The cost of living crisis is rampaging around the planet, celebrity rappers are on the run, Associate Education Ministers want to send sick children to school, Israel and Russia need a time-out, rainbow pedestrian crossings are now dangerous, and the former most powerful person in the world is now selling bibles for US$59.99 to pay legal bills. What a mess.

I wonder if there is a blog out there that can heal the divisions in our societies, and bring people to the negotiation table. If you’re looking for that blog, then you need to keep on looking, because you won’t find it here.

What you will find is an appalling awkward attempt at astronomical alliteration, because the worst tour in all of science is back! Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System is here once again, but be warned, a statement about the Tour from The New Zealand Sour Cream and Chives Preservation Society said:

“The so-called Tour of the Solar System is an embarrassment to all science-loving people, but especially to the hard-working people of New Zealand. The author needs to be arrested and charged with gross negligence towards New Zealand’s scientific community. He’s a moron.”

If I didn’t know any better, I’m starting to think that The New Zealand Sour Cream and Chives Preservation Society are getting a little personal, don’t you?

Anyway, if you’re lucky enough to have dodged the last 12 stops, well…you’re in for a shock. The 12 stops of the Tour of the Solar System are as follows:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

11.) Jupiter

12.) The Galilean moons

Since you’re a person who eats carrots and goes to bed before midnight, you would have guessed that this tour stop is all about Saturn, so let’s stop gasbagging and get on with it.

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Ask any number of people to name their favourite planet, and the chances are it’s going to be Earth, Vulcan, or Saturn. The main reason people like Saturn is because it’s so gorgeous, but just like the mysterious hot person at the party, there is a lot more to them than just their looks.

Saturn is the sixth planet from the Sun and the second of the gas giants or Outer Planets. If Saturn needed to purchase some alcohol, its ID would show that they are about 4.6 billion years old, which still makes it slightly older than the terrestrial planets or Inner Planets.

Continuing along the good ideas of naming planets after deities from Roman Mythology, Saturn was the god of wealth and agriculture. His Ancient Greek equivalent was Cronus, the father of Zeus (Jupiter).

Being a gas giant, Saturn is massive. It’s the second largest planet in the Solar System, obviously following Jupiter, though Saturn is still smaller than the Sun.

It has a diameter of 120,536 km, which compared to Earth, means that Saturn could fit 700 Earths inside it. You’ve heard of the very old saying, “Inside every gas giant, an Earth is trying to break out.” In Saturn’s case, it’s 699 more. Saturn also has 95 times the mass of Earth, and that’s even without the help of a personal trainer.

The eight siblings of the Solar System share many things in common with each other, and having an elliptical orbit is one of them. Saturn’s perihelion is about 1.35255 billion km, and its aphelion is 1.51450 billion km. Another way to look at it is Saturn’s average distance from our local star is 1.4 billion km, with 9.68 km/s being its orbital speed.

And speaking of speed, Saturn has the second-shortest day in the solar system. 10.7 hours is the time it takes Saturn to rotate once, with Saturn taking 29.4 Earth years or 10,756 Earth days to complete one orbit of the Sun. What were you doing 29.4 years ago? The world was watching Heat, Twelve Monkeys, and Sense and Sensibility, along with the biggest movie of December 1994 and of all time, Cutthroat Island. 

We’ve finally arrived at the point of the blog, that would make the Mandarin jealous: the rings. Saturn is famous for its rings because they are so obvious and beautiful; like a bowl of Salt and Vinegar chips at a pub. This ring system is one of the most complicated in the Solar System and was first discovered by our old mate, Galileo Galilei in 1610 CE.

There are eight main rings, some smaller rings, along with some gaps. Some of the rings and gaps have some amazing and original names like A, B, C, and D, as well as names like Pallene Ring and the Roche Division. 

The rings are made up of different materials like ice, rock, and dust of various sizes; numbering in their billions. As for the origin of the rings, it’s believed they are from broken pieces of moons, asteroids, or comets, that have been ripped apart by Saturn’s gravity.

Another idea is that cryovolcanoes from one of Saturn’s moons are also helping to create and maintain the rings. Their age is believed to be about 400 million years old, and it’s interesting to note that each of the rings orbits Saturn at a different speed.

Saturn is like a sibling that’s an annoying overachiever because it also has another claim to fame; it has 146 recognised moons, making it the planet with the most moons in the Solar System. That’s more moons than Trump has court cases! There are some truly fascinating moons like Titan, Rhea, Iapetus, Dione, Tethys, Enceladus, and Mimas, along with hundreds of others.

I’m not spending too much time talking about these moons today because I’m going to discuss them next time on the Tour. In saying that, scientists believe life could exist on several of Saturn’s moons, so let’s watch this space, shall we?

Just like how Sour Cream and Chives is similar to Demon’s Arse Breath, Saturn is similar to Jupiter in certain areas. Because Saturn is a gas giant like Jupiter, it doesn’t have a true surface. Saturn’s atmospheric pressure is over 1000 times the atmospheric pressure on Earth’s surface. The pressure is so strong, it can squeeze gas into a liquid.

To put it another way, the further down into Saturn’s atmosphere you go, the stronger the pressure becomes, so if you were on board a spacecraft, you’ve purchased a one-way ticket.

And speaking of Saturn’s atmosphere, it consists of about 75% hydrogen and 25% helium, the two main elements in Jupiter and the Sun. Saturn also has trace amounts of water ice, propane, acetylene, phosphine, ammonia, ethane, and methane.

Here’s another fun fact about Saturn; it has an average density that’s less than water. This means if it was ever possible to build one larger enough, Saturn could float in a bathtub of water.

The weather on Saturn makes it another reason it’s an overachiever. The cloud formations come in faint stripes, jet streams, and storms. Within the upper atmosphere, winds can reach 500 m per second, and compared this with Earth, where hurricane winds can reach 110 m per second.

At Saturn’s north pole, there is a crazy thing happening. There’s a hexagon-shaped pattern, which is a six-sided jet stream. After observations from Voyager 1 and Cassini, the hexagon was measured to be 30,000 km across, with winds reaching 322 km per hour. To me, that’s Ludicrous Speed, and I’m sure Dark Helmet would agree.

There are so many more amazing things I would love to discuss about Saturn, but I’m out of time. I’ve been distracted by world events and the fact that I need more sleep. However, I’m going to leave you with this; although Saturn’s magnetic field is not as large as Jupiter’s, it’s still 578 times more powerful than Earth’s. Sucks to be us, I guess.

And with that, this week’s rant has finished. What is your favourite fact about Saturn? As always, please let me know. I hope you’re enjoying the Tour because, with inflation, it’s still pretty affordable. Terrible, but still affordable.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter/X and Mastodon, spitting out useless daily information.

Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, keep pushing for a ceasefire in Palestine, check out the Solar eclipse, and I’ll see you next week.

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Because of its size, Jupiter has the largest and strongest magnetic field of any planet in the Solar System, however, the Sun’s magnetic field is stronger. Jupiter’s magnetic field is 16-54 times stronger than Earth’s, and it extends 1-3 million km, in the direction of the Sun, as well as 1 billion km towards Saturn. This works out to about 7-21 times Jupiter’s diameter; which is larger than Rishi Sunak’s ego.

In addition to this, Jupiter acts as a bodyguard for the rest of the Solar System. Jupiter’s gravity well is so massive, that it attracts and diverts comets and asteroids into the Jovian System. This accounts for the extremely high rate of impacts in the Jovian System, and some scientists speculate, that this is why life on Earth has survived, because Jupiter keeps taking bullets for us.

Well, that’s it for another week. What’s your favourite fact about Jupiter? As always, please let me know. Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System will return next month, so please keep your tickets, as there are no refunds.

Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System is now one year old, and just like inflation, the end is nowhere in sight. Even though it’s a one-way relationship, I love space and everything in it, which sounds quite oxymoronic.

This tour is not for everybody or the faint of heart. Dubbed by the New Zealand Sour Cream and Chives Preservation Society, “…the worst example of science communication this country has seen, since your uncle tried to explain hydroponics to his dog.” Harsh, but fair.

Today marks the 11th tour stop, with the previous stops are as follows:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

Our last stop was the dwarf planet, Ceres, which is located in the Asteroid Belt. So, if you’ve been travelling along with us, you will realise that the next stop is rather large. It’s time to meet Jupiter!

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There’s more information about Jupiter, than you can shake a stick at, on your best stick-shaking day. Because of this, today’s tour stop won’t be covering everything, but I’ll still give it a go.

Just like going to a speed dating event, let’s cover some basic information about the biggest sibling in the family. Jupiter is the fifth planet from our local natural fission factory and the first of the Outer Planets or gas planets.

To the best of my knowledge and understanding, Jupiter was formed around 4.6 billion years ago, making it older than Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars; otherwise known as the Inner Planets or the terrestrial planets.

Jupiter was named after the Roman King of the Gods, … pause for dramatic effect, Jupiter! For context, the Ancient Greek equivalent was Zeus.

For its size, Jupiter would be fighting in the heavyweight bouts. If you heard the gossip from Vicky from accounting, you would know that Jupiter is the second largest object in the Solar System; behind the Sun, and the largest planet in the Solar System.

It has a diameter of 142,984 km, which seems not bad. However, when you compare Jupiter’s size to Earth’s diameter of 12,740 km, you finally get the sense that Jupiter is truly colossal; a real giant. Jupiter is so massive, it could fit 1,300 Earths inside it. To me, that is insane.

Jupiter’s orbit is quite extraordinary also. Just like the Earth, it has an elliptical orbit. Jupiter’s perihelion is roughly 741 million km, while its aphelion is 817 million km. This means the average distance from the Sun to Jupiter is about 778 million km, with an orbital speed of 13.07 km/s.

Another cool aspect of Jupiter’s orbit is its barycentre. The centre of an object’s mass or its centre of gravity, is where the most amount of mass is located; like the middle of a ruler, or the head of a hammer.

In astronomy, two objects that orbit each other will also have a centre of mass, which is the point that the objects orbit. This is known as the barycentre point, and it is usually found near the object with the largest amount of mass.

For an example, between the Sun and the Earth, the barycentre lies close to the Sun’s centre. Jupiter is different because it has a lot more mass than the Earth, so the barycentre between the Sun and Jupiter, is not near the Sun’s centre; it’s an empty point in space, just away from the surface of the Sun!

And just like a Star Wars wipe transition, this brings us to time. With Jupiter’s rotation and orbital period, it takes Jupiter 10 Earth hours to rotate once, which makes it the shortest day in the Solar System. A Jovian year equals 4,333 Earth days, which is about 11.8 Earth years.

What this means is that the last time Jupiter was located at its present location; and at the time of this writing, Barack Obama was still in his first term, The Avengers were smashing cinemas worldwide, the second season of Game of Thrones was screening, and Somebody That I Used to Know was breaking hearts everywhere.

I also need to mention, much to Gollum’s disgust, that Jupiter put a ring on it. By this I mean, Jupiter is the first planet on our tour that has rings! Yes, that is not a mistake, Jupiter has rings! They weren’t discovered until 1979, thanks to the Voyager 1 space probe.

Jupiter has four rings, but they are very different from Saturn’s. Jupiter’s rings are very thin and faint, as they are mainly made from dust; which is different from the household variety. We’re talking about micro-particles made from rocks and minerals.

Scientists love to give terrible names to things, and the Jovian rings are no exception. Starting as the closest to Jupiter and moving outwards, we have the halo ring, the main ring, the Amalthea gossamer ring, and the Thebe gossamer ring. If you think these names are terrible, just wait for the rings of Saturn!

Not only does Jupiter have memberships to two exclusive clubs; the gas giants, and the rings clubs, but it also has moons! And when I mean moons, I mean it has more moons than Tony Stark has Iron Man suits. Currently, the International Astronomical Union has officially recognised 95 moons in the Jovian System.

The four largest of these moons, are Io, Callisto, Europa and Ganymede. They’re also known as the Galilean moons, as they were discovered by Galileo Galilei in 1610, through the use of a telescope.

This made the Galilean moons the first objects in the Solar System to be discovered since humanity had been observing the planets, as well as the first objects to be found to orbit any planet that was beyond Earth.

The Galilean moons are an interest to scientists, for the possibility of harbouring life. Granted, if life does exist on one of the moons, it would be in the form of microorganisms, but who would be complaining?

It won’t be a surprise to learn that Space deniers, Flat Earthers, and supporters of the Ptolemaic model, view the Galilean moons with a level of disdain that rivals the height of Olympus Mons. It is also interesting to note that Ganymede is the largest moon in the Solar System; along with actually being larger than Mercury.

Because Jupiter is a gas giant, and unlike the terrestrial planets, it doesn’t have a true surface. Because of Jupiter’s size and mass, the atmospheric pressure would be greater than the bottom of Earth’s oceans. Jupiter is a death trap for people and spacecraft.

Like Earth’s atmosphere, the atmosphere of Jupiter is divided into layers or zones. The upper atmosphere contains about 90% hydrogen and 10% helium by volume, and 75% hydrogen and 24% helium by mass, with the remaining 1% made from other elements. The lower atmosphere is dense and consists of 71% hydrogen, 24% helium and 5% comes from other elements.

Jupiter’s atmosphere has also given the Solar System some pretty crazy weather. Winds have been recorded at the equator, clocking in at 539 km/h; it has raging cyclones and anticyclones; as well as the Big Red Spot. This is a famous high-pressure storm, that has been raging for centuries. As you can imagine, the Big Red Spot looks like a Big Red Spot. I told you scientists love giving terrible names to things.

Over the years, the Big Red Spot appears to be decreasing. Of course, this means future generations will only see the Big Red Spot in textbooks and photographs because it’s going to completely disperse. If they have access to a TARDIS, then it’s not a problem!

As I said near the start of this tremendous piece of science literature, there’s so much information about Jupiter to discuss, but as usual, I have run out of time. Well…not quite. I want to turn the amplifier up to eleven before I go.

Because of its size, Jupiter has the largest and strongest magnetic field of any planet in the Solar System, however, the Sun’s magnetic field is stronger. Jupiter’s magnetic field is 16-54 times stronger than Earth’s, and it extends 1-3 million km, in the direction of the Sun, as well as 1 billion km towards Saturn. This works out to about 7-21 times Jupiter’s diameter; which is larger than Rishi Sunak’s ego.

In addition to this, Jupiter acts as a bodyguard for the rest of the Solar System. Jupiter’s gravity well is so massive, that it attracts and diverts comets and asteroids into the Jovian System. This accounts for the extremely high rate of impacts in the Jovian System, and some scientists speculate, that this is why life on Earth has survived, because Jupiter keeps taking bullets for us.

Well, that’s it for another week. What’s your favourite fact about Jupiter? As always, please let me know. Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System will return next month, so please keep your tickets, as there are no refunds.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I give the impression that I’m cool. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, keep watching the African Cup of Nations games, and I’ll see you next week when I’m going to discuss an unassuming $83.3 million.

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Guess what’s back, back again?
Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System, tell a friend,
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back?

The world’s worst Solar System tour is back for another week, it’s Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! As always, if you want to catch up on our previous inadequate tour stops, you can find them here:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

If you remember from last month, we had left Mars and journeyed into the vast expanse of the Asteroid Belt. It’s within this region that we arrive at our destination: Ceres.

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“Ceres? What in the hell is Ceres? There’s no planet in our Solar System named Ceres!”

I don’t need to be a Omega Level Mutant or have access to a TARDIS, to know what you’re thinking. Yes, you are 100% correct. There is no planet in our Solar System named Ceres. The catch is that Ceres is actually a dwarf planet.

If you’re confused about the differences between planets and dwarf planets, our third tour stop was about that very topic.

So…Ceres. Where do we begin? Apart from Bizarro World and using a DeLorean time machine, let’s start at the beginning. At our best understanding, Ceres was formed around 4.5 billion years ago, which puts it near the time of the formation of the inner or terrestrial planets.

Scientists believe that Ceres didn’t form in the Asteroid Belt, or even inside Mars’ orbit, but rather somewhere between Jupiter and Saturn. Over hundreds of millions of years, Ceres migrated and settled in the Asteroid Belt, after taking out a long-term lease.

Fast forward to 1st January 1801, where an Italian Catholic priest called Giuseppe Piazzi, discovered Ceres. This has sparked debate over the years, as to what Ceres is and how it should be classified, which has included planet, asteroid, and comet; with the final classification of a dwarf planet in 2006. This makes Ceres the only dwarf planet inside Neptune’s orbit, and the closest to our local star.

Ceres is named after the Roman goddess of agriculture, which is also the origin of the word cereal. Someone really needs to name a planet Coco Pops, because that would be cool. Ceres is also single, as it has no rings, as well as no moons.

As you can clearly imagine, Ceres is a lot smaller than Earth, Mercury, or the Moon. Ceres has a diameter of 939 km, which means out of the five recognised dwarf planets in our Solar System, Ceres is the smallest. Having just said that, Ceres makes up 25% of the total mass of the Asteroid Belt.

Given Ceres’ poky size, it still orbits the Sun, with an average distance of 413 million kilometres, which takes 22 minutes for the Sun’s light to reach Ceres; as opposed to Earth’s eight minutes. Ceres’ orbital speed is 17.9 km/s, which is still slower than UMC2 running to eat chocolate.

1,682 Earth days, or roughly 4 years and 6 months, is the length of time it takes Ceres to orbit the Sun, which equals one year. However, one day on Ceres is only 9 hours, because of its rotation. Imagine a day that’s only 9 hours!

Ceres also has a few quirky aspects to it. Its axis of rotation is slightly tilted compared to its orbit around the Sun. This allows Ceres to avoid experiencing seasons, unlike Earth and other tilted planets, which is quite bizarre. Given its small size, Ceres is also covered in more craters, than pimples on a teenage boy’s face. I’m allowed to say that because I’ve lived that experience.

Ceres does have an atmosphere, but it’s very thin. Traces of water vapour were detected by the Dawn spacecraft in 2015, though the leading hypothesis is that it’s caused by cryovolcanoes, which is an awesome term for “ice volcanoes.” Instead of lava spewing out of the vents, cryovolcanoes erupt methane, ammonia, or water, but because of the cold environment, the vents eject plumes and vapour. This geological process also occurs on many other moons in the Solar System, so it’s not unheard of.

If any microorganisms do live on Ceres, they would have to be able to survive the crippling temperatures. They can range from −73 °C (−100 °F) in the daytime on the surface, to -143 °C (225 °F). That’s not exactly holiday weather, is it?

Scientists are curious about Ceres for multiple reasons. It’s estimated that Ceres has a mantle of water ice, which means, potentially, Ceres could be made up of 25% water. Using the latest gadgets from NASA like Dawn, gave us information and images about Ceres’ ice craters and cryovolcanoes. This gives us the tiny chance there could be organic life in the form of microorganisms, living in the water ice.

This is exciting for two reasons:

1.) Just like the Moon, having another planetoid like Ceres with ice reserves is invaluable for a spacefaring civilisation. This is because the water could be mined and used for either rocket fuel or liquid water for astronauts and their crops.

2.) The possibility of finding life outside of Earth is strong, if liquid water can be found. One of the best places in our Solar System for this is in the form of interior oceans and cryovolcanoes, and Ceres is a great place to look.

The funny thing is, whenever I think of humans drinking water from another source, other than Earth, I think of the Doctor Who episode, The Waters of Mars. Even now, The Flood is still terrifying!

Ceres gets a bum rap, as it’s often left off Solar System charts or diagrams, which to this geek, is utterly crazy, purely because Ceres was discovered 45 years before Neptune! Anyway, there’s a lot more to Ceres, but alas, our time is up for this week. What’s your favourite Ceres fact? As always, please let me know.

We are making a slow and steady march to Christmas, which is always equal parts interesting, and insanity. I’ve a got Christmas blog coming soon, but not next week. This is because on 1st December, Some Geek Told Me will be turning three years old…and I don’t know what that means.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, bend your knees when picking up your comic box, and I’ll see you next week.

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Step right up, step right up! The worst Solar System tour ever created is back for another month. That’s right, it’s Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! Sorry, did I forget to mention that there are no refunds?

If you’re new to the tour, don’t panic. This is our ninth tour stop, so there is plenty of time to be confused. The other stops are:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

Today’s useless tour stop is the Asteroid belt. So whether you know everything about it or very little, get ready for the ninth stop of Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! This tour stop may seem a little boring, but even though it’s smaller than the other stops, it’s still very valid; at least to me.

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Let’s start at the beginning. When we last left the tour, we had stopped at Mars; which we all remember is a planet that has developed hundreds of different ways to kill humans. Awesome. Upon leaving Mars’ orbit, we find our new destination: the Asteroid belt.

Just to clarify things, the Asteroid belt is not a new pro-wrestling belt, though instead of King of the Ring, it could have been King of the Cosmos. The Asteroid belt is a region of space, that is located between Mars and Jupiter; like a belt. Because of this, it orbits our local cosmic nuclear fusion reactor; just like the rest of the Solar System.

Within this belt are roughly 1-2 million asteroids, and because scientists are amazing at naming things, it’s called the Asteroid belt. Did you see that coming? The Asteroid belt is also known as the Main belt or Main Asteroid belt. I still would like to stress that these names are not pro-wrestling belts. This is because there are other belts and asteroids in the Solar System, which we will eventually discuss. Great, let’s move on.

Here are two obvious questions, what are they doing there? How in the name of the seven dwarven rings, did they they get there?

The Asteroid belt is roughly 4.5 billion years old, just like the age of the inner rocky planets of Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars. The leading theories of the origin of the Asteroid belt are:

1.) It’s the leftovers of a protoplanet that did not form completely, so Jupiter’s gravity could have ripped it apart.

2.) It’s the leftovers from the creation of the terrestrial planets.

3.) It’s the leftovers from the protoplanetary disk that formed the Sun.

4.) It’s part of Galactus’ rock collection that he lost.

Regardless of the correct story, the asteroids have migrated through the Solar System over millions of years, until they settled in a stable orbit around the Sun, nestled between Mars and Jupiter.

Even though the asteroids were created around the same time as the birth of the Solar System, the rocks that the terrestrial planets are made from, are different from the asteroids in the belt. The main point is that asteroids in the belt, are like a time capsule of the creation of the Solar System, because they are far better preserved, and contain unique metals and minerals; so they are free of geological processes.

The dimensions of the Asteroid belt are far more impressive than Sokka’s obsession with food. The width and thickness of the Asteroid belt is about 150 million km and lies between 2.2 and 3.2 AU from the Sun.

Do you remember this classic scene from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, when Han Solo flies directly into an asteroid field?

I’ve said this before, but truth is stranger than fiction. Because of the enormity of space, the distance between asteroids on average is 1 million km. It’s been said that if you could stand on an asteroid in the belt, it’s highly doubtful you could see another asteroid, because of the vast distance. Basically, if you’re flying a spacecraft through the Asteroid belt, you would have plenty of room to manoeuvre. Thanks, Hollywood.

As for the different sizes of the asteroids, they can vary a lot. It’s been reported that about 1 million asteroids are 1 km across; along with millions of smaller asteroids. Apparently, over 200 asteroids have been identified to be larger than 100 km, with thousands of other asteroids the size of small stones or pebbles; mainly created through collisions with other asteroids. Asteroids over 120 km in size have been recognised as possibly extremely old asteroids, because they have not been destroyed through collisions.

As for the larger objects in the Asteroid belt like Ceres, we’ll look at that closer with the next tour stop. This is purely because I’ve been watching too much rugby, cricket, and news.

And speaking of rugby, I have two things to add.

1.) The 2023 Rugby World Cup Final is on this Saturday night (Sunday at 8 a.m. for me), with the All Blacks going up against the old foe, South Africa.

2.) The inaugural WXV rugby tournaments have begun across the world, and I managed to find some tickets. So the four of us are going to Dunedin this Saturday, to watch the Black Ferns vs. Wales. UMC2 is looking forward to eating some hot chips at the stadium, whereas UMC1 is going to be the stadium tour guide.

Why I am telling you this? I’m a New Zealand rugby fan, and even though I’m a product of my environment, I bleed black. This means I’m equally excited and worried about this weekend.

That’s it for another week, so I hope you’re still enjoying the tour. I know it’s crap, but it costs you nothing. Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch the Rugby World Cup Final, protest for the end of the Israel–Hamas war, and I’ll see you next week.

Go the All Blacks! Go the Black Ferns!

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Guess what’s back for another week? No, it’s not Simon Cowell’s Ninja Dog UK show, it’s Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! If you’ve never been on the tour before, here are the previous stops:

1.) Introduction

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

Voted least likely to help humanity in any way, Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System is now on its eighth stop. Buckle up, because we are visiting a planet that if it was a teenage girl, then it would be the popular one. It’s Mars, the Red Planet! Wait, did you think it was Neptune?

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Let’s establish something before we begin? There’s so much information on Mars, that I couldn’t possibly explain it all in one blog. Well, not without a time machine, which is a good thing I don’t have one. I’m just going to talk some basic information about Mars, though everything would make a Space-denier’s right eye start twitching.

Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun, after Mercury, Venus, and us; Earth. This makes it a terrestrial planet, which formed about 4.5 billion years old, give or take a few Sundays. This makes it extremely similar to the other terrestrial planets. That’s not really a surprise is it?

Unlike other planets, it’s named after a chocolate bar…no, seriously, Mars is named after the Roman god of war; you guessed it, Mars.¹

As for planetary rings, someone swiped left on Mars but swiped right for moons. Mars has two moons named Phobos and Deimos, which mean fear and panic for the former, and terror and dread for the latter. I do find it interesting that Phobos and Deimos were the sons of Ares, the Greek god of war, who was identified by the Romans as Mars.

So basically, the planet is named after a Roman god, with the two moons named after his Greek equivalent’s sons. Not confusing at all.

Mars is smaller than Earth, with a diameter close to 6,792 km, compared to Earth’s diameter of 12,740 km. This means that everybody’s favourite planet named after a god of war, is actually the seventh largest planet in the solar system. Sorry, Mercury.

Just like Earth’s orbit of the Sun, Mars’ orbit is elliptical, but it is more severe. Mars’ perihelion is 206,650,000 km, while its aphelion is 249,261,000 km. The average distance from the Sun to Mars is 228 million kilometres, with the orbital speed of Mars being 24.07 km/s, which is only slightly faster than my dog when he’s blitzing.

Alright, that’s all well and good, but what else do we know about Mars? Great question, so here’s a complicated answer. Hollywood has given us some interesting films based on Mars, like Total Recall, Mission to Mars, Red Planet, Ghosts of Mars, The Martian, and Life. Between the insanity of the films lies the truth about Mars.

A long time ago on a planet, not that far away, liquid water was on the planet’s surface. Yes, billions of years ago, Mars had not just liquid water on the surface, but oceans. The observational evidence for this is the hundreds of photos and video footage taken over the years, that have been analysed by scientists; like ancient riverbeds.

Now whether life may have existed in this ancient primordial Martian ocean, is another blog for another day; just ask J’onn J’onzz or H. G. Wells. As for the reason why Mars lost its oceans, the leading hypothesis is that the oceans were ripped away by the solar wind because Mars lost its magnetic field, which prevented this from happening.

The next question is how did Mars lose its magnetic field? Like Earth’s spinning core, Mars’ core would have created a dynamo effect, which in turn would have powered the magnetic field. However, sometime in Mars’ ancient past, something happened to change the dynamo effect, which resulted in a snowball effect: No dynamo effect, caused the magnetic field to stop being generated, which caused the oceans to be ripped away by the solar wind. As to why there were some shenanigans in the Martian core, we should just bring in a CSI team, and they’ll solve it in under 45 minutes.

Mars is now a cold, barren, dusty wasteland; almost like the background to a Mad Max film. Polar ice caps exist at both poles, but the planet is a husk. Temperatures on Mars can range from −110 °C (−166 °F) to 35 °C (95 °F). Basically, Mars has the temperatures of both Hoth and Tatooine.

For Mars’ rotation and orbital period, it takes Mars 1.04 Earth days to rotate once, which is roughly 25 hours. A Martian year equals 687 Earth days, which is about 1.9 Earth years.²

The surface of Mars is covered in a dusty inorganic compound known as Iron(III) oxide. This dust gives the planet a rusty colour, which to nobody’s surprise at all, is why Mars is referred to as The Red Planet. The terrain is mixed with volcanoes, craters, valleys, and lower flat lands.

It’s for this reason that Mars is home to Olympus Mons, which is the tallest mountain in the solar system. Olympus Mons is a massive shield volcano, that is 21.9 km high. In comparison to Earth’s tallest mountains, Mount Everest is 8.848 km (above sea level), while Mauna Kea is 9.33 km (from underwater base to summit). 

Mars does have an atmosphere, but it’s very thin and weak. The atmosphere is made up of Carbon Dioxide (95.97%), Argon (1.93%), Nitrogen (1.89%), and smaller traces of Oxygen, Carbon Monoxide, and Water Vapour. If you’re planning on visiting Mars anytime soon, make sure you bring a survival/space suit. If the cold doesn’t kill you, the lack of breathable air will.

And speaking of visiting Mars, humanity has sent many landers, probes, and rovers to the Red Planet; which makes it unique because it’s the only planet that we know of except for Cybertron, that is populated by machines.

Journeying to Mars is no easy step because the average distance between Earth and Mars is about 225 million km. The human exploration and colonisation of Mars is a hot topic at the moment. There are many factors to consider about this, though namely, terraforming is one of them. Put another way, Mars hates humans and will do everything it can to kill them. Because of this, the earliest humans could be walking on Mars, will be in the 2030s. They have a lot of work to do, but they have already started.

Hopefully, when humans land on Mars, I’ll be able to watch it with UMC1 and UMC2. Of course, it depends at the very least, if a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old would want to hang out with their very uncool father.

Well, that’s it for another week. What’s your favourite Mars fact? Please let me know. The 2023 Rugby World Cup is still ticking over, so I’m still trying to find the best time to sleep, and I’m failing as usual.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I value everybody who stops by to read some of my nonsense. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch some Rugby World Cup games, Up the Wahs, and I’ll see you next week.

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¹ Astronomers really like Roman mythology.

² The further you move away from the Sun, the orbital periods of the remaining planets are just going to become longer.

Just when you thought it was over, it’s back. The Solar System’s worst tour has returned for another scheduled stop. Yes, it’s Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! This is the seventh stop of the tour, so if you want to get caught up, now’s the chance.

1.) Introduction

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

For today’s thrilling chapter, we will be stopping by Earth’s BFF¹; the Moon. Many cultures have their own stories and myths concerning the Moon, so we will just be sticking to the cold, hard data that Spock, Batman, and Sherlock Holmes would appreciate.

Sweet? Ok then, strap yourself in for lunacy.²

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Let’s discuss the oliphaunt in the room, shall we? Her name is Angela, and after surviving the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, she has a lot of time to think about things. She told me one of these things is the Moon’s name. The name of Earth’s only moon is …..the Moon. I have stated this before, but scientists are extremely important and world-changing people, but some of them suck at naming things.

Angela and I love the concept that the Moon is named after a moon. It’s a moon, so let’s call it the Moon! Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and even Pluto have moons, and every one has a real name. Some of them have badarse names like Deimos, Themisto, Hyperion, Oberon, Proteus, and Hydra. This means a collection of people would have discovered these moons, and given them truly creative and imaginative names, from various genres of literature.

But for our one and only moon, the best name humanity could come up with was the Moon. Yes, it has nicknames for informal occasions like Luna and Selene; but we could have called it Brightnail, Paroan, Vengeance, Merchant of the Void, Moony McMoon Face, or even Dave, however, we thought the Moon was a lot more edgier and hardcore.

It’s a wonder that Earth isn’t just called Planet.

The age of the Moon is certainly under debate in scientific circles. From what I understand, the Moon is estimated to be around 4.5 billion years old, but new research dates the Moon to be 4.425 billion years old. I heard some astrophysicists, astronomers, and astrogeologists, will enter a death match competition to determine the correct age; and the winners will have bragging rights and the globally accepted age of the Moon. It’ll be a battle royale involving reflecting telescopes, spectrometers, rovers, and satellites.

Another hot theory that’s up for discussion, is the origin of the Moon. I mean, why does the Earth have a moon? How did it get there? And since jumping over it, has the location of the cow been discovered?

One of the leading theories concerning the origin of the Moon, does not involve radioactive spiders, being struck by lightning and doused in chemicals, or being forged by the Dark Lord on his dark throne. The theory involves a hypothetical proto-planet, Theia, cruising around the Solar System before slamming into Earth. The debris from the collision was ejected into space, where over a huge amount of time, it coalesced and eventually formed the Moon.

I also could be stating the obvious here, that even though the Moon is a moon, the Moon has no moons, as well as being like Sauron; ringless.³

The Moon has a radius of 1,740 kilometres (1,080 miles) and a diameter of 3,475 kilometers (2,159 miles). This makes it the fifth-largest natural satellite in the Solar System, but also the most massive in relation to the planet that it orbits. I’m sure that would build up the Moon’s self-esteem if it heard that.

The average distance of the Moon to Earth is about 384,400 km (238,855 miles). On a cosmic scale, this distance seems extremely tiny, but it’s not. Like many other planets and moons in the solar system, the Moon’s orbit of the Earth is elliptical. When the Moon is at the furthest point away for us,⁴ you could fit Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Eris in between Earth and the Moon.

The Moon orbits the Earth about once every 27 days, which is roughly where we get the measurement of the months. So as the Earth rotates, so does the Moon. This is fascinating, as the Moon is tidally locked or in a synchronous rotation with the Earth. This means that our closest neighbour is spinning or rotating at the same rate as us, which causes the same side of the Moon to be always facing Earth.

It’s a common misconception that the Moon has a dark side; I’m looking at you, Pink Floyd! There is no dark side of the Moon, because the side we can’t see, is still bathed in sunlight. It’s actually known as the far side.

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Because the Moon orbits the Earth, different sections of the Moon are in darkness and sunlight, at different times of the month. This is known as the Moon’s phases, and it’s all about observing the Moon’s illumination from our perspective. It looks like the Moon is actually changing its shape, but it’s really not.

Do you remember my comment about the Earth and the Moon being BFFs at the start? Well, the Moon is actually moving away from the Earth, at the rate of about 4 cm per year. In hundreds of thousands of years; if not millions, the Moon will be a lot further away and the sky would look a lot different.

Depending on where you live in the world, people can also observe the Moon from different orientations. If you live in the southern hemisphere, you would see the Moon upside down compared to people in the northern hemisphere. If you’re on the equator, you could see various orientations throughout the day.

Against popular belief to some Flat Earthers and Space deniers, the Moon is not a projection or hologram. As for the Moon being a light source, the Moon indeed gives off light, but it does not produce or create light. Moonlight is actually sunlight that is reflected off the surface of the Moon.

This brings us to the Moon’s atmosphere. The Moon has little to no atmosphere; so it’s pretty weak. It offers no protection against radiation from the Sun, unlike the Earth. As for surface temperatures, they can vary a lot. While the Moon is facing full sunlight, temperatures can hit 127 °C (260 °F), however when in darkness, the Moon’s temperature can drop to -173 °C (-280 °F).

Basically, if you’re unlucky enough to be standing on the surface of the Moon without wearing a spacesuit, you’ll be dead in under three minutes. Sorry.

I’m running out of time and there’s so much more to discuss about the Moon, like the craters, the tidal effect, the gravitational and magnetic fields, the ice, and the lack of cheese! I would love to rant about these, but because time runs in one direction in this universe, I’ll talk about the exploration of the Moon instead.

To date, only 12 members of our species have walked on the Moon, but with the Artemis space missions, that is going to change. NASA is going back to the Moon, with Artemis 1 having already launched last year. Artemis 2 (lunar flyby) is scheduled for November 2024, with Artemis 3 (lunar landing) in 2026, and Artemis 4 is on track for September 2028. This also includes the launch of the Lunar Gateway in 2025, unless something stupid happens.

I wasn’t born between 1969-1972, which was the era humans walked on the Moon, so I can’t wait to sit with UMC1 and UMC2, to watch the Artemis missions and a lunar landing!

Alright, that’s it for me. I hope you’re still enjoying the tour, even though the view is quite miserable. Please let me know your thoughts on the tour if you feel up for it.

This coming week, we have the semi-finals of the FIFA Women’s World Cup, with Spain vs Sweden, and Australia vs England; as well as the final on Sunday. I’ll be watching them, will you?

I have a tremendous announcement concerning the next four weeks of blogs. This could be a train wreck in slow motion, but I’m going to be writing about the Rugby World Cup, which starts on 8th September. I love rugby, so to my non-rugby following audience, I’m sorry but I’ll try to make this fun for you! ⁵

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, go watch the FIFA Women’s World Cup semi-finals and final, and I’ll see you next week.

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1.) They won’t really be together forever, but it does sound nice.

2.) I couldn’t resist that pun. Sorry, not sorry.

3.) That’s two Sauron references in two precious paragraphs.

4.) This is called apogee. When the Moon is at its closest point to Earth, this is called perigee.

5.) Nothing ages me faster and makes me more anxious than the Rugby World Cup. It takes me four years to recover from each one.

Step right up for one of the universe’s worst tours, this side of Kalibak’s personal guided tour of Apokolips. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! This is now our sixth stop, and for those of you that are joining us for the first time, firstly I’m sorry. Second, here is the list of our previous stops, so please feel free to brush up on some nonsense.

1.) Introduction

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

As I so gracefully explained last week, we will be visiting the planet Earth, for the next stop. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, these are my real socks. No, I can not control my eyebrows. And finally, yes, I do realise we already live on Earth, so why would we be visiting it?

The reason that we’re going to look at Earth, is because why would we not? As I said last week, not only is Earth the single source of Salt and Vinegar chips in the observable universe, but it’s pretty cool as well.

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Earth is the third planet from the Sun, after Mercury and Venus. And just like Mercury and Venus, Earth is about 4.5 billion years old, though it doesn’t look a day over 2 billion. And in another stroke of terrestrial planet bonding, Earth also has no planetary rings.

However, there are a few differences between the siblings. Earth actually has a moon; which is called, surprise, surprise, The Moon. Remember this, because I’m going to come back to the Moon, just like NASA in 2025.

And just so everybody is on the same page, the Earth’s shape is not a perfect sphere or ball. It’s more like an oblate spheroid, or oblate ellipsoid because it bugles slightly at the equator and flattened at the poles. Having said that, calling Earth a sphere is still fine…because THE EARTH IS NOT FLAT.

Movin’ right along (doog-a-doon, doog-a-doon), Earth has a diameter of 12,756 kilometers (7,918 miles), which is exactly what Flat Earthers dare to say five times in front of a mirror. This makes it the fifth largest planet in the Solar System; just don’t say it in front of Venus.

Earth’s orbit of the Sun is elliptical, so it has a range of about 147,098,450 km (Perihelion) to 152,097,597 km (Aphelion). This is interesting because we recently passed Aphelion on Friday 7th July at 8:06 a.m. (NZST/UTC +12). Aphelion is when Earth reaches its furthest point from the Sun in its orbit, with Earth’s orbital speed being about 29 km/s.

The average distance from the Earth to the Sun is about 150 million km, otherwise known as one astronomical unit or AU. You know how important it is to differentiate between Vulcans and Klingons, well it’s important to know why 1 AU is relevant and important to our beautiful and crazy planet. This means it only takes about eight light minutes, for the light radiating from the Sun, to travel to Earth.

Because of Earth’s average distance and location to the Sun, we have something that our siblings, Mercury and Venus don’t have: liquid water on the surface. Basically, if Earth’s orbit extended well past Aphelion, then our liquid water like oceans and lakes, would freeze. The opposite is true; if Earth’s orbit extended well past Perihelion, then our liquid water would boil and evaporate.

We have one global ocean, but it can be divided into five oceans, which are the Pacific, Atlantic, Indian, Arctic, and Southern Oceans.

We are lucky enough to be sitting in just the right place for water to be liquid on the surface; we are not too cold, not too hot, we are just right. This is why scientists refer to our location as the Goldilocks Zone. There is so much liquid water on our planet, that it covers 71% of the surface, with 96.5% being found in the oceans.

Earth also has an atmosphere to go along with liquid water, sort of like a Salt and Vinegar combination, which is perfection by the way. Earth’s atmosphere is generally made up of Nitrogen (78%), Oxygen (21%), and other gases like Argon, Carbon Dioxide, Neon, Helium, Methane, Hydrogen, and Krypton¹; along with Water Vapour.

Travelling through space can make things interesting for Earth. The planet spins on its axis, at 23.5 degrees, which gives us the four seasons of Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. Seasons are not caused by the Earth’s location, relative to the Sun; it’s actually the axial tilt.

It takes 24 hours for the Earth to rotate once on its axis, thus one day equals 24 hours.² But it also takes about 365 days, 5 hours, 59 minutes, and 16 seconds, for Earth to orbit the Sun.

To also make life crazy, since the Moon orbits the Earth, and the Earth orbits the Sun, different eclipses can be created. A Solar Eclipse is when the Moon travels between the Sun and the Earth, and blocks the Sun’s light, for a short period. A Lunar Eclipse is caused when the Earth travels between the Sun and the Moon, which casts the Earth’s shadow onto the Moon. There are variations of these two eclipses, but these astronomical events are beautifully stunning for different reasons.

Underneath the Earth is just as spectacular as above. The Earth’s interior is made of the Crust (Lithosphere), Mantle (Upper Mantle and Lower Mantle), and the Core (Outer Core and Inner Core). The Inner Core is a ball of solid iron and nickel and can reach insane temperatures like 5,500°C  (9,900°F), which is like the surface of our local star.

The geology of Earth has a few more quirks, like the spinning iron core creating a magnetic field, known as the magnetosphere, which is vital to Earth’s survival. Earth’s interior is also active and moving, which drives plate tectonics, the creation of mountain ranges, subduction, earthquakes, and of course, volcanoes.

Earth’s land mass covers different regions, like polar, tropical, dry, mild, and continental; which include deserts, and rainforests. The top and bottom of Earth are known as the North and South Poles, which are typically the coldest regions on the planet. The hottest regions are mainly close to the Equator, which is an imaginary line that runs around the middle of the planet.

In addition to this, there are seven continents, which are Africa, Europe, Asia, Oceania, North America, South America, and Antarctica.

This brings us to the crescendo of this rant. There are only two planets in the known universe that contain life: one is Mars because it has robotic life, in the form of probes, rovers, and landers. Let’s get real here, it’s a planet populated by machines.

The other planet is Earth, because it has organic life. It has us humans of course, but we’re not the only organisms here. There are ravens, pythons, goblin sharks, dung beetles, chimpanzees, kiwis, redwoods, the platypus, fungi, dogs, anglerfish, tarantulas, bees, oak trees, zebras, bacteria, worms, bumblebee bats, nautiluses, and maybe the most important of them all: phytoplankton.

I believe that the Earth doesn’t belong to humans. We actually share it with the non-human residents of this planet. But we are the ones doing the greatest amount of damage, so if we want to keep this beautiful place; along with our neighbours, we really need to change the way we think and act.

Earth is so rare and unique, we need to take a lot better care of it.

And with that, this part of the tour has finished. Did I miss anything out? Did you like it? Please let me know if you did.

Do you remember what I said about the Moon, and that I’ll be coming back to it? I meant it because the Moon will be the next stop on our Tour of the Solar System; which I think will be in five weeks.

I hope you’re still enjoying the tour because the quality of the tickets aren’t the best. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, go play some football, and I’ll see you next week.

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¹ It’s a real element, I promise.

² I’m not going into the difference between stellar day and sidereal day, because that is another rabbit hole for another time.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to the worst tour of the Solar System you will ever experience. I’m probably overestimating the ridiculousness of it, but I’m pretty sure Brian May, Michelle Thaller, Bill Nye, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Brian Cox, or Becky Smethurst, would not want to purchase a ticket.

This is our fifth stop in our tour of the Solar System, with the previous four being Meet the Family, the Sun, Planets vs. Dwarf planets, and Mercury. Since the last stop was everybody’s favourite small planet that has a transition metal element named after itself, the next stop is somewhere that does a very good impression of Hell: Venus.

There are many different things I’d like to discuss about Venus, and I mean a lot, but I have to concentrate on the most interesting/weird information, purely for two reasons. Firstly because there is just too much information to talk about; and secondly, a Galapagos giant tortoise can write faster than me, so I just don’t have the time. Though a DeLorean with a functioning flux capacitor would help.

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Just like Mercury, Venus derives its name from Roman mythology, in the form of the goddess of love, sex, beauty, and other things I can’t really relate to. Venus is around 4.5 billion years old, give or take a few hundred million years, which is roughly like the other terrestrial planets. Venus also has two more things in common with Mercury; it has no natural satellites (moons) or rings. Sorry, Beyoncé.

Venus’ size is slightly smaller than Earth’s, which is why some people call it Earth’s twin. They are similar because Venus has a diameter close to 12,100 km, with Earth’s diameter being 12,756 km; which means Venus would lose at an arm wrestle with Earth, but not by much.

Just like the majority of objects in our Solar System, Venus orbits the Sun. The orbital range is 107,477,000 km (66,783,112 miles) to 108,939,000 km (67,691,556 miles), which is only a difference of 1.46 million km. The average distance from Venus to the Sun is around 108,208,000 km (67,237,334 miles), and if you’ve been paying attention, this means Venus is the second closest planet to our local natural fusion factory.

So up until now, Venus seems nice and normal, but what exactly is normal? If we are comparing Venus to other planets or exo-planets, it’s probably normal; however, if we are comparing Venus to Earth,…well, if Earth is Superman living in Metropolis, then Venus is Bizarro living in Arkham Asylum. Honestly, Venus is pretty messed up. You wouldn’t just be swiping left on Venus, you would be calling the police!

Venus is actually closer to Earth than Mars, with an average distance of 41 million km vs 228 million km, respectively. But here’s the thing; even though Venus is closer to Earth, we are preparing and planning to send astronauts to Mars. That’s not an accident, by the way, it’s because we’re not stupid.

Venus is basically like a public bathroom, after an entire rugby team suffering from chronic curry diarrhoea, has been: it’s somewhere you don’t want to go.

Even though Venus is named after a goddess, and is the only planet to do so, let’s discuss why you should NEVER visit Venus.

Venus is actually the hottest planet in the Solar System. Venus has a problem, a very big problem, that humanity has been noticing here on Earth: climate change. Venus has a runaway greenhouse gas effect happening, which has created an apocalyptic problem.

The clouds on Venus are made of extremely thick and poisonous sulfuric acid, which starts at 45-70 km. This of course is only compounded by the thick atmosphere, which is made up of over 90% carbon dioxide. This means the amount of pressure on Venus’ surface is 93 times that of Earth. To put this into perspective, standing on the surface of Venus would be equivalent to being 1 km under the ocean. At this pressure, and without some amazing super-reinforced space suit, your body would be crushed.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? But wait, there’s more horror!

Because the thick atmosphere acts as a blanket, Venus traps excess heat on the surface, which makes the Human Torch look like Olaf from Frozen. Temperatures on the surface can range from 438 °C (820 °F) to 482 °C (900 °F), which is hot enough to melt Tellurium, Zinc and Lead.

Venus was the first planet that humans managed to send spacecraft to and land. This has resulted in several landers and probes over the years, making the 41 million km trek to Venus, but because of the scorching heat and crushing atmospheric pressure, Venus has killed them all. The longest surviving probe on Venus only lasted about 2 hours, before it stopped transmitting.

Mars may be the only planet inhabited by functioning robots, but Venus is the OG; its surface is littered with robotic corpses. Venus is nightmare fuel.

Venus’ orbit and rotation manage to stay in theme with freakiness. Apart from Uranus, Venus is the only other planet that rotates backward on its axis in the Solar System. This is known as retrograde rotation, and it means the Sun rises in the west and sets in the east, which is the total opposite of what happens on Earth.

Venus also rotates painfully slowly on its axis, because one day on Venus equals 243 Earth days. This is the slowest rotation of a planet in the Solar System. Congratulations Venus!! The shenanigans continue because Venus actually orbits the Sun faster than Earth at 225 Earth days. So one Venusian day actually lasts longer than one Venusian year.

There are three last things that I need to mention about Venus, among others, before I depart for my bed.

1.) The surface of Venus is covered with valleys, craters, mountains, and extreme volcanic activity. Its estimated, that 80% of Venus’ surface is covered with volcanic plains. There’s also a mountain on Venus called Maxwell Montes, which is 11 km (36,000 ft) high, and dwarfs Mount Everest at 8.848 km (29,031.7 ft).

2.) Venus appears in the sky as a small bright light, near sunset and dawn. This has led people to give Venus names like “The Morning Star” and “The Evening Star.” This makes Venus the third brightest object in the sky after the Sun and Moon.

3.) Have you ever heard of the Star Light, Star Bright poem?

Star light, star bright,

First star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have this wish I wish tonight.

Traditionally, if you had a wish and saw the first star in the evening, you could recite this poem, and your wish could come true. The universe has a funny side because, for hundreds of years, people would do this; wishing on the first star of the evening. The issue is that the first star they would wish on wasn’t really a star at all; it was a planet. So if you have ever done this, and the wish didn’t come true, it was because it was Venus.

And with that, I’m done for another week. I hope you’re still enjoying the tour, because the tour guide is rubbish, quite frankly. For next week’s modest blog, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before; no, I’m not doing a Fifty Shades of Grey review. Drum roll please…..I’m going to write a preview! So I hope it works. Maybe.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog; read a banned book; learn what DVD actually means; and I’ll see you next week.

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