Starting primary school for the first and last time

On January 8, 2024January 15, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

2024 is here and Some Geek Told Me is back with weekly blogs about…stuff! To start my first incoherent rant of the year, I thought I would talk about an event that is happening at the end of the month: UMC2 is starting primary school.

In New Zealand, children don’t have to start school until they are six years old. When they turn six, they need to be registered in some educational institute; whether it’s a primary school, home school, or something else. Having said that, the majority of children in Aotearoa start school when they turn five years old.

Because of this, UMC2 will be starting school at 5½, just like UMC1 did, three years ago. This brings us to the point of the blog: my youngest son is starting primary school, but it’s the last time for my family.

I’ll admit, I have conflicting feelings about UMC2 going to school; I really do. To break this down, let’s discuss UMC2. He’s so excited about going to school, that at one point, he was trying to convince us that he should start school in UMC1’s 2023 class, “…because I’m smarter than him.”

He’s had three visits to his classroom, but he’s been doing drop-offs and pick-ups, along with school trips for three years now, so he’s very familiar and comfortable with the school. He’s also having UMC1’s first teacher, so he already knows her, which has helped with his transition.

On the other side, UMC2 is slightly nervous about being bullied and making friends at school; which I don’t blame him. It’s been somewhat heartbreaking listening to him when he’s mentioning that he hopes no one will bully him. This is because UMC2 treats other children like they are already great friends, and I wish I could be like that.

We can’t promise UMC2 that he won’t get bullied, so we’ve been just trying to give him the best tools to help himself; mainly talking to the teacher, and having confidence in himself.

UMC2 is proud of his school uniform, as it was pieced together from UMC1’s old uniform and some new clothes. He’s excited about school, and has a strong belief in himself, along with loving to learn new things; provided they’re about marine biology, Star Wars, and anatomy.¹

So what about us? Well, I’m not going to discuss my wife’s feelings and thoughts; she can do that herself. For me though, well, I’m a box of crazy cats.

I’m excited and proud that he’s feeling positive about school, but I’m still worried. To bring some context into this conversation, and if you didn’t already know, I’m 9½ years older than my wife. This means, I got married and became a father, later than the average male in my country.

For the longest time, I thought I would never have children. The opportunity seemed to get smaller and smaller after each year, and now that I have two unmatured clones in my house, it sometimes feels a little surreal, but amazing at the same time.

It’s also not lost on me that we are entering a new chapter with UMC1 and UMC2. That being the case, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to try and be healthier. Time doesn’t stop, and since I’ll be older than a lot of the other parents of children in UMC2’s class, I need to make changes so I can still help and watch them both grow and develop through school. In theory, of course.

Added to that, we had a home delivery with UMC2, so through my eyes, it was like 10 months ago, that I caught him as he was being born. I was the first person in the world to hold him, and now he’s getting ready for school. Einstein was right, and of course he was right, I mean he’s Einstein, but time really is relative.

To me, it feels like I’ve blinked and our newborn baby boy has disappeared and been replaced with a school-age child who likes dismantling Lego, and discussing viruses, squids, and the motivations for General Grievous and the Riddler.

There will be no more preschoolers in our house anymore, but that’s ok. I’m not the first parent to have sentimental ideas about their youngest child starting school, and I’m sure I won’t be the last. I know this year, UMC2 will have some highs and lows at school, however, and just like Sheryl Crow, I just want him to have some fun.

Is your youngest child at school now? How did you handle it? Better than me, probably. As always, please let me know. Ok, that’s another rant for another week. Next week, I’ll be previewing Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, because you know…I’m a geek.

Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, adopt a pet from a shelter, and I’ll see you next week.

^1.)Please don’t ask.

Santa Claus doesn’t stop at my house

On December 18, 2023December 25, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

This glorious blog has discussed some pretty strange things over the last three years, by peeling back some of my layers of geekdom. Yes, some of those layers are rotten, slimy, and overripe, but occasionally, there is something personal. I was planning on discussing this blog last Christmas, but the FIFA World Cup got in my way; not that I’m complaining. I mean, it’s a World Cup.

Considering Christmas is next week, it’s time to discuss the big fat red man in the room. Not, I don’t mean Fat Albert; I want to talk to you about Santa Claus and why he doesn’t visit our house.

My wife and I disagree about a lot of things, such as Sour Cream and Chives, corn, Rambo, musicals, socks in the bed, vampires, time travel, and the correct level of dodginess for our corner shop. However, there is something we both agree on; our mutual dislike of Santa Claus.

The crux of this blog is this: As parents, we do not advocate or promote Santa Claus, his flying reindeer, or his merry workshop of happy elves.

That’s a bold and unorthodox statement from a couple raising two children, aged 8 and 5 years old. Before I continue though, I need to point out two things that are quite important to our family:

1.) My wife’s birthday is 24th December, so if you’re keeping score, you would realise that’s Christmas Eve.

2.) My wife and I are not perfect parents. We have never claimed that we are, nor will we ever be. I spend too much money on pizza for that, and we also don’t have all the answers.

So, what’s the deal? Are we Grinches? No. Are we hard-core religious nuts? No. Don’t we celebrate Christmas? Yes, we do, just not Santa Claus.

I’ll try to explain, so if you’re a parent of young children, I hope this makes sense.

My wife and I believe in truism for raising our children. This means we try to explain real information and facts about the world, in ways that are age appropriate to them. This can cover diseases, politics, sports, blood, pollution, movies, books, and many more. Basically, we teach the truth about the world to UMC1 and UMC2, in ways that they can understand, considering their different ages.

As they become older, we give them more information and facts. For every question they ask, we give them an answer they can understand. Ultimately, it comes down to this: we don’t lie to our children.

This of course brings us to Santa Claus. As parents who deal with teaching children the truth about the world, are we really going to teach them that Santa Claus is real?! It goes against the foundation of our parenting; we don’t lie to our children, we teach the truth. It sounds heavy and intense, but surprise, surprise, it’s the truth.

Alright, what’s the harm in lying to children about Santa Claus? It’s all about them believing in the magical time of Christmas, so what’s wrong with that? That’s a great question, so I’ll give you a great answer.

I want you to imagine two scenarios. The first scenario is to imagine you’re one of your children, and through whatever means or methods, they learn the truth about Santa Claus. Every child’s reaction is different, but let’s imagine your child has an epiphany: they realise that not only have their uncles, aunties, grandparents, teachers, coaches, cousins, neighbours, doctors, and nurses, have been lying to them, but their parents have as well.

It means the people they are supposed to trust most in the world, have been lying to them their entire life. It also means, that if your child is smart enough to come to this conclusion, then they may start to think about what else have you been lying to them about.

We don’t lie to UMC1 and UMC2 about Santa Claus, because of many reasons. One is that we don’t want them to ever think that a large man in a red suit, that lives at the top of the world, is watching and evaluating their behaviour, through the use of cameras and spies; but also judging them to be worthy of receiving his presents.

Another reason is about the long game. If we are truthful with the boys now and have built up a level of trust between us, then as teenagers or young adults, they will hopefully trust us. If things have gone bad somewhere in their lives, we want them to feel comfortable enough to tell us anything, but that only happens with trust.

With the second scenario, imagine your child has asked for a remote-controlled car or a real horse from Santa, but on Christmas Day, they discover they received a Matchbox car or a My Little Pony. Ok, kids can’t always get what they want for Christmas, but some kids do.

Now imagine your child discovering that their cousin received a jet ski for Christmas, or their neighbour received a real horse as a Christmas present. When asked, how would you explain to your children why Santa would give more expensive gifts to other children, but not to them? Why is he rewarding other children? How would you stop your children from thinking that maybe Santa hates them, or that they’re bad children? Children aren’t stupid, they notice and remember what other children get for Christmas.

So how do we handle Christmas? It’s easy, we tell the truth. We have explained that Santa Claus is a game that some people and families play at Christmas time. We’ve pointed out that Santa is not real, but it’s not our right to ruin the game for other people and children. If other families want to play the Santa Game, they are allowed to, but we don’t need to.

UMC1 and UMC2 know that the Christmas presents they will be receiving will be purchased by us; not because they have been showing good behaviour, but because we love them and respect them enough, not to lie to them. Regardless of their behaviour, they’re still going to get presents from us, because we love and appreciate them.

We’ve been a one-income family for eight years now, but when UMC1 and UMC2 make Christmas lists, they don’t list the things they want to receive; they list the things they want to give other people.

If it’s a Christmas list for my wife, UMC1, UMC2 and I will discuss her interests and presents that she might like. They enjoy Christmas shopping and making things for people, because we have tried so hard to make Christmas about appreciating the people we love, and giving them gifts. Again, children aren’t stupid, because both my boys know they are getting presents, no matter what; and each one has chosen a present for the other one.

We also treat Christmas like a Christmas office party, where we give presents to each other, and to say well done; thank you for all of your hard teamwork this year, and we appreciate you.

I hope this makes sense. Anyway, upon hearing about our anti-Santa stance, people react in different ways. Sometimes they react like you’ve shown them a giant tattoo of a dead baby on your chest; for other people, it’s like they’re hearing a foreign language and they don’t know what to think or say.

And of course, some people, mainly parents and grandparents of young children react just a tad on the negative side. People mainly accuse us of stealing the joy from our children or ruining the magic of Christmas.

Personally, I find this hilarious, because we have taught the boys that there is magic in the world, and it can be found through education and just by living. Like the magic of understanding cephalopods; volcanoes; the immune system; superheroes; magnets; observing insects; building and working with Lego; Star Wars; watching our favourite teams win; rocket launches; or simply eating pizza, while watching one of their favourite movies. I think you can find magic anywhere with children, I just don’t believe that you have to lie to them to find it.

Advocating and promoting Santa Claus works for many families around the world, and that’s alright. It’s just not for us, and it never will be.

If you have young children, do you celebrate Santa Claus? Does anybody agree with me about kicking Santa to the curb? As always, please let me know.

Since next Monday is Christmas Day, I’ll be posting a much shorter blog. My aim this week is to spend extra time with UMC1 and UMC2, but also to catch up on work from my real job that pays the bills, and allows me to purchase pizzas.

Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch Scrooged this week, and I’ll see you on Christmas Day.

I Bleed Black

On October 30, 2023November 6, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Sports

I’m starting with an apology, because this blog is quite shorter and stranger than usual. To expand on this, I’m going to discuss three things today, so hopefully someone can relate to this.

1.) Let’s rip that plaster off now. As you may or may not know, I’m somewhat of a New Zealand rugby supporter. I’ve said this before, but I’m a product of my environment. That being the case, the All Blacks lost the Rugby World Cup Final to South Africa 12-11 on Sunday morning (NZ time), so I’ve been working through a lot of emotions. I’ve been here before, so the emotions aren’t new.

I’m not going to talk about the game, the referee, or the TMO. When I’m ready to talk about these things in a semi-literate way, I will; just not today.

I acknowledge that South Africa won the final, and the All Blacks did not. Congratulations to the Springboks for being the first team to win the William Webb Ellis trophy for a record fourth time.

2.) I travelled to Dunedin on Saturday to watch the Black Ferns vs. Wales, which was part of the WXV1 tournament. I suffered the car trip with my wife, UMC1, and UMC2; and for those unfamiliar with UMC1 and UMC2, they’re my sons: Unmatured Clone 1 (8 years old) and Unmatured Clone 2 (5 years old).

The boys loved it. UMC2 brought his yellow budget binoculars to watch the game and got some hot chips, so he was stoked with the experience. UMC1 had a blast shouting and cheering, as well as calling out set pieces and penalties. The Black Ferns won 70-7, which was quite entertaining and amazing.

Here are some of the photos. I’m sorry about the quality, but I’m a crap photographer.

Some huge tackles were going into this game

I think this line-out photo is the best one

This is the Black Ferns’ Haka

3.) So what’s the point of this short blog? I admire a range of different people for various reasons, so I view them as heroes. This covers people that are alive or dead; male or female and everything in between; people with different religions and different nationalities; scientists, politicians, artists, writers, and everybody else.

I also admire a lot of sports people from different sports and countries. One day I’ll make a blog where I’ll list my heroes, but for the moment, I’m going to discuss a small number of them. You see, some of my heroes wear black.

I’m a grown man-child, and even though it sounds stupid to say it out loud, but the All Blacks and the Black Ferns are some of my heroes. I bleed black.

I mentioned this on Twitter, but I’ll expand upon it further. I was raised with rugby union and rugby league. My grandfathers played, my great-uncles played, my father played, my uncles played, my cousins played, I played, and now my nephew plays. And maybe one day, UMC1 and UMC2 will play as well.

It’s this reason that I developed my love for the All Blacks, and then the Black Ferns. I’ve been a fan of New Zealand rugby since I was a boy, and I promise you, I always will be.

When the All Blacks, Black Ferns and the Sevens teams play, I do what I can to watch and support them. They’re my heroes because they are the best of us at what they do. Week in and week out, they play for us. I bleed black.

For me, it’s not about winning or losing; they’re my teams, and I’ll support them forever. We belong to them, and they belong to us. We experience the triumphs and failures with them because they come from us.

I don’t love them because they win World Cups and multiple tests (though that does help), and I don’t hate them when they lose. I love them because they don’t remember their victories; they remember their losses. They use it for fuel and motivation, to pick themselves up and to go again. Harder, faster, stronger, and to improve so they can be the best. I bleed black.

Like everybody’s favourite Dagobah resident once said:

“The greatest teacher, failure is.”

Before winning the World Cup for a historic sixth time last year, the Black Ferns had to rebuild themselves after failure, and the All Blacks will do the same. They are stunning examples of role models for all of the tamariki (children) of my country. I’ve noticed recently that when the All Blacks and Black Ferns play, UMC1 and UMC2 are in awe of them, just like me. I bleed black.

After the final, UMC2 asked if I wanted to kick and pass the ball with him outside, and then UMC1 joined us after a few minutes. UMC2 told me that he was a Black Fern, while UMC1 was an All Black.

I feel this setback will only inspire the next generation to step up and play. Anyway, what do I know? I’m 100% biased and I bleed black.

And that concludes this week’s rant. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, so please drop by and say hello.

Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, donate to the Gaza Humanitarian crisis, and I’ll see you next week.

Sorry, before I go, I’d like to mention that the Cricket World Cup is still on and that Tier 2 and Tier 3 rugby nations exist as well. The fun never ends!

Inside a stadium on a cold winter’s night

On August 7, 2023August 14, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Sports

I want to talk about the FIFA Women’s World Cup again. Why? It’s funny that you should ask that, because I got to attend a game at the Forsyth Barr Stadium, aka Dunedin Stadium.

Let’s back this up briefly, and I’ll try to explain. As the amazing followers of Some Geek Told Me would know, I love the beautiful game. When I discovered my proud little country would co-host the FIFA Women’s World Cup, I knew I had to go to a game.

Forsyth Barr Stadium, Dunedin, New Zealand

And so the football gods smiled at me, because I uncovered a surprise. Not only were games going to be played in Dunedin (the closest venue to me), but New Zealand would be playing Switzerland there, for their final pool game.

I talked to my family about going, and the truth was exposed. Yes, they all wanted to go to Dunedin, but only UMC1 wanted to go to the game. And with that, the die was cast.

It took a while, but I managed to purchase two tickets for the UMC1 and myself. Hot damn I was happy! I was going to a FIFA World Cup game! For over nine months, I had small bouts of geekasms.

Outside Forsyth Barr Stadium, before the game.

Fast forward to 29th July, when we left to travel to Dunedin on Saturday. We were all pretty stoked to be going, but UMC1 and I were amped up to 11. Of course, travelling with two children is always interesting to be polite.

When we finally arrived in Dunedin, I made sure I pointed out the stadium to UMC1. His response was to roll his eyes; which is standard now, but he was doing it with a smile.

Let’s move on to the next day for the game.

I had read about some free buses were being used to transport people from the Octagon in the CBD to the stadium. Obviously, this was going to be the best way to get to the game, and after discovering there was a FIFA double-decker bus being used…well, UMC1 and I both declared that was the bus for us!

Our hotel was only a 10 minute walk to the Octagon, but we missed the FIFA bus by 25 seconds. That was a great start! After waiting for 15 minutes for another bus, we got on one, though we did promise each other that we would try to find the FIFA bus on the return trip.

After the bus dropped us off, we had another 10 minute walk to the stadium, and once we got there, it was crazy. UMC1 was concerned that the game had already started, but we had 45 minutes to spare. Once we went through security, I asked UMC1 the biggest question of the night: Did he want to eat before the game started or at half-time? He selected to eat at half-time, because he just wanted to find our seats; he was afraid someone would steal them!

Forsyth Barr Stadium is unique for a few reasons. Firstly, it can seat 28,000 people, but secondly, it’s the only fully roofed, natural grass stadium in the world. This makes it an intimate experience to be seated there. We were seated in line with the goal box and got to see both teams do their training routines, but we were closer to the Swiss team.

New Zealand TV sports celebrities were there to ramp up the crowd, with singing and dancing. I noticed UMC1 started gingerly at first, then he was singing, stomping, and clapping along with everybody else, which was astonishing.

Eventually, the teams were ready and after the national anthems, they got underway. New Zealand was playing left to right, from our perspective. UMC1 quickly noticed that every time the Swiss goalkeeper received a back pass, the crowd shouted, “WWWWWHHHHOOOOAAAA!” Every single time. UMC1 thought this was hilarious!

When New Zealand hit the post in the first half, UMC1 got angry at the referee. His argument was that if the post wasn’t there, then the ball would have gone in. It’s difficult to argue with a passionate 8 year old.

My wife often mentions that I’m not very observant. This is relevant because as I was watching the ball, the referee would stop the game. I’d be curious to know what had happened, only to discover a player was lying on the field and I didn’t even notice them.

Half-time came around, so it was time to pay for some overpriced food. UMC1 wanted some hot chips and ice cream. This was because everybody knows it’s not football without hot chips and ice cream.

After purchasing the food, we were just sitting down as the players were running back onto the field. The second half started with the Swiss goalkeeper still getting hassled with every back pass.

As the game got on, everybody was becoming more vocal. The people behind us mentioned that Norway had destroyed the Philippines in the other pool match, which meant New Zealand could not afford to draw the game; they needed to win to qualify for the Round of 16.

Things were looking desperate, so the New Zealand goalkeeper kept moving into the Swiss goalbox for corners. As you probably already know, the full-time score was 0-0; which meant Switzerland and Norway were through to the Round of 16, so New Zealand and the Philippines were out.

It’s interesting to note that both Switzerland and Norway lost their Round of 16 matches to Spain and Japan, respectively.

While we were walking out of the stadium, UMC1 was sad, but not angry. I was proud of him because I was just annoyed! Anyway, UMC1’s night improved when we managed to find the FIFA double-decker bus and found two seats, on the top level no less!

Even though it wasn’t the result we wanted, UMC1 and I had fun together; even though he threw me under the bus to my wife about not dancing in the stadium. Seriously mate, where are your priorities?! It’s been over a week now, and he’s still talking about the whole experience; the food, the bus, the noise of the stadium, and the game.

We’re still following the FIFA Women’s World Cup, and I’ll be watching as many knock-out matches as I can; especially the semi-finals and final. And speaking of World Cups, the Rugby World Cup starts on 8th September (9th September for me) to 28th October (29th October for me). I’ll be doing some badly written blogs and posts about it soon, so for my non-rugby followers and subscribers, I’m very sorry.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I spout about various things. All cool stuff, mind you. Sometimes. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, go watch some FIFA Women’s World Cup football, and I’ll see you next week.

Oops! I accidentally brainwashed my children

On July 3, 2023July 10, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Music

I want to talk about music again. Why? By nature, my wife and I only really sing in front of each other, but also with UMC1 and UMC2. That way our terrible singing seems hilarious to them, so everybody wins.

We have discovered something over eight years and two unmatured clones later, and I’m not sure whether it’s positive or negative, or maybe both. Because of our predictable musical selections, we have accidentally brainwashed UMC1 and UMC2 into liking the same music as well. We don’t play a huge amount of children’s music in our headquarters, so we really should have seen this coming.

The brainwashing can be broken down into three sections: singing in the car, while listening to the radio; playing a CD on a mini-stereo; or just playing YouTube videos via the phone or computer. We’ve been playing the music and the boys have started singing along and liking the songs as well.

Also, yes, we both still listen to CDs. We are both not cool enough to stream our music. It’s a weird feeling hearing your children request a particular song, but also listening to their singing and their own interpretation of the lyrics.

Below are 17 of the best songs that at least one parent and one child in our house, actually likes. This could be for dancing, singing, or just liking the video.

Before we go on any further, I need to clarify the list does not include any children’s songs or any theme song from a movie or tv show; because those two groups can have their own separate lists.

With the organisation of the list, I’ve ranked them in chronological order, as they were released. Sorry, my OCD was too strong today to allow anything else. Sweet? Alright, let’s do this.

Yellow Submarine: The Beatles (1966)

Video Killed the Radio Star: The Buggles (1979) & The Presidents of the United States of America (1998)

The Safety Dance: Men Without Hats (1982)

Doctorin’ the Tardis: Timelords aka The KLF (1988)

UMC2 calls this The Dalek Song.

Thunderstruck: AC/DC (1990)

Jump Around: House of Pain (1992)

UMC2 calls this The Jumping Song.

Sabotage: Beastie Boys (1994)

How Bizarre: OMC (1995)

Peaches: The Presidents of the United States of America (1996)

UMC1 loves the ninjas in this video.

Intergalactic: Beastie Boys (1998)

Freestyler: Bomfunk MC’s (1999)

Why Does It Always Rain on Me?: Travis (1999)

UMC2 calls this The Raining Song.

My Happiness: Powderfinger (2000)

UMC2 calls this The Slinky Song.

Weapon of Choice: Fatboy Slim (2001)

Bathtime in Clerkenwell: The Real Tuesday Weld (2002)

Grace Kelly: Mika (2007)

This Too Shall Pass: OK Go (2010)

So that’s it. One day I’ll compile a list of children’s and movie/tv songs that we all like. Are there any songs that you and your children share a love for? Please let me know.

Next week, New Zealand’s 4th least favourite blog with continue with the Tour of the Solar System, by stopping at the universe’s only source for Salt and Vinegar chips; Earth. Don’t miss it.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog; watch a banned movie; listen to AC/DC, and I’ll see you next week.

My baby is now 5 years old

On May 22, 2023May 29, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

I want to talk about UMC2. Why? For the people that already know, please just humour me. For those that don’t know, I have two sons, and I refer to them on this blog as UMC1 and UMC2, which stands for Unmatured Clone 1, and Unmatured Clone 2. The running joke is that my wife and I only make clones of myself, hence UMC1 and UMC2.

Sweet? Awesome, I’ll continue. UMC2 recently turned 5 years old, and I feel a bit like Charybdis, but with feelings and hormones. He’s my baby boy, and now he’s five. So I’m left with a question: What does this mean? The short answer is that I don’t know. The long answer is a little more complicated, as you would expect.

Traditionally in New Zealand, a child would start primary school when they turned 5 years old, but legally they don’t need to start until 6 years old; or at least enrolled some where to receive a primary education, like home school. UMC2 is starting primary school in the 1st term of 2024, but that is a blog for another day.

The point that I’m badly trying to make, is that UMC2 is now old enough to go to school. I can’t speak for any other father; or at least another parent, but it’s a surreal notion to know that my baby boy is old enough to do that.

Both UMC1 and UMC2 make me feel old; especially UMC2, which isn’t that hard, to be honest. Growing up, my home phone number was just four digits long and $1’s worth of 1¢ lollies could send you into a sugar coma. Now days, I feel you need a second mortgage, just to go to the supermarket. We didn’t have multiple streaming services either, we had a VCR and two tv channels.

Anyway, Einstein was right; because of course he was, that time is relative. The last five years experienced by me, have gone extremely quickly. I remember the day UMC2 was born, because we had a home birth and the midwife suggested that I could catch him; though technically we didn’t know his gender during pregnancy. As my wife gave birth to him, I did my best wicketkeeper impression, and caught him with two hands. I was the first person to hold UMC2, which is a truth that will never leave me. Excuse me for a few moments, because my eyes are starting to leak.

Thanks for waiting. I better change the direction of the rant, before I start sobbing and gushing again. My mind wanders a lot, particularly about UMC2’s future. What will it look like? Where will he live? Will he have the opportunity to use a hoverboard, even though it’s currently 7 years behind schedule? Will he marry? Will I be at the wedding? Would I be invited to the wedding?

I can see UMC2 as a teenager explaining a new piece of technology to me, which to him is basic; but to me, I’ll need an university degree to understand it. New lexicon, fashion and pop culture will have to be explained to me, so I hope UMC2 will be patient with…Let’s be honest, that boy will have no patience for his old man. None.

UMC2 is similar to his older brother, but still very different. What works for UMC1, can and will not work for UMC2; but that’s ok. Whatever life lessons UMC1 taught me about being a parent, UMC2 is adding to them. Granted the lessons will be delivered with the washing basket on their head, along with a newly created ripped up cardboard collection, and a treasure box; which is a small yellow plastic box filled with broken items.

Ultimately, I don’t mourn the fact there are technically no preschoolers in my house now. There’s just a new level of shenanigans from two school aged children. Additionally, for recent UMC1 and UMC2 misadventures, there are blogs about my review of their restaurant, and creating a Lego family.

Have you ever had conflicting feelings, when your youngest child turned 5 years old? Please let me know.

Sorry if this blog was a bit odd, but I just needed to empty my mind of this topic, and fill it with things, like rugby and football scores, the politics of Count Binface, and designing the next fort to make in the lounge. Also the FIFA World Cup 2023 starts in under a month, with Australia and New Zealand co-hosting the tournament. Make sure you watch some games!

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog; read a banned book; beware supermarket check out operators that actually talk to you, and I’ll see you next week.

Does everybody celebrate World Book Day?

On April 24, 2023May 1, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Books, Children, People

I want to talk about books. Why? Today in New Zealand, we have been celebrating World Book Day; well at least some of us have. This is a global event to promote and encourage reading, publishing, and books in general.

It’s a great day for a bibliophile. We get to discuss our favourite books, as well as to emphasise the importance of reading.

Now I could do something predictable and list my favourite books through different genres; like the dictionary. I bet you can’t wait for that one!

I could also discuss what reading means to me and the importance of it, but that’s too easy. As tempting as it is to choose one of these amazing options; it would be like being involved in a movie marathon, where you have to choose between the original Star Wars trilogy and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. What is a geek supposed to do?

But before I could do any of that, I have to put my hand up and acknowledge something. I am a straight white male, living in a country that is 21st in the world for GDP per Capita, and 15th in the Human Developmental Index.

I understand that if I was born in a different country, or at a different time, it is entirely possible that books would be an unknown or rare commodity to me, or at least learning how to read would be an ability that would not be available to me.

So in fairness, and as much as I like World Book Day and believe in its importance and relevancy, I have to ask the question: Does everybody in the world celebrate World Book Day? Realistically, the answer is no.

Sometimes I feel people take reading for granted because they have access to books; whether through school or public libraries, and bookstores. You can purchase any book from anywhere in the world and have it delivered to you, though the cost of postage could be the same as the national debt of a small country.

The issue is that a lot of people in the world don’t have access to books, or they can’t read. Over the years, world literacy rates have been rising. To the best of my knowledge, which quite frankly isn’t that great, New Zealand sits at 99%, which is pretty good. There are even higher literacy rates in Western Europe and Central Asia, which hit 100%, which to me is phenomenal.

So just like with nearly everything, if you have Salt and Vinegar chips, the opposite will exist. I don’t really need to remind you about Sour Cream and Chives, do I?

There are at least 10 countries in the world, where the literacy rate for the population is under 44%. The bottom three are South Sudan 34.52%, Guinea 32% and Chad 22.31%.

There is a staggering 781 million people that cannot read or write in the world, with over 60% of them being female. Different factors that can contribute to this problem are poverty, religion, but also the geopolitical climate of the country.

So you’re probably thinking, “Ok Scott, do you even have a point?”

For me, the concept that somewhere in this world, a child will not have access to picture books in their native language, is difficult to understand and accept. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe we don’t have to accept it. I don’t know how to solve this problem, but you have to start somewhere, right?

I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve come to two conclusions about what we can do about it.

To address literacy rates, whether at local, national, or international levels, I think it comes down to two things; which are essentially the same thing: we have to give. We have to give either books or money.

I know I’m not an expert, but I think everybody can help:

Cull some novels from your collection and donate to charities.
Cull some picture books from your collection, and donate them to some early childhood centres.
If you buy a book, donate a book.
Become a member of your local library and enrol your children.
If possible, volunteer in your local community with a organisation that promotes literacy.
Donate money to a group or organisation that promotes literacy.

There are many different international groups and organisations that specialse in promoting literacy. These can include:

There are also many more hardworking groups and organisations around the world, that are helping to promote literacy; whether with adults or children. Please help pass on your love of reading to someone else.

“What an astonishing thing a book is. It’s a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years.

Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs.

Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic.”

-Carl Sagan.

And with that, I’m done with another ridiculous blog. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog; read a banned book; stay away from yellow snow; and I’ll see you next week.

Our Bizarre Lego Family

On February 27, 2023March 6, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

I want to talk about Lego. Why? Lego is very popular with our family. My wife, UMC1 and UMC2 are great fans of the Danish construction blocks. My wife has her Harry Potter, Hobbit and Star Wars sets proudly on display, while the boys have a small tub of their Lego sets, which can only be described as utter carnage.

Over 75% of their sets have taken apart, cannablised and repurposed. Do you remember Sid Phillips from Toy Story, and his creepy toys? Picture them in your mind’s eye, but now I need you to change them from mashed up hybrid toys to mashed up hybrid Lego, and that would be UMC1 and UMC2’s Lego collection.

If you think that is scary, I can go one better; their Lego is slowly colonising the house. First it was the tub, then the Lego moved to their shared bedside cabinet, then the drawers, the bookshelves, the wooden games box, the kitchen table, and finally, they have started colonising our bedroom.

Like I said before, the three of them love Lego and take pride in their creations. As for me, I don’t own any Lego. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. Recently, UMC1’s school held a fundraising event centred around Lego. There were many different activities you could do, however the one I’m going to mention was Build Your Own Figure.

Upon learning about the event, we decided that we would think about going. When we discovered that you could build your own Lego figure, my family suddenly started channelling Emperor Palpatine; because they quickly told me that we were 100% going now, followed by three different maniacal forms of laughter. The idea was that when we played with Lego together, we could also use our new Lego figures.

I didn’t own any Lego, so I thought it could be satisfying to build my own Lego figure. Now this was my mistake; I assumed we would be making a Lego figure of our own choosing. However, what I discovered was that 50% of our family were going to make a Lego figure of themselves, while the other 50% were going to make something original and crazy.

Unknown to myself, my wife and UMC1 had spent the time leading up to the event, thinking about what their Lego figure was going to look like. This meant mentally cataloging different Lego body parts, that they could possibly use to construct a Lego version of themselves. They donated hours and hours thinking and planning about their possible creations.

I call this, The Batman Syndrome, because of the amount of designs and back-up plans they both had. The funny thing is that my wife and UMC1, both did not discuss their plans with each other or anybody else.

If you’ve been following my blog for some time, you’ll realise I would not drop a Batman reference without a special reason; and you would be correct. If my wife and UMC1 were Team Batman…well, UMC2 and I were Team Joker. We had the Joker Syndrome, because we were both looking forward to building our Lego figure, but unlike the other two, UMC2 and myself spent no time thinking about possible combinations or designs. I seriously only started thinking about the figure’s design, when we were lining for it.

You were allowed to have: 1 x head, 1 x torso (with arms) 1 x set of legs, 1 x some sort of head wear like a hat, helmet or hair, and 1 x accessory. While waiting in line, my wife and UMC1 were going over the selections they could now see and were busy redesigning their Lego figures in their mind. UMC2 and myself on the other hand, were not doing that.

Eventually it was our turn to build. I searched through the heads, thinking there had to be something cool and I was right; I chose a head that looked like it was wearing a Saiyan scouter. The face did look quite feminine, but I didn’t care, I wanted that Saiyan scouter! For the torso, I selected some type of red ninja armour, on the basis that it was easily different from the others. As for the legs, it was just pure dumb luck that I selected the set that matched the torso.

For the head wear, I selected an Irish cap, because….why not? It looked amazing and this Lego figure was ready for some craic. The last part was the accessory, so I went for a blaster that had three settings on the top of it. My blaster could fire ice cream, spaghetti and custard. I did this, because I knew UMC2 would find it funny.

It was at this point that my wife asked me what I was doing. I thought this was a strange question, considering everything; however my Spidey-Sense was going off, so I knew something was wrong.

It was at this point that the truth was shown to me. My wife’s Lego figure had blue trousers and a green torso. Her favourite colour is green, plus she wears a blue necklace, just like her Lego figure. She also found some black hair to match her own; as well as a happy face and a coffee cup. My wife needs and survives on coffee. She was extremely proud of her Lego figure.

UMC1’s favourite colour is red, so he dressed his Lego figure with red legs and a red torso. He also found some brown hair to match his own, and a four scooped ice cream, because….yes, he likes ice cream.

As for UMC2, his favourite colour is yellow, hence why his Lego figure is yellow. However, he chose green hair, because he said it looked liked the Joker’s hair and he is all about supervillains currently. His Lego figure has a blank face, because he explained that he didn’t want anybody knowing what his Lego figure was looking at. 4 year old logic, it’s the best in the world! UMC2 also added a phone to his figure. The reason was because he didn’t have a phone in his apocalyptic collection, and he wanted one.

So there you have it. Two of us took the activity very seriously and based their Lego figures on themselves, while the other two just made crazy creations. A psychologist would find this very fascinating!

The hilarious thing is that UMC2 has claimed my Lego figure, because he wanted our two Lego figures to be together.

And that’s it for this week. I need to watch Last Week Tonight, so I’m out of here! Thanks for reading, walk your dog, stay away from Sour Cream and Chives, and I’ll see you next week.

Review of my children’s restaurant: Lantern’s Loom

On January 30, 2023February 9, 2023 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children

I want to talk about restaurants; technically one restaurant in particular. Why? I haven’t written much about food before, other than praising Salt and Vinegar flavoured snacks, and warning you good people, about the dangers of falling in love with Sour Cream and Chives. To remedy this, I want to offer you a review about a restaurant that I recently visited. The restaurant’s name is Lantern’s Loom, which I think was named after Green Lantern or Sinestro, though the staff were very vague about that.

Let’s set the scene. I was in my bedroom, trying in vain to put all my random stuff away, when I received an unexpected invitation from a personal messenger. It turned out to be the grand opening of a new restaurant. You see I was completely confused, because I had no idea there was going to be a restaurant opening in my house. Our kitchen and lounge are basically in the same room, so there’s no dividing wall between them. This means setting up a restaurant there, makes it the best location in the house. However, I couldn’t remember ever giving permission for this.

I have to admit though, I was very impressed with the invitation. It wasn’t a phone call, email or a letter; it was a personal message from the manager of the restaurant. He came and explained that the restaurant was open and if I would like to eat there for free. I thought it could have been a bit of a scam, but he showed me it wasn’t. It was their opening day and they wanted to build up some customers. I thought, “Hey, you know it’s a local restaurant, so we should support it.” So off I went to make the epic 6 m walk.

Once I was there; and I have to be honest, I started to see some red flags that maybe, just maybe, this restaurant was not quite as professional as I thought it would be.

I discovered that the manager was actually the waiter as well, and the chef was the waiter’s younger brother. He looked very happy doing nothing in the kitchen, which was odd. So I looked around and noticed that I had the whole restaurant to myself. While I was comfortable in my chair, the waiter came over and brought me the menu. It was a hand written menu, but in all honesty, I was a little bit disappointed with it. Not with the handwriting of course; that was awesome! What disappointed me, was what they were actually serving.

The menu had three different combos. The first was Vegemite sandwiches with hot chips; the second was chicken nuggets with hot chips; while the third combo was tomato soup with bread. Because of such a limited menu, I asked the waiter if there were any specials of the day. The waiter said that he didn’t know, but he would ask the chef. However, the waiter even didn’t bother turning around; even though the chef was less than 2 m away from him, because he yelled the question.

It was at this point when I noticed what the chef was wearing. He was standing in the kitchen wearing a SpongeBob SquarePants t-shirt, dinosaur shorts and nothing else; not even footwear. Now I’m not a food critic, but I did get the impression that this chef may not even be qualified.

The chef’s response to the waiter’s question was quite breathtaking. He replied that the waiter was not allowed to talk to him, while he was working. And by working, I mean standing there, eating a raw carrot. I heard the response, which was quite bizarre, but the waiter replied to me, saying that the special was chicken pizza. WTF?!

This was another red flag, telling me that this restaurant wasn’t quite legitimate. Anyway, I thought I would still give them the benefit of the doubt. The waiter asked me if I would like a drink, so I asked him what drinks did they have. He responded by saying, that they had every drink in the world.

I was quite excited about this, so I asked for some fresh orange juice. The waiter walked away to talk to the chef, then came back to inform me that the chef didn’t like orange juice, so they didn’t have any. I was disappointed with this, so I asked for some grapefruit juice instead. After discussing with the chef again, the waiter replied they had no grapefruit juice either. I was starting to think I was in the middle of a Monty Python sketch.

This was another disappointment, so I thought it could be safer to ask for the waiter’s recommendation, which was chocolate milk and I agreed. Because of this, the chocolate milk arrived very quickly and as I was drinking it, I noticed the chef again. This time he had finished eating his carrot and now he was banging things around the kitchen, like he was drumming. I mentioned this to the waiter and he explained that the chef enjoys making loud noises while he is cooking.

The weird thing about this, was that waiter hadn’t taken my order yet. There were no other customers, so what was the chef cooking? It turned out that the chef was actually making his lunch, which was another carrot and some biscuits. I thought this was really strange, so I ordered the chicken nuggets and hot chips. The waiter told me that was a great choice, so he turned and yelled the order to the chef. I didn’t know why, but I had a terrible feeling that something was about to go wrong. And it did.

The chef replied that a giant squid had stolen all of the nuggets. To avoid another farcical interaction, I asked the waiter for his recommendation, which was tomato soup and bread. The waiter informed me that the chef would be able to cook this meal soon, so I would only have 10 minutes to wait.

I was alright with that, so I was left to enjoy the quiet atmosphere of Lantern’s Loom.

Or so I thought. In another display of unprofessionalism, the chef and the waiter were disagreeing on the amount of time it would take the cook the soup. The waiter was telling the chef, it would only take 10 minutes, but the chef was saying it was going to take 100 years. Again, I’m not a food critic, but I really didn’t have the patience to sit there for 100 years, waiting for tomato soup and bread. I took a deep breath and tried really hard to wait for the food. As I was waiting, I heard a familiar song.

The chef was singing his version of Intergalactic by The Beastie Boys. I offered to sing with the chef, but he declined saying that he was too busy to be singing with anyone; he was only busy enough to sing by himself.

I continued to wait. Not long after that, the waiter was called into the kitchen for a secret discussion with the chef. I continued to wait. Eventually the waiter presented my tomato soup and bread to me; however it wasn’t tomato soup and bread. The waiter explained that the chef didn’t want to cook tomato soup, so he made me a Vegemite sandwich instead, along with some chips. Luckily the chips were not Sour Cream and Chives.

I ate my meal in silence, except for the occasional request from the kitchen dog for my food. This place was bonkers. After I finished the meal; which was great, the waiter came over and asked me if I would like a dessert, to which I tactfully and politely declined; purely because I thought the chef might get angry again over my food choices.

Upon leaving Lantern’s Loom, I did ask for the bill, just to make sure it was free. To my amazement, it really was. The waiter thanked me for coming to the restaurant, while the chef said that I could cook the food next time.

Lantern’s Loom is a local restaurant, but also a family business, so I wish it great luck and success, because I want to patron the restaurant again…however, I feel some issues need to be addressed before I make another visit. If I visit Lantern’s Loom again, I’ll let you know if things have improved or not. Here’s hoping.

We are slowly heading into our final month of Summer here; which is equally positive and negative, just like a riding in a clown car. Anyway, that’s it for me. Please walk your dog, read a banned book, rescue a bee, and I’ll see you next week.

A Geek Christmas Tree

On December 8, 2022December 12, 2022 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children

This is a short and special blog post today; well, short for me anyway. We put up our new Christmas Tree late last month, after donating the other one, so I thought I’d share some of the geek related Christmas decorations we have on it.

Because this is the first year with the new tree, UMC1 and UMC2 wanted to change the centre piece decoration. Usually it would have been a Christmas star, sitting on top of the tree. However after a lengthy discussion with the boys, my talented wife, and one paper mache project later, we now have on top of our tree, a Christmas Death Star that is fully armed and operational.

The next two decorations were former Christmas presents and they’re easy to explain. I mean, what’s Christmas without the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel?!

UMC1 and UMC2 wanted to make some special decorations for me this year, because I usually miss out on putting the tree up. They used some modelling clay and their theme was Star Wars, because they know I love it.

Here is Yoda made by UMC1, age 7. Amazing!

This is R2-D2 by UMC2, age 4. UMC2 wanted to be extremely accurate, so he drew on R2-D2 to make him look real. This is what he told me. Fantastic!

So that’s it for today. Like I said, just a short and special one. Next week’s post will be about my trip to see Professor Brian Cox’s HORIZONS – A 21st Century Space Odyssey. I’ve been waiting for this, because I have a reputation of being a geek to uphold. Thanks for following, walk your dog, read a banned book and I’ll see you next Monday.

SOME GEEK TOLD ME

Category: Children