Kia Ora and welcome to the third part of my one year anniversary of Some Geek Told Me. For my final joke, I have seen three different versions of it; and all of them are funny as hell. At least to me, anyway.

So to make it more enjoyable, I have combined all three versions into one mega joke. I always mess this joke up when I’m telling it to someone, because I’m laughing too much. This joke has been around online for a few years, but it’s still awesome. Alright then, enjoy.

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Heisenberg, Schrödinger, Bohr, Einstein, and Ohm, are travelling in a car, when they get pulled over for speeding. The officer asks the driver, Heisenberg, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies, “No, but we know exactly where we are!” The officer looks at him confused and says, “You were going 140 km per hour!”

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, “Great! Now we’re lost!” The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger, sitting in the passenger seat, if the men have anything in the boot of the car. “A cat,” Schrödinger replies.

The cop looks in the boot and yells “Hey! This cat is dead.” Schrödinger angrily replies, “Well, he is now.”

Bohr points out, “On the bright side, a moment ago we didn’t have a position, speed, or a cat. Now we have all three!”

The officer is getting annoyed with the men and says, “I just want to know how many of you I need to bring back to the station!”

“Roll dice for it?” Einstein asks. The officer is fed up now, and moves to arrest all of them. Ohm resists.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.

Welcome to the second part of my one year anniversary of Some Geek Told Me. I know, it’s so exciting. On Monday I shared one of my favourite jokes with you, and today is no different. Sorry, but I have known this joke since I was 11 years old, so it’s pretty bad.

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A naval ship is docked at port and the captain has given his crew of 100 sailors, 12 hours of shore leave. However, he explains that every single sailor needs to be back at the port by midnight. No exceptions. The crew rejoice and leave.

12 hours later, the captain is standing alone at the port. Not a single sailor has made it back. Just then, a sailor appears. The captain is pleased, but angry at the sailor and demands to know why he is late.

The sailor replies, “I was walking back to the port, when I noticed I was going to be late, and just then, a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, and I felt relieved. The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain knew this was a lie, but he thought it was quite creative, so he decided not to punish the sailor. At that moment, another sailor arrived. The captain quickly demanded the sailor explain their lateness.

The sailor explained, “I was visiting some of my family, when I noticed the time and I knew I was going to be late. I quickly started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, which was amazing! The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain was annoyed to have heard the same excuse, but ultimately decided not to punish the sailor. Just then, another sailor arrived, and the captain again demanded to know what happened.

The sailor explained, “I was sitting in a cinema, watching a movie, when I looked at my watch. I was going to be late. I quickly started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, which was brilliant! The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain was starting to get angry now, because this was the third time he had heard this excuse; but it didn’t end. Every time a new sailor appeared, they would give the same story of doing something; noticing the time; a horse drawn milk cart gives them a ride; the horse dies; then they run to the port.

99 sailors had arrived back at the port, and 99 sailors had basically given the same excuse of why they were late. The 100th and final sailor eventually arrived at the port, and by this time, the captain was beyond furious.

“Let me guess what happened to you,” said the captain to the sailor. “You were doing some amazing thing, when you noticed the time and realised you were going to be late. You started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived to give you a ride. Just when you thought you would make it on time, the horse dropped dead, so you needed to run the rest of the way. Am I correct?”

“No, Captain, you’re not,” answered the sailor. The captain was stunned. “But what happened to you, then?” queried the captain.

“Well, Captain, I had just finished eating dinner, when I realised I needed to get back to the port. I had plenty of time, but I didn’t want to be late. It was around that time, a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port and I accepted. It was a lovely ride, but sadly I had to walk the rest of the way, when we got near the port.”

“Why did you have to walk?,” asked the captain.

“The road was blocked.”

“What was blocking the road?”

“Dead horses.”

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you on Friday.

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I want to talk about a very small literary achievement. Why? Because this week I get to celebrate one year of posting blogs. So I was thinking, what could I do to mark the occasion?

How about some of the best jokes I know and love, to share with everybody?

Good idea? Sweet! I’m going to share one joke today, one on Wednesday, and the final joke on Friday.

Alright, let’s do it!

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A man went on holiday to America for the first time. He had booked himself into one of the country’s most expensive hotels, which had a bar for guests, on the top floor.

The man was really excited to be there, so he decided to have a celebratory drink. He walked into the bar and glanced around the room. There was a bartender and one other man, wearing a blue suit, sitting down drinking.

The man was so happy to be there, sat down next to the blue suited man, and ordered a cocktail from the bartender.

While the bartender was making the drink, the blue suited man turned and asked the man, if this was his first time to the city. The man replied that it was, but also, it was his first trip to America.

The blue suited man replied, “Excellent, excellent.” “Did you happen to see the smog outside the hotel, as you arrived?”

The man said, “Yes, I did. It looks awful.”

“It is,” replied the blue suited man. “It’s so bad, you could jump out of a window, and the smog is so thick, you would just bounce straight off it, and bounce back up inside.”

“That’s impossible!,” said the man. “I would love to see that.”

“Ok, then,” answered the blue suited man. “How about I bet you $50 that I can do it?”

“$50?” replied the man. “Alright then,” as he slapped $50 down onto the bar.

The blue suited man smiled, then stood up, and calmly walked over to the open window. He then turned and waved to the man, and jumped out of the window. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was stunned. “I don’t believe it. That was amazing!” He took out $100 and slapped it down. “$100 says you can’t do it again!”

The blue suited man took his offer. He once again smiled, and calmly walked over to the open window. He turned and waved once again, then jumped. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was erupting with excitement. “Can I do it?,” the man said.

The blue suited man laughed and responded, “Of course you can. Just walk over to the window and look down, until you can see the smog. Then close your eyes and jump. The smog is like a trampoline, so once you hit it, it’ll bounce you straight back.”

The man said, “I have to do this!”. He walked over to the window, looked down, closed his eyes and jumped. After a few seconds had passed, the man had not appeared at the window.

The blue suited man walked over to the window and looked down to see the man lying dead on the ground. He nodded, turned away and calmly sat down; but not before pocketing the $150.

The bartender had returned with the cocktail, then said, “Gee Superman, you can be a real bastard when you’re drunk.”

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Wednesday.