Category: History

We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1950

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People, PoliticsLeave a comment

Welcome to the latest instalment of my breakdown of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire. The two previous entries in this strange franchise are We Didn’t Start the Fire: The Beginning and We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1948-1949.

This is where I’m attempting to talk about the historical references in the song and try to relate them to our contemporary society. I know this sounds like a terrible idea, but apparently, the group known as Beetroot Awareness Aotearoa sort of agrees. After publishing my blog post concerning 1948-1949, this New Zealand-based group released their own harsh review:

“Does this idiot know that the song came out in 1989, and since then, numerous people have already talked about the historical references? Can he not think of anything original or does he just steal other people’s ideas? What a buffoon!”

And with that positive and uplifting feedback, let’s check out the We Didn’t Start the Fire’s historic references for 1950.

Image from the We Didn’t Start the Fire music video

1950

Joseph McCarthy:

We briefly discussed Joseph McCarthy last time with 1949’s Walter Winchell, but we’ll expand it like a dog taking over your bed. McCarthy was a US senator for Wisconsin, who had a few issues that he liked to talk about. Early on in the Cold War, and during his Lincoln Day speech, McCarthy launched an anti-communist crusade.

He promoted the concept that Soviet Union and communist spies and sympathizers had infiltrated American society, through the federal and local governments, as well as in academic and entertainment circles. This led to the persecution and political repression of many people, based on being un-American and their opinions. It was during this period that the terms “The Second Red Scare” and “McCarthyism” were born.

For a modern equivalent to McCarthy, just think of everybody’s favourite twice impeached, four times criminally indicted, ex-US President, Donald Trump.

Credit: Biography.com

Richard Nixon:

Richard Nixon makes the list because in 1950, the future President of the United States of America was first elected to represent California, in the US Senate. If you’re a student of history, you’ll realise this will not be the last time Nixon makes the list. He will return.

For a modern version, I’m a bit stumped over this. I can’t compare Richard Nixon of 1950 to Richard Nixon of 1972, because they are two people with different life experiences. However, when comparing Nixon of 1950 to modern times, it would be any young politician moving up the ladder, to become a long-term politician. I’m sure every country has some. I’m looking at you Winston Peters, I’m looking at you.

Nixon in Yorba Linda, California, c. April 1950. Credit: Orange County Archives.

Studebaker:

Studebaker was an automobile manufacturer, which was based in the United States. For about 50 years, Studebaker was one of the leaders in the car industry and had built up a great reputation for their vehicles.

That changed around 1950 when Studebaker started having some major financial problems. In 1954, they merged with Packard, another automobile company to ease their financial difficulties. It didn’t work the way they thought it would, so in 1967, Studebaker ceased production and the company shut down.

Some modern equivalents would be Oldsmobile and Pontiac, or even some non-automobile companies like Kenner and Toys “R” Us.

Studebaker’s “Lazy S” logo, designed by Raymond Loewy, was used from the 1950s until 1966/1950 Studebaker Champion. Credit: Андрей Перцев/Classic Auto Mall.

Television:

Is there a greater icon for the 20th century other than television? I think not. Television or TV had been developed, improved and marketed for years before 1950, but it was slowly becoming an important household product. In the context of US history, TV was becoming an attractive way to transmit information to the public.

Data on sales of TV sets in the United States for 1950 varies. An estimated 9%-20% of households in the United States had at least one television set, but by the end of the decade, that figure had grown to nearly 90%. The age of television was upon us, and it changed the way people from around the world, consumed news and entertainment forever.

In the 21st century, the easiest and best example of a different communication network would be the Internet. You can watch your favourite team play live while riding on the train, watch your favourite TV show on your lunch break, or stream the latest news via your phone or laptop. Outrageous.

Credit: © Frank Martin/ Getty Images

North Korea, South Korea:

This is the first time that I need to discuss two references together, because in 1950, North and South Korea dominated the news around the planet. At the time, North and South Korea were two separate countries, having been divided at the 38th parallel north, by the Soviet Union and the United States, after the end of the Second World War.

On 25th June 1950, the North Korean army crossed the 38th parallel and invaded South Korea. Given that the Cold War was the political climate at the time, this conflict slowly became a proxy war for democracy vs communism.

On one side, there was the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea), and the People’s Republic of China (China), along with the unofficial support of the Soviet Union; against the Republic of Korea (South Korea), along with the United Nation Forces, which consisted of the United States, United Kingdom, Australia, Netherlands, Canada, France, New Zealand, Philippines, Turkey, Thailand, South Africa, Greece, Belgium, Luxembourg, Ethiopia and Colombia; with many more countries supplying support through different means.

This conflict became known as the Korean War and was fought for three years, with the war ending in a stalemate in 1953, with the Korean Armistice Agreement. The war claimed an estimated 2.8 million military and civilian deaths. Much like the Chinese Civil War, the geo-political repercussions of the Korean War are still being felt in 2024.

Sadly, the Korean War will make another entry in the song.

Credit: Map Porn

Marilyn Monroe:

Born Norma Jeane Mortenson, Marilyn Monroe was a model and actress who became an international sex symbol, during the late 1940s-early 1960s. In 1950, Monroe landed some breakthrough roles in films and actually starred in five different films in that year. (A Ticket to Tomahawk, The Asphalt Jungle, All About Eve, The Fireball, and Right Cross). From there, Monroe’s career took off and she soon became a household name.

It’s hard to determine which contemporary model/actress would be like Marilyn Monroe of 1950, so I’ll let you decide on that one. Sorry.

Marilyn Monroe in All About Eve (1950). Credit: 20th Century-Fox

So in 1950, we have covered two US Senators, a failed automobile company, the explosion of television sales, the Korean War, and a model/actress. Like I said last time, this project is going to take some time, so I’ll try and cover 1951-1952 next time. Cool.

That’s it for another week. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, call for a ceasefire in Palestine, and I’ll see you next week because I’m going to be discussing a milestone. It could be interesting.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1948-1949

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People, Politics

There have been numerous terrible ideas throughout the history of our planet, and unfortunately, many of them have originated from this account. Despite this, we will carry on the tradition and introduce the latest addition to the family of bad ideas, which is Some Geek Told Me.

Last month, I ranted on about my love for We Didn’t Start the Fire, by Billy Joel. In that hot mess of literary foolishness, I explained that I was going to cover all of the historical references in the song; or at least try to, but also relate them to contemporary time. I’ll do this by producing one blog per month. Maybe.

The aim is to cover the 119 references from 1948-1989, so how long will this take me? You tell me and we’ll both know. The lyrics will be in bold and italics because we’re really fancy on this account!

Right, I’m not here to shag spiders, so without too much fanfare, let’s crack on and do this!

Credit: CBS

1948

Harry Truman:

Harry S. Truman was the Vice-President of the United States of America from January-April 1945, then became President after the death of Franklin D. Roosevelt. Truman is a divisive figure in US and world history, much like Elon Musk or George W. Bush.

On one hand, he helped steer the United States through to the end of the Second World War; authorised the Berlin Airlift; recognised the State of Israel; won re-election in 1948; and promoted civil rights. On the other hand, Truman deployed troops into the Korean War and authorised the atomic bombings of the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In saying that, George W. Bush would be the modern version of Truman.

Portrait of Harry S. Truman.
Image by WikiImages from Pixabay

Doris Day:

Born Doris Mary Kappelhoff, Doris Day was a major entertainment star in the United States. She was already a successful singer before she turned to acting. Over the years, she became a huge attraction to the television and movie industry.

Billy Joel mentioned her in the song, became her first feature film, Romance on the High Seas, was released in 1948. If you’re still unsure about her impact on pop culture, just think of Jennifer Lopez, Lady Gaga, or Rihanna.

Doris Day in Romance on the High Seas (1948). Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

1949

Red China:

In 1949, the Chinese Civil War came to a close after causing the deaths of millions of people. Mao Zedong, the leader of the Chinese Communist Party, succeeded in defeating the government led by Chiang Kai-shek and the Kuomintang. As a result, the People’s Republic of China was established.

The Kuomintang, also known as Nationalists, fled mainland China to Taiwan, where they settled and took control. The geo-politics of 2024 concerning China and Taiwan, have their origins in the end of the Chinese Civil War.

The Chinese Civil War, 1949.
(Source: diverse-travel.com)

Johnnie Ray:

Johnnie Ray, a singer, songwriter, and pianist, was born in Oregon, USA. He was widely recognised as the Father of Rock and Roll due to his significant contributions to the genre. During the late 1940s and 1950s, he was one of the most famous singers in the world.

His music and dance moves reinvented the method singers could perform, and paved the way for others to follow him; notably Elvis Presley. When Ray signed to Okeh Records, music was going to be changed forever. For contemporary equivalents, the best people I can think of would be Michael Jackson and Madonna.

Credit: Johnnieray.com

South Pacific:

Not only is it the name of my location, but South Pacific was a Broadway musical, that opened in 1949. The musical was based on the World War Two book, Tales of the South Pacific, and the musical also inspired the 1958 film.

South Pacific is famous; at least to me, for mainly two reasons. The Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein production became one of the best musicals of all time since it was extremely financially and critically successful.

The other reason was that the musical was progressive for its time, as it tackled racism and prejudice. This was important because the United States was still in its segregation phase. If South Pacific opened in 2024, and not in 1949, you can bet your Black Lives Matter flag, that the musical would be labelled as woke. Very, very woke.

Original poster of South Pacific Credit: Majestic Theatre

Walter Winchell:

We’re going back to another US icon in the form of Walter Winchell. Winchell was primarily a radio news commentator and newspaper columnist, through the 1930’s-1950’s. His notoriety is that he had outspoken views on a variety of subjects, which included attacking the Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan; as well as denouncing communism.

This led Winchell to join the “McCarthyism” movement, in spreading misinformation about the Second Red Scare, supporting the idea that communists had infiltrated the US Government; in addition to destroying people’s careers and reputations.

If you’re having trouble understanding what I’m talking about with Winchell, just picture Alex Jones from InfoWars and you’re there.

Credit: Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc

Joe DiMaggio:

Born Giuseppe Paolo DiMaggio, Joe DiMaggio was a famous US baseball player. He held multiple batting records and mainly played for the New York Yankees, during the 1940s-1950s. In the world of team sports, DiMaggio would have been Michael Jordan or Lionel Messi. DiMaggio was a star and hero to millions of people.

In 1949, DiMaggio signed a contract with the Yankees worth $100,000. This was a record-breaking contract for a professional sportsman at the time and helped to usher in a new wave of extremely well-paid players.

Credit: Associated Press archives

And with that, we have covered 1948-1949, in the form of a US President, a singer/actor, a civil war, another singer, a musical, a gossip columnist, and a baseball player.

My We Didn’t Start the Fire project is going to take some time, but we’ll get there. Eventually.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, eat a raw lemon, and I’ll see you next week, because we’re going to check in with my wife and her television shows. It’s going to be riveting.

Tour of the Solar System: The Galilean moons

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Science

Welcome back to the most basic and cost-effective Tour of the Solar System you will ever see! It’s cheap and nasty, but it won’t make you visit the doctor. We’ve been on this tour for over a year now, so if you’re just joining us, here are the previous stops:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

11.) Jupiter

Because you’re observant, you would have noticed the title of this blog, but let’s clear some things up first. The Galilean moons are not a cosmic STI, nor are they a new punk band from Berlin.

Jupiter has 95 officially recognised moons, but for this work of literary incompetency, I’m only going to be discussing four of them; Io, Callisto, Europa and Ganymede, the Galilean moons. If you remember from our last tour stop, I briefly mentioned them; and for me, briefly means five paragraphs. They’re gorgeous too!

Jupiter’s four largest satellites, the Galilean moons, are named after consorts of the Roman god Jupiter: Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. Credit: NASA/JPL/DLR

Let’s step into our TARDIS of the mind, and travel back through time to Italy, around late 1609 and early 1610. Telescopes were a new invention, and a certain jack of all trades named Galileo Galilei decided to make his own version.

Not long after this, Galileo used his telescope to peer into the void and reveal things behind the curtain. He made some stunning discoveries and observed things like the Moon’s craters and mountains, the phases of Venus, sunspots, Saturn, and stars within the Milky Way. These discoveries have helped move humanity forward, in our understanding of space and our place in it.

However, Galileo’s biggest contribution to astronomy was the revelation that Jupiter had moons. That doesn’t sound like much, but I promise you, it was a colossal discovery. At the time, one of the main models explaining the nature of the universe was the Geocentric model; also known as the Ptolemaic world system.

Basically, this model suggested that the Earth was at the centre of the universe, and everything including the Sun, Moon, stars, and planets, would be orbiting the Earth. Sounds reasonable, right?

That all changed when Galileo observed something strange, using his new telescope. He noticed what he believed to be some fixed stars near Jupiter, but after weeks of detailed observations, Galileo concluded that these fixed stars were not fixed stars at all, because they were orbiting Jupiter.

Galileo had discovered moons orbiting a planet, just like the Earth and the Moon. This revelation supported the recent Copernican heliocentrism model, explaining that the Sun was at the centre of the universe, and planets like Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and even Earth, revolved around it. The Galilean moons were also confirmed and discovered by Simon Marius, a German astronomer, around the same time.

In 17th-century Europe, this was a major scandal, and even heresy to support such an idea. But as you know, the Copernican heliocentrism model was proven correct. The Sun does not orbit the Earth; the Earth orbits the Sun.

As for the moons, they’re just like a team of rugby players; similar, yet different.

Let’s start with Ganymede, because you know, why not? Not only is Ganymede the largest of the Galilean moons, or the rest of Jupiter’s moons, but it’s also the largest moon in the Solar System. It’s even larger than Mercury.

Ganymede has a diameter of 5,270 km, and orbits Jupiter roughly at 1,070,400 kilometres; which is the third of the Galilean moons in distance from Jupiter. Ganymede also has a magnetic field, possibly due to its liquid iron core, and it takes roughly seven days to orbit Jupiter.

One of the most interesting discoveries about Ganymede is that it has a subsurface ocean. This is exciting because of the possibility of scientists finding life in the ocean. Granted if life exists on Ganymede, it would be in the form of microorganisms, but a win is a win!

Jupiter’s moon Ganymede, the largest moon in our Solar System.
Image: NASA

The next largest moon is Callisto, with a diameter of 4,821 km, and an orbital distance from Jupiter of 1,883,000 km. This makes Callisto the furthest of the Galilean moons to orbit Jupiter. Callisto is also one of the most heavily impacted objects in the Solar System, as it is riddled with very extremely old craters.

Because of its location from Jupiter, Callisto takes about 16 days to orbit the planet. Subsurface oceans seem to be the trend with the Galilean moons because Callisto is suspected of having one, but that has not been confirmed. Yet.

Photograph of the Callisto moon captured from NASA Galileo spacecraft. (Image credit: NASA/JPL/DLR)

Our third-largest Galilean moon is so cool, it only has two letters in its name. Io has a diameter of 3,643 km, which makes it slightly bigger than our Moon at 3,475 km. Io orbits Jupiter at a distance of 421,700 km, which makes it the closest of the Galilean moons to Jupiter. Given its close distance, Io orbits Jupiter in just under two days.

Io can also take the title of having the strongest surface gravity of any moon and the highest density of any moon in the Solar System. Io is also quite odd because it has over 400 active volcanoes, in addition to having over 100 mountains; with several mountains reaching heights that are taller than Mount Everest.

Jupiter’s moon Io is the most volcanically active world in the solar system. This high-resolution image of Jupiter’s fifth moon was captured by NASA’s Galileo spacecraft and was published on 18, Dec. 1997. (Image credit: NASA/JPL/University of Arizona)

Europa is our fourth and final stop on this tour today. Orbiting at a distance of 670,900 km means Europa is the second closest of the Galilean moons to Jupiter, between Io and Ganymede. However, Europa is the smallest of the four, with a diameter of 3,121km.

Considering its close proximity to Jupiter, Europa orbits Jupiter in about 3.5 days, and it also appears to have an extremely smooth surface. In saying that, Europa is covered in dark lines called lineae. These are believed to be caused by interior processes, which has led to the theory that Europa could have a subsurface ocean as well.

Photo of Europa. Credit: Sciquest.org

There’s a lot more to the moons than what we have discussed, but I can’t do everything. Maybe. So, that’s it for today. The next stop on the tour will be a popular one for many people: Saturn. Just remember that the tickets for the tour are non-refundable.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on X and Mastodon because that’s where the cool people are. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, eat some lemons, and I’ll see you next week.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: The Beginning

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People

I love history, so please remember that I’m a geek. I remember my family owned an extremely outdated encyclopedia set that I would read through; mainly for the history sections, though I’ve never read Grays Sports Almanac: Complete Sports Statistics 1950-2000.

I love trying to understand why certain historical events have happened, when they happened, who was involved, what actually happened, how they are connected to the present, and of course, whether the Doctor was involved or not.

I’ve just stopped and read what I’ve written, and I couldn’t have sounded more of a geek, than if I had actually tried. Anyway, this is why I have developed a useless ability to remember the dates of historical events. This ability doesn’t help me socially or professionally, but it does keep me at home and prevents me from trading comic books in dark alleys.

The point of this ramble is that my love of history led me to love We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel. If I ever produce a soundtrack to my life, We Didn’t Start the Fire will be on it.

If you have no idea about the song or have never heard it, then sit down, relax, and prepare yourself.

Image by 41330 from Pixabay

We Didn’t Start the Fire was released in the much more innocent time of 1989, when Bill Cosby was the king of sitcoms, Donald Trump was still married to Ivana, Harvey Weinstein had started as an executive producer, Vladimir Putin was still in the KGB, and Kim Jong Un was five years old.

The song reached number one on the United States Billboard Hot 100 in 1989 and has become part of pop culture with various themes. Over the years, critics of the song have trashed it, along with Billy Joel himself, coming out and stating his dislike for it.

So what is the song about? Well, I’m not intelligent enough to break the song down into its musical components, but what I am going to do is gush over the lyrics.

To me, it’s like rap, because the words are rapid-fire, and they are about events and people from the 20th century, circa 1948-1989. The historical references have influenced the United States, but also the world, both positively and negatively, which makes them extremely important; well, at least to me.

As for the chorus, several people could give you different explanations for the meaning behind the lyrics, but for what it’s worth, I’m probably wrong. However, I’ll let you know what it means to me.

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning, since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it, but we tried to fight it

The fire could represent multiple things like violence, hatred, war, bigotry, racism, sexism, and capitalism. It could be all of them or none of them; though the point is that the fire has existed and been burning since we descended from the trees and spread out across Eastern and Southern Africa.

The world of 2024 didn’t start the fire, nor did the world of 1989. Events and people have compounded and added to national and international problems over the centuries; and in the case of the song, decades. This means the next generation has to fight and solve the issues created by previous generations; even though they have been trying to stop the spread of the fire. At least to me, it does.

We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning, since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on

After every single person who is alive at this moment in time has died, the world will still continue to turn, and the fire will still be burning, awaiting the next generation of people to meet it. In 5, 10, 25, 50, 100, or 250 years, the fire will continue to burn, just as it always has.

Some of the best messages; again, at least to me, in the song are these:

  • If we don’t understand the past, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
  • You are not personally guilty, along with your generation, for the condition of the world, whether its politically, socially, physically, etc.
  • What you can be guilty of, is what you are going to do about the condition of the world.

And the coolest message in the song is this:

People have the capacity for tremendous evil, just as they have the capacity for amazing good. As a species, we will never stop the fire from burning, we just can’t. But what we can do is fight the spread of the fire, through our own actions, along with our children and grandchildren, by teaching them to care. If we can restrict and limit the spread of the fire, the damage will be least destructive for us, and for future generations. I feel we can do this through information, knowledge and education; you know, that old chestnut.

In a small way, and in the greatest example of my hubris, the vanity project that is Some Geek Told Me, is an ode to We Didn’t Start the Fire. One of the factors for Some Geek Told Me’s creation, was feeling I wasn’t doing enough to fight the spread of the fire.

We Didn’t Start the Fire is one of my favourite songs, so I decided to try and back up my big mouth and actually do something. I know it’s hubris, I really do, and I know Billy Joel would deem this quite sad, but I’m ok with that.

Having said all of this, I’m starting a new project within Some Geek Told Me. I realise many other people have already done this, but I’m going to take a crack at it. Just like the Tour of the Solar System, I’m going to have a monthly blog post about We Didn’t Start the Fire, looking at the historical references.

I’m going to talk about them in groups, like 1955-1957, or 1958-1961, rather than in decades or simply as years. There are 118 historical references in the song, so this poorly constructed idea will take some time. You have been warned. The music video is quite outstanding as well. Again, to my geeky arse, it is.

Well, that’s it for another week. Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, paint a rainbow, and I’ll see you next week.

Three couples we need to stop admiring

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Comics, History, Literature, People

To quote Huey Lewis and the News, “The power of love is a curious thing, Make a one man weep, Make another man sing.” Love can change and transform a person; it can make them loving, compassionate, brave, empathetic, happy, and basically everything else positive society can throw a label on.

Like many things or concepts in this mad little world, love is like a coin; it has two sides or two faces.1 On one face of the coin, is love as described by Jane Austen: witty, lovely, romantic, charming, and enduring. On the other face, well, we have love described by the Brontë sisters: dark, jealousy, twisted, obsessive, and secretive. Love can make people do some pretty crazy stuff and not all of it is good.

There are many couples throughout history and pop culture that personify romantic love. We can admire these couples as role models; whether straight, gay, or everything else. However, there are equally couples that are so bad for each other, that everybody knows they shouldn’t be together, or at least, have some extreme Brontë issues to work through.

Toss the love coin for a couple and see where it lands. Does it land Austen face up, or is it Brontë? That seems easy, doesn’t it? But what about the couples in the centre of the Venn diagram? What if the coin does not land face down, but is actually on its side? 2

Some people look and say that these couples are lovely and romantic, so they must belong together. They are admired, romanticised, and even idolised. Now I’m not an expert on love; ask my wife, but I have three couples that do not deserve your admiration. As a collective society, we need to stop lying to ourselves about these couples.

May I submit three couples that we desperately need to stop admiring: 1 x historical couple and 2 x fictional couples. Let’s break some hearts!

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow (Bonnie and Clyde)

Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were part of the Barrow Gang, which included Clyde’s brother Marvin “Buck” Barrow, and his wife Blanche. They operated in the Central United States of America, during 1932-1934, committing small-time heists and bank robberies.

Bonnie and Clyde were romanticised at the time, and still are. They were a young couple, living their best life, which fed into the counterculture, with part of the public admiring and adoring them. One of the reasons was that Bonnie was already married to a man named Roy Thornton, but she was in love with Clyde.

In the grips of the Great Depression, these love birds were fighting to be free and live wild. The growing problem was their crimes were becoming more violent, which resulted in people being killed. This made the public slowly turn on them, and law enforcement officers hunted them.

On 23rd May 1934, Bonnie and Clyde’s crime spree ended. They were ambushed in their car, by law enforcement officers and were shot to death. Bonnie had 26 bullet wounds, and Clyde received 17; with both suffering head shots.

Over the years, their romantic legacy has grown across the world, especially because of the Academy Award-winning 1967 film, Bonnie and Clyde. But let’s face facts; Bonnie and Clyde committed multiple robberies of banks, gas stations, and small stores, but also killed at least 12 people; which included nine law enforcement officers.

It’s been 89 years since their death, and I’m sorry to say, we need to stop admiring them.

Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet (Romeo and Juliet)

Did you see this one coming?! First performed in 1597, William Shakespeare’s immortal play Romeo and Juliet, has been touted as one of the greatest love stories ever told. It’s been adapted into film, ballet, opera, paintings, and literature, and is still performed through theatre around the world. Over 420 years later, people are still experiencing and revisiting the story.

Though should we still be experiencing Romeo and Juliet? Hell, yes! I’m not smart enough to articulate just how impactful and amazing the play is, and why it’s important. To me, it’s good, it’s so, so good. However, that isn’t the correct question we should be asking.

We should hold on to Romeo and Juliet, until the potential heat death of the universe. But should we keep romanticising them? Hell, no!

I want you to think about a few things:

  • The entire play is set over six days. Yes, just six days!
  • When Romeo meets Juliet for the first time, he’s on the rebound from Rosaline (Sunday evening).
  • Romeo and Juliet fall in love with each other (Sunday evening).
  • Romeo meets Juliet for the second time and agree to marry (Late Sunday evening).
  • The next day, Romeo and Juliet marry (Monday afternoon).
  • By Friday morning, both Romeo and Juliet are dead by their own hands.

Imagine if your child or grandchild came to you and said, that the person they were planning on marrying today, they had only met them the day before? What would you do? Seriously, what would you say?

From the time I first met my future wife, to actually getting married was 20 months. I used to think that was fast, but that’s at a snail’s pace, compared to Romeo and Juliet’s 24 hours!

This brings me to their ages. At the time of the wedding, I believe Romeo was 16 years old, and Juliet was just 13 years old. Granted the play was set in Verona, around the 14th/15th century, but still.

Another love myth to break about the couple is that by the end of the play, six people had died. They were Mercutio, Tybalt, Lady Montague, Paris, and the idiots of the story, Romeo and Juliet. Yes, Romeo and Juliet did kill themselves, but through their actions; directly and indirectly, four other people paid the ultimate price for their one-night stand. Romeo alone personally killed three people!

“These violent delights have violent ends.”

If you’re looking for romance, love, or shenanigans in a Shakespearian play, then admire these couples: Sebastian and Olivia, Viola and Orsino, Lucentio and Bianca, Petruchio and Katherina, Bassanio and Portia, Beatrice and Benedick, or Orlando and Rosalind.

Romeo and Juliet truly belong with the other tragic couples: Othello and Desdemona, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, Antony and Cleopatra, Duke of Albany and Goneril, Duke of Cornwall and Regan, and of course, Hamlet and Ophelia.

The tale of Romeo and Juliet is not a love story, because nobody is left happy at the end. I think one of the points of the play is not to admire Romeo and Juliet; because they don’t deserve it, but to see their flaws and mistakes, so you don’t have to make them yourself.

The Joker and Harley Quinn (The Joker and Harleen Quinzel)

I’m not going to spend a lot of time with this couple because they are the textbook example of a toxic relationship. When everybody’s favourite Arkham Asylum escapee was recaptured and brought back, the Joker met, manipulated, seduced, and corrupted psychologist Harleen Quinzel, and helped her to transform into Harley Quinn.

Harley Quinn became the Joker’s accomplice and girlfriend, but it was an awful abusive relationship. Over the years and in different versions, the Joker has done some pretty horrible things to Harley. These involve various methods, and include and not limited to throwing her into a vat of industrial chemicals; pushing her out of a window; torturing her by beating, cutting, and hanging her half to death; setting Harley’s own hyenas onto her; planning to kill her in front of the Dark Knight; tried to cut her face off; locked her into a rocket; he killed her and transformed her into a constellation; constantly beating and casting her out before wooing her back; and one time, he didn’t even notice that Harley had left for a year.

And just to clarify, Harley is not blameless in this mess. By the Joker’s own admission, he believes that Harley is crazier than him. The way the Joker controlled and manipulated Harley, only worked because Harley thought his abusive behaviour was a sign that he loved her. It wasn’t.

The Joker would have rather beaten Harley to a bloody pulp than admit he cared for her; as much as a homicidal, sadistic psychopath can care for someone.

Unlike the previous two entries on this list, there is a happy ending of a sort. Harley ultimately left the Joker forever and is now in a loving, positive, and healthy relationship with Poison Ivy. Though whether Harley being involved in another relationship with a villain is a good idea, remains to be seen.

And there you have it. Just like Fat Boy Slim said, “Like a favourite pair of jeans that you won’t give up on,” we need to give up on the idea that these three couples are to be romanticised, admired, or idolised because they don’t deserve it. You wouldn’t wish any family member to be involved in any relationship, similar to these disasters, would you? Well, maybe it depends on the family member.

Have I missed any toxic couples out? As always please let me know. I know I didn’t include Heathcliff and Catherine, but to be honest, this blog got away from me, so I’ll include them next time. 3

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I have daily posts, and attempt to be funny.

Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, avoid playing Monopoly at all costs, watch some Rugby World Cup games, and I’ll see you next week.

1 It’s been a long time since I snuck in a Batman reference.

2 This is a shout out to Heathcliff and Catherine. I see you, I see you.

3 I told you I saw Heathcliff and Catherine.

My wife’s thoughts on the Coronation of King Charles III

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People, Television

I want to talk about the Coronation of King Charles III. Why? There are two main reasons for this, and I think you can guess the second reason. Let’s back up and start with the first reason. The last British coronation was on 2nd June 1953, when Queen Elizabeth II was crowned, after the death of her father, George VI.

Being a New Zealander and a student of history, watching the coronation of Elizabeth’s son, Charles III, was always a possibility. I mean, coronations don’t happen every week, do they? Maybe in Game of Thrones, but not in real life. The concept of the coronation was fascinating because, like billions of other people, I had never seen a live British coronation.

Image by Sir Jony Ive

Because of the time zone difference, the coronation would be screened live in New Zealand, on Saturday night. Now the thing about last Saturday night, there was no test rugby on; so I could watch the coronation. However would I though? This would require some things to happen: UMC1 and UMC2 would need to be asleep before the coverage began, but I’d also need my wife’s blessing.

You see we have made Saturday night our date night. And when I mean date night, I mean staying at home to either play board games, play a PC Lego game, or watch a movie or tv series. You know, the standard thing that extremely cool people do on a Saturday night.

So I was unsure whether I wanted to watch the coronation. Watching a historic event, or helping Lego Harry Potter to survive Years 5-6? Oh, the agony of making a geek choose. The interesting point is that the decision was actually taken away from me, because my wife suggested we watch the coronation together.

I was stunned at this because my wife is; and I’m quoting her description of herself as, “…a no-frills practical person.” A coronation was one of the last things, I would imagine my wife actually sitting down to watch, but she did it to spend time with her awkward geeky husband, so she scored some great spouse points.

Let’s set the scene, shall we? We’re in the bedroom watching the coverage via the laptop, with my wife sitting on the bed, and I’m in the swivel chair. After playing several games of Uno and waiting for the coronation procession to begin, my wife started her master plan. She knew I’d be listening and watching carefully to the coverage, so she started trying to be funny to annoy me, just because she could. Among many other statements during the coronation’s coverage, my wife set these zingers off:

If this is the scaled back version, I would hate to see what the full on version looks like.

If they were already in the car, why bother with the horses and carriage?

Is that a moat or a wet footpath?

What the hell?! Is that Richie McCaw?!

When the announcer introduced Liz Truss, as being the UK Prime Minister for a brief time, my wife and I both said, “What a burn!”

How many more people are they going to cram in?!

What’s with the Michael Jackson glove?

They would all be screwed if the cue card guy dropped the cards!

Elsa’s coronation wasn’t this bloody long.

A good excuse to wear robes, I guess.

When eating some cheese and crackers, she turned to me and said, “Wilt thou partaketh of these snacks?”

Where are they going? Out the back to sit down? They sat the whole way there and most of the service.

When the coronation procession ended at Buckingham Palace, that was the signal for us to go to sleep. Before we did though, my wife asked if I liked her commentary, because she said that she awesome. It is true, she is awesome; sometimes.

What did you think about the coronation? Was my wife correct? Please let me know. And with that, another weekly rant has ended; though we did have Star Wars Day and Free Comic Book Day.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog; read a banned book; eat French Vanilla ice cream; and I’ll hopefully see you next week.

So how did St. Patrick drive every snake out of Ireland?

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People

I want to talk about St. Patrick. Why? Well since this blog has gone up on 20th March, and given that St. Patrick’s Day was on 17th March, many people around the world, will still be nursing hangovers or trying to find their way home. St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland and his day, 17th March, go together like alcohol, green wigs and vomitting.

It’s a day where millions of people from different ethnicities and nationalities, all put on a green hat and pronounce that for the next 24 hours, they’re Irish. Or until the money or alcohol stops, whatever comes first.

But what about St. Patrick himself? Patrick would have been a green loving, snake driving Irishman, that helped convert the pagans to Christianity, right? Well, yes and no.

Image by Squirrel_photos from Pixabay

The problem is there are a lot of misconceptions about St. Patrick and 17th March, that to a student of history and geek like myself, I think are quite…fascinating. Below are eight myths and misconceptions about St. Patrick and his day, that you may or may not know.

So, let’s get the craic started!

1.) St. Patrick’s name was Patrick.

Quite possibly of all the information on this list, this is the most outrageous. We all know that St. Patrick’s real name would have been…well, Patrick, right? In a reality with no Flat Earthers, this would be correct. Sadly however, we do have Flat Earthers in this reality, and St. Patrick’s real name was not Patrick. In fact it was Maewyn Succat. This can be explained with the second myth.

2.) St. Patrick was Irish.

Maewyn Succat was not born in Ireland or even Northern Ireland, for that matter; though Northern Ireland didn’t exist until 1921.1 Maewyn was born sometime during the late 4th century (maybe 385 CE or 386 CE); though different sources offer different dates. As for the location, it was Roman Britain, either in Wales or Scotland; though quite possibly, Wales.

3.) St. Patrick’s colour was green.

This fact is just bizarre. The Irish and Emerald Isle seem to have always been associated with the colour green. The flag, shamrocks, leprechauns and St. Patrick’s Day have added to this association. But the truth is stranger than fiction, because St. Patrick’s colour was blue.

The colour known as St. Patrick’s Blue, has been used in artworks depicting St. Patrick, where he is wearing blue robes. It can also still be observed on old Irish flags, sports uniforms, coat-of-arms, ribbons and armbands.

4.) St. Patrick drove all of the snakes out of Ireland.

You should never let the truth get in the way of a good story. That old saying is perfectly reflected in this fact, because according to the story of St. Patrick, he drove all of the snakes out of Ireland. This is a metaphor, since St. Patrick brought Christianity to Ireland and converted the pagans, the snakes represent evil or the sinners.

The punch line is that Ireland; and just like New Zealand, has never been home to native snakes. Ever.

5.) The first St. Patrick’s Day parade was held in Ireland.

Since St. Patrick’s Day is an Irish event, you would think that the first St. Patrick’s Day parade was held somewhere in Ireland. If you were a betting person, you would have lost.

The first recorded parade honouring St. Patrick’s Day was held in what is now St. Augustine, Florida, USA. Records show that a St. Patrick’s Day parade was held on 17th March, 1601.

6.) St. Patrick was a saint.

Vulcans embrace them, but what we are talking about is a technicality. St. Patrick is known as a saint, but he’s actually not. Well, not yet anyway. He’s a not a saint, because he was never canonised by the Catholic Church.

7.) St. Patrick’s shamrock.

St. Patrick is said to have brought Christianity to Ireland through preaching and explaining how the religion works. Legend says that one way he did this, was to use the famous shamrock leaf. He demonstrated that the shamrock was like the Holy Trinity; with each leaf representing the Holy Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, to show that the three different religious entities could be separate, but still be part of the same whole.

8.) The reason why St. Patrick’s Day is 17th March.

We all know that St. Patrick’s Day is 17th March, but why is it? Even though St. Patrick was not technically a saint, he was still revered as one. In Catholicism, the day when a saint dies is considered a holy day, and is treated as such. According to legend, St. Patrick died on 17th March, hence the celebrations.

Basically, millions of people around the world, wear green and get hammered on 17th March, because it’s the anniversary of St. Patrick’s death. It’s a roughly 1,500 year old never ending wake.

Was there anything on the list that you didn’t know? Do you know anything else unique or a misconception about St. Patrick? Please let me know.

Alright, that’s it for me. It’s raining at the moment and the house smells of wet dog, because Indy thought he would be brave and go outside; and let’s just say that he regretted that life choice. Next week, I will continue with our Tour of the Solar System, with the third chapter featuring the rivalry of planets vs dwarf planets. Can’t wait!! Anyway, thanks once again for reading, following and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me; walk your dog; read a banned book; stay away from Sour Cream and Chives; and I’ll see you next week.

Image by Lisa Larsen from Pixabay

1 That is a story for another day.

My favourite ERB videos

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People, Social Media

I want to talk about Epic Rap Battles of History again. Why? A few weeks ago; though in the life of a parent, it was a couple of decades, I wrote a blog about Epic Rap Battles of History or ERB. Because of this shoddy piece of literature, I thought I’d follow it up with another.

If you haven’t read the previous blog about ERB, it mainly centres on what’s it all about, why I like them and discusses some rap battles involving people I had never heard of.

That being the case, and just like fireproof matches, I thought it could be a good idea to discuss my favourite rap battles from the different seasons of the show. I thought about having a top 10 list of my favourite rap battles, but what would the criteria be? The number of insults? The number of references that I understood? Or maybe the best soundtrack? Though to be honest, I would probably just break the criteria, even though I made them.

So in the interest of keeping things simple, like Trigger from Only Fools and Horses, I decided to list my favourite ERB videos per season, but only one winner per season. Along with naming the runners up, of course.

Like I said, this is an easy one for us, so let’s do it.

Season 1

Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking

There are some gems from the first season, like Napoleon vs. Napoleon, Justin Bieber vs. Beethoven, and Dr. Seuss vs. Shakespeare, but the winner is Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking. The rap battle has some brutal lyrics, but Hawking’s burn about the observable particles in the universe, is so good, I can’t stop singing and smiling at it. This rap battle is cruel, but funny as hell; even if you don’t know the references.

Season 2

Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe

Season 2 had some runners up like Season 1. These include Mozart vs. Skrillex, Batman vs. Sherlock Holmes, and Nikola Tesla vs. Thomas Edison. However even though my favourite rap battle is only 1.46 minutes long, it’s a knockout. From the opening bars, Cleopatra vs Marilyn Monroe is another brutal encounter, but it’s gets personal. Really personal. In all honesty, I think it could be one of the savage rap battles, because even though the two women are separated by about 1,950 years, they hate each other.

Season 3

Goku vs. Superman

In ERB’s third season, the quality of the rap battles were getter better. Whether it was the writing, acting, singing, costumes or special effects, or all of them, Season 3 was amazing. For me, the runners up were Sir Isaac Newton vs. Bill Nye, Bob Ross vs. Pablo Picasso, and Michael Jordan vs. Muhammad Ali. As for the winner, it was Goku vs. Superman. The lyrics were funny, the costumes were great, and the track was scarily catchy. But who won? Goku or Superman? The answer was the viewer.

Season 4

Zeus vs. Thor

This season was very close, for various reasons. The runners up were Romeo and Juliet vs. Bonnie and Clyde, Eastern Philosophers vs. Western Philosophers, and Steven Spielberg vs. Alfred Hitchcock. You’ll notice a collaborative theme with those rap battles. A special mention goes to the Jim Henson vs. Stan Lee battle, because; at least to me, it made sense that the two of them would stop fighting.

But speaking of fighting, the winner is Zeus vs. Thor. It was a genius idea to have the rap battle as Lego animation. It was outstanding, but so was the track and the lyrics. Zeus and Thor were both getting burnt for our entertainment and it was glorious.

Season 5

J. R. R. Tolkien vs. George R. R. Martin

For me, Season 5 was absolutely deadly, because just like the other seasons, the quality of the series was increasing. The runner ups for this season were Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child, Frederick Douglass vs. Thomas Jefferson, and Alexander the Great vs. Ivan the Terrible. They were awesome, but there was only one to rule them all: J. R. R. Tolkien vs. George R. R. Martin.

The make up for Peter and Lloyd was excellent, along with the soundtrack. Every time I hear the lyrics about the Tolkien’s tree branch and C.S Lewis, I can’t stop smiling, because they’re hilarious. I think they have three verses each; just like Zeus and Thor, which makes it more of an argument. I love it.

Season 6

Guy Fawkes vs. Che Guevara

This was extremely close, because the rap battles were mean, just mean. The runners up were Harry Potter vs. Luke Skywalker, Thanos vs. J. Robert Oppenheimer, and Mother Teresa vs. Sigmund Freud. A special mention goes to Ronald McDonald vs. The Burger King, because it was vicious and the funniest of the season.

However, the winner is Guy Fawkes vs. Che Guevara. I loved the rap battle, because it was packed full of historic and cultural references, as well as the special effects and costumes were superb. I’m a student of history, so this was, well, epic.

Season 7

John Wick vs. John Rambo vs. John McClane

Currently there are only four rap battles in this season so far, but I have to go for John Wick vs. John Rambo vs. John McClane. Jokes about dogs, Vietnam and marriages, along with the background and costumes, make this quite memorable. I’ve seen all of their films, and the ERB crew did a cracking job at bringing them to life.

Are you a fan of ERB? Do you agree with my choices? What are your favourite rap battles? Please let me know.

Alright, that’s another blog finished and my reward is to watch Last Week Tonight, and to think about next week’s blog. I’m sure something lame will come to me.

Thanks for reading, go walk your dog, watch a banned movie and I’ll see you next week.

Epic Rap Battles of History and the people I had never heard of

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People, Social Media

I want to talk about Epic Rap Battles of History. Why? ERB is one of my favourite YouTube channels for all of the best reasons. History, music, pop culture and burns. A whole lot of burns.

If you don’t know about ERB, don’t worry, I used to be just like you. ERB creates videos that have two or more individuals involved in a rap battle. These individuals are either fictional characters from books, movies, tv shows, video games, and comic books; or real people from history, whether they are living or dead.

The first ERB video I saw was Batman vs. Sherlock Holmes and I loved it. I mentioned it to my girlfriend at the time (later my future wife) and she was dismayed that I had only just discovered it. Because of this, she mentioned some insult about my age that I can’t remember 1.

The series was created by Nice Peter (Peter Shukoff) and EpicLLOYD (Lloyd Ahlquist) and has evolved from a sketch in an improvised show to legendary status; at least to me. The first rap battle was released on YouTube in 2010 and since then, the channel has had multiple guest actors, performers and writers.

My ERB black t-shirt

Apart from the fact that the rap battles are as funny as Wile E. Coyote failing, they do actually educate people; especially concerning historic icons. With each new rap battle, my wife and I will sit and watch it together, because you know what they say…the couple that watch rap battles together, um…watch rap battles together.

Anyway, I love picking up subtle references with the lyrics, so I get to polish my geek badge after each rap battle. Well, that is not entirely true. Now I love history. I love learning weird and bizarre things about historic people and events, because it keeps me semi-sane. To prove a point, while my classmates were going to school dances, I was at home reading the oldest set of encyclopedias, humanity had ever seen. Why? Because some geek didn’t tell me about history, so I had to learn about it myself.

Coming back to ERB, there have been some rap battles where I have looked at one of the historic or pop culture figures in the opening credits, and had no idea who they were. This would mean I would have to quickly research the person before the rap battle started, so I had an idea on what to expect.

I’ve decided to list them in order of release and for your entertainment. In my defence, the five people listed are all Americans, and being a non-American myself, means I don’t know everything about America. Yet.

Season 1

Billy Mays vs. Ben Franklin

I had no idea about Billy Mays, I had never heard of him. I understand he was a salesperson on the Home Shopping Network, however I did know about Benjamin Franklin, so that’s a plus! I felt like I should have known about Billy Mays, but I didn’t; I let the team down.

Season 2

Mozart vs. Skrillex

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was easy, but Skrillex?! Skrillex?! Since my musical appreciation ended about 2000-2005, I really didn’t know of any new bands or artists. My future wife at the time; whom is 9.5 years younger than me, was shocked that I didn’t know who he was. Leave me alone, I’m old. I thought Skrillex sounded like an antidepressant, so after researching him and watching the rap battle, I considered myself educated. Not like the Tories.2

Season 3

Bob Ross vs. Pablo Picasso

I knew of Pablo Picasso, but never met him, because….he died before I was born. Yeah, that’s the reason. Anyway, my issue was with Bob Ross. I knew of some artist that taught people to paint happy little trees on television, but I didn’t know that guy was Bob Ross. After matching the name to the face, I now know about cadmium yellow.

Season 5

Gordon Ramsay vs. Julia Child

Now before you get excited, yes, I have heard of Gordon Ramsay. It’s Julia Child, I had never heard of. When the opening credits for the video started, I said, “Who the hell is Julia Child?!” My wife had worked in the food industry, so unknown to me, she was the perfect person to educate me. Upon wondering how I had lived my entire life having never heard of Julia Child, she told me all about her. The rap battle made a lot more sense because of that, even with my beloved ignorance.

Season 5

Frederick Douglass vs. Thomas Jefferson

Out of the five entries on this list, Frederick Douglass is the one I’m the most ashamed of not knowing. As soon as I read the title of the video, I realised we didn’t know a single thing about Frederick Douglass, so my wife and I paused the video and researched him. As I was reading about his life, it reinforced the concept that even though I knew some things about US history, there are equally as many things that I didn’t know. Because of this, it quickly became my favourite rap battle for Season 5.

I love ERB and I will write more about it. Eventually. Do you watch ERB? Has there ever been a rap battle with a person you had never heard of? Please let me know.

Well that’s it for me. I’m still making my way through Star Trek: Discovery. I’m at the halfway point of Season 4, so wish me luck. So thanks for reading, go watch some football, walk your dog, read a banned book and I’ll see you next week.

1 I lied, I remember exactly what she said.

2 Sorry, I couldn’t help it.

Remember, remember, the 5th of November

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People, Politics

I want to talk about the 5th of November. Why? Failure is something we all have to live with. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve failed just this week alone. The point is, my failures have not changed the world; well, not yet anyway. But can you imagine failing at something, and 417 years later, people still celebrate that failure?

Guy Fawkes is synonymous with the Gunpowder Plot of 1605; along with a Alan Moore comic book, a Hollywood movie, a famous poem and fireworks. Lots of fireworks. But that’s not the whole story; it was a team effort. It’s complicated, but I’ve always thought that the 5th of November was akin to Dunkirk; victory from the jaws of defeat. You’re probably scratching your head thinking, ”Oh no, what in the hell is he ranting about now?”

Don’t worry, I’ll try to explain this as painlessly as I can, but no promises!

Remember, remember, the 5th of November,

Gunpowder, treason and plot.

I see no reason

Why gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, ’twas his intent

To blow up the King and the Parliament

Three score barrels of powder below

Poor old England to overthrow

By God’s providence he was catch’d

With a dark lantern and burning match

Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring

Holler boys, holler boys

God save the King!

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

You and I haven’t done this in awhile, but let’s sit inside our heads and travel back in time to England, at the turn of the 17th century. This is a time before Brexit, reality television and three prime ministers in two months. This is the time of Shakespeare, the British colonization of the Americas and the First Polish–Swedish War.

Sitting on the English throne was the OG herself, Elizabeth I, from the House of Tudor. She reigned from 1558 to her death in 1603, aged 69. There are two major things to remember about Elizabeth; when she died, she had no children. Therefore, there was no direct line for the succession for the throne. The other part was that Elizabeth was Protestant. Remember that.

At the time, Catholics and Protestants worshipped the same God; they just argued about how do it. A lot. The main problem was that the English monarch determined what the main religion would be for the country; basically you could be punished for the worshipping in the wrong religion. This was an issue across Europe, and Elizabeth’s father, Henry VIII, made things worse by telling Pope Clement VII to stick it, and created his own religion; the Church of England, so he could divorce his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.

This feud between the two denominations, has been passed on for centuries. Some of the best/worst examples of this feud, is currently in Northern Ireland, but also in Scottish Football, of all places, with Celtic FC traditionally supported by Catholics, while Rangers FC were supported by the Protestants.

Anyway, Elizabeth was succeeded by a distant relative, King James VI and I (VI of Scotland and I of England) from the House of Stuart. James was a Protestant, but he was quite tolerant towards Catholics. However, over the next two years and for various reasons; but mainly persecution, some Catholics were feeling it would be better if the Throne of England belonged to a Catholic monarch, and not a Protestant.

This is the part of the story where Guy Fawkes enters, but he’s not alone. The original group of the five conspirators were Guy Fawkes of course, Thomas Wintour, John Wright, Thomas Percy, and the true mastermind behind the whole project, Robert Catesby. This group later recruited other members like Robert Wintour, Christopher Wright, Francis Tresham, Robert Keyes, John Grant, Thomas Bates, Ambrose Rookwood, and Sir Everard Digby.

The Gunpowder Plot Conspirators. Source: Crispijn van de Passe the Elder, Wikipedia

Their plan involved two different stages:

1.) To kill King James, his wife and eldest son, along with Lords, Judges, members of Parliament, and other targets. They would do this by blowing up the Houses of Parliament, at the State opening on 5th November, 1605.

2.) To kidnap the nine year old Elizabeth Stuart; King James’ daughter, through a revolt in the Midlands. The idea was to place her on the Throne of England, Scotland and Ireland, as a Catholic Queen. This was provided her father and brother were killed.

To destroy the Houses of Parliament, dozens of gunpowder barrels would be used for the explosion. They would be positioned in a cellar, underneath Parliament. It was decided that Fawkes would light the fuse and detonate the gunpowder, then escape across the River Thames.

Everything was going well with the plot, but the truth is stranger than fiction, because a group of betrayers and plotters, were in turn, betrayed themselves. Tragic irony or poetic justice? At this point, does it matter?

On the 26th October 1605, a letter was delivered to William Parker, 4th Baron Monteagle; which has famously been known as the Monteagle Letter. This letter was a warning about the conspiracy, but the author has remained a mystery. A suspect is Tresham, because he was Parker’s brother-in-law, however Parker was a suspect also. Regardless of the author’s identity, the letter was shown to several people, before making its way to King James on the 1st November, and well, he was not happy.

James ordered the Houses of Parliament to be searched for any shenanigans on the 4th November; though at the same time, the conspirators were finalising the last details about the plan. Fawkes was going to light the fuse at an agreed time, while others were getting ready to kidnap Princess Elizabeth. What could go wrong?

After the first search of the buildings, Fawkes was discovered with firewood, within the undercroft. Mixing lies with the truth, Fawkes explained that the firewood belonged to Thomas Percy. Fawkes was let go and the report was given to the King James, whom demanded the buildings be searched for a second time.

The second search proved to be more successful, because Fawkes was discovered again in the undercroft, later that night. He had a lantern, coal, firewood, and the barrels of gunpowder; so he was quickly arrested and on the morning of 5th November, he was brought before the King. The rest of the conspirators heard of Fawkes’ arrest fled and regrouped outside of London.

Having going by the alias of “John Johnson,” Fawkes was interrogated and eventually tortured. He had insisted that he was working alone, but after being tortured, Fawkes confessed to the entire plot. The authorities had already a few leads on the conspirators and armed with Fawkes’ confession, they started to seek them out as fast as possible.

Some of the conspirators had fled, while others were held up at Holbeche House, Staffordshire. It was there where someone had the smart idea to dry some of the wet gunpowder they had, in front of an open fire. You can guess what happened, because the gunpowder exploded. After that apocalyptic clown show, more conspirators fled. There was only Thomas Wintour, Grant, Rookwood, Percy, Catesby and the Wright brothers left now.

On the morning of 8th November, 200 men surrounded the house and opened fire. According to the report, several conspirators were killed, with Thomas Wintour, Rookwood, Grant being arrested. Eventually the remaining conspirators were found, arrested and put on trial.

These are the fates of the 13 Gunpowder Plot conspirators:

Thomas Bates: Died on 30th January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Sir Everard Digby: Died on 30th January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

John Grant: Died on 30th January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Robert Keyes: Died on 31st January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Thomas Percy: Killed on 8th November 1605, after being shot at Holbeche House. His body was later exhumed and decapitated. with his head put on a spike outside Parliament.

Ambrose Rookwood: Died on 31st January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Francis Tresham: Died from natural causes, on 23th December 1605, in the Tower of London.

Robert Wintour: Died on 30th January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Thomas Wintour: Died on 31st January 1606, after being hanged, drawn and quartered in London.

Christopher Wright: Killed on 8th November 1605, after being shot at Holbeche House.

John Wright: Killed on 8th November 1605, after being shot at Holbeche House.

So what happened to the most famous of all the Gunpowder Plot conspirators, Guy Fawkes?

Guy Fawkes: Died on 31st January 1606 in London, after breaking his neck, right before the execution. His body was still drawn and quartered though.

And that just leaves the mastermind behind it all; what happened to Robert Catesby?

Robert Catesby: Killed on 8th November 1605, after being shot at Holbeche House. His body was later exhumed and decapitated. with his head put on a spike outside Parliament.

Their legacy is Fireworks Night, Bonfire Night, or just Guy Fawkes Night; which is celebrated in various countries around the world, including here in New Zealand. But going back to the beginning of this blog, this is the victory I was talking about. Even though the 13 Gunpowder Plot conspirators tried to commit regicide and failed, they did end up changing the world. 417 years later and we still remember their names.

Thanks for sticking with me and subscribing to my weekly editions of verbal diarrhea, I appreciate it. Alright that’s it for me, go and walk your dog, read some banned books, and I’ll see you next week.