Month: November 2021

Happy One Year Anniversary: Part One

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Jokes

I want to talk about a very small literary achievement. Why? Because this week I get to celebrate one year of posting blogs. So I was thinking, what could I do to mark the occasion?

How about some of the best jokes I know and love, to share with everybody?

Good idea? Sweet! I’m going to share one joke today, one on Wednesday, and the final joke on Friday.

Alright, let’s do it!

Photo by Lukas Kloeppel on Pexels.com

A man went on holiday to America for the first time. He had booked himself into one of the country’s most expensive hotels, which had a bar for guests, on the top floor.

The man was really excited to be there, so he decided to have a celebratory drink. He walked into the bar and glanced around the room. There was a bartender and one other man, wearing a blue suit, sitting down drinking.

The man was so happy to be there, sat down next to the blue suited man, and ordered a cocktail from the bartender.

While the bartender was making the drink, the blue suited man turned and asked the man, if this was his first time to the city. The man replied that it was, but also, it was his first trip to America.

The blue suited man replied, “Excellent, excellent.” “Did you happen to see the smog outside the hotel, as you arrived?”

The man said, “Yes, I did. It looks awful.”

“It is,” replied the blue suited man. “It’s so bad, you could jump out of a window, and the smog is so thick, you would just bounce straight off it, and bounce back up inside.”

“That’s impossible!,” said the man. “I would love to see that.”

“Ok, then,” answered the blue suited man. “How about I bet you $50 that I can do it?”

“$50?” replied the man. “Alright then,” as he slapped $50 down onto the bar.

The blue suited man smiled, then stood up, and calmly walked over to the open window. He then turned and waved to the man, and jumped out of the window. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was stunned. “I don’t believe it. That was amazing!” He took out $100 and slapped it down. “$100 says you can’t do it again!”

The blue suited man took his offer. He once again smiled, and calmly walked over to the open window. He turned and waved once again, then jumped. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was erupting with excitement. “Can I do it?,” the man said.

The blue suited man laughed and responded, “Of course you can. Just walk over to the window and look down, until you can see the smog. Then close your eyes and jump. The smog is like a trampoline, so once you hit it, it’ll bounce you straight back.”

The man said, “I have to do this!”. He walked over to the window, looked down, closed his eyes and jumped. After a few seconds had passed, the man had not appeared at the window.

The blue suited man walked over to the window and looked down to see the man lying dead on the ground. He nodded, turned away and calmly sat down; but not before pocketing the $150.

The bartender had returned with the cocktail, then said, “Gee Superman, you can be a real bastard when you’re drunk.”

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Wednesday.

Reacting to my wife’s favourite books

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Books

I want to talk about my wife’s favourite books. Why? Because my wife is an avid reader, and she loves rereading her favourite books. This is not hyperbole, I mean she really loves them. Being the social butterfly couple that we are, we read nearly every night.1 During this time, we often discuss what’s happening in our books; like explaining key events or “Guess what’s happened now?”

Over time I have noticed something with my wife; every so often, while I’m explaining what’s happening in my book, she will say something to the effect, “That book sounds awful, I’m never reading it”, or “Listening to you explain that book, has convinced me never to read it‘, or worse, “Why are you even reading that?”

After losing track of the number of times I have heard this, I’ve decided to do something about it. Hence, I will be reacting to my wife’s favourite books. Before I continue, I need to explain the book selection. Asking a reader to narrow down or choose their favourite books; regardless of genres, is like torture. How in the nine circles of Dante’s Hell do you choose?

My wife generally reads books that are part of a series, because it’s like an unofficial guarantee that the book is good. From her perspective, why would a company continue to publish books in a series, if they were crap? Also when she reads a stand alone book, she needs to know what happens after the last page, so why bother?

When life is going off the rails,2my wife finds comfort in rereading a favourite series. She enjoys revisiting old friends and familiar locations.

When I asked her to name three of her favourite books, she happily began discussing which series to choose. Being her husband, I then pulled the rug from underneath her and explained, that she could not select any book from a series; they must be stand alone books.

She was not exactly thrilled about this, so after five days of constant deliberation, my wife had created a list of her three favourite stand alone books. They are in no particular order, so let’s take a look at her selection. Ready?

Photo by Element5 Digital on Pexels.com

WARNING, there are spoilers, so read at your own caution.

1.) The Best of Adam Sharp by Graeme Simsion

I’ll be honest, I have not read this book; though I have read Simsion’s, The Rosie Trilogy, which is quite funny. I see a lot of Don Tillman in me, or maybe it’s me in Don Tillman?

I have a vague memory of my wife talking about this book, though I was probably eating pizza and watching rugby when it happened, so I probably wasn’t listening to the extent, I should have been. Sorry.

My wife wanted me to point out, that when she was at the library, looking for the second book in The Rosie Trilogy, she couldn’t find it. She needed something to read, so she grabbed The Best of Adam Sharp instead.

Anyway, I had to look this book up. The story goes like this: A guy named Adam is in a long-term relationship with Claire, but he often thinks about some ex-lover, named Angelina. Surprise, surprise, Angelina contacts him, and after some correspondence, she invites him to stay with her and her husband. What could possibly go wrong?

Upon asking my wife, why she likes this book, she explained that it’s for two reasons. The first reason is that, she thinks the characters are very complex and quite relatable. This is in spite of the notion of someone having a soulmate, that you can only ever love one person in your lifetime.3 She believes that a person can love different people, during their life time; so the concept of a soulmate is ridiculous to her.

The second reason is the apparent use of music within the book. Without reading it, I have to trust she knows what she’s talking about. Maybe. I’m getting side tracked here,…um…music.

She said music is woven throughout the book and it made her discover some new songs, that she could listen to as she read the book. It’s the opposite to me, I need total silence when reading; I’m quite simple.

So what do I think about this book?

I don’t know if I can be funny about this, but I think I’ll be giving this book a pass. Maybe it’s the thought about people talking through their feelings and relationships, or the concept of an ex-girlfriend, getting in touch with me,4 but this book does not seem to grab me; though I’m impressed and worried that my wife likes it.

2.) The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

This book is quite quirky. In a nutshell, there is a man named Henry, and he has a rare disorder called Chrono-Impairment. This allows him to travel backwards and forwards through time, but only to points within his own timeline. He can’t control the jumps, he just has to survive the experience.

Through time travelling, Henry’s timeline is crossed with Clare, a woman that he falls in love with and eventually marries, and other crazy stuff happens as well.

So, my wife rates this book, because it was very different. She liked the way time travel was portrayed, because it was somewhat opposite to time travel, being a plot device in movies and tv shows that she had seen.

She also could relate to the main characters’ fertility struggles, as well as the book reminding her about an episode of Doctor Who; just without the angry rubbish bins with plungers, or the psychotic potato heads.

So what do I think about this book?

The funny thing with this book, is that I have already read it, because I’m the one that recommended it to my wife! I enjoyed the book for it’s non-linear storytelling, thought that is not always a good thing. Anyway, full credit to me, for having already read the book; and liked it enough to suggest it to my wife.

3.) Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman: one guy created Discworld, and the other guy wrote the Sandman5, so the expectations are quite high for this book. This is my wife’s summary of the book:

There are two unlikely friends, that are trying to stop Armageddon.

There is more to the book than that; witches, angels, demons, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, witchfinders, and of course, the son of Satan.

Once again, we turn to my wife’s opinion. She had never heard of the tv series, let alone the book, until she discovered that David Tennant would be starring in it. This convinced her to find the book, because she wanted to read it, before watching the tv show. She claimed she likes being superior in this way.

She found the book extremely hilarious, especially when you were expecting it to be serious, then something crazy happens. She also loves that Crowley’s car only plays Queen music. If you leave any album in the car, for an extended period of time, the car will covert it to Queen. As a Queen fan herself, she finds that quite entertaining.

So what do I think about this book?

Now, I have not had the honour of reading the book, but I have seen the tv mini-series. I enjoyed the show enough, to actually want to read the book. I have not moved the book to my to-read pile, but I promise you that I’m going to read it soon. Just don’t tell my wife.

Overall, her selection of books is not too terrible. At least there were no Mills & Boon, I would not have be able to handle that. Well that’s it. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week for some special blogs.

1 Even on Friday and Saturday nights, we usually read at some point. Yes, we are that cool.

2 I’m looking at you COVID-19, I’m so looking at you.

3 I don’t know if I should be worried about this statement or not.

4 My first thought would be, “Do I owe her money?”

5 Among other things.

Three of the best underrated action films ever

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Movies

I want to talk about action films, in particular, underrated action films. Why? Because when they are done correctly, action films are simply amazing. From the fight scenes, vehicle chases, one liners, and stunts, action films can help push movie making into new and exciting territories.

Sometimes you want to relax and watch a film, where two cars hitting each other can cause an explosion, and the laws of physics have been screwed up and thrown in the bin.

Like my previous blog post about underrated science fiction films, I would like to shine my Bat-torch on to some great underrated action films, that I love and admire. And just like before, my definition of an underrated film can cover lower box office earnings, winning little or no awards, or conflicting receptions to the film; but still be an arse kicking action film.1

And just like before, films within action franchises will not be considered, because they could fall under their own list. The films have been listed in chronological order of release, so please enjoy; because I would happily watch these films at any time.

I am also very aware, there are some other awesome underrated action films, that have not made my list. For that, I am very sorry, but there are only so many hours I am actually conscious.

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

WARNING, there are spoilers, so read at your own caution.

1.) The Running Man (1987)

To start my small ode to underrated action films, I have to discuss The Running Man, featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The film is loosely based on a Stephen King story, that is set in the future. 2017 to be accurate.2

To explain the film, here’s the opening crawl:

By 2017, the world economy has collapsed. Food, natural resources and oil are in short supply. A police state, divided into paramilitary zones, rules with an iron hand.

Television is controlled by the state and a sadistic game show called The Running Man has become the most popular program in history.

In this game, criminals are granted pardons, if they can win. The problem is that highly trained gladiators/stalkers are released to locate and kill them. All for television ratings; it’s the OG reality show.

Schwarzenegger plays Ben Richards, a man that has been framed and sent into the The Running Man tv show. From there, he has to build alliances with other contestants and try to win the game, by defeating the Stalkers.

I think I saw The Running Man on television, and I blown away by the entire structure of the movie. A dystopian society, television shows building empires, the injustice and oppression, Schwarzenegger kicking all different kinds of arse, and all in the futuristic year of 2017.

The Stalkers were creative, with names like Professor Subzero, Buzzsaw, Dynamo, Fireball, and Captain Freedom. They were all experts in dealing out death, and they were the people’s champions. And that was something that has never left me: the concept of live executions, to satisfy the masses, via a television game show.

I feel the film is underrated for all of these reasons, but also because it was ahead of its time, with the whole deadly game show gimmick; but also how easy it was for a government to distract the public with death and carnage, so they wouldn’t have to think of how terrible the world had become. It reminded me of the Ancient Romans and the Colosseum.

The Running Man’s social, media, and political messages, were very apt for our 21st century, but for 1987, it was too outrageous. Not only does the film have some bombastic action and violent scenes, but it works in with the tone of the film.

For a product of its time, The Running Man is simply outstanding and underrated. Do yourself a favour and watch this film; if only for Schwarzenegger’s one liners. They will never age.

2.) Payback (1999)

Payback is a film that I didn’t think I would enjoy, but I did. Mel Gibson stars as Porter, a thief that is out for, well, payback. He was betrayed by his best friend and his wife, and left for dead, all for $70,000. Porter goes through a lot to gain his revenge, but also to get his $70,000 back.

I found Payback underrated for three main reasons: the first thing is that the protagonist, is actually a criminal. For Porter to succeed in his quest, people are going to have to be tortured or killed. For me, that concept was interesting, because you were cheering on a bad guy. You wanted a bad guy to win. Now Porter, is no angel. He’s a con man, thief and a murderer, but liking him is actually quite easy.

The second reason is the amount of money Porter is trying to get back: $70,000. I still find it funny, when each character learns that Porter is trying to track down his $70,000, they can’t believe the carnage he has caused, all for $70,000. Not $7 million, not $700,000, or even $130,000; but $70,000 and not a dollar more. Some of their reactions are priceless.

For the last reason, Payback is an action film, but for some action loving fans, it may come across a little light in that area. Yes, there are gunfights, but they are spaced out throughout the film. Because of this, people could be dismissive of the action element.

Payback did turn a profit, but inspired a lot of average reviews. Don’t let that put you off, there are some great action sequences, especially with Lucy Liu stealing every scene, she’s in. It’s a excellent film, that deserves a little more attention.

3.) Dredd (2012)

This is an odd film, because it can easily fit into the action, science fiction and comic book genres. Putting aside my love for sci-fi and comics, I consulted the staff of Some Geek Told Me, and they agreed that Dredd should be placed the action genre. Mainly because I said so.

Dredd is based on the 2000AD character, Judge Dredd, the ultimate futuristic lawman. Set in the future (somewhere around 2080-2100, I think), Mega-City One is the home to 800 million people, with crime and unemployment out of control.

Because of this, law enforcement has evolved and changed into Judges; law enforcement officers that act as judge, jury and executioner, when attending a crime. The toughest Judge of them all, is Judge Dredd. Dredd is called in to assess a rookie cadet named Anderson, whom has psychic abilities, by taking her out into the field. Dredd’s assessment of Anderson is very comprehensive, because of the shenanigans in Peach Tress, a 200-storey slum tower block.

For me, I loved Dredd for multiple reasons. The first was Karl Urban’s portrayal of Dredd was bang on, including never removing his helmet, so you don’t see his face; just like in the comics. The soundtrack, along with the incredible action sequences, give you a front row seat to the chaos. It’s truly epic in its ambition, which fits with Lena Headey’s villain, Madeline “Ma-Ma” Madrigal.

To add to the film’s tone, it was shot in 3-D, and also has some mind blowing slow motion sequences, due to…oh, yeah, spoilers!!

Sadly, there were contributing factors, which led to the film’s low box office taking. It was released with a rating of R, because of the violence, swearing and drug use in the film. This meant, people under 17 years old, could not watch the movie without parental supervision. This automatically limited the range of the audience.

Another factor was the lack of marketing for the film. Dredd passed under the radar in several countries, because of the lack awareness of the film.

It’s not all doom and gloom though, Dredd was praised by audience members and the media, through the initial release, but mainly through the DVD release, which has turned it into a cult film. There’s been discussions about a possible sequel, which I have stated before, that I hope does not happen. Instead, I want a television show, because the world of Judge Dredd, needs to be explored next week. Drokk it!

Dredd is a criminally underrated film, that you need to see.

Alright, that’s it for me. If you ever get a chance to see The Running Man, Payback, or Dredd, please take it. And just like Aang marrying Katara, it’s something you won’t regret.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

1 Pun, very much intended.

2 I know, who knew 2017 was going to be that interesting.

Climate Change: Can you do anything about it?

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People, Science

I want to talk about Climate Change. Why? Because it’s a hot button topic currently and it needs to be discussed, and backed up with action. You may have noticed that I have used upper case letters for Climate Change; the reason is, at least to me, the situation is that severe, it deserves capital letters.

Before I go any further, we need to clear up two things about this blog post. Firstly, I try in vain to make my blog posts funny and entertaining, which is more difficult than I thought it would ever be. Talking about comics, being a parent, the DMZ, are lots of fun to me. However, I find nothing funny about the concept of Climate Change.

Secondly, I have to assume something about you.1 If you’re reading this blog, I have to assume you must accept two things: 1.) Climate Change is real, and 2.) Climate Change is caused by human activity and it’s increasing. Also let’s make sure we all agree what Climate Change actually is.

The way I understand Climate Change, are the overall global weather patterns, caused by an increased build up of greenhouses gases like carbon dioxide (CO2) and others, like methane. This is done through burning fossil fuels like coal, petrol and oil; deforestation; agricultural techniques and livestock farming; among other things.

What this means, is that the Earth is slowly becoming warmer. Because global weather patterns are connected, and if the average global temperature continues to rise, the regions that are hot, will get hotter; the regions that are cold; will get colder. Basically, global weather patterns will take steroids, and dial worldwide disasters up to 11.

Sweet, we’re on the same page, now.

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

So…. can you stop Climate Change by yourself? No, no you can’t. The situation is too massive for any one person to solve. However, can you do anything about Climate Change? Yes, yes you can.

From my perspective, Climate Change is a leveller. It doesn’t matter about your age, gender, religion, nationality, job, sexual orientation, or anything else; Climate Change affects every single person in the world, in addition to the non-human residents, that we share this spinning ball of rock and water with.

The world’s greatest living science communicator, Sir David Attenborough, recently said at COP26 (26th summit of Conference of the Parties):

“We are, after all, the greatest problem solvers to have ever existed on Earth.” “If working apart, we are a force powerful enough to destabilise our planet. Surely working together, we are powerful enough to save it.”

That man is 95 years old, and he can still kick more arse in one day, that I can do in my entire life. With that message, what can any one person do, to reduce the amount of CO2 in the Earth’s atmosphere? You can do it by making small changes in your lifestyle, but also inspiring others to change as well.

Slowing down Climate Change, can seem quite over whelming for a species, let only for a single person. Having said that, here are some simple lifestyle choices, that can help you reduce your CO2 emissions, on a daily basis. You don’t have to sacrifice anything, it’s all about making small changes, that slowly add up.

I need to point something out: Climate Change was not caused by you, and you alone. It’s not your personal responsibility to fix this problem; however you are more than entitled to help, and inspire others to help as well.

Central and local governments; international, national, and local companies; corporations; and communities, all have to help, not just you. There are many factors that stand in our way like technology, poverty, taxes, employment, politics, laws, and the economy, that need to be considered and solved.

This is because my CO2 emissions, will be different from somebody living in the USA, or Libya, or Ghana, or China, or any other place that ends with the letter “A”. You however, are allowed to make other people care, so they can act too.

Small changes can be:

  • Switching to an electric car or lawnmower.
  • Setting up a car pool.
  • Riding more public transportation.
  • Walking or cycling more.
  • Buying local produce.
  • Buying and planting more trees.
  • Eating less meat.
  • Turning off electricity, when you don’t need it.

These changes can help with the battle against Climate Change, but if we as a species want to win this war, we need to get very serious, very quickly. If you want real changes against rising CO2 emissions, then you only have one last resort: democracy.

Large changes can be:

The answer is about elections, in particular, voting. To really bring about meaningful and positive results in the campaign of lowering CO2 emissions, we need to do two things: influence the decision makers; and vote into power, people whom are passion about solving this problem. The decision and law makers hold the future of life on this planet in their hands; it’s our job to convince them to save this world.

You need to get them to care.

At local and national elections, you should look for candidates that have strong Climate Change polices, and vote for them. We do not need any more people of authority, dismissing or not understanding how severe the situation is. We need the right polices, the right technology and the right people in power.

It’s up to us to put them there, so they can execute our will and solve the problem of Climate Change; and we need it now.

Before I go and stop UMC1 and UMC2 from jumping on their beds again, I want to credit and thank Kurzgesagt for their Climate Change video. Their video can explain things to a far better clarity on the topic, than I could ever hope to achieve.

They are not a sponsor, because I am not popular enough to be sponsored; I just love their work. They are the best at what they do, and what they do is amazing.

To quote Jonathan Hickman, the writer of East of West:

“No. It’s not a game. This is the world. It is not the one we were supposed to have, but it’s the one we made. We did this. We did it with open eyes and willing hands. We broke it, and there is no putting it back together. But I’m damned already… so at least I’m going to try.”

With fighting Climate Change, we need to do better. I’m in; are you?

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

1 You know what they say; you should never assume, because it makes an ass out of you and me.

The KKK and their unintentional positive impacts

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, People

I want to talk about the Ku Klux Klan. Why? Well, I mentioned them in my blog introduction, a long time ago. I said, “I want to showcase and discuss some of my personal heroes and icons, people that I think have made a positive impact on me; but also shaped and changed the world for the better. Remember, I did say I’m a geek. However, I do want to also highlight people or groups that have had the opposite effect; the Ku Klux Klan, I’m looking at you.”

I recently realised, that I still hadn’t discussed them, so I thought it’s time I rectified that. Now I am not going to explain the history and origins of that happy little sunshine group known as the KKK, because I feel we all understand that their message is filled with racism, violence, bigotry, prejudice, and stupidity.

And if you have never heard of the KKK; firstly, congratulations; secondly, do yourself a favour and look them up.

SPOLIER ALERT: The KKK suck.

Image by Here and now, unfortunately, ends my journey on Pixabay from Pixabay

So what can be said about the KKK, that has not already been said before? People a lot smarter than me have made movies and documentaries exploring the KKK, in fictional and non-fictional contexts; and they have also written books concerning the KKK’s various negative impacts on history and society.

What can a white guy, living in the South Pacific, with the craziest eyebrows, this side of the 1984 Dune’s version of Thufir Hawat, add to the discourse? How about the KKK having three unintentional positive impacts on global society?

Now before you decided to stop reading this blog, please continue and have a little faith in where I’m going with this.

The first unintentional positive impact the KKK have had on our lives, is the power to unite people against them. Collective villains are easy to dislike or hate; Daleks, The Borg, Zombies, Nazis, and the list could go on. The KKK are a very easy target for people’s displeasure, which they deserve 100%.

The extremely badly written point I’m trying to make here, is that the majority of people dislike them. Whether you’re from left or right wing politics, and everything in between; straight or LBGTQ+; 15 or 95 years old; white or black, and everything in between; everybody across the different groups seem to all have one similar trait: they all dislike the KKK.

To unite people across society, and to share the same annoyance of the KKK, is truly positive. It must take a special group of fools, to piss off nearly everybody.

For the next positive impact, it’s all displaying the best and brightest of the white supremacy group. By this I mean, they are promoting the need for accurate spelling. What am I talking about? Well, the correct spelling of the word klan in English, is actually clan. So what the KKK have been doing, is running around, spewing out white supremacy garbage; but the entire time, one of the three words in their actual name, has been spelt incorrectly.

Whether this spelling was done intentional or someone down the line, thought it would be a great idea; the fact remains, the KKK spell clan, as klan. The unintentional positive impact is highlighting the need for correct spelling and the importance of education. Stay in school and do your homework; go Team Education!

The third reason is actually quite easy to identify: their clothes make them look like ghosts. Now I personally don’t know any ghosts, so I have no idea whether they would be alright being linked to the KKK or not. It does make me think though, what would happen if ghosts were asked about their connection to the KKK? Their response would be, “Hell no, they have nothing to do with us. Don’t you dare group those losers with us!”

I think there are very few things as funny, as grown men dressing up in sheets, explaining how superior they are, while others are not. This is the unintentional positive impact: making people smile and laughing at you, while you walk around looking like a broke arse ghost, with a racism addiction.

There you have it, three unintentional positive impacts the KKK with given us; because everything else they have given us, has been crap.

Anyway, I have to go; my children are fighting over imaginary cupcakes. Again. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.