Well here it is, the final part in the trilogy that nobody asked for! If you would like to read Part One or Part Two, please take a moment from my ramblings and look them up. We’re in the home stretch now, so let’s do it!
Much Ado About Nothing
Act III, Scene III: Don Pedro, Claudio, and Don John, witness Hero’s “unfaithfulness“
Now I know what you’re thinking, you actually don’t get to see this; it’s only explained as some event that has happened off stage, by Borachio, a follower of Don John. The night before his wedding to Hero, Claudio is told by Don John, that his fiancée can be seen in the arms of another man, in her bedroom.
Because of this, Don John invited Claudio and Don Pedro to view the scandal later that night. However, what Claudio and Don Pedro are unaware of, is that the woman that they witness in Hero’s room, is actually Hero’s chambermaid, Margaret; while the man is actually Borachio.
The whole thing is a set up, in order for Claudio and Hero’s wedding to be ruined, by Don John’s scheming. Claudio and Don Pedro believe that the woman in the window, is actually Hero, which leads to Claudio to humiliate Hero on their wedding day, by casting her aside.
It all works out in the end, but imagine if Claudio and Don Pedro; through the help of Dogberry, the constable in charge of the night watch, could review CCTV footage. They could see the people in the room more clearly, but also record the different people that entered and left the building, as well as tracking down Hero, to establish her alibi.
By reviewing CCTV footage and discovering the truth early on, a lot of tears and drama could have be saved. Although Benedick and Beatrice would still provide entertainment for the masses.
Richard III
Act IV, Scene IV: Richard III learns of Henry Tudor’s invasion
The year is 1485, and the Earl of Richmond, Henry Tudor, is crossing the English Channel with an army, to wrestle the crown from Richard III. Richard learns of Henry’s invasion and prepares to face him with the royal army. Sadly for Richard, the campaign does not go well for him.
On the 22nd August 1485, the Yorks and Lancasters meet for the final battle of the War of the Roses, at Bosworth Field. Spoilers, but Richard lost the battle, the crown and his head. Henry Tudor became Henry VII, King of England and Lord of Ireland.
Richard could have avoided his fate by implementing more taxes at the border, more strip searches, more forms to fill out, and cancelled a lot of passports and visas. By creating a bureaucratic nightmare at the border, Henry’s army would be held back for days, in order for all of his troops to be processed.
By doing this, it gives Richard more time to plan and save his kingdom. Yes I know he’s the villain of the play, but by adding some Brexit issues at the border, Richard remains king. Maybe.
Othello
Act I, Scene III: Iago thinks Othello has slept with his wife, Emilia, and vows revenge
This is a simple one. Iago, is a ensign in service to the Venetian military, and under the command of Othello. Iago is jealous of Othello for many stupid reasons, but the main one is that he believes that Othello has slept with his wife, Emilia; which is not true. Because of this, Iago vows revenge and slowly starts to form a plan.
Through his paranoid and jealously, Iago basically ruins everyone’s lives. But what if Othello knew about Iago’s mental health issues? What if Othello, using his authority as a general, could get Iago the professional help he needed?
Maybe this could be in the form of some therapy sessions, or a second honeymoon with his wife, or a promotion and relocation for him? Whatever the case, by Othello being aware of Iago’s mental health issues and trying to help him, it may not only save Iago, but everybody else as well.
There’s that or just get Desdemona to use tissues instead of a handkerchief. Either way, everybody lives!
As You Like It
Act I, Scene II: Orlando wrestles Charles in front of Duke Frederick’s court
I don’t really know where to start with this one, because there are a few plot lines already revealed to the audience, before the wrestling scene occurs. Orlando is the youngest son of the late Sir Rowland de Boys, and he’s been mistreated by Oliver, his older brother.
Oliver is the heir to their father’s estate, and is being a right jerk to Orlando, concerning money and education. Because of this, Orlando is planning on earning some extra money, by going up against Charles, the court wrestler. Oliver learns of this match and schemes with Charles, to defeat Orlando.
During the wrestling match, Orlando defeats Charles and earns some cash; but he is soon told to leave after Duke Frederick learns his identity. This is because Frederick and Rowland were enemies.
Rosalind, Duke Senior’s daughter, is watching the match and meets Orlando, to which they both discover, that they like each other. Later on Rosalind and her cousin, Celia, are exiled from the court.
Now some other crazy stuff happens later on, but I can’t stop thinking about what would happen, if Orlando used some professional wrestling moves on Charles, like the Hurricanrana, Flying Elbow, Jackhammmer, Jackknife Powerbomb, or the Figure-four leglock.
By doing these crazy moves in later matches, Orlando would become a celebrity, thus earning respect from Oliver, honour from Duke Frederick, money from his fans, and finally, having the confidence to talk to fair Rosalind properly, and eventually marry her. Everybody wins. Well maybe not Duke Senior, but we could work on that.
As for Jaques, he would be disappointed if he had a happy ending.
King Lear
Act I, Scene I: King Lear reveals his plan to his three daughters
So let’s set the scene shall we? Lear is the King of Britain, but he is elderly and tired, so he wishes to retire from the monarchy. Because of this, he comes up with one of the worst ideas in all of literature; Lear decides to divide the kingdom among his three daughters, and declares he will offer the largest share to the one who loves him most.
Two of his daughters, Goneril and Regan, flatter their father with large empty statements, but Lear is impressed by their words. Cordelia is the youngest daughter to speak, though she is silent. She later explains that she loves Lear exactly as much as a daughter should love her father, no more and no less.
Lear throws a fit about this and exiles Cordelia, and the kingdom is divided up between Goneril and Regan. And because this play is a tragedy, nothing from here on in works out.
So to avoid this story turning into a tale of woe, Lear could have consulted his close friends, the Earl of Gloucester and the Earl of Kent. They both would have advised Lear to select Cordelia, because she is obviously the humblest of the three daughters.
However there is a second way to avoid disaster. King Lear could have kept the original idea of proving which daughter loves him the most, but instead of the daughters proving it with their words, Lear could look at their social media accounts.
Now not every adult on the planet had a social media account, or at least, uses it on a daily basis. The case could be made though, that the daughters of the king, would in fact have social media accounts.
Lear would discover lots of anti-father rants on Goneril and Regan’s social media accounts, along with photos of their lavish lifestyles, because, you know, they would be social influencers.
Cordelia’s social media account would be about promoting charities, or trying to bring about social justice reforms. Even though the account would not be covered in declarations of love for his father, there would not be a single social media post of hate, aimed at her father. Lear would then realise Cordelia would be the ideal monarch, rather than his two other daughters, and their greedy husbands. Case closed.
Macbeth
Act I, Scene III: Macbeth and Banquo meet the Three Witches
A drum, a drum! Macbeth doth come. For me, the entire outcome of the play can be changed with this one scene. Macbeth and Banquo are returning from a battle, when they meet the Three Witches. The witches start talking about Macbeth’s future, in particular becoming the Thane of Cawdor, and King of Scotland.
It’s from here, that the witches’ words, added later on with Lady Macbeth’s advice, and Macbeth’s own inner most thoughts, that sets Macbeth on a path that only brings death, carnage and ruin to Scotland.
But it didn’t have to be that way. When Macbeth and Banquo first meet the witches; and considering they’re generals, they could have ordered the witches to produce their COVID-19 passes or their face mask exemption cards.
Upon the witches producing nothing, Macbeth could have ordered the witches off the land, or commanded some soldiers to escort them away. They could return after producing their vaccine passports, or wearing face masks; but we all know they would never do that.
Even if Macbeth had held dreams of taking the throne from King Duncan, by not hearing the witches’ prophecies, would have saved a lot of lives and heart ache for Macbeth, and especially for Macduff.
And with that, I’m done. This has been fun, but it’s time to eat my chips, and watch Superman & Lois. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.
BTW, Glory to Ukraine.
SOME GEEK TOLD ME 
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