

I feel grateful though, because of all of the symptoms I suffered from, things could have been worse for me. I could have been hospitalised or died from it; but I didn’t and it’s down to one reason: vaccinations. As a country, we are sitting at a vaccine rate of 96%, and I was lucky enough to be double vaccinated, as well as receiving the booster.

I have no doubt that the vaccine protected me, from developing even greater and more dangerous symptoms. However I know millions of people around the world are still without their first dose.

I don’t know how to solve that problem, but one thing I can do, is once again thank every single person involved in the research, design, development, testing, manufacturing, and distribution, of the various COVID-19 vaccinations being used on this planet.

I love science. Always have, always will.

Thanks for reading, please look after yourselves and your families, wash your hands, and I’ll see you next Monday.

Happy One Year Anniversary Being On Twitter

On April 25, 2022April 7, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Social Media

I want to talk about Twitter. Why? Last week, I celebrated one year of posting on Twitter. I know, I know, thank you, thank you. Now why did I join Twitter in the first place?

That’s a very boring question, so I’ll give a very boring answer. In my total naivety or hubris, ¹I thought I could attract lots of people from the blog to Twitter, and vice versa. Wow, I have learnt that Twitter is tough. Like a school bully that steals your lunch every day, tough.

So after one year, and over 540 tweets later, what have I discovered about being on Twitter? These are my top 15 discoveries.

WARNING, there are spoilers, so read at your own caution.

1.) It’s very easy to fall into a rabbit hole of toxic waste containing disinformation.

2.) Reading someone else’s tweet thinking, “That was funny, I wish I had thought of it.”

3.) Before you realise it, you’re living in an echo chamber, reading about everything you believe is to be true.

4.) It’s fascinating looking at other people’s positive and negative responses, over the same piece of news.

5.) Someone liking or retweeting a tweet of mine, is strangely quite satisfying.

6.) Gaining a new follower, then losing them, less than 24 hours later, because you’re not what they thought you were.

7.) Playing a game with my wife, by reading out a tweet, and getting her to guess whom the tweet is about, or written by.

8.) It’s very easy to offend someone on Twitter, but I suppose that’s the point?!

9.) I probably spend far too much time writing tweets, when I could be sleeping.

10.) Never leave your Twitter page open, when your children are conscious.

11.) It’s a fine line between gaslighting and being a troll.

12.) Responding to tweets about hate, stupidity, and ignorance with humour, is far better than going into beast mode.

13.) There are some truly creative people in the world.

14.) Sometimes I’ll read a tweet and think, “Damn it, I never thought of it like that.”

15.) I am very grateful for every single person that follows me. That’s so sad!!!

If you are on Twitter and curious, I have the totally unoriginal name of Some Geek Told Me; if you are interested in following. I’m getting used to Twitter, but it’s taken some time to do it!

Anyway, I’m there every day for my 7 am (NZ Time) tweet, because, you know, it keeps me off the streets dealing comics in back alleys. Thanks for reading, and I’ll actually see you in two days, for a rare Wednesday blog post.

¹Please take your pick.

Geek Fashion: Socks Edition

On April 18, 2022April 25, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Fashion

I want to talk about fashion again. Why? Currently in the Southern Hemisphere, we are nearly at the middle of Autumn. We are slowly trading in our shorts and skirts, for trousers and long dresses, because of how crazy Autumn can be here. 4°C in the morning, 20°C at lunch time, and 10°C in the evening. You almost need to walk around with a portable wardrobe, because of the weather changes.

Autumn does give you the chance to reassess your sock situation. You can’t spend all your time walking about in jandals anymore, unless you want your toes to turn blue, then black. That being the case, you need to start wearing a lot more socks.

I love socks. Seriously, I love them. This has led me to examine my sock collection, because every good geek needs a good pair of socks. So may I present for your reading pleasure, another fashion blog that nobody has asked for, written by a simple geeky father, with some outstanding fashion sense.

Socks for a Geek

Active wear socks

For some extremely stupid and illogical reason, I like the term active wear. You don’t actually need to be active to wear active wear, just wearing them is enough. So why do I have some fantastic ankle length socks? The answer is so amazing and completely not boring, that it requires two parts.

The first part is that I wear these bad boys to work, and if I’m being honest, I wear these types of socks a lot. They’re snug, affordable and can come in different colours, like white, black or grey. I know, it’s mental isn’t it?

Also, I’m such a geeky bad arse, that I wear these socks as mismatched pairs. I could be walking about wearing a black sock with blue stripes on one foot, but a white sock with red stripes on the other. And because my trousers hide the socks, nobody knows; except when I wear shorts to work, so then it looks like UMC2 had dressed me. The universe has not broken down over the insanity of me wearing mismatched socks. Yet.

I need to point something out as well. I enjoy running, though a better way to describe is that I suffer running. Though to be fair, running is a strong word, it’s more like moving my legs slightly faster than walking.

As a geek, it’s extremely important to try and maintain a healthy lifestyle, which I generally fail at. However, the silver lining in this terrible looking Nimbostratus cloud, is that my active wear socks are perfect for running. I even run with mismatched socks, because as Aerosmith said, I’m all about Livin’ on the edge.

Sadly I do seem to wear through these socks quickly. I could lie and say it’s because I’m so fast; but it’s more to do that I’m constantly washing them, and the fact I purchase the cheapest option, because I have to save money in order to buy more books about things that are not real. I’m such a stable genius.

Social socks

I’m a self diagnosed loud introvert. This means that the rare times I’m actually at a social event, like a meeting; professional developmental course; party; or with my extended family; I’m going to be reserved.

However, once someone starts discussing an interesting topic with me, well…my excitement levels will slowly start rising. Then you’re going to have to find a way to shut me up. This is because during these awkward social interactions, I’ll be wearing my social socks to boost my confidence and promote pop culture.

These socks include:

Hotdogs
Fries
Milkshakes
Turtles
Spider-Man
All Blacks
3 x pairs of Batman socks (I don’t have enough of these)
2 x pairs of Mandalorian socks
Superman with a small cape on the back

and finally, the pièce de résistance, my toe socks

**1/3 of the Batman collection, along with the Turtle collection**

The majority of these socks have been gifts to me of one type or another, but the toe socks I purchased for myself. I think that even if Morgoth, the First Enemy, had to choose between the Silmarils and toe socks; or Darkseid, choosing between the Anti-Life Equation and toe socks, they would both buckle and choose toe socks.

If I go to the cinema, I may wear one Batman sock, along with one Spider-Man sock. My wife calls me hopeless, when this happens; but she doesn’t understand the amount of time and dedication it takes to have this level of geek commitment.

**This is the Clark and Peter collection**

I also smile secretly, whenever I get to talk to anybody, while I’m wearing the Superman socks. During the conversation, I’m usually distracted with the concept that the person in front of me, has no idea I’m wearing socks with capes on them. I am so hard core, even Chuck Norris would be taking a wide berth of me.

If you’re looking to invest in some new socks, give in to your geek side, and locate the baddest pair of geek socks you can find. You won’t regard it.

This brings us to the end of another action packed blog, written by a man in a daily battle with his dog, over ownership of a pillow.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I really do appreciate it. Remember stay safe, wash your hands, catch your cough, and I’ll see you next week.

Rethinking some Children’s Pop Culture Names

On April 11, 2022April 18, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Comics, Literature, Movies, Television

I want to talk about children’s names. Why? This is because selecting a child’s name is supposed to be a meaningful process, but sometimes it feels like it’s one of the most difficult things a parent can do. I thought my wife and I would get divorced, over our inability to compromise on UMC2’s name!

Both UMC1 and UMC2 have pop cultures names, but they are not mainstream names. It would only take a geek to identify their names and the meanings behind them.

Now this blog is not an original idea. My wife saw something similar on social media, about non-geeks giving children extremely cool sounding names from pop culture, but the parents not understanding the background of the names.

I liked the idea so much, that I put it to a vote to all of the staff at Some Geek Told Me, and I received 100% support for this, to create my own list.

As a parent, you could name your child after anything; like a traditional name from your family, or your favourite singer or sportsperson. Maybe it’s a name you have heard from pop culture that you quite like, but have no understanding about where it’s from.

Could you imagine yourself as a parent saying, “Luke, please wash your hands,“ or “Where are your shoes, Shuri?” That works, right?

But, what about, “Iago, please wash you hands,” or “Where are your shoes, Cruella?” Does it work now? No, no it doesn’t. Not for a child, at least. Or an adult I guess.

Below you will find some truly awesome sounding names from across pop culture. The issue is that these names will be from characters that have not made the wisest of choices. This will be because of two reasons; 1.) Characters that have very wobbly moral compasses, so they have made some very shitty decisions, or 2.) Characters that have betrayed their values, beliefs, country, family or friends, for vengeance, money, or power.

My humble apologies if there are real people with these names out there. It’s not to cause offense to anybody, I’m just trying to get some parents to rethink their choices, because you’re upsetting the geek community. And that is dangerous….just kidding, no, it’s not. We’re harmless, apart from trivia nights, where we conquer all whom stand before us. Pity the fools.

Alright, let’s do it in alphabetically order, because I can’t think of a better way!

Anakin Aoyama Atomica Baelish Barriss Belloq Bellwether Bertholdt Black Adam Briony Brutus Caliban Cersei Claudius Cruella Cypher Daenerys Davros Demona Don John Dooku Ephialtes Fredo Gambit Ghirra Gin Goneril Gothel Hamlet Hans Iago Judas Kaede Kisma Kylo Loki Lotso Macbeth Madhouse Maeglin Meleoron Melkor Miek Mondego Morgoth Namor Nedry O’Brien O’Dim Obadiah Othello Palpatine Pettigrew Pong Prosset Reiner Roose Saruman Sauron Scar Severus Sinestro Smeagol Squard Starscream Stinky Pete Tandro Terra The Master Tyrion Valeris Vegeta Vizsla Volemort Vulko Walder Waller Waternoose Zuko

If you’re thinking of selecting a name from this list for your future child, please reconsider. Seriously, please rethink it. Don’t be a hipster; just trust a geek when I say: Your child will not thank you for it, nor will the geek community. Stay away from these names, like the Bog of Eternal Stench!

Did you recognise any names on the list? Do you think I missed some out? Please let me know your thoughts.

That’s another blog down, and a whole week to think of a new topic to rant about. Thanks for reading, wash your hands, and I’ll see you next week!

Reviewing my wife’s favourite musical: Les Misérables

On April 4, 2022August 3, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Movies, Music4 Comments

I want to talk about my wife. Why? Among many things that she likes, which include Lego computer games, painting, Harry Potter, and stealing blankets from her cold husband, she also likes musicals. To say she is a fan of musicals, would not do that statement any sort of justice. She is a geek in her own right, but her love of musicals takes it to another level.

Now I do need to address the misleading title for this blog post; my wife has two favourite musicals: Les Misérables and The Phantom of the Opera. So for the sake of getting sleep this week, I’m only going to look at Les Misérables, so the Phantom will have to wait his turn.

So…musicals. I’m not like my wife, because I actually try to avoid musicals; I’m not a huge fan. I mean I did grow up watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, being screened for every public holiday in New Zealand. As I’m writing this, I’m having flashbacks of “Me Ol’ Bamboo” and “The Candyman”.

Before we can dive into Les Misérables, we need to understand why my wife loves it so much. This is her response:

The book I hate. It was too long and complicated.

The soundtrack is great, because it’s perfect for a long car trip, not that you [as in me] will sit and listen to it.

The movie [the 2012 version] was visually cool, but half of the cast couldn’t sing.

My favourite version is the 25th anniversary concert. I could watch that once a week and never get tired of it.

It makes a depressing subject, fun and I’m really good at remembering song lyrics, so it’s a challenge, so I like that aspect of it. A lot of the songs are catchy and memorable.

With that in mind, I have never seen Les Misérables, as a live production. I knew it was based on a book, written by the ultra happy, Victor Hugo.

I remember I saw the 1998 movie version at some point, and I liked it. Javert seemed like a jerk, but I enjoyed it anyway. I also realised that they had made the film into a historical drama, but without the singing. Liam Neeson could have kicked more arse in it though.

Fast forward to early 2013, when the new film came out. My girlfriend at the time was my future wife, and she had explained her love of Les Misérables to me, so we agreed to go and see the film.

Now I had heard that this film version of Les Misérables, would not be like the 1998 film, because there would be singing, hence the whole musical aspect. I understood this, so I told myself that I could handle it. “A few songs here and there, mate, you’ll be fine“, I told myself. What an idiot.

So at the cinema, we sat down and my girlfriend was extremely excited, because she had already talked about some of her favourite songs; she was ready. As the film opened, it began with a song, while the prisoners were working. I thought that was common for a musical to open with a song, so I let it pass.

Then Russel Crowe’s Javert, started singing to Hugh Jackman’s Jean Valjean. It was at this point, that my Geek-Sense started tingling. “Why are they singing dialogue?” I asked myself. That’s really odd.

As the film progressed, I found characters singing more dialogue. A lot of dialogue. I was starting to get worried. I suddenly remembered the Billy Connolly joke about opera, with a character singing about going over a hill. I started to get anxious about what I was watching.

I leaned over to my girlfriend, and whispered in her ear, “There seems to be a lot of singing in this movie.” She turned to me, laughed, smiled, and whispered back, “That’s what the whole movie is, it’s all singing.” With that, she turned back to the screen.

I was now at the stage where I was noticing the other members of the audience. People on my left were singing. People on my right were singing. People behind and in front of me, were singing. The whole theatre was singing; whether it was softly or loudly, but they were singing.

I turned back to my girlfriend, and I finally understood. She was singing softly as well. I was surrounded by people singing their favourite songs, and I didn’t know a single word. I was watching a movie where people were singing dialogue. The singing had not stopped, nor would it. For 158 minutes, I was trapped, and it was all my fault.

After accepting my fate, I decided to try and concentrate on the film and block out the singing, which was extremely difficult. However, there was a shining moment for me. Javert confronted Valjean, where they started having a sword/wood fight.

I loved this, because I knew Crowe was going to play Jor-El in Man of Steel, and Jackman was Wolverine. So to me, Jor-El was fighting Wolverine. Because of this, I popped my claws on my left hand, and quietly said, “Snikt.”

My girlfriend saw me waving my set of claws about and quietly asked, “What are you doing?” I gently replied, “Wolverine’s fighting Superman’s Dad”, to which she just rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen.

I’m pleased to report, that I managed to survive the experience. After it had finished, my girlfriend laid out the positive and negative things about the film; apparently the plot flowed quite well, but the actors were terrible singers, in her humble opinion.

This leaves us with the question: what do I think of Les Misérables? I love history, so from that viewpoint, I loved it. It’s a great story, just a bit too much singing for me. I mean, do people really have to sing dialogue? No, no they don’t.

Anyway, my wife loves it, so I guess that’s what counts. Maybe.

If I was a faster typist, I could write more blogs per week, but I’m slower than Uncle Iroh serving and drinking tea, so sorry about that. Thanks for reading, wash your hands, and I’ll see you next week.

Ode to Book Banning

On March 28, 2022September 1, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Books, Children

I want to talk about book banning. Why? I wear many different hats, with one of them being a geek. The problem is that I’m also a bibliophile as well. Because of this, the banning, censorship, or burning of books, does not sit well with me. It really doesn’t. Even though it happened thousands of years ago, before I was born, the loss of the Great Library of Alexandria, is something I still think about. Sorry Elsa, but I can’t let it go.

My Geek-Sense went off in January 2022, when I discovered Maus, by Art Spiegelman, was removed from various schools’ curriculum, by a board of trustees, for McMinn County Schools, Tennessee, United States of America. I was in utter disbelief.

I learnt later that V for Vendetta, and Y: The Last Man have also been banned in some Texan schools, along with many others. Now this is not me getting angry about graphic novels getting attacked, but also other mediums like novels; fiction and non-fiction.

Contemporary writers are having their books challenged and banned, for the craziest of reasons. Some of the reasons include nudity, anti-police themes, racism, violence, and LGBTQIA+ themes. This of course is not excluding the hundreds of other books, over hundreds of years, that have been challenged by idiots.

Far better writers, journalists, and reporters, have already written about the growing trend of book banning and book censorship. They can give you a far better understanding of the reasons, but also provide a far more comprehensive analysis of this problem.

As a geek, bibliophile, and a parent, how do I truly feel about this plague of nonsense? Well I’m glad you asked, because I’ve decided to put my feelings into a poem; which is a Some Geek Told Me first.

Many books are banned each year,

Some try to make them disappear.

Policing and objecting to the text,

Banning, burning, redacting, what’s next?!

Books we need for kids to learn,

They pile them high and watch them burn.

Ignorance and misinformation are the tools,

They use to remove books from schools.

They do not like this book named Maus,

They won’t allow it in the house.

A book where two girls kiss,

“Better give this a miss!”

Anne Frank’s diary is historically impressing,

Censors banned it, because it was too depressing.

Banning books is a sure fire way,

To bring new readers to the fray.

This war on books is doomed to fail,

The words will endure to tell their tale.

I could have written more, but I’m positive, I’d just end up swearing with every 4th word. Banning a book, for whatever reason, devalues the world and children’s education. Children need to read content, written by someone outside of their social and cultural bubble, but also read about concepts that are in the community and the world.

I’m like Schrödinger’s bibliophile friend, that’s in a box with a list of banned books. From the outside, you have no idea whether I’m angry or sad. You only know the answer, when you open the box and observe my emotion.

The trouble is, I’m stuck in a superposition as being angry and sad, at the same time; all of the time, over censorship and book banning. And the only thing I can really say is, go and read as many banned books as you can.

Seriously, read them; just read them. Visit the library or buy them for yourself; buy them for your spouse, parents, children, friends, siblings, or even the crazy guy with the billboard; but please just read them.

You do not like them.

So you say.

Try them! Try them!

And you may.

Try them and you may, I say. – Dr. Seuss

Do you have a favourite banned book? If you do, please tell me about it. Thanks for reading, wash your hands, and I’ll see you next week!

Four Movies That I Will Never Watch

On March 21, 2022March 28, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Movies2 Comments

I want to talk about movies. Why? I love movies, for a list of reasons that are longer than Dumbledore’s beard. There are movies that I would happily watch again and again, because I love them. There are other movies that I’ve seen, and that I’ve liked or hated; but ultimately, I have no desire to watch them again.

There are also movies that I haven’t seen, because I haven’t gotten around to actually watching them yet, but I will one day. They’re on my to-do-list, along with finish painting the house and find my missing Superman socks.

However, there is a small group of movies, that for different reasons, I have absolutely no desire to view them. Ever. I could go the rest of my life without watching these movies, and I’ll be ok with that.

Seriously, I never want to see them, because there is no reason why I would want to. There is a greater chance of me becoming an All Black, than viewing these four films.

Before I go on, I need to address something. I could have easily researched about these four films online, and given you a synopsis about them; but I haven’t. I thought it would be better to talk about them, from what I know through pop culture, so they may not be 100% accurate; though that’s the point.

Sweet? Awesome, let’s discuss four movies that I will never, ever watch.

The Exorcist

Where do I start for The Exorcist? From what I understand, some type of demon/devil has possessed a young girl. I understand that the girl’s face changes; there’s serious vomiting; head spinning; and maybe she walks up walls or on the ceiling? I’m not sure on the last one. I think two priests turn up to exorcise the demon/devil from the girl, which I can only guess is just utter carnage and depressing.

I realise millions of people have already seen The Exorcist, and I feel happy for them. Well done them, I just don’t need to. Damn, if I see that film, it will be a case of that I can never “unsee” it.

I love black comedies and I have seen horror movies before, I mean I’m not a total fool. I saw A Nightmare of Elm Street when I was 11, and it scared the shit out of me, so I’m not a big horror fan. I feel that watching The Exorcist would not add anything to my psyche, but only take things away. I am so afraid of that movie!

I have enough bat shit crazy stuff rolling around in my head, that I really don’t want to import any. As I’m typing this, my mind’s eye is projecting every small clip I have seen of the film on repeat. I can never see The Exorcist, it will haunt me for the rest of my days; and I’m being polite in saying that.

Dirty Dancing

It seems to me that nearly every female over 25 years of age, has seen Dirty Dancing. My wife has seen it, her friends have seen it, along with the majority of my work colleagues. As for me, I have no desire ever to see that film.

My lack of understanding of the film, reveals that the central female character is called Baby, for some reason. I have no idea why, though it could be a nickname I suppose. I do know for a fact that the line, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner,” comes from the film. This was pointed out to me by a work colleague, when I said I had never seen it.¹

As for the plot, maybe the film is named Dirty Dancing, because Patrick Swayze’s character (I have no idea about his name), and Jennifer Grey’s Baby (I did know that), have to practice their dancing in a run down hall, with bad plumbing and mud. Or their clothes are dirty, because the town’s water supply is contaminated with racism, stupidity, or some other insane thing.

I really hope it’s not called Dirty Dancing, because of some forbidden, exotic dance moves, that other people call dirty, that Baby wants to learn; but only Patrick Swayze can teach her. Please remember, I have deliberately not researched the movie, so this is just me throwing ideas around. I’ll be so disappointed if I’m actually correct.

The main reason I have not seen Dirty Dancing, is that I’m not a fan of dance movies. Now, don’t get me wrong; I love a good romance movie. Batman Returns, Bad Boys 2, The Empire Strikes Back, and Die Hard 2, are some of my favourite classic romance movies.²

However Dirty Dancing will forever be a big, fat, no thank you, for me. I guess it just doesn’t float my boat. Dirty Dancing is probably a cinematic masterpiece, but I am very proud that I have never seen it, or have any motivation to see it.

Marley & Me/A Dog’s Purpose

Even though Marley & Me and A Dog’s Purpose are two different films, I have grouped them together for the same reason: they’re films about dogs dying. I can’t handle that.

I’ve had dogs before, and I currently have one that sleeps wherever he pleases. I love dogs, so movies featuring dead dogs, is something my tiny geek heart would not handle. If I sat down and watched either film, the end result would be that I’d cry. Seriously. I can’t simply handle stories/films/songs featuring dogs that die.

My wife has seen me cry before; when the All Blacks lose, when I stub my toe, or when I look at my bank account. These moments of sadness occur often, so she is used to them; however, in her eyes, my status of being a cool husband will be shattered, when I start crying like an anti-vaxxer with no vaccine pass, because I saw a movie featuring a dying dog.

So basically, hell no; I will not be watching Marley & Me and A Dog’s Purpose. Ever. Though this raises the question; does anybody else have a list of movies that they will never watch? I would love to know your answers!

Alright, I can hear UMC1 and UMC2 talking in their fake fart language, even though they are supposed to be asleep; so I’d better go. Stay safe, thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

¹I thought it was some kind of parental advice from a film, explaining that you should, “Never put a baby in a corner.” I had no idea the baby, was an adult woman named Baby.

²Sorry, I have a thing for sequels. I’m trying to seek help for it.

Do Child Friendly Episodes of Doctor Who Exist?

On March 14, 2022March 21, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Television

I want to talk about Doctor Who, in particular, some child friendly episodes. Why? My wife and I are large fans of the Doctor, and of her enemies. We look forward to watching new episodes, so we can turn them into an event, with pop corn or chips. We love it.

So being the geeks that we are, we have various geek memorabilia, scattered around the house. A Batman lamp here; a Right Hand of Doom money box over there; a Silver Surfer framed print on one wall; with some Harry Potter Lego sitting on a bookshelf; and a life sized poster of a Dalek, outside UMC1 and UMC2’s bedroom.

The boys have no real idea about what a Dalek is, other than walking about with a washing basket over themselves, with a spatula and whisk sticking out; shouting, “I’m a Dalek! I’m a Dalek!”

We have shown them different videos of the theme song, which UMC2 calls, the Doctor Song. We have also shown them some funny scenes from the show, where the boys have thought were hilarious!

This of course has led to them campaigning to actually watch some entire episodes. Being the geeky parents that we are, we have said yes; on the condition that the episodes are child friendly.

Because of this, my wife and I have pooled our knowledge of the Doctor, and have created a list of some child friendly episodes of Doctor Who. We have tried to keep it to one incarnation of the Doctor as possible, because all of the Doctors deserve their own time in the starlight.

Flatline: Season 8, Episode 9

This episode has some truly hilarious scenes, that children would love. From what we can remember, some 2-D creatures from another dimension, have attacked the TARDIS’ outer shell, and caused it to shrink.

This results in some shenanigans with the 12th Doctor being trapped inside, and Clara carrying it around like a toy. It’s a hoot, and kids will love it.

Though to be honest, the 2-D creatures, named the Boneless, actually convert some people into 2-D, thus killing them, including a police officer. The Boneless then try and convert the Doctor, Clara and Rigsy into 2-D….so that could be a bit scary for the kids. Maybe we could pass on this one?

Partners in Crime: Season 4, Episode 1

Alright, the 10th Doctor and Donna are investigating a new weight-loss drug. The good news is that the drug reduces the user’s weight; the bad news is that the drug creates pieces of humanoid fat, that detaches itself from the user’s body.

The fat blobs are called Adipose, an alien race in their infant form. Children would love watching the Adipose walk around, with their cute little bodies, stubby legs, webbed hands, while causing trouble.

But wait a minute, there is a scene where a person is totally converted to a collection of Adipose; Matron Cofelia tries to kill 1 million British citizens, by the total conversation of Adipose; and also Matron Cofelia falls to her death, after being betrayed by the Adiposian First Family. Damn, the kids will need therapy over this, so we can’t show them this episode, either.

The Lodger: Season 5, Episode 11

Ok, let’s try 11 shall we? The 11th Doctor rents a room in a flat with Craig, and because of some time loops, he decides to investigate. This is because the Doctor suspects the cause of the time disturbances are being created by Craig’s upstairs neighbour.

Children will think it’s hilarious watching the Doctor play football for the first time, but also trying to act normal and blend into an urban British lifestyle; which he fails at. Just watching the Doctor trying not to be himself, is worth the ticket price for the kids.

By the end of the episode, a few people…have died. Oh, I forgot about that. An alien spaceship emergency holographic program, is killing people in order to find a pilot for the ship. Walking up a set of stairs in a strange house, could suddenly become nightmare fuel for children. Onto the next episode, please.

Rose: Season 1, Episode 1

I have it, the best child friendly episode is the first episode of the relaunch. The 9th Doctor meets Rose, a teenage shop assistant. Together, they uncover an Auton invasion of London. Autons look like mannequins, but they are much more than that.

The scenes of mannequins chasing people, the Doctor speed reading a book, Mickey getting kidnapped by a rubbish bin, are quite comical; however the Doctor being attacked by a plastic arm, would be great entertainment for the kids.

Hang on, the ending is brutal. The Autons open fire and kill dozens of people, while the Nestene Consciousness dies. Yet again, the day is saved, but with a large body count. I really don’t want to have to explain this to UMC1 and UMC2; next!

The Tomb of the Cybermen: Series 5, Episode 1

Let’s go back, way back to 1967 with the release of The Tomb of the Cybermen. The 2nd Doctor, along with Jamie and Victoria, travel to the planet Telos, where an expedition is taking place. It’s later revealed that the expedition has set out to find the Tomb of the Cybermen, that died out hundreds of years before.

This episode would be ideal for children, because of the futuristic music; the fact that the episode is black and white; but also that the Cybermen look hilarious and not scary at all.

Hang on, I’m forgetting something…oh, that’s it. The Cybermen murder some people, because that’s what they do. I’m starting to see a pattern here; a lot of people die in Doctor Who. Again, this is more nightmare fuel for children. Alright, I have one chance for success!

Kerblam!: Season 11, Episode 7

This is the last roll of the die for me, let’s go with the 13th Doctor; our current one. The Doctor gets a mysterious message from Kerblam, a massive galactic retailer. Once there, The Doctor, Yaz, Ryan, and Graham try and help whomever sent for help, as well as sort out the problems at Kerblam.

This episode would be great for kids. Firstly, a robot delivers a package to the Doctor, inside the TARDIS; people are playing with bubble wrap; and the robots themselves, the TeamMates and Kerblam Men, look outrageous!

The main theme for the episode…concerns a human workforce being replaced by an automated workforce. And that same workforce, is going to try and kill thousands of people with explosive bubble wrap.

Ok, I concede, I’m out. Doctor Who is very entertaining, but it can be quite intense, even for adults, let alone for children. I honestly can’t think of a single child friendly episode, that would be safe from people dying and violence. Though to be fair, I have not seen every single episode of Doctor Who; I’m not that cool.

Maybe there was a storyline or episode from the 1st Doctor, or the 4th, or even the 7th, that is actually child friendly. I can’t imagine the Master being featured in any of them, if they exist.

However, maybe you know of some child friendly episodes? If you do, please let me know, because I’m very curious. With that, I’m off to watch Superman & Lois. How good is Bizarro? Wait, that should be, how bad is Bizarro?

Stay safe, thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

Glory to Ukraine.

The Ever Growing List of Russian Sanctions

On March 7, 2022March 14, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Geography, Politics

Last year I wrote a blog about the Ukraine-Russia conflict, where I did my best to try and explain what was going on. After going back and looking at it again nearly one year later, there are things I realise I could have explained better, expanded more, or even things I just forgot to mention.

When I wrote it, I was concerned about the future of the region, because I thought it was a geo-political hot spot. That fear is a reality for millions of people across Ukraine, but also Russia, the neighbouring countries, and the entire world.

I try and fail, to make my blogs to be funny, entertaining, or interesting; so it could make someone smile, laugh, or at least to give them something to think about. This blog will be about the latter, because I find nothing funny or entertaining about the invasion of Ukraine. Nothing.

Before I level up and go into rant mode, please read the hundreds of articles and updates about the invasion, from various news sites around the world. Thousands of journalists and reporters are providing us with information and photos, that are changing minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day; detailing the horror and carnage of this utter madness.

So, am I angry about this insanity? Yes. Am I shocked and stunned by it? Yes. Am I afraid for Ukraine? Yes. Even though, I’m about 17,000 km away, I still give a damn. So, in my totally bias view, whom has the power to stop the war? Only the Russian government.

This brings us to the start of my rant for this Monday; I want to talk about sanctions and responses the world has given Russia, over the invasion of Ukraine. As the days have passed, I am amazed, truly amazed, about how united the world has been.

Except for Belarus, Cuba, Syria, Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Russia of course.

For all of the things wrong in our world, they are some things that are right. These things have crossed genders, races, politics, religion, social economic backgrounds, languages, cultures, countries, and even sports.

Also can I just point something out? How badly do you need to have stuffed up, to have the Pope turn up on your door step, and ask you to explain your actions? Pretty badly, I think.

Anyway, I am in awe of the sanctions and responses, the international community have given the Russian government, over the Ukrainian invasion. Now I realise these sanctions and responses may change over time, and new ones will be added; however at the time of writing this blog, these are correct.

Another thing I want to add, is that I am very aware of other conflicts on the planet; such as Palestine, Yemen, Chad, Syria and many others. These conflicts are no less important, and still deserve the world’s attention and support.

With that in mind, may I present, a small list of Russian sanctions and responses by the international community, over the invasion of Ukraine. By the way, some of these sanctions and responses include Belarus, but not all of them.

Image by Miguel Á. Padriñán from Pixabay

Sports

Basketball

The EuroLeague have moved all games that were to be played in Russia, to other countries outside of Russia.

Football

UEFA has stripped St. Petersburg of hosting the 2022 UEFA final, scheduled for 28th May.
FIFA has suspended Russia; both men’s and women’s teams from international competitions. This means, the men’s team will not eligible to play at the World Cup in Qatar later this year.
Manchester United have terminated their sponsorship deal with Aeroflot, a Russian airline.
Schalke 04 have terminated their sponsorship deal with Gazprom, a Russian gas supplier.
After 19 years, the Russian oligarch, Roman Abramovich, is selling Chelsea FC. This is because of the mounting pressure of his association to President Putin.

Formula One

The Russian Grand Prix at Sochi, which was the 17th round of the Formula One championship was suspended.
Formula One now has terminated it’s contract with the Formula One promoter of the Russian Grand Prix.

Gymnastics

The International Gymnastics Federation (FIG) has banned Russian and Belarusian national flags at events, and their national anthems will not be played at any FIG event.
There will no FIG events to be held in Russia or Belarus, until further notice.

Ice Hockey

Two teams from the Russian owned, Kontinental Hockey League, have withdrawn from the competition.

Martial Arts

The International Judo Federation suspended President Putin as it’s honorary president.
The European Judo Union withdrew President Putin’s status as Honorary President.
World Taekwondo has stripped President Putin of his honorary 9th dan black belt.
World Taekwondo said that no Russian or Belarusian national flags or anthems would be displayed or played at their events.
No taekwondo events would be organised in Russia or Belarus.

Paralympics

The International Paralympic Committe has banned Russian and Belarusian athletes from competing at the 2022 Winter Paralympics in Beijing.

Rugby Union

The full and immediate suspension of Russia and Belarus from all international rugby and cross-border club rugby activities, until further notice.
The full and immediate suspension of the Rugby Union of Russia from World Rugby membership, until further notice.

Skiing

The International Ski Federation (FIS) said there will no events in Russia, for the rest of the 2022 season.

Swimming

The World Junior Championship event in Russia, has now been allocated to another country.
The International Swimming Federation (FINA) withdrew the FINA Order previously given to President Putin.

Entertainment

Movies

Film studios like Disney, Sony, and Warner Bros, have stopped the release of their films in Russian cinemas. These include major films like Turning Red, Morbius, and The Batman, respectfully.

Music

The New York Metropolitan Opera is cutting ties with musicians connected with President Putin.
Russia has been banned from the 2022 Eurovision competition.
Green Day, Eric Clapton, Imagine Dragons, Iggy Pop, Louis Tomlinson, the Killers, and Franz Ferdinand; along with others, have cancelled upcoming shows in Russia.
Spotify has removed content from Kremlin backed outlets; RT and Sputnik, but also has closed their office in Russia.

Finance

The Industrial and Commercial Bank of China, and the Bank of China, are limiting finances to purchase Russian raw materials, which limits Russian access to foreign money.
Russia has been cut off from SWIFT, the global messaging network for international payments.
Western countries have placed sanctions on the Russian Central Bank. This is to stop it from liquidating assets to counter balance the impact of sanctions.
The World Bank has stopped all activities in Russia and Belarus.
Singapore became the first Southeast Asian nation to impose sanctions on Russia. This was done by restricting banks and transactions linked to Russia.
Switzerland has frozen a number of Russian assets and joined EU sanctions; which has been described as unprecedented. (You know it’s bad, when the Swiss are pissed off!)
American Express, Visa, and Mastercard have blocked international credit card transactions made in Russia.
Samsung Pay, Google Pay, and Apple Pay have announced that their systems will no longer work in Russia.
Trafigura, a commodities trading company has frozen all of its Russian investments, which includes its share in Rosneft led project, Vostok Oil.
Personal sanctions on President Putin and Russian Foreign Minister, Sergei Lavrov. This means the men’s collective assets in United States of America, European Union, United Kingdom and Canada, have been frozen.

Sanctions in other areas

Education
Research
Science
Energy
Electronic games
Food
Beverages
Furniture
Cars
Clothes
Technology
Services
Tourism
Aviation

There are many comprehensive lists of Russian sanctions out there, if you are curious. Over the coming weeks and months, this list will continue to grow, forcing the Russian government to the negotiating table. Sadly, only time will tell about how long this will be.

In the meantime, if you would like to donate money to support and protect Ukraine, there are many different agencies you can go through. The following list was complied by Vox.

Children

Medical Supplies

Journalists on the frontlines

Other ways to help

Seriously, any amount of money you can give, will help with the crisis.

With that, I will leave you, because my children are still talking in bed. Stay safe and I’ll see you next week. Glory to Ukraine!

Contemporary Shakespeare Endings: Part Three

On February 28, 2022March 7, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Literature

Well here it is, the final part in the trilogy that nobody asked for! If you would like to read Part One or Part Two, please take a moment from my ramblings and look them up. We’re in the home stretch now, so let’s do it!

Much Ado About Nothing

Act III, Scene III: Don Pedro, Claudio, and Don John, witness Hero’s “unfaithfulness“

Now I know what you’re thinking, you actually don’t get to see this; it’s only explained as some event that has happened off stage, by Borachio, a follower of Don John. The night before his wedding to Hero, Claudio is told by Don John, that his fiancée can be seen in the arms of another man, in her bedroom.

Because of this, Don John invited Claudio and Don Pedro to view the scandal later that night. However, what Claudio and Don Pedro are unaware of, is that the woman that they witness in Hero’s room, is actually Hero’s chambermaid, Margaret; while the man is actually Borachio.

The whole thing is a set up, in order for Claudio and Hero’s wedding to be ruined, by Don John’s scheming. Claudio and Don Pedro believe that the woman in the window, is actually Hero, which leads to Claudio to humiliate Hero on their wedding day, by casting her aside.

It all works out in the end, but imagine if Claudio and Don Pedro; through the help of Dogberry, the constable in charge of the night watch, could review CCTV footage. They could see the people in the room more clearly, but also record the different people that entered and left the building, as well as tracking down Hero, to establish her alibi.

By reviewing CCTV footage and discovering the truth early on, a lot of tears and drama could have be saved. Although Benedick and Beatrice would still provide entertainment for the masses.

Richard III

Act IV, Scene IV: Richard III learns of Henry Tudor’s invasion

The year is 1485, and the Earl of Richmond, Henry Tudor, is crossing the English Channel with an army, to wrestle the crown from Richard III. Richard learns of Henry’s invasion and prepares to face him with the royal army. Sadly for Richard, the campaign does not go well for him.

On the 22nd August 1485, the Yorks and Lancasters meet for the final battle of the War of the Roses, at Bosworth Field. Spoilers, but Richard lost the battle, the crown and his head. Henry Tudor became Henry VII, King of England and Lord of Ireland.

Richard could have avoided his fate by implementing more taxes at the border, more strip searches, more forms to fill out, and cancelled a lot of passports and visas. By creating a bureaucratic nightmare at the border, Henry’s army would be held back for days, in order for all of his troops to be processed.

By doing this, it gives Richard more time to plan and save his kingdom. Yes I know he’s the villain of the play, but by adding some Brexit issues at the border, Richard remains king. Maybe.

Othello

Act I, Scene III: Iago thinks Othello has slept with his wife, Emilia, and vows revenge

This is a simple one. Iago, is a ensign in service to the Venetian military, and under the command of Othello. Iago is jealous of Othello for many stupid reasons, but the main one is that he believes that Othello has slept with his wife, Emilia; which is not true. Because of this, Iago vows revenge and slowly starts to form a plan.

Through his paranoid and jealously, Iago basically ruins everyone’s lives. But what if Othello knew about Iago’s mental health issues? What if Othello, using his authority as a general, could get Iago the professional help he needed?

Maybe this could be in the form of some therapy sessions, or a second honeymoon with his wife, or a promotion and relocation for him? Whatever the case, by Othello being aware of Iago’s mental health issues and trying to help him, it may not only save Iago, but everybody else as well.

There’s that or just get Desdemona to use tissues instead of a handkerchief. Either way, everybody lives!

As You Like It

Act I, Scene II: Orlando wrestles Charles in front of Duke Frederick’s court

I don’t really know where to start with this one, because there are a few plot lines already revealed to the audience, before the wrestling scene occurs. Orlando is the youngest son of the late Sir Rowland de Boys, and he’s been mistreated by Oliver, his older brother.

Oliver is the heir to their father’s estate, and is being a right jerk to Orlando, concerning money and education. Because of this, Orlando is planning on earning some extra money, by going up against Charles, the court wrestler. Oliver learns of this match and schemes with Charles, to defeat Orlando.

During the wrestling match, Orlando defeats Charles and earns some cash; but he is soon told to leave after Duke Frederick learns his identity. This is because Frederick and Rowland were enemies.

Rosalind, Duke Senior’s daughter, is watching the match and meets Orlando, to which they both discover, that they like each other. Later on Rosalind and her cousin, Celia, are exiled from the court.

Now some other crazy stuff happens later on, but I can’t stop thinking about what would happen, if Orlando used some professional wrestling moves on Charles, like the Hurricanrana, Flying Elbow, Jackhammmer, Jackknife Powerbomb, or the Figure-four leglock.

By doing these crazy moves in later matches, Orlando would become a celebrity, thus earning respect from Oliver, honour from Duke Frederick, money from his fans, and finally, having the confidence to talk to fair Rosalind properly, and eventually marry her. Everybody wins. Well maybe not Duke Senior, but we could work on that.

As for Jaques, he would be disappointed if he had a happy ending.

King Lear

Act I, Scene I: King Lear reveals his plan to his three daughters

So let’s set the scene shall we? Lear is the King of Britain, but he is elderly and tired, so he wishes to retire from the monarchy. Because of this, he comes up with one of the worst ideas in all of literature; Lear decides to divide the kingdom among his three daughters, and declares he will offer the largest share to the one who loves him most.

Two of his daughters, Goneril and Regan, flatter their father with large empty statements, but Lear is impressed by their words. Cordelia is the youngest daughter to speak, though she is silent. She later explains that she loves Lear exactly as much as a daughter should love her father, no more and no less.

Lear throws a fit about this and exiles Cordelia, and the kingdom is divided up between Goneril and Regan. And because this play is a tragedy, nothing from here on in works out.

So to avoid this story turning into a tale of woe, Lear could have consulted his close friends, the Earl of Gloucester and the Earl of Kent. They both would have advised Lear to select Cordelia, because she is obviously the humblest of the three daughters.

However there is a second way to avoid disaster. King Lear could have kept the original idea of proving which daughter loves him the most, but instead of the daughters proving it with their words, Lear could look at their social media accounts.

Now not every adult on the planet had a social media account, or at least, uses it on a daily basis. The case could be made though, that the daughters of the king, would in fact have social media accounts.

Lear would discover lots of anti-father rants on Goneril and Regan’s social media accounts, along with photos of their lavish lifestyles, because, you know, they would be social influencers.

Cordelia’s social media account would be about promoting charities, or trying to bring about social justice reforms. Even though the account would not be covered in declarations of love for his father, there would not be a single social media post of hate, aimed at her father. Lear would then realise Cordelia would be the ideal monarch, rather than his two other daughters, and their greedy husbands. Case closed.

Macbeth

Act I, Scene III: Macbeth and Banquo meet the Three Witches

A drum, a drum! Macbeth doth come. For me, the entire outcome of the play can be changed with this one scene. Macbeth and Banquo are returning from a battle, when they meet the Three Witches. The witches start talking about Macbeth’s future, in particular becoming the Thane of Cawdor, and King of Scotland.

It’s from here, that the witches’ words, added later on with Lady Macbeth’s advice, and Macbeth’s own inner most thoughts, that sets Macbeth on a path that only brings death, carnage and ruin to Scotland.

But it didn’t have to be that way. When Macbeth and Banquo first meet the witches; and considering they’re generals, they could have ordered the witches to produce their COVID-19 passes or their face mask exemption cards.

Upon the witches producing nothing, Macbeth could have ordered the witches off the land, or commanded some soldiers to escort them away. They could return after producing their vaccine passports, or wearing face masks; but we all know they would never do that.

Even if Macbeth had held dreams of taking the throne from King Duncan, by not hearing the witches’ prophecies, would have saved a lot of lives and heart ache for Macbeth, and especially for Macduff.

And with that, I’m done. This has been fun, but it’s time to eat my chips, and watch Superman & Lois. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

BTW, Glory to Ukraine.

SOME GEEK TOLD ME

Author: somegeektoldme@gmail.com