I want to talk about my wife. Why? Among many things that she likes, which include Lego computer games, painting, Harry Potter, and stealing blankets from her cold husband, she also likes musicals. To say she is a fan of musicals, would not do that statement any sort of justice. She is a geek in her own right, but her love of musicals takes it to another level.

Now I do need to address the misleading title for this blog post; my wife has two favourite musicals: Les Misérables and The Phantom of the Opera. So for the sake of getting sleep this week, I’m only going to look at Les Misérables, so the Phantom will have to wait his turn.

So…musicals. I’m not like my wife, because I actually try to avoid musicals; I’m not a huge fan. I mean I did grow up watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, being screened for every public holiday in New Zealand. As I’m writing this, I’m having flashbacks of “Me Ol’ Bamboo” and “The Candyman”.

Before we can dive into Les Misérables, we need to understand why my wife loves it so much. This is her response:

The book I hate. It was too long and complicated.

The soundtrack is great, because it’s perfect for a long car trip, not that you [as in me] will sit and listen to it.

The movie [the 2012 version] was visually cool, but half of the cast couldn’t sing.

My favourite version is the 25th anniversary concert. I could watch that once a week and never get tired of it.

It makes a depressing subject, fun and I’m really good at remembering song lyrics, so it’s a challenge, so I like that aspect of it. A lot of the songs are catchy and memorable.

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With that in mind, I have never seen Les Misérables, as a live production. I knew it was based on a book, written by the ultra happy, Victor Hugo.

I remember I saw the 1998 movie version at some point, and I liked it. Javert seemed like a jerk, but I enjoyed it anyway. I also realised that they had made the film into a historical drama, but without the singing. Liam Neeson could have kicked more arse in it though.

Fast forward to early 2013, when the new film came out. My girlfriend at the time was my future wife, and she had explained her love of Les Misérables to me, so we agreed to go and see the film.

Now I had heard that this film version of Les Misérables, would not be like the 1998 film, because there would be singing, hence the whole musical aspect. I understood this, so I told myself that I could handle it. “A few songs here and there, mate, you’ll be fine“, I told myself. What an idiot.

So at the cinema, we sat down and my girlfriend was extremely excited, because she had already talked about some of her favourite songs; she was ready. As the film opened, it began with a song, while the prisoners were working. I thought that was common for a musical to open with a song, so I let it pass.

Then Russel Crowe’s Javert, started singing to Hugh Jackman’s Jean Valjean. It was at this point, that my Geek-Sense started tingling. “Why are they singing dialogue?” I asked myself. That’s really odd.

As the film progressed, I found characters singing more dialogue. A lot of dialogue. I was starting to get worried. I suddenly remembered the Billy Connolly joke about opera, with a character singing about going over a hill. I started to get anxious about what I was watching.

I leaned over to my girlfriend, and whispered in her ear, “There seems to be a lot of singing in this movie.” She turned to me, laughed, smiled, and whispered back, “That’s what the whole movie is, it’s all singing.” With that, she turned back to the screen.

I was now at the stage where I was noticing the other members of the audience. People on my left were singing. People on my right were singing. People behind and in front of me, were singing. The whole theatre was singing; whether it was softly or loudly, but they were singing.

I turned back to my girlfriend, and I finally understood. She was singing softly as well. I was surrounded by people singing their favourite songs, and I didn’t know a single word. I was watching a movie where people were singing dialogue. The singing had not stopped, nor would it. For 158 minutes, I was trapped, and it was all my fault.

After accepting my fate, I decided to try and concentrate on the film and block out the singing, which was extremely difficult. However, there was a shining moment for me. Javert confronted Valjean, where they started having a sword/wood fight.

I loved this, because I knew Crowe was going to play Jor-El in Man of Steel, and Jackman was Wolverine. So to me, Jor-El was fighting Wolverine. Because of this, I popped my claws on my left hand, and quietly said, “Snikt.”

My girlfriend saw me waving my set of claws about and quietly asked, “What are you doing?” I gently replied, “Wolverine’s fighting Superman’s Dad”, to which she just rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen.

I’m pleased to report, that I managed to survive the experience. After it had finished, my girlfriend laid out the positive and negative things about the film; apparently the plot flowed quite well, but the actors were terrible singers, in her humble opinion.

This leaves us with the question: what do I think of Les Misérables? I love history, so from that viewpoint, I loved it. It’s a great story, just a bit too much singing for me. I mean, do people really have to sing dialogue? No, no they don’t.

Anyway, my wife loves it, so I guess that’s what counts. Maybe.

If I was a faster typist, I could write more blogs per week, but I’m slower than Uncle Iroh serving and drinking tea, so sorry about that. Thanks for reading, wash your hands, and I’ll see you next week.

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