Welcome to Part Two of my Contemporary Shakespeare Endings. If you haven’t already read Part One, please take a moment and look it up. I can’t promise you’ll like it, but at least it will make some sort of sense.
The Tempest
Act II, Scene I: Antonio and Alonso are washed up on the island
Antonio, the Duke of Milan, and Alonso, the King of Naples, along with some others, were travelling on a ship. The problem is that the ship is engulfed in a tempest, that was caused by Prospero, a self taught wizard, and Antonio’s brother. As the play goes on, a large collection of people are washed up on Prospero’s island, but nobody knows that. They are stumbling about trying to figure out where they are.
So instead of this, let’s remember that the King of Naples and the Duke Of Milan, are among them, and they would both have a GPS tracking device on them. Seriously, a king and duke have gone missing! Why would their security crew, not have the means to locate the king and duke, anywhere on the planet?
A GPS tracking device would allow their security crews to identify the locations of their missing employers, thus finding them would become a lot faster. This could mean that an engagement, and other minor things like justice and forgiveness, may never occur later on in the play; because, “Hell is empty and all the devils are here.”
Antony and Cleopatra
Act II, Scene II: Antony agrees to marry Octavia/Act III, Scene X: Antony leaves the Battle of Actium
To me, this whole play is built around the fact that Mark Antony falls in love with Cleopatra, and sails off with her to Egypt, leaving his wife, Fulvia, behind in Rome. As the years go by, Antony could has easily divorced Fulvia, and married Cleopatra, in a modern setting. However, Antony has two more chances to save his fate.
The first chance for survival was after Fulvia has died. Antony agrees to marry Octavius Caesar’s sister, Octavia, so to cement a new bond between the two men, because things are not going well for them. Now instead of marrying Octavia, Antony could have put his money where his mouth is, and refused the proposal, and married his de facto wife, Cleopatra.
Granted there would have been no guarantee that the marriage would have worked, but at least Antony could have proven to Cleopatra, that she was the one that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It’s a no-brainer, Mark. Seriously.
The second chance of survival was at the Battle of Actium. Antony is fighting Octavius’ navy near Actium, in the Ionian Sea. Antony and Cleopatra had an alliance, but Cleopatra’s fleet turns and retreats, which means Antony follows, which in turn means the battle is lost.
If Antony had a radio system on his flagship, he could have easily been talking to Cleopatra during the entire battle. This way, both Antony and Cleopatra would have been in constant communication with each other, thus hopefully preventing Cleopatra from leaving and saving themselves; because we all know, there were actually Romeo and Juliet 2.0.
Hamlet
Before the play starts: The death of Hamlet’s father, King Hamlet
Now I have about thought Hamlet for awhile, and the best thing that I could think of, for the course of the play to be changed, doesn’t happen during the play. When we are first introduced to the rotting state of Denmark, we meet the various characters, but we also learn of a death.
Before the curtain was raised, Hamlet, King of Denmark had died. His widow, Gertrude, then marries Claudius, brother to King Hamlet. Claudius is now King Claudius, however the Crown Prince Hamlet, is not happy about his father being dead, and his mother marrying his father’s brother. It sounds like a storyline from a soap opera.
Anyway, the whole saga is extremely stressful for Hamlet, which is slowly going to turn his mind mad, like a bag of bees. Because of this, things go from awkward to apocalyptic.
The point here is this: Before Hamlet’s father’s ghost pops in for a cameo, Hamlet should have pressed for an autopsy or an investigation into his father’s death; or better, bring in some type of Danish CSI team. They would solve the King’s death in 40-45 minutes, then EVERYBODY could survive, and Claudius would become prison currency. With professionals investigating the King’s death, Hamlet’s life and mental health would still be intact.
The Taming of the Shrew
Act I, Scene I: Baptista explains his position on his daughters marrying
The problem and solution to this play, begins in the first scene of the first act. Baptista Minola has two daughters; Katherina and Bianca. Bianca has two suitors, in the forms of Hortensio and Gremio, but they are both clearly not husband material for her.
Baptista basically states that since Katherina is the elder daughter, she must marry before Bianca does. So before anybody can be a serious suitor for Bianca or marry her, Katherina must be married first.
I need to point out there is a huge amount of sexism in this play, however for the late 16th century, this was very common. What I would change, would not be a character using a some modern piece of technology, but more of a shift in ideology.
Someone; whether it’s Bianca, Hortensio, Gremio, Tranio, Lucentio, Petruchio, or even Katherina, needs to talk to Baptista about his views. Bianca should be free to marry whomever she wishes, when she is ready, and the same for Katherina. If and when Katherina is ready to date, she could join Tinder, or some other dating site/app. Let it be her choice, rather than other people making decisions for her and about her.
Henry V
Act III, Scene VII: The French camp, near Agincourt
King Henry V of England, has invaded France for various and complicated reasons, with his army of about 6,000 soldiers, camped near Agincourt. The French were camped on the other side, with the Dauphin, the Duke of Orléans, Lord Rambures, and the Constable of France, among others. From here, they are discussing the upcoming battle, where they believe they will kick the English army’s arse.
Heavy rain has made the ground extremely muddy, so walking in full plate armour, and deploying cavalry, would become very difficult. Now, if the French commanders had weather reports via satellite imagery, they would know about the rain before hand, and the likely result it would have on the terrain.
Because of this knowledge, the French would know what a disadvantage they would be in if they fought, so they could choose to fall back, until they could find the ideal region to confront Henry’s smaller army and crush him.
This of course did not happen, because the French army fought the English at Agincourt, where they lost. Very badly. Henry then pushes on and claims the French crown, all because the French did not have modern weather reports via satellite imagery.
Twelfth Night
Act I, Scene II: Viola is shipwrecked and is helped by a captain
Sebastian and Viola are twins, and even though they are brother and sister, they do look alike. They were travelling on a ship, when it hit a reef and sank. Viola is washed up on the coast of Illyria, having no knowledge on what happened to her brother. It sounds like it had something to do with Prospero, but he was too busy being angry at Caliban.
She meets a captain, and after discussing her ordeal, he reveals that he saw Sebastian tied to a big mast floating in the sea. Viola is hopeful because of this positive news, so she decides to become a servant of Orsino, Duke of Illyria, and disguise herself as a man, in order to protect herself.
Now imagine this was you. Your twin sibling may or may not survived a shipwreck, and you’re now in another country, with no mobile phone. What do you do? Go and join the local ruler’s court? No, you find someone that has access to the internet, and send an email to your sibling.
If you have lost your phone while at sea, they probably did as well; so calling them is off the table. However sending them an email is the best option, because it allows your sibling to know you are alive and what your plans are. That way, if and when your sibling reaches land, they can access their email account and they can start to track you down.
Or you could pretend to be a man; fall in love with your employer; go and woo your employer’s crush on their behalf, just so they can fall in love with you, which will create even more shenanigans. The choice is yours.
Anyway, that’s another six plays down and six more to go. Thank you once again for reading my nonsense, and I’ll see you next week for Part Three.
SOME GEEK TOLD ME 
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