Month: May 2021

The Periodic Table: The ultimate geek poster

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

I want to talk about the Periodic Table. Why? Why wouldn’t I, it’s the Periodic Table. You see, I’m a not a smart man. There are a lot of things that escape my attention and observation or things that fly over my head, in terms of comprehension. I struggle to understand Contemporary Art, the Floss dance, comic book reboots, Sour Cream and Chives, and the list could quite possibly go on for eternity.

However, with the Periodic Table; at least to me, it makes sense. Also it’s gorgeous. Just gorgeous. I think the reasons I love it are varied and confusing. From the arrangements, the groups, and…oh, I just love it. The point is, much like River Song’s speech in the “The Husbands of River Song”, when you love science, it’s like loving the stars themselves. You don’t expect the Periodic Table to admire you back. It’s a thing of utter beauty.

Now I will never confess to being an expert on the Periodic Table. That will never happen. Ever. In saying that, I do love the concept and the visual element1of the table, though. It makes sense once you understand it; though to be fair, while I was taking chemistry at high school, it drove me crazy looking at it. I also want to address something, that I will be using upper cases letters when writing the Periodic Table. This is because, in my tiny and humble opinion; it deserves it.

I also think it’s a status symbol. By this I mean, if you see the Periodic Table on someone’s wall; and they are not studying chemistry, that is bad arse. They could have pinned up a poster of their celebrity crush, favourite sports team or favourite film; but no. To me, anybody that has the Periodic Table or a map on their wall, screams “Yes, I am a geek, but I’m also a bad arse.”

It’s so important to the scientific community, that the Periodic Table has transferred over to pop culture, where you can find on mugs, t-shirts, socks and quite anything else you can think of. Yes, it has even crossed into the world of tattoos. For people with these tattoos, their badarsery is dialed to up to 11. Spinal Tap anyone?

The creation of the Periodic Table, to me at least; is one of the greatest intellectual and beautiful achievements in human history. Now for those of you that don’t know, the Periodic Table is also known as the Periodic Table of Elements. This table displays all of the known chemical elements (solids, liquids and gases) and organises them, for better understanding of their relationships to each other.

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Before I go on, I want to talk about why the table exists in the first place. The short version is that for thousands of years, people knew about different materials that could behave in certain ways. Through experimentation, they could identify what the materials could do and what would be the best way to use that resource.

Over time, these materials were described as elements and they were studied by scientists for hundreds of years, to discover their properties, by identifying and recording them, collectively. 56 elements were known to be discovered, by 1863; and in 1869, the number had risen to 62.

Previously, scientists had tried to organise the known elements by their atomic weight2, but also by their atomic valence.3 Then along came Dmitri Ivanovich Mendeleev or simply, Dmitri Mendeleev.4 In 1869, this Russian chemist organised the elements into a table, based on their physical properties, atomic number, atomic valence and their atomic mass.5

However, as I have just stated in the above paragraph, other scientists had created similar tables before, so how was Mendeleev’s version any different? Why are we talking about his table and not someone else’s? It’s simple, because Mendeleev was operating on a whole other level: his table was full of predictions.

Now I’m not saying Mendeleev had a mutant power that allowed him to see the future; otherwise he would have joined the Winter Guard or Red Trinity teams or been a Soviet Super Soldier agent. No, but he did wield a power though, the power of science. What Mendeleev did was organise the known elements at the time, in such a way that he could predict elements that would fit into his table, that had not yet been discovered.

And do you know what’s funny about Mendeleev’s predictions? It’s not that he was wrong; it’s the fact that he was correct. If any future elements are discovered, they will easily fit into the Periodic Table, because of Mendeleev’s work. Oh, I need to add that this has already happened.

Bad. Arse. Seriously, if Mendeleev bumped into the Punisher or the Terminator in a narrow dark alley, the Punisher would step aside and the Terminator would beg for forgiveness.

Image by ExplorersInternational from Pixabay

Before we go any further, I just need to reinforce that I am not an expert on the Periodic Table. The following rant is how I understand the Periodic Table, so if I have got something wrong in my explanation, please feel free to explain it to me, in a polite manner on how I’ve messed up. Cool?

Anyway, let us now move our gaze onto the table itself. There are 118 elements on the table, with the first 94 elements being naturally occurring. As for the rest, elements 95-118 have been synthesized through different methods.6

The elements are sorted in the table according to their atomic number; which relates to the number of protons inside their nucleus. Examples are Hydrogen is 1: it has 1 proton; Selenium is 34: it has 34 protons.

When you look at the table, you can see the atomic numbers start to increase, as you move along a row, from left to right. Where the element is placed on the table, also relates to the column it’s in, because the element will react similar to other elements around it.

Easy enough, isn’t it? Alright let’s push on with what each tile or square means. Now each version of the Periodic Table can be slightly different, but they generally have the same things in the tiles. For an example, we have Boron. First you have the name of the element: Boron. Next you have the chemical symbol of the element, which is a shortened version of it’s name: B. The next part is the atomic number (the number of protons in the nucleus of the atom), by which the element is arranged on the table: 5.

Some Periodic Tables have an extra figure on the tile, which related to either the atomic mass, relative atomic mass or the mass number of the element. In this version, the figure is the relative atomic mass, which is the average mass of the element’s isotopes. So for Boron, it’s 10.806 or 10.81. Some tiles also have the element’s boiling and melting point in either Kelvin, Fahrenheit or Celsius.7

Image by Derrick Sherrill from Pixabay

Pushing on with this twisted love letter to the Periodic Table, the elements are divided into different sections. The horizonal rows are called periods and the elements in each row, all have the same number of electron shells or electron orbitals. The vertical columns are called groups. Within these columns, the elements here have the same electrons in their outer shells. This means they can react in ways that are very similar.

There are also four blocks that divide the elements up, which are s-block, f-block, d-block and p-block. They are grouped for their similar valence electrons orbitals.

Also on the right hand side of the table belongs to the non-metals, while the left hand side is for the metals. Clear as mud? Great, let’s look at how the elements relate to each other within the periods and groups.

Group 1: Hydrogen and Alkali Metals

1st Period

Starting at the top of Periodic Table is Hydrogen. If the Periodic Table was a fantasy/sci-fi novel or film, Hydrogen would be the Chosen One. Although Hydrogen has only 1 proton and 1 electron, it is also very different from the other elements, because it has zero neutrons. Not one.8 Because Hydrogen only has 1 electron in it’s outer shell, it is a very reactive and explosive gas. An obvious example of this is the Hindenburg disaster of 1937.

If the Periodic Table was a singles party, Hydrogen would be the hot mess that you would want to talk to and chat up; but equally being told by your friends to stay the hell away from them; it’s not worth the drama.

Underneath Hydrogen sits the Alkali Metals. These elements are very reactive, soft, shiny metals. All of these elements have 1 electron, so at the singles party, they would be ready to mingle and hook up. This makes them highly reactive.

Group 2: Alkaline Earth Metals

Next to the Alkali Metals, we have the Alkaline Earth Metals. These elements are white-silvery reactive metals, but less reactive that Alkali Metals. They have 2 electrons in their outer shells, so at the singles party, they would be the ones with full time jobs; they’re very stable.

Groups 3-12: Transition Metals

This is the largest group on the Periodic Table. These elements cover a wide range of metals, but a lot of them are very profitable; plus they have high boiling and melting points. Because of this, they can form alloys with ease; they are strong and hard; and are extremely effective at conducting heat and electricity.

At the singles party, they would be the bankers and models; people with a lot of money, that love throwing it around. Basically you don’t hook up with them, they hook up with you. There’s a big difference.

Groups 13-16 are mixed with three different groups. This is because of their very similar properties and the number of electrons shells.

Groups 13-16: Basic/Poor Metals

The eleven elements that make up this group, are much like the Transition Metals, but a little different. They have a lower melting and boiling point; they are soft; but they are still great conductors of electricity and heat.

At the singles party, these elements would be out to have a fun night, but they would not be flashing their money about, like the Transition Metals; they just don’t need to.

Groups 13-16: Metalloids

This group of elements has seven members and they all have something in common: they have metallic and non-metallic properties. Even though they look like metals, they are brittle, but they make excellent semiconductors.

At the singles party, the Metalloids would be the group of people that arrive late to the party, then have to try and figure out where should they go and stand; so they stay at the bar, hoping to attract someone’s attention.

Groups 14-16: Non Metals

The elements in this group are Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Phosphorus, Sulfur and Selenium. Just like the Metalloids, they are brittle when solid, but they are very poor conductors of heat and electricity. Instead, they can be a gas, a solid or a liquid at room temperature; and they can be found mostly in the Earth’s crust, the human body and the atmosphere.

At the singles party, these elements would have been through some messy break up, so they have very low expectations about the night; they’re just glad to be out of the house and talking to people.

Group 17: Halogens

The halogens are amazing at combining with metals to form different salts. As you move down this group, the melting and boiling points of the elements increases. This means having Fluorine as a gas at the top of the group, with Iodine being a solid at the bottom of the group.

At the singles party, these elements will talk to you very easily; but if you upset or offend them, they will break or hurt you. Talk to these elements with caution, because what they really want, is to hook up with Hydrogen or one of Hydrogen’s friends.

Groups 18: Noble gases

These group of elements are made of different gases that are unreactive. They are colourless, odourless and non-flammable, which means they are great at thermal conductivity. At the singles party, even though they are lots of people want to talk to them, they will say no to everybody. They have very high standards and nobody would be good enough for them. They are there to be seen, nothing more.

There are two small sub-groups that I need to talk about. They are called the Lanthanoids and Actinoids; and they are located in f-block, underneath the Transition Metals. The funny thing is that they actually fit into the Periodic Table in the 6th and 7th periods of the 3rd group. They were moved to allow for more space on the Periodic Table.9

Lanthanoids and Actinoids

The Lanthanoids are mostly non-radioactive, while the Actinoids are mostly radioactive. Together they also have magnetic, synthetic and other forms of elements. At the singles party, these elements would be ultra mysterious. They would ask a lot of questions about you, but never give any answers about themselves. We need to know more about them, before we could trust them.

Image by Cape Town Science Centre

To end, I want to draw attention to what some of the elements have been named after. There are 118 elements on the Periodic Table and 19 of them are named after 20 people; with 15 elements being named after scientists.

41 elements are named after or named for locations: 32 elements are named after places on Earth, while 9 elements are named after objects in our solar system.

There are even 4 elements named after a small town called Ytterby, Sweden; where 8 elements were discovered. Hell, there’s even an element named after the Norse God of Thunder aka the superhero with the hammer, Thor.

However I want to discuss a very special element. In 1955, a team of scientists managed to create 17 atoms of an unknown element. They realised that this unknown element filled the spot on the Periodic Table, being the element with an atomic number of 101.

Because of this, the unknown element was given the name Mendelevium and the chemical symbol of Md, after the Father of the Periodic Table, Dmitri Mendeleev. If you ever need a definition or example of badssery, that is it.

Thank you so much for reading and see you in a fortnight!

1Pun intended.

2Atomic weight relates to the weighted average of the naturally occurring isotopes.

3Atomic valence relates to the number of electrons an atom can give, take or share.

4Mendeleev has also been spelt Mendeleyev or Mendeleef.

5Atomic mass relates to the total number of protons and neutrons in the atom’s nucleus.

6I needed to point out that humans have created these elements and not dolphins or mice. 42 geek points to you if you get the reference.

7We generally don’t use Fahrenheit in New Zealand, so every time I see it, my brain just wants to shut down.

8Though to be fair, I am not talking about isotopes.

9Chemist Glenn Seaborg was responsible for adding the Actinoids strip at the bottom of the Periodic Table. The element Seaborgium (Sg) was named after him.

Ukraine and Russia: What’s old is new again

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Geography, History

I want to talk about Ukraine and Russia. Why? Because both countries have been making the news for the wrong reasons. Tensions still exist between these neighbouring countries, so I thought it would be a nice time to relax and try unravel the inter-connected histories of Ukraine and Russia. It’s time for a geo-political lesson!

Ukraine is located in Eastern Europe and it shares borders with Belarus, Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, Romania, Moldova and of course, Russia. Ukraine also borders the Black Sea to the south, though we will come back to that later. It also has the Dniper River running through the country from north to south.

Image by Kratochvil from PublicDomianPictures

Ukraine has a population of 43.5 million people1; Ukrainian is the official language; the capital city is Kyiv 2; and this is quite important, the major ethnic group is Ukrainians at 77.8% and the minor ethnic group is Russians at 17.3% These last two figures are from the 2001 Ukrainian census, however there was a 2020 census planned, but it was postponed to 2023, because of…you guessed it, COVID-19. It’s also a gateway between Europe and Asia.

Now with Russia, it’s the largest country in the world. It actually spans across Europe and Asia! It’s so large, it has 11 time zones. Seriously, 11. And I thought adjusting to Daylight Savings was difficult! Anyway, Russia shares borders with sixteen other countries, but also with the Black Sea and Caspian Sea among other bodies of water.

Russia has a population of 146.7 million people, including the Crimea in 2020; funnily enough, Russian is the official language; the capital city is Moscow or Moskva if you prefer; and to contrast with Ukraine, the major ethnic group is Russians with 80.9%, with Ukrainians making up 1.4% of the population.

So, we now know the layout of the two countries…but what is the issue between them? That’s a good question, but a difficult one to answer. I’ll do my best, but I’m sorry if I leave anything important out or get anything wrong. Alright, let’s do it.

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Ukraine has a long, beautiful and proud history, so I don’t want to skip this; but in context of this blog and for time’s sake, I have to. We need to jump into our TARDIS and travel back to the Crimea War of 1853-1856.

This was a pointless war involving Russia against a British/French/Ottoman coalition. Among other things the war was fought over, one was access to the Black Sea and surprise, surprise, the conflict was fought on the Crimean Peninsula. This brought the geo-political importance of Crimea to the world’s attention.

We can now move onto 1917, at the start of the Ukrainian War of Independence from the Russian Empire. This was kicked off from the start of the Russian Civil War, which was preceded by the Russian Revolution.

The Ukrainian People’s Republic struggled from 1917-1921 against the might of Russia, which was going through political and social unrest. The consequence of this, was that Ukraine failed to gain independence and was absorbed into the new formed Union of Soviet Socialist Republics or USSR.

Under control of the Soviet Union and through Joseph Stalin’s agricultural policies, 3.5 million Ukrainians died of starvation during 1932-1933, known as the Great Famine or as the Holodomor. Later on through World War II, involving the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union in 1941; and also the Holocaust, over 5 million Ukrainians were killed. I also need to state that the Soviet Union lost over 20 million people in World War II.

Stalin also did two things that are key to the problems of today. First he authorised the deportation of the Ethnic Tatar people out of Crimea and into Central Asia. The other key point is that Stalin replaced these people with ethnic Russians, back into the Crimean Peninsula.

The Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic; as Ukraine was known as, recovered over the years to become a leader in grain, industry and production. On 24th April 1986, a reactor exploded at a nuclear power plant, near the city of Chernobyl. The accident was the worst nuclear disaster in human history and the result I’m mentioning this, is because the accident occurred in Northern Ukraine. Yes, the Chernobyl nuclear disaster actually happened in Ukraine.

Fast forward to 1990, where the Ukrainian government voted to break away from the USSR, with over 90% of the vote, from an independence referendum; which the USSR then dissolved in 1991. The USSR was then reorganised back into the Russia Federation, or the country simply known as Russia.

Now, I don’t mean to skip over some events here, but I need to focus and keep going, other wise I will never finish!

In 2004, Ukraine went through the Orange Revolution, which produced large civil unrest and claims of Russian inference. This brings us to late 2013 to early 2014, and a low point in Ukrainian-Russian relations. To set the stage for this, two things need to be understood.

The first thing is the demographic of the Ukrainian population. Western and Central Ukraine is mainly populated by ethnic Ukrainians, so this is where the Ukrainian language is mainly spoken. As you move east and south from the centre, you start to see more Russian culture in these regions, along with the Russian language. This is highlighted within…surprise, surprise, the Crimean Peninsula.

The second point is our old friend, politics. You see, there are was a growing movement in Ukraine to create stronger ties with the European Union (EU) and the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO); basically Pro-EU supporters. However, to keep things balanced, there was a counter movement to strengthen ties to Russia and it’s influence; basically Pro-Russian supporters.

Ok, this is where it goes off the rails. In November 2013, the Ukrainian President, Viktor Yanukovych; who was a Pro-Russian supporter, backed away from an agreement that would bring Ukraine closer to the EU and strengthen their ties, with financial and political support. Now hold on to your seat, but Yanukovych wanted to go with financial and political support from Russia instead. To say this reversal of policy, did not go down well, was like when Eddie Brock was fired from the Daily Bugle; and named Peter Parker as the reason.

There were large protests against Yanukovych, by the Pro-European movement. This of course led to the Pro-Russian movement taking to the streets in support of Yanukovych. Having massive demonstrations to remove Yanukovych and support him at the same time, created civil unrest, which brought about violence and death. This became known as the Euromaiden Revolution and not a death metal band from Austria.

On 21st February 2014, Yanukovych fled the country, with the Ukrainian parliament voting to remove him from office, on the 22nd. So tensions are very high in Ukraine at this point. They were about to get a lot worse.

When Yanukovych had fled, the Russian President Vladimir Putin, began discussing invading South East Ukraine, especially the region of Crimea. This was because of three reasons: to protect the large number of ethnic Russians living there3; to protect the Russian Naval Fleet docked at the Crimean city of Sevastopol’s Naval Base; and to resist the new Ukrainian government, because to the Russians, the Ukrainians had ousted the legal head of state in Yanukovych, so the new government was “illegal”.

The Russian military entered the Crimean Peninsula and took over Ukrainian bases, while also seizing control of the region. Unmarked Russian troops started creating checkpoints across the region, as well as supporting Pro-Russian militia within Crimea. Because of this, the autonomous Crimean government, issued the 2014 Crimean status referendum; which basically asked if the Crimean people would like to join Russia.4

The result was that over 95% of the vote, agreed to joining Russia, which led to Russia annexing the Crimean Peninsula.

Annexing. In the 21st century, the annexation of another sovereign nation is still happening. How is that possible?!

Image by Channel 4 News

Anyway, because of this insanity, armed conflict had began between Ukrainian and Russian forces, with militia groups being involved. The fighting has mainly been in Crimea and Donbas (Eastern Ukraine) regions. The conflict soon grabbed international attention went Pro-Russian troops shot down Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 on 17th July 2014, killing all 283 passengers and 15 crew members.

Ukraine blamed Russia for shooting down the plane, while Russia blamed Ukraine for allowing civilian flights into the area. 143 victims were from the Netherlands and in 2020, the Dutch government took Russia to the European Court of Human Rights, because of this incident.

What has been dubbed the Russo-Ukrainian War, is still active today. Over 13,000 people have been killed and over 29,000 people have been wounded. In late 2014, fighting increased and in 2018, there was the Kerch Strait incident involving the Russian and Ukrainian navies.

In March-April 2021, Russia began a massive build up of troops, weapons and vehicles; along the Ukrainian border. The Russian government said the build up was just a training exercise, with thousands of troops been sent home. However, many thousands of Russian troops are still stationed along the border.

There has been international criticism of Russia’s involvement in Ukraine, with NATO condemning the invasion and various economic sanctions have been placed on Russia; whom have been imposing their own counter sanctions.

After seven years of fighting, there appears to be no end in sight. To me, it just seems a like lose-lose situation for everybody involved; especially for the dispossessed and homeless. I have no idea what it would take to end the conflict, I am not smart enough to see it.

However, I honestly hope there can be a peaceful and quick resolution to this insanity, otherwise other countries could be dragged into the war to stop it; which may or may not make it worse.

What I do know is that we, as a collective society, can not allow the annexation of another sovereign nation to continue in the 21st century. I feel that part of our global history, must remain in the past, if we have any chance of moving forward and working together as a species. Annexation is wrong and does not work, but diplomacy does.

Anyway, that’s it. I’ll get off my soap box now. In a lighter note, we are currently slowly marching towards the cold, dark maw of winter, so working on this blog will keep me entertained during the long nights. Winter is coming, so hopefully House Stark would approve.

Thank you so much for reading and see you in a fortnight!

1 The official population is closer to 41.5 million people, not including the Russian annexed areas of Crimea and Sevastopol.

2 There are two ways to write Kyiv. One is the Russian based “Kiev”, while the other is the Ukrainian based “Kyiv”. I have obviously selected to promote Kyiv.

3 Thanks, Stalin.

4 This referendum was illegal under the Ukrainian and Crimean constitutions.

Children watching Star Wars: What’s the correct order?

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Movies

I want to talk about Star Wars. Why? Because it’s close to Star Wars Day and the movies have the potential to be a little problematic, especially for a first time viewer. Now I love Star Wars and one day, I will make a blog about this; but it is not this day. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds…oh wait. Sorry, my fault, wrong franchise.

I would just like to point out before I go any further, that what I’m going to be discussing is a First World problem. As long as everybody understands that, then we are sweet.

Anyway, I’m one of the hundred of millions of lucky people, that have seen the Star Wars movies.1 Because of this, I can describe the plots of the films, as well as explaining the beginning and end of the entire story. The issue with Star Wars is that the order of the films that have been released, are not in chronological order.

For those people who already know this, I’m sorry, but this needs to be stated. The release order of the Star Wars films are such:

Star Wars: Episode IV-A New Hope (1977); Star Wars: Episode V-The Empire Strikes Back (1980); Star Wars: Episode VI-Return of the Jedi (1983); Star Wars: Episode I-The Phantom Menace (1999); Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones (2002); Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith (2005); Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008); Star Wars: Episode VII-The Force Awakens (2015); Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016); Star Wars: Episode VIII-The Last Jedi (2017); Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018); Star Wars: Episode IX-The Rise of Skywalker (2019).

There have also been numerous cartoon shows like Droids, Ewoks, Clone Wars; The Clone Wars, Rebels, Resistance, Forces of Destiny; as well as the increasing live action shows like The Mandalorian and others being developed.

So I need to propose a question to you. If someone that had never seen the films before asked you, what film should they start watching first or even what is the best viewing order, what would your answer be? Do you start with A New Hope because you’re a purist, or The Phantom Menace or maybe a different film?

Here’s an even better question; what viewing order would you recommend for children?

Now I’m a geek, but I am also a parent. Because of this, there are many different genres, mediums and subjects, that I’m interested in, so I want to share them with UMC1 and UMC2. However that is the problem. An example of this problem is that I’m a fan of space. Whether it’s books, articles, videos, lectures or an event, I am all over it like Yogi Bear and a picnic basket.

This resulted in my geekgrasm over the NASA Mars 2020 Perseverance Rover landing. Since sitting down and discussing what happened, UMC1 and UMC2 have become space obsessed. UMC1 started school 8 weeks ago and is consuming an insane amount of information from books and videos. UMC2 on the other hand, has started building rockets and asking people (via 2 year old language) about whether they know anything about heat shields and rovers.

So the issue is this: if I had never shared my love of space, would both of my boys still be interested in space now or not? Basically this is about nature vs nuture. Do I share my interests with my boys, knowing it could influence them into liking the topic/subject or not introducing the topic/subject and wait to see if they can discover it for themselves?

That is how I feel about Star Wars. I have wanted to teach and introduce the boys to a galaxy, far, far away; but at the same time, I haven’t. This is the fear I am pushing my love of it onto them and they may not like it.

We have some Star Wars items around the house on display, but we have never gone into great depths with them or watched any of the films with the boys. I haven’t wanted to push Star Wars onto them, because I didn’t want to become the stereotypical parent that did that.

This changed when I was given a R2-D2 toy for Christmas last year, through Secret Santa at work. Both UMC1 and UMC2 fell in love with R2-D2 and wanted to know everything about him. They were gobsmacked to learn that some of the prints in our bedroom were of Star Wars; there were some Star Wars children’s books on their shelves; some of the action figures donated to them from older family members, were from Star Wars; and also that there are a series of movies and television shows about Star Wars.

Again, I’m going to point out that I have never pushed Star Wars onto UMC1 and UMC2. If they discovered Star Wars and liked it, then it’s ok. If they didn’t like it, then it would still be ok.

Because of the boys’ interest in Star Wars, we showed them a DVD of Lego Star Wars movies called The Padawan Menace and The Empire Strikes Out. The boys thought they were extremely funny, especially the droids and Yoda.2

I had mentioned to them, that we had the set of Star Wars films, so one day we could all sit down and watch them. However, this is the issue. What Star Wars film do you start watching first? I feel bad, because I know of children younger than UMC1 and they have seen the movies. Part of me feels like a crap father because of that.

I have thought about this a lot and just like Caesar crossing the Rubicon, the die is now cast. I have made my decision, though my wife does not agree with me.3 She believes that the best viewing order for children or anybody to be honest is simple: Start at Episode I and march forward, all the way to Episode IX. It would be: 1, 2, 3, Solo, Rogue One, 4, 5 ,6, 7, 8 , 9. That sounds fairly simple, right? Watching them in chronological order makes a lot of sense. However, to me it does not.

Image by JCK5D from Pixabay 

This is my viewing order:

Start at A New Hope, then watch Empire. The next film would be The Phantom Menace. WTF?! It would be: 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, Solo, Rogue One, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Of course the observant readers would have noticed that the viewing order requires Episode IV and V to be viewed twice; but also after the first screening of Episode V, the next film is Episode 1, not Episode VI. I fear I have some explaining to do.

The first film needs to be Episode IV: A New Hope. It sets the stage of the saga and you can meet the players; plus think about the opening scene, when Vader walks in. You have no idea what the hell is going on, but you can bet all of the credits in the galaxy, that dude is the bad guy.

After A New Hope, we can move onto Empire. Hoth, Imperial Walkers, Yoda, Bounty Hunters, Lando Calrissan, Boba Fett, Vader vs Luke and….the twist. Not just any twist, but one of, if not the greatest twist in cinematic history.

I want you to remember the different emotions that you felt, when you saw Empire and witnessed the twist. Did you feel denial or anger? Did you want to reason with it and try to negotiate with it? Did you cry or just accept it? Working through the five stages of grief may or may not have helped you, but whatever it did, it changed your perspective on how movies could be told.

Now imagine watching Empire for the first time, already knowing the twist. Imagine if George Lucas made Episode I first, and slowly worked his way towards Episode V, where Luke’s learns the secret. As a viewer, you discovered this information back in Episode III, so it’s not a big deal.

If a child starts with the Phantom Menace, they will not get the reality changing revelation, when they watch Empire later on. The impact of the twist is not there; thus starting with A New Hope, then onto Empire, means children can still experience the shock of the twist and I want to be there, when UMC1 and UMC2 learn of it.

Alright, it’s established Episode IV first, then Episode V, but why Episode I next? The answer Pinky,4 is that after the twist, I want UMC1 and UMC2 to stop and go to the prequels. The reason I want them to do this and miss Return of the Jedi, is because I want them to see the relationships growing between Anakin, Obi-Wan and Padmé, but also the rise of the Empire and the failure of the Jedi. I feel this is very important, because after watching Episode I, II, III and Solo, you reach Rogue One.

The scene where a shuttle is landing on Mustafar and you see Darth Vader walk onto the platform. You are hit with the knowledge, “That’s Anakin. Oh no, he’s still trapped in that suit. He’s still walking around in it. That poor man.” That’s powerful.

From there, you meet Anakin and Padmé’s children (again) grown up and also, an older Obi-Wan in Episode IV. This of course leads us to the Vader vs Obi-Wan fight, which we have already seen the first time. However, we now understand the back story of the two characters, so it’s actually Round 2 for them.

After this, you watch Empire again, so you can understand how these characters got to be where they are. From there, you watch Episode VI-IX. Of course you can fill in the gaps whenever you want with The Clone Wars, Rebels and other television shows.

So that’s it. This is how UMC1 and UMC2 will experience the Star Wars saga, though I’m not sure when it will happen. At what age do you show children the films? I don’t know the answer to that question, but what I do know is this; whenever we do it, I will be sitting right beside them, with the biggest dumb grin on my face, because I’ll be the happiest father in the world.5

Thanks for reading and see you in a fortnight!

1 Yes, I have seen Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor…but I am not counting them.

2 What can I say, they have good taste.

3 A wife and her husband not agreeing on something; has this ever happened in human history before?

4 The real answer is same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world! (Insert evil mouse laugh).

5 As for the greatest fathers of all time, Darth Vader and Magneto will not be receiving a nomination.