I want to talk about conspiracy theories. Why? Because everybody loves a good conspiracy theory. Whether it’s Barack Obama was born in Kenya; toothpaste has mind controlling drugs in it; the Earth is hollow; the existence of Bigfoot; 9/11 was an inside job; space is a hoax; Coke vs New Coke; chemtrails; AIDS was created by scientists; Paul Rudd is immortal; and there are no Olsen twins, it’s just one person.¹

Why people believe in conspiracy theories, is not the basis on this blog. I am going to focus on what they actually believe; in fact, just six conspiracy theories. Six conspiracy theories that are insane, mental, crazy and utter lunacy.

There are many crazy arsed conspiracy theories floating around in this beautiful world of ours. There is a lot, but these six…well, let’s just say they upset me for different reasons. Mainly, they deal with misinformation, disinformation and a lot of falsehoods.

I have organised these conspiracy theories into three groups. The first group contains the conspiracy theories that I view as harmless and idiotic. What I mean is that believing in any conspiracy theory in this group, will not get people hurt, killed and cause offense. Just other people shaking their heads, thinking “Do they seriously believe that?”²

The second group is reserved for conspiracy theories that; to me; are highly offensive to a lot of people. Once you read it, you’ll understand.

Finally the third group, this is where people believing in these conspiracy theories, have a direct and harmful to you and other people. Basically, believing in these conspiracy theories actually negatively impacts the world.

I do feel the need to point out a warning though; this blog is not very funny, because conspiracy theories; to some degree are not funny, so I’ve been more serious than I should. Sorry.

So, let’s look at this delightful, charming selection of wonderful, well thought out conspiracy theories, that…upset me.

Group 1: Harmless

Flat Earth

Let’s start with the Mother Goose of conspiracy theories: Flat Earth. Ok, so a believer of this conspiracy theory is called a Flat Earther. They believe that instead of the Earth being a spinning globe, that orbits the Sun; the Earth is actually a flat plane with the Sun orbiting Earth, above us. The Flat Earth theory tends to be a somewhat gateway theory, to larger and even crazier theories out there; said Alice as she tumbled down the rabbit hole of YouTube videos.

There are several different versions of the Flat Earth model; because funnily enough, they can not agree on an official model. The main points on a Flat Earth are that: the Earth is flat; the Earth is stationary; the edge of the Earth is surrounded by a gigantic ice wall, which is in fact, Antarctica; the Earth is enclosed underneath a dome; and the Sun and the Moon are enclosed in the dome with us. Apparently the Sun and the Moon are the same size!

The conspiracy part of this theory is that NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) ESA (European Space Agency) and every other space agency; along with governments from around the globe,³ are suppressing the information about the world being flat, while lying to us on a daily basis.

Now, in my humble opinion, for someone to believe in this, you need to reject or deny a lot of things. Things like planetary evolution, stellar evolution, classical mechanics, Newtonian physics, plate tectonics, the general theory of relativity, Magellan’s circumnavigation, Earth’s 15 degree per hour drift, Kepler’s laws of planetary motion, the Heliocentric model, photographs from space and the list goes on.⁴

You also need to disbelieve that various people have already discovered the Earth was a globe, from Ancient Greek philosophers (scientists) like Pythagoras to Aristarchus to Eratosthenes, going back 2,500 years ago, using observations and calculations.

Among many things that upset me about this nonsense, is that these reality challenged people still can not explain or debunk the problem of the horizon or to prove the existence of the dome! Basically, to me, believing in the Flat Earth theory is harmless. Idiotic and crazy, but still harmless. We have known the Earth is a globe for thousands of years, but apparently, some people still have not got the message. Maybe 5G is to blame?

Evolution deniers

Now the people that believe in this conspiracy theory, are exactly what would expect: evolution deniers. They believe in creationism or intelligent design and reject the long established theory of evolution. Basically they are anti-evolution. I know, I know, the list does not get any better.

The conspiracy theory is that the elite; mainstream media; and scientists want to control the narrative about this subject and steer to towards evolution and away from thing else. They can claim that fossils are fake, research is biased, or information can be reinterpreted. Also the notion that humans could be related to apes, is quite a sore point.

This has brought the debate about whether creationism should be taught in public schools, instead of evolution; or at least along side it, in many countries over the years; aka the science vs religion dilemma.

What upsets me, is that much like Earth being spherical, evolution is a proven scientific fact; yet people living in the 21st century, still deny it. They reject the mountain of research and information from world class scientists like Alfred Russel Wallace; Richard Dawkins; Julian Huxley; Eugenie Scott; Gregor Mendel; Julian Huxley; August Weismann; Theodosius Dobzhansky; Eugene Dubois; Georges-Louis Leclerc, Comte de Buffon; Charles Darwin and hundreds of others.

They also reject the the concepts and evidence of adaptation; homology; genetics; natural selection; niches; cladograms; molecular clocks; anagenesis; genetic drift; atavisms; and one of my favourites, convergent evolution.

Not accepting the evolution theory, is to me, just lunacy. Just like the Flat Earth theory, the believers of the Anti-Evolution theory are harmless. These people are misinformed and misguided, but harmless.

The Moon Landing

Now this conspiracy theory is lazy. Just, really lazy. Believers of this one, claim that not only is space not real, but the Apollo 11 Moon Landing in 1969, was actually fake.⁵ They believe that the whole event was filmed in a Hollywood studio, with Stanley Kubrick as the possible director.

They also claim several camera shots; angles of shadows; lighting sources; lack of stars; lack of blast crater; environmental and transmissions issues; along with other things, all point to the lunar landing to be staged, with the astronauts as paid actors.

To me, this is just crazy talk. Every single insane claim of NASA trickery, can actually be explained with logic, science and information. What makes me laugh is; if this conspiracy theory is to be believed, not one person involved in this cover up has come forward with real evidence. After 50 years?!

Is the reason this has not happened, because of how well the hundreds; if not thousands of people involved, have remained silent? Or is it because there is no cover up?

What upsets me about this conspiracy theory, is that a motivated and dedicated group of people, dreamt big and did something that changed the fate of human history, has become a meme mocking joke with some idiots and at the same time, belittling their achievements, by people claiming it never happened. It’s just utter nonsense to call the Moon Landing fake. It really is. Believers of this conspiracy theory are just so wrong, but at the end of the day, they are harmless.

So, the first group contains conspiracy theories that are pretty crazy, but they are harmless. If you meet any believers of these theories, you may be torn between giving them a hug and saying you forgive them for their insane ramblings, versus sitting them down and painfully and patiently explaining to them, why those conspiracy theories are wrong.

Group 2: Offensive

The second group could be a little bit more difficult to forgive. This group contains people that believe certain acts of horrific crimes towards humanity, have been over estimated or even claiming the crimes never took place. Yes, this group is about Holocaust and Genocide deniers. Sorry, there is nothing funny about this group.

Why people believe in this…well, I am not smart enough to answer that question. This conspiracy theory covers the Armenian Genocide, Bosnian and Serb Genocides, The Holodomor, Bangladesh Genocide, Cambodian Genocide, Nanjing Massacre, Rwandan Genocide and even the Holocaust; along with sadly, a lot more.

What makes it even more disturbing are the Rohingya Genocide in Myanmar and the Uyghur Genocide in North Western China, which are happening in real time; along with people denying both genocides are happening. Genocides are being committed right now in the world, however some people claim it’s all a hoax.

To me, it’s totally offensive to the people being murdered right now and the thousands of families, that have lost loved ones over the years, to have this filth being spread. To deny these crimes, or at least down play the damage that has been done, is an affront to our humanity and these vile conspiracy theories must called out. Every. Single. Time.⁶

Group 3: Dangerous

Climate Change deniers

You knew this was coming, didn’t you? I mean, how could I make a list of insane conspiracy theories and not have Climate Change deniers. Now, if you didn’t already know, people that believe in this little gem, say that against overwhelming scientific evidence; climate change is not actually happening. It’s fake; a hoax. However, even it’s a possibility that it is real, humans are not the cause of it. Some how is all about some scientists, trying to push their own agenda on to the world.

It’s a lot to digest I know; but let’s push on shall we? These people can fall into two groups: the first group believes that climate change is not happening at all; so let’s all calm down. The second group is reserved for people that accept climate change is real, but it’s not humans warming the planet, it’s part of the Earth’s natural cycle.

I have many issues with the believers of this craziness. Whether it’s the first group with simply denying that climate change does not exist or the second group passing the buck onto someone, because “…we didn’t make the mess, why should we clean it up?” They feel that that emotional, financial, physical sacrifices are too much for humanity to curb climate change, so why should they change anything about their behaviour?

These people also like using the term “global warming”, because it gives them the necessary tools to dismantle the argument. “It can’t be global warming, if we are getting colder temperatures.” or “It’s so wet and cold today, what happened to global warming?”

These people don’t understand, with rising CO₂ levels around the world, will cause the average global temperature to increase. However, the implications of this is that the colder regions of this planet, will get colder. They will experience colder temperatures and more extreme colder weather. The reverse can be said about the hotter areas, because they will just keep getting hotter.

Plus, we have not even addressed the environmental dangers faced by the non-human residents of this planet, from polar bears and other arctic creatures moving south to the rising acidity levels in the oceans, because of CO₂ build up.

The Earth’s climate is changing in real time, because of what humans are doing. To deny this, is to me; denying reality. This is extremely dangerous to you, your family and to everybody. If nine out of ten doctors state smoking is harmful to you, why would you listen to the one doctor that states the opposite? So if nine climate scientists state that climate change is real and humans are the cause of it, why in the nine levels of Dante’s hell, why would you listen to the one scientist that says climate change is a hoax? The answer is that it’s easier.

Anti-Vaxxers

As a parent, I think this conspiracy theory is the worse. Believers of the Anti-Vaxxing conspiracy theory; known as Anti-Vaxxers, have the mad impression that vaccinations simply do not work, and they are wrong/evil, so they will not vaccinate themselves; but more importantly, their children.

They believe that the drug companies, governments and certain important people around the world, have been seducing and tricking people into…saving themselves and their family?

For my own understanding, Anti-Vaxxers build their argument that vaccinations are unsafe around three major points; 1.) the different reactions that people receive after having a vaccination; 2.) a child developing autism after a vaccination; in particular, the MMR ( measles, mumps, and rubella) vaccine; 3.) they claim because their children were not vaccinated and have not developed any diseases, this proves that vaccinations are a hoax.

Now before I go on, I need to point out that vaccinations are a form of medicine. And just like any medicine, there can be reactions to it. Nothing is 100% safe to 100% of the population. People can be allergic to something that is known to them or unknown. Because of this, some people develop reactions to different vaccines.

This can range from the most common symptoms like pain, swelling, or redness where the shot was administered; mild fever; muscle and joint aches; headaches; feeling tired; chills; and fainting. It’s interesting to note that these side effects, are a signal that your body is beginning to create an immunity against the disease. (Vaccines, 2021).

Some serious side effects from vaccines can be difficulty breathing; swelling of your face and throat; a fast heartbeat; a bad rash all over your body; dizziness and weakness. (Vaccines, 2021). Because of these side effects, Anti-Vaxxers claim that this proves vaccinations are actually dangerous and should be outlawed. It’s funny, because you have a greater chance of getting struck by lightning, than developing a side effect of a vaccination.

Let’s now look at the autism debate. Anti-Vaxxers will state time, and time again, about the links between autism and vaccinations. This dates back to a British doctor, when in 1998, published a paper claiming direct links between autism and the MMR vaccine. Because of this, researchers wanted to investigate the claim, so they did a series of studies, covering thousands of children that received the MMR vaccine against thousands of children whom never received the vaccine.

Can you guess the result? The rate of autism was the same for both groups. This resulted in the original paper being withdrawn and widely discredited, while the doctor was struck off the medical register. There are no links between autism and the MMR vaccine. Autism is not caused by the MMR vaccine.⁷ It is bonkers to suggest anything else.

The last argument can be summed up with herd immunity. If 24 out of 25 children in a classroom have been immunised, the 24 children will help protect the one child that is not immunised. By having the greater population of children and adults being vaccinated in the community, this means they are protected; but also they can protect the people that are not vaccinated.

Vaccinations, in my small and humble opinion, could quite possibly be the single greatest invention in human history and also the world’s best tool to eradicate diseases, that cause avoidable deaths in children and adults.

If an Anti-Vaxxer starts talking about how their child is not vaccinated and they are fine; it’s because of the other children being vaccinated around them, have kept their child safe, by not allowing the disease to spread to them. Also considering the global COVID-19 crisis, I wonder how Anti-Vaxxers view the world now?

I believe you have the right not to vaccinate yourself and your children if you choose to; but you can not argue with the science behind it.

I was going to entertain discussing the conspiracy theory about QAnon and the US 2020 election….but I decided not to. I don’t want to give it any more oxygen than it already has. Plus it’s just bat-shit crazy.

So what should you do, if you ever meet anybody from these groups? Just smile and be polite; and don’t bring up any of this insanity. It’s not worth it. However, if they start trying to educate you on their truth….well, you have permission to enlighten them. Let’s change the world, with one crazy conspiracy theorist at a time.

Thanks for reading and see you in a fortnight!

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References:

Vaccines. (2021). Vaccines Side Effects. Retrieved from https://www.vaccines.gov/basics/safety/side_effects

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¹ This important conspiracy theory was brought to the world’s attention by John Oliver. Thanks, John.

² Yes, 100% they do.

³ Pun intended.

⁴ Everything I just listed is above reproach.

⁵ Many Flat Earthers believe in this conspiracy theory as well, because since NASA is lying about a Flat Earth, so why wouldn’t they be lying about the Moon Landing?

⁶ Sorry, I think this group of people could quite possibly annoy me the most.

⁷ Autism is actually a highly genetic disorder.