Author: somegeektoldme@gmail.com

Tour of the Solar System: Jupiter

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System is now one year old, and just like inflation, the end is nowhere in sight. Even though it’s a one-way relationship, I love space and everything in it, which sounds quite oxymoronic.

This tour is not for everybody or the faint of heart. Dubbed by the New Zealand Sour Cream and Chives Preservation Society, “…the worst example of science communication this country has seen, since your uncle tried to explain hydroponics to his dog.” Harsh, but fair.

Today marks the 11th tour stop, with the previous stops are as follows:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

Our last stop was the dwarf planet, Ceres, which is located in the Asteroid Belt. So, if you’ve been travelling along with us, you will realise that the next stop is rather large. It’s time to meet Jupiter!

Image by Gustavo Ackles from Pixabay

There’s more information about Jupiter, than you can shake a stick at, on your best stick-shaking day. Because of this, today’s tour stop won’t be covering everything, but I’ll still give it a go.

Just like going to a speed dating event, let’s cover some basic information about the biggest sibling in the family. Jupiter is the fifth planet from our local natural fission factory and the first of the Outer Planets or gas planets.

To the best of my knowledge and understanding, Jupiter was formed around 4.6 billion years ago, making it older than Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars; otherwise known as the Inner Planets or the terrestrial planets.

Jupiter was named after the Roman King of the Gods, … pause for dramatic effect, Jupiter! For context, the Ancient Greek equivalent was Zeus.

For its size, Jupiter would be fighting in the heavyweight bouts. If you heard the gossip from Vicky from accounting, you would know that Jupiter is the second largest object in the Solar System; behind the Sun, and the largest planet in the Solar System.

It has a diameter of 142,984 km, which seems not bad. However, when you compare Jupiter’s size to Earth’s diameter of 12,740 km, you finally get the sense that Jupiter is truly colossal; a real giant. Jupiter is so massive, it could fit 1,300 Earths inside it. To me, that is insane.

Jupiter’s orbit is quite extraordinary also. Just like the Earth, it has an elliptical orbit. Jupiter’s perihelion is roughly 741 million km, while its aphelion is 817 million km. This means the average distance from the Sun to Jupiter is about 778 million km, with an orbital speed of 13.07 km/s.

Another cool aspect of Jupiter’s orbit is its barycentre. The centre of an object’s mass or its centre of gravity, is where the most amount of mass is located; like the middle of a ruler, or the head of a hammer.

In astronomy, two objects that orbit each other will also have a centre of mass, which is the point that the objects orbit. This is known as the barycentre point, and it is usually found near the object with the largest amount of mass.

For an example, between the Sun and the Earth, the barycentre lies close to the Sun’s centre. Jupiter is different because it has a lot more mass than the Earth, so the barycentre between the Sun and Jupiter, is not near the Sun’s centre; it’s an empty point in space, just away from the surface of the Sun!

And just like a Star Wars wipe transition, this brings us to time. With Jupiter’s rotation and orbital period, it takes Jupiter 10 Earth hours to rotate once, which makes it the shortest day in the Solar System. A Jovian year equals 4,333 Earth days, which is about 11.8 Earth years.

What this means is that the last time Jupiter was located at its present location; and at the time of this writing, Barack Obama was still in his first term, The Avengers were smashing cinemas worldwide, the second season of Game of Thrones was screening, and Somebody That I Used to Know was breaking hearts everywhere.

I also need to mention, much to Gollum’s disgust, that Jupiter put a ring on it. By this I mean, Jupiter is the first planet on our tour that has rings! Yes, that is not a mistake, Jupiter has rings! They weren’t discovered until 1979, thanks to the Voyager 1 space probe.

Jupiter has four rings, but they are very different from Saturn’s. Jupiter’s rings are very thin and faint, as they are mainly made from dust; which is different from the household variety. We’re talking about micro-particles made from rocks and minerals.

Scientists love to give terrible names to things, and the Jovian rings are no exception. Starting as the closest to Jupiter and moving outwards, we have the halo ring, the main ring, the Amalthea gossamer ring, and the Thebe gossamer ring. If you think these names are terrible, just wait for the rings of Saturn!

Not only does Jupiter have memberships to two exclusive clubs; the gas giants, and the rings clubs, but it also has moons! And when I mean moons, I mean it has more moons than Tony Stark has Iron Man suits. Currently, the International Astronomical Union has officially recognised 95 moons in the Jovian System.

The four largest of these moons, are Io, Callisto, Europa and Ganymede. They’re also known as the Galilean moons, as they were discovered by Galileo Galilei in 1610, through the use of a telescope.

This made the Galilean moons the first objects in the Solar System to be discovered since humanity had been observing the planets, as well as the first objects to be found to orbit any planet that was beyond Earth.

The Galilean moons are an interest to scientists, for the possibility of harbouring life. Granted, if life does exist on one of the moons, it would be in the form of microorganisms, but who would be complaining?

It won’t be a surprise to learn that Space deniers, Flat Earthers, and supporters of the Ptolemaic model, view the Galilean moons with a level of disdain that rivals the height of Olympus Mons. It is also interesting to note that Ganymede is the largest moon in the Solar System; along with actually being larger than Mercury.

Because Jupiter is a gas giant, and unlike the terrestrial planets, it doesn’t have a true surface. Because of Jupiter’s size and mass, the atmospheric pressure would be greater than the bottom of Earth’s oceans. Jupiter is a death trap for people and spacecraft.

Like Earth’s atmosphere, the atmosphere of Jupiter is divided into layers or zones. The upper atmosphere contains about 90% hydrogen and 10% helium by volume, and 75% hydrogen and 24% helium by mass, with the remaining 1% made from other elements. The lower atmosphere is dense and consists of 71% hydrogen, 24% helium and 5% comes from other elements.

Jupiter’s atmosphere has also given the Solar System some pretty crazy weather. Winds have been recorded at the equator, clocking in at 539 km/h; it has raging cyclones and anticyclones; as well as the Big Red Spot. This is a famous high-pressure storm, that has been raging for centuries. As you can imagine, the Big Red Spot looks like a Big Red Spot. I told you scientists love giving terrible names to things.

Over the years, the Big Red Spot appears to be decreasing. Of course, this means future generations will only see the Big Red Spot in textbooks and photographs because it’s going to completely disperse. If they have access to a TARDIS, then it’s not a problem!

As I said near the start of this tremendous piece of science literature, there’s so much information about Jupiter to discuss, but as usual, I have run out of time. Well…not quite. I want to turn the amplifier up to eleven before I go.

Because of its size, Jupiter has the largest and strongest magnetic field of any planet in the Solar System, however, the Sun’s magnetic field is stronger. Jupiter’s magnetic field is 16-54 times stronger than Earth’s, and it extends 1-3 million km, in the direction of the Sun, as well as 1 billion km towards Saturn. This works out to about 7-21 times Jupiter’s diameter; which is larger than Rishi Sunak’s ego.

In addition to this, Jupiter acts as a bodyguard for the rest of the Solar System. Jupiter’s gravity well is so massive, that it attracts and diverts comets and asteroids into the Jovian System. This accounts for the extremely high rate of impacts in the Jovian System, and some scientists speculate, that this is why life on Earth has survived, because Jupiter keeps taking bullets for us.

Well, that’s it for another week. What’s your favourite fact about Jupiter? As always, please let me know. Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System will return next month, so please keep your tickets, as there are no refunds.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I give the impression that I’m cool. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, keep watching the African Cup of Nations games, and I’ll see you next week when I’m going to discuss an unassuming $83.3 million.

Movie Review: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Movies

Last week, I created one of the world’s best movie previews with Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom. So what you ask, could I do to top such an articulate, engaging, and studious form of critical literacy? By producing the review of course!

Unlike with The Flash movie last year, I didn’t purchase my ticket online. Armed with a second mortgage, I purchased my ticket from the cinema, along with my food. And just like last time, I walked straight into the theatre, with nobody stopping me to check my ticket.

On a special note, I saw the Dune: Part Two trailer there, and I wanted to shout, “Villeneuve, take my money! Take it now!”

Credit: Warner Bros.

Just like last time, let’s set the rules for the review.

1.) Please be aware there will be spoilers concerning the movie, so proceed with extreme anxiety and caution.

2.) The aim of my reviews are not to rip apart the subject or trash it. If I liked the subject enough to watch or read it, then I’ll give my honest (possibly biased) opinion.

3.) I’m not a professional critic, so I’m not going to dive into deeper concepts and themes, or the art of filmmaking. I’m just a geek; always have been, and always will be.

And with that, let the review begin!

To start at the beginning, did I like the movie? Yes, I did. Is it the greatest superhero movie ever made? No, it isn’t, but that’s ok because I had fun.

So what did I like about it? Just some quick things, I’m sorry. Firstly, and quite obviously would be the CGI. While watching the film, you can understand where the majority of the budget went. You’re setting the movie in Atlantis, with people who can live and breathe underwater, and swim at insane speeds. Of course, it looks amazing, it needs to!

I also enjoyed the design and scale of the sets, as well as the costumes. From a logistics point of view, it must be very extremely difficult to create something physical, that’s based on something else. If it’s an original piece of work, then you can make it look however you want.

However, if you’re adapting something, then you need to balance the old and new, by giving the item a sense of familiarity, mixed with contemporary, fantasy, or futuristic design. I thought the film looked gorgeous!

I also liked Arthur’s emotional growth since the last film. Yes, the core of him is still the same, but he’s changed. His new responsibilities have altered the way he sees the world, which is a positive thing.

Because of Momoa’s version of Aquaman, it was great to see humour leaking through into scenes, where I wasn’t expecting it. The difficulty of getting Arthur Jnr. to sleep, and keeping him asleep, is something I’m painfully aware of. As babies, both UMC1 and UMC2 firmly believed that sleep was only for the weak.

Amber Heard was in the film but with a much-reduced role. It may have hurt the plot because of this, but what do I know?

There are other things I enjoyed about the film, but let’s keep the movie train moving.

What about things I didn’t enjoy? I thought Kordax would have played more of a larger role. By this I mean, I thought he would have escaped his prison by the end of the first act, or the start of the second act, building to a final fight in the third act. He was defeated too quickly and easily, to be honest.

I thought Black Manta’s plan to burn the orichalcum, so he could gain access to Kordax’s prison, seemed overly complicated for such a simple thing. If Black Manta knew where Kordax’s prison was located, why couldn’t he use some flashy ultra-tech, to directly melt the ice?

Another thing that I thought was odd, was when Arthur came up with the idea of talking to Orm, the others explained that his jailors, the Deserters, would never allow this to happen. Arthur then explains he’s just going to break Orm out of prison instead, at the risk of igniting a war with them.

I realise the film needed a reason for Orm to be out of prison, I just thought it was strange that the best option open to them, was to break him out.

Alright, what about my preview questions?

  • Will Arthur and Orm’s relationship copy Thor and Loki’s? Yes, in a lot of ways, it did. At one point, Arthur even referred to Orm as Loki.
  • Will Orm have a redemption arc or will he return to his evil ways? He did have a redemption arc, and also found some much needed closure.
  • Is Black Manta one-dimensional? In this version, he certainly is. He can’t move past wanting vengeance against Arthur, over the death of his father.
  • What is Arthur’s relationship with Mera and Atlanna? Arthur is still happily married to Mera, and from what I saw, he’s still close with Atlanna.
  • Will there be a “talking to fish” reference? From what I remember, and I could be wrong about this, there wasn’t. However, both Arthur and Arthur Jnr., talk to some marine creatures in the film.
  • Will the plot be convincing or predictable? I think the plot was both. It was predictable, yet there were times it felt surprising.
  • Will there be a deus ex machina moment in defeating the undead merpeople army? I thought the undead merpeople army would have appeared earlier in the film, so it was a shock to only see them in the third act. And yes, there was a deus ex machina moment.
  • How much does the world know of Atlantis? That was answered in the film with Arthur and the council debates, with Atlantis still being kept a secret from the world.
  • Does the Justice League visit Atlantis? To the best of my knowledge, the Justice League were not mentioned or referred to; so I have no idea.
  • Will Aquaman say, “Outrageous!” in the film? Sadly, this outrageous statement did not occur in the film, which is an outrageous injustice.
  • Are the creatures from the Trench in the film? No, they were not, as much as I wanted them to be.
  • What type of closure will the film give us, since it’s the last entry in the DCEU? Atlantis has revealed itself to the world, and much like T’Challa and Wakanda at the end of the first Black Panther film, Arthur wants Atlantis to join the United Nations.

I think the largest question for Aquaman now, is what happens next? The DCEU is dead. Long live the DCU. It truly will be fascinating to see where Aquaman fits into this new shared universe, as well as the actors and actresses involved in the project. I understand Jason Momoa is out as Aquaman, but not out of the DCU? I don’t know, so you’ll have to ask James Gunn and Peter Safran.

If you’re on the fence about watching this film, you’re allowed to be. Like I said earlier, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is not the greatest superhero movie ever made, but it’s two hours of entertainment and fun, and you get to watch the good guys win. What’s wrong with that? The CGI underwater scenes are worth the cost of the ticket anyway.

Before I leave you and watch Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, I want to share something with you.

Superhero movies are not for everybody. But neither are horror, western, action, comedy, science-fiction, or musical movies. Given the state of 2023’s superhero movies, if we, the fans of superheroes and cinema, do not go and watch and support these movies, they will stop making them. And then we all lose. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re a DC or Marvel fan, or something else, if a superhero movie flops, it sends shockwaves across Hollywood and influences other studios. They get scared and invest less money into a comic book movie, which increases the potential of the movie flopping. If we don’t watch these movies, they will stop making them.

And with that, I am done for another week. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, go watch some of the African Cup of Nations games, and I’ll see you next week for the return of Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System!


Movie Preview: Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Movies

The last time I saw a superhero movie at the cinema was The Flash. I do feel some guilt and shame though, because as a geek, I still haven’t seen Thor: Love and Thunder, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, The Marvels, or Blue Beetle.

Having realised this, I have decreed that I will go and watch Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom. My first and last preview was for The Flash, so after talking to Some Geek Told Me’s chief good ideas officer, the Rubicon was crossed and their advice ignored, so we are doing it again!

Aquaman is an interesting and somewhat confusing character because he’s often viewed as a punchline or as comedy relief. Arthur has been through many changes over the years, mainly sporting a 90’s beard, losing his son, losing his left hand, but also gaining a telekinetic harpoon for a hand; that was extremely badass.

Jason Momoa’s version of Arthur Curry in the DCEU has been outrageous.1 Even though the DCEU has had the wobbles; in fairness, so has the MCU lately, let’s preview the last DCEU film and the sequel to the $1.152 billion juggernaut. 2

Before we move on, I need to state that I have tried exceptionally hard to avoid reviews about the film, apart from the box office takings. However, I have seen the trailers many times over. Sweet as? Let’s go!

Image by 鑫 孙 from Pixabay

Am I looking forward to watching Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom?

Of course I am, though my local cinema currently charges $17.00 per adult ticket. Ouch!

What is the movie about?

From what I understand, a few years have passed since the first film, because I believe Arthur and Mera have a son; but I don’t know his age. I also don’t know if Arthur and Mera are/were married, but I’m quite sure Arthur is still King Arthur, the once and future king.

Black Manta is still pissed at Arthur for indirectly killing his father, as you would. Because of this, he finds the Black Trident, which I can only assume is not a positive thing. From the trailers, Arthur has to team up with his half-brother Orm (Ocean Master), and possibly fight Black Manta and another villain.

Or I could be totally wrong.

What can we expect?

Apparently, the running time is 124 minutes, so you might as well say two hours. This length of time can sometimes be too long for a story, too short, or just right; so where this movie falls is anybody’s guess.

An obvious question is how much time will Amber Heard (Mera) have on screen, considering her very public court trial with Johnny Depp. Will she have the same supporting role as last time, will it be more, or even less? I have no idea, I work for a living.

I know Patrick Wilson (Orm), Temuera Morrison (Thomas Curry), Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (Black Manta), and Nicole Kidman (Atlanna), among others, have returned for the sequel. The question remains if there will be any cameos from characters from other DCEU films.

I know the film’s budget was around $200 million, so I expect a lot from the CGI; I mean a lot. There appears to be some sort of undead merpeople, swimming around creating mischief, and at first glance, they look good; as in badass. The fight scenes were impressive in the first film, so I hope they will be even better in the sequel.

Do I have concerns?

As I stated with the Flash preview, I will always have concerns with every comic book movie. Finding a balance between honouring the source material and having creative liberties is difficult, but not impossible.

  • Will Arthur and Orm’s relationship copy Thor and Loki’s?
  • Will Orm have a redemption arc or will he return to his evil ways?
  • Is Black Manta one-dimensional?
  • What is Arthur’s relationship with Mera and Atlanna?
  • Will there be a “talking to fish” reference?
  • Will the plot be convincing or predictable?
  • Will there be a deus ex machina moment in defeating the undead merpeople army?
  • How much does the world know of Atlantis?
  • Does the Justice League visit Atlantis?
  • Will Aquaman say, “Outrageous!” in the film?
  • What type of closure will the film give us, since it’s the last entry in the DCEU?
  • Are the creatures from the Trench in the film?

The fatigue of superhero movies has become a real problem now, with 2023 being a brutal year for the genre. However, let’s not be Marvin the Paranoid Android about this. I’m planning to be entertained for two hours, by a character that was created back in 1941. UMC1 would point out, that’s even older than me! I have high hopes for the film.

I have to check my social calendar, and my meetings with the Some Geek Told Me staff, to nail down a screening, however, I will see it at some point this week. Which of course means, that next week will be my review of the film.

Anyway, that’s it for another week. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, stay away from Coruscanti death stick dealers, and I’ll see you next week.

1). 50 fifty points for anybody that gets that reference.

2.) Sorry, I couldn’t help throwing in a Marvel reference.

Starting primary school for the first and last time

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

2024 is here and Some Geek Told Me is back with weekly blogs about…stuff! To start my first incoherent rant of the year, I thought I would talk about an event that is happening at the end of the month: UMC2 is starting primary school.

In New Zealand, children don’t have to start school until they are six years old. When they turn six, they need to be registered in some educational institute; whether it’s a primary school, home school, or something else. Having said that, the majority of children in Aotearoa start school when they turn five years old.

Because of this, UMC2 will be starting school at 5½, just like UMC1 did, three years ago. This brings us to the point of the blog: my youngest son is starting primary school, but it’s the last time for my family.

Image by Holly Dornak from Pixabay

I’ll admit, I have conflicting feelings about UMC2 going to school; I really do. To break this down, let’s discuss UMC2. He’s so excited about going to school, that at one point, he was trying to convince us that he should start school in UMC1’s 2023 class, “…because I’m smarter than him.”

He’s had three visits to his classroom, but he’s been doing drop-offs and pick-ups, along with school trips for three years now, so he’s very familiar and comfortable with the school. He’s also having UMC1’s first teacher, so he already knows her, which has helped with his transition.

On the other side, UMC2 is slightly nervous about being bullied and making friends at school; which I don’t blame him. It’s been somewhat heartbreaking listening to him when he’s mentioning that he hopes no one will bully him. This is because UMC2 treats other children like they are already great friends, and I wish I could be like that.

We can’t promise UMC2 that he won’t get bullied, so we’ve been just trying to give him the best tools to help himself; mainly talking to the teacher, and having confidence in himself.

UMC2 is proud of his school uniform, as it was pieced together from UMC1’s old uniform and some new clothes. He’s excited about school, and has a strong belief in himself, along with loving to learn new things; provided they’re about marine biology, Star Wars, and anatomy.1

So what about us? Well, I’m not going to discuss my wife’s feelings and thoughts; she can do that herself. For me though, well, I’m a box of crazy cats.

I’m excited and proud that he’s feeling positive about school, but I’m still worried. To bring some context into this conversation, and if you didn’t already know, I’m 9½ years older than my wife. This means, I got married and became a father, later than the average male in my country.

For the longest time, I thought I would never have children. The opportunity seemed to get smaller and smaller after each year, and now that I have two unmatured clones in my house, it sometimes feels a little surreal, but amazing at the same time.

It’s also not lost on me that we are entering a new chapter with UMC1 and UMC2. That being the case, I’m overwhelmed with the desire to try and be healthier. Time doesn’t stop, and since I’ll be older than a lot of the other parents of children in UMC2’s class, I need to make changes so I can still help and watch them both grow and develop through school. In theory, of course.

Added to that, we had a home delivery with UMC2, so through my eyes, it was like 10 months ago, that I caught him as he was being born. I was the first person in the world to hold him, and now he’s getting ready for school. Einstein was right, and of course he was right, I mean he’s Einstein, but time really is relative.

To me, it feels like I’ve blinked and our newborn baby boy has disappeared and been replaced with a school-age child who likes dismantling Lego, and discussing viruses, squids, and the motivations for General Grievous and the Riddler.

There will be no more preschoolers in our house anymore, but that’s ok. I’m not the first parent to have sentimental ideas about their youngest child starting school, and I’m sure I won’t be the last. I know this year, UMC2 will have some highs and lows at school, however, and just like Sheryl Crow, I just want him to have some fun.

Is your youngest child at school now? How did you handle it? Better than me, probably. As always, please let me know. Ok, that’s another rant for another week. Next week, I’ll be previewing Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom, because you know…I’m a geek.

Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, adopt a pet from a shelter, and I’ll see you next week.

1.) Please don’t ask.

Happy New Year MMXXIV

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Blogs, Social Media

Well, the Gregorian Calendar has knocked off another year. MMXXIII is now a distant alcohol-infused memory, so we now welcome a brand new year, that we have labelled MMXXIV, or 2024 to make things easier. Not everybody in the world uses the Gregorian Calendar, but it’s the most common; at least in my house.

So what can you expect from Some Geek Told Me in 2024?

  • More spelling mistakes.
  • More grammatical errors.
  • More badly chosen topics.
  • More movie previews/reviews.
  • A blog about the Summer Olympics.
  • The return of the ever popular Tour of the Solar System.
  • The annual blogs about Star Wars Day and Free Comic Book Day.
  • There will be probably be blogs about some sport tournaments.
  • More comic and manga blogs.
Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

This year, I want to write more blogs about science, whether it’s about facts or news. I do have an idea concerning biology, so keep reading to see if it works.

I’m also going to be checking in with Lupesey and the Coalition of Chaos, the US election, various wars around the world, and other really fun and positive things.

Don’t panic though, Some Geek Told Me is still 100% committed to taking an anti-Sour Cream and Chives stance. Now and forever.

I’ll still be posting daily on Twitter and Mastodon this year. I realise Twitter is now known as X, but I just can’t be bothered in calling it anything else, other than Twitter or a dumpster fire.

I’m very sorry to mention this, but the quality of the writing, and the humour, are probably not going to improve here.

Alright, that’s it. This is another short blog because I’m still taking a short break with UMC1 and UMC2. I’ll be back next Monday with my regular awful blog.

Happy New Year, be safe and I’ll see you next week.

Merry Christmas 2023

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Blogs, People

I reached down in my pocket and pulled out some hope and a short blog. On behalf of UMC1, UMC2, my wife, and the staff at Some Geek Told Me1, we hope everybody has a Merry Christmas! Being in New Zealand, my Christmas Day will have rain and a high of 23°C, which is 73.4°F for our Fahrenheit cousins.

This is our local town Christmas Tree, from the front and back. It may come as a complete surprise, but I’m not a professional photographer, so sorry about the crap photos.

Christmas is also the time of the year when I spend some extra time with UMC1 and UMC2, so this week’s blog is smaller; along with next week’s. If you’re a parent, I hope you understand. I’ll still be posting daily dribble on Twitter and Mastodon, so don’t panic.

Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me through 2023, it means a lot to me. Thanks for supporting this vanity project, and I’ll see you on 1st January 2024.

1.) The entire staff of Some Geek Told Me still consists of only one guy, that eats too much pizza, who needs even more sleep, and cries when he recognises his favourite bands as background mall music.

Santa Claus doesn’t stop at my house

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

This glorious blog has discussed some pretty strange things over the last three years, by peeling back some of my layers of geekdom. Yes, some of those layers are rotten, slimy, and overripe, but occasionally, there is something personal. I was planning on discussing this blog last Christmas, but the FIFA World Cup got in my way; not that I’m complaining. I mean, it’s a World Cup.

Considering Christmas is next week, it’s time to discuss the big fat red man in the room. Not, I don’t mean Fat Albert; I want to talk to you about Santa Claus and why he doesn’t visit our house.

My wife and I disagree about a lot of things, such as Sour Cream and Chives, corn, Rambo, musicals, socks in the bed, vampires, time travel, and the correct level of dodginess for our corner shop. However, there is something we both agree on; our mutual dislike of Santa Claus.

The crux of this blog is this: As parents, we do not advocate or promote Santa Claus, his flying reindeer, or his merry workshop of happy elves.

Credit: Oren neu dag

That’s a bold and unorthodox statement from a couple raising two children, aged 8 and 5 years old. Before I continue though, I need to point out two things that are quite important to our family:

1.) My wife’s birthday is 24th December, so if you’re keeping score, you would realise that’s Christmas Eve.

2.) My wife and I are not perfect parents. We have never claimed that we are, nor will we ever be. I spend too much money on pizza for that, and we also don’t have all the answers.

So, what’s the deal? Are we Grinches? No. Are we hard-core religious nuts? No. Don’t we celebrate Christmas? Yes, we do, just not Santa Claus.

I’ll try to explain, so if you’re a parent of young children, I hope this makes sense.

My wife and I believe in truism for raising our children. This means we try to explain real information and facts about the world, in ways that are age appropriate to them. This can cover diseases, politics, sports, blood, pollution, movies, books, and many more. Basically, we teach the truth about the world to UMC1 and UMC2, in ways that they can understand, considering their different ages.

As they become older, we give them more information and facts. For every question they ask, we give them an answer they can understand. Ultimately, it comes down to this: we don’t lie to our children.

This of course brings us to Santa Claus. As parents who deal with teaching children the truth about the world, are we really going to teach them that Santa Claus is real?! It goes against the foundation of our parenting; we don’t lie to our children, we teach the truth. It sounds heavy and intense, but surprise, surprise, it’s the truth.

Alright, what’s the harm in lying to children about Santa Claus? It’s all about them believing in the magical time of Christmas, so what’s wrong with that? That’s a great question, so I’ll give you a great answer.

I want you to imagine two scenarios. The first scenario is to imagine you’re one of your children, and through whatever means or methods, they learn the truth about Santa Claus. Every child’s reaction is different, but let’s imagine your child has an epiphany: they realise that not only have their uncles, aunties, grandparents, teachers, coaches, cousins, neighbours, doctors, and nurses, have been lying to them, but their parents have as well.

It means the people they are supposed to trust most in the world, have been lying to them their entire life. It also means, that if your child is smart enough to come to this conclusion, then they may start to think about what else have you been lying to them about.

We don’t lie to UMC1 and UMC2 about Santa Claus, because of many reasons. One is that we don’t want them to ever think that a large man in a red suit, that lives at the top of the world, is watching and evaluating their behaviour, through the use of cameras and spies; but also judging them to be worthy of receiving his presents.

Another reason is about the long game. If we are truthful with the boys now and have built up a level of trust between us, then as teenagers or young adults, they will hopefully trust us. If things have gone bad somewhere in their lives, we want them to feel comfortable enough to tell us anything, but that only happens with trust.

With the second scenario, imagine your child has asked for a remote-controlled car or a real horse from Santa, but on Christmas Day, they discover they received a Matchbox car or a My Little Pony. Ok, kids can’t always get what they want for Christmas, but some kids do.

Now imagine your child discovering that their cousin received a jet ski for Christmas, or their neighbour received a real horse as a Christmas present. When asked, how would you explain to your children why Santa would give more expensive gifts to other children, but not to them? Why is he rewarding other children? How would you stop your children from thinking that maybe Santa hates them, or that they’re bad children? Children aren’t stupid, they notice and remember what other children get for Christmas.

So how do we handle Christmas? It’s easy, we tell the truth. We have explained that Santa Claus is a game that some people and families play at Christmas time. We’ve pointed out that Santa is not real, but it’s not our right to ruin the game for other people and children. If other families want to play the Santa Game, they are allowed to, but we don’t need to.

UMC1 and UMC2 know that the Christmas presents they will be receiving will be purchased by us; not because they have been showing good behaviour, but because we love them and respect them enough, not to lie to them. Regardless of their behaviour, they’re still going to get presents from us, because we love and appreciate them.

We’ve been a one-income family for eight years now, but when UMC1 and UMC2 make Christmas lists, they don’t list the things they want to receive; they list the things they want to give other people.

If it’s a Christmas list for my wife, UMC1, UMC2 and I will discuss her interests and presents that she might like. They enjoy Christmas shopping and making things for people, because we have tried so hard to make Christmas about appreciating the people we love, and giving them gifts. Again, children aren’t stupid, because both my boys know they are getting presents, no matter what; and each one has chosen a present for the other one.

We also treat Christmas like a Christmas office party, where we give presents to each other, and to say well done; thank you for all of your hard teamwork this year, and we appreciate you.

I hope this makes sense. Anyway, upon hearing about our anti-Santa stance, people react in different ways. Sometimes they react like you’ve shown them a giant tattoo of a dead baby on your chest; for other people, it’s like they’re hearing a foreign language and they don’t know what to think or say.

And of course, some people, mainly parents and grandparents of young children react just a tad on the negative side. People mainly accuse us of stealing the joy from our children or ruining the magic of Christmas.

Personally, I find this hilarious, because we have taught the boys that there is magic in the world, and it can be found through education and just by living. Like the magic of understanding cephalopods; volcanoes; the immune system; superheroes; magnets; observing insects; building and working with Lego; Star Wars; watching our favourite teams win; rocket launches; or simply eating pizza, while watching one of their favourite movies. I think you can find magic anywhere with children, I just don’t believe that you have to lie to them to find it.

Advocating and promoting Santa Claus works for many families around the world, and that’s alright. It’s just not for us, and it never will be.

If you have young children, do you celebrate Santa Claus? Does anybody agree with me about kicking Santa to the curb? As always, please let me know.

Since next Monday is Christmas Day, I’ll be posting a much shorter blog. My aim this week is to spend extra time with UMC1 and UMC2, but also to catch up on work from my real job that pays the bills, and allows me to purchase pizzas.

Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch Scrooged this week, and I’ll see you on Christmas Day.

Te Reo for Lupesey

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Politics

I dabble here and there with politics on this blog, because I find it interesting and entertaining; yet it can be a flashpoint for some people. I’ve been following politics from around the world, especially the Republicans, One Nation, and the Tories, and laughing at their insanity for promoting climate change deniers, anti-vaxxers, conspiracy theories, and book banning/burning. Sadly, in my hubris and arrogance, I now have to deal with the concept that homegrown clown school drop-outs, will be running my country.

That amazing and beautiful transition now brings us to Lupesey. Oh, Lupesey, Lupesey, Lupesey. We’ve had chaos, eye-rolling, repeals, conspiracy theories, media leaks, culture wars, rants, anti-wokeness, misogyny, rollbacks, shenanigans, along with nepotism, and it’s only been two weeks; and that’s not counting the six weeks of awful negotiation.

For all you wonderful people who have no idea or care who Lupesey is; and like I said last week, I envy you, we have a new conservative coalition government in New Zealand, which is like a three-headed mutant baby born from our general election on 14th October.

Our new government is made up of three right-wing conservative parties, National, ACT, and New Zealand First. The three leaders of these parties are our newly minted Prime Minister Christopher Luxon (National), Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters (New Zealand First), and Future Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour (ACT); which is the triumvirate of Lupesey.

Lupesey is upset for a great number of reasons, and one of them is that they are not too keen on the use of Te Reo Maori for the names of government departments. One idea floated by our new Prime Minister, suggested that having English and Te Reo names for government departments and agencies is too confusing for the average Kiwi. I find this hilarious, considering Te Reo Maori was the first language of our nation. Lupesey loves talking about Te Reo, just not actually using Te Reo.

Lupesey has already explained their contradictory positions over multiple policies, so I thought it would be nice to sit down and educate Lupesey on some Te Reo words that are relevant to New Zealanders now, as well as including words people are going to need to use because Lupesey wants to drag us back to the 1950s.

With me so far? Great! Let’s begin. Spoilers, if you’re a Lupesey supporter, you won’t enjoy this. Sorry, not sorry. Also with Te Reo, there can be several different words describing the same word.

Aotearoa: New Zealand

ariā kakai: conspiracy theory

aroha: love

hahoretanga: poverty

hamupaka: sham

hapanga: redundancy

heahea: idiot

hikareti: cigarettes

hori: lie

hunga kore mahi: unemployment

hunga pāpāho: media

huringa āhuarangi: climate change

kaiako: teacher

kaikaiwaiū: betrayal

kaituku: donor

kaituku rīhi: landlord

koranehe: fossil fuel

korekiko: ineffective

kōrero parau: to tell an untruth

korotake: incompetence

Kotahitanga o Ngā Iwi o te Ao: United Nations

kuīni whakarākei: drag queen

kutukutu ahi: nonsense

manapori: democracy

mate pukupuku: lung cancer

Minitatanga mō ngā Wāhine: Ministry of Women’s Affairs

nanakia: cruel

oati teka: false statement

parau: deceit

pātaka Kai: food bank

pēkerapu: bankruptcy

penihana: unemployment benefit

pōrewarewa: imbecile

pōrori: stupid

puhipuhi: smoking

pūtaiao: science

rongoā āraimate: vaccination

rorirori: halfwit

rūkahu: propaganda

rūpahu: mislead

Takatāpui: someone belonging to the rainbow community or LGBTQI+

tamariki: children

taupoki: cyclone

Te Aka Whai Ora: Māori Health Authority

Te Kāhui Tika Tangata: Human Rights Commission

Te Manatū Hauora: Ministry of Health

Te Manatū Māori: Ministry of Māori Affairs

Te Manatū mō Ngā Iwi o Te Moana-nui-a-Kiwa: Ministry for Pacific Peoples

Te Manatū mō te Taiao: Ministry of the Environment

Te Manatū Pūtaiao: Ministry of Research, Science and Technology

Te Tāhuhu o te Mātauranga: Ministry of Education

Te Tari Pūreke: Firearms Safety Authority

teka: lying

tipatipa: erroneous

ture kore: chaos

waea pūkoro: mobile phone

waipuketanga: flooding

Waka Kotahi: NZ Transport Agency 

Whakahaere hauora o te ao: World Health Organization

whakahāweatanga: prejudice

whakapāha: apology

whakapikinga utu: inflation

whakapōhēhē: misinformation

whakatahe: abortion

whāwhāki: leaks

I’ll be checking in on Lupesey over the next three years because my Spidey-Sense is telling me that Lupesey’s nonsense will make them a one-term government. Is anyone having buyer’s remorse yet? Don’t worry, Lupesey will give you ample opportunity to experience it.

Alright, that’s it for another week. I’m sorry if this one was a bit weird, but I’m sick of Lupesey already. Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, and I’ll see you next week.

Also, please don’t ever tell your advertisers to go fuck themselves. Not the smartest move in the world, but what do I know; I have no advertisers.

Happy Third Birthday to Me!

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Social Media

Well, wouldn’t you know it? Some Geek Told Me turned three years old on 1st December, so I’m officially a preschooler now, and all of the craziness that goes with that. Blackmailing people into being my friend, throwing food under the table, telling my parents they’re not my friends anymore, and having meltdowns at the supermarket. Cool.

So what does it mean for Some Geek Told Me to have another birthday? Simply put, this random little blog is important to me. I’ll explain that later on, but for now, it’s time to look back and reflect on the last 12 months, and ask the eternal question, “Have I learned anything?”

Spoilers, the answer is not a lot.

Credit: iStock

My observations of life and social media for the last 12 months, will be in random order, very much like the topics at Speakers’ Corner. Oh, I’m writing poetry now, that’s odd.

  • Lying can get you expelled from government, just as easily as lying can get you into government. I’m talking to you George Santos and Lupesey.1
  • After another 12 months of blogging, sadly I have not earned a pay raise. I’m still on $0.00 per hour.
  • Discovering your dog asleep on your pillow, after they have been playing in the rain, is disturbing.
  • The war in the Democratic Republic of Congo is showing no signs of ever ending.
  • Election interference has never been as funny. Thanks, John Oliver.
  • I’m still proofreading and editing my work at 11 pm, and still doing a crap job at it.
  • Whether UMC1 and/or UMC2 go to bed early, on time, or even later, they still wake up at the same time. I still haven’t managed to work out whether this is a positive or negative thing.
  • After 3 years and 157 posts, my writing is still as awful as the day I started.
  • Even though I live in New Zealand, there’s a house in my town with an official Trump 2024 flag, hanging on the outside. WTF?!
  • Going to the cinema and purchasing two adults and two children’s tickets, along with food and drink, requires a bank loan.
  • Vladimir Putin still needs to read an atlas.
  • When reading one of my posts, my wife still thinks I’m going to be funny. The joke’s on her because I’m not.
  • Listening to UMC2 use new words correctly in context, can be quite unnerving.
  • Someone thinking that a military solution in the Middle East would be a good idea, needs to talk to their Human Resources and Public Relations departments.
  • Who would have thought that the CEO of SpaceX and Tesla, as well as the CEO of X, formerly known as Twitter, would be complicated?
  • UMC1 loves to point out technicalities, just like his dad and Vulcans.
  • There’s only an estimated population of 1000 pūteketeke in New Zealand. Thanks, John Oliver, for pointing that out.
  • Changing your dog’s diet, results in some really disgusting farts.
  • I’m enjoying reading manga far more than American comics currently.
  • The 2023 Rugby and Cricket World Cups have aged me terribly.
  • And just like last time, I’m still trying to promote the blog, without promoting the blog. What an idiot!

There’s probably some other insightful stuff that I have discovered over the year, but like Leonard Shelby in Memento, I’ve forgotten it. Some Geek Told Me will enter a new year, full of strange and weird things to discuss. The stupid ideas are endless.

And speaking of stupid, this blog is an outlet for me. Granted it’s simple and awful, but it still matters to me. Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, go and lose at UNO to a 5-year-old, and I’ll see you next week.

1 Lupesey is the term for the new triumvirate in New Zealand politics, featuring Christopher Luxon, Winston Peters, and David Seymour. If you don’t know who they are, I envy you.

Tour of the Solar System: Ceres

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

Guess what’s back, back again?
Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System, tell a friend,
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back? Guess what’s back?
Guess what’s back?

The world’s worst Solar System tour is back for another week, it’s Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System! As always, if you want to catch up on our previous inadequate tour stops, you can find them here:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

If you remember from last month, we had left Mars and journeyed into the vast expanse of the Asteroid Belt. It’s within this region that we arrive at our destination: Ceres.

Ceres
Credit: NASA

“Ceres? What in the hell is Ceres? There’s no planet in our Solar System named Ceres!”

I don’t need to be a Omega Level Mutant or have access to a TARDIS, to know what you’re thinking. Yes, you are 100% correct. There is no planet in our Solar System named Ceres. The catch is that Ceres is actually a dwarf planet.

If you’re confused about the differences between planets and dwarf planets, our third tour stop was about that very topic.

So…Ceres. Where do we begin? Apart from Bizarro World and using a DeLorean time machine, let’s start at the beginning. At our best understanding, Ceres was formed around 4.5 billion years ago, which puts it near the time of the formation of the inner or terrestrial planets.

Scientists believe that Ceres didn’t form in the Asteroid Belt, or even inside Mars’ orbit, but rather somewhere between Jupiter and Saturn. Over hundreds of millions of years, Ceres migrated and settled in the Asteroid Belt, after taking out a long-term lease.

Fast forward to 1st January 1801, where an Italian Catholic priest called Giuseppe Piazzi, discovered Ceres. This has sparked debate over the years, as to what Ceres is and how it should be classified, which has included planet, asteroid, and comet; with the final classification of a dwarf planet in 2006. This makes Ceres the only dwarf planet inside Neptune’s orbit, and the closest to our local star.

Ceres is named after the Roman goddess of agriculture, which is also the origin of the word cereal. Someone really needs to name a planet Coco Pops, because that would be cool. Ceres is also single, as it has no rings, as well as no moons.

As you can clearly imagine, Ceres is a lot smaller than Earth, Mercury, or the Moon. Ceres has a diameter of 939 km, which means out of the five recognised dwarf planets in our Solar System, Ceres is the smallest. Having just said that, Ceres makes up 25% of the total mass of the Asteroid Belt.

Given Ceres’ poky size, it still orbits the Sun, with an average distance of 413 million kilometres, which takes 22 minutes for the Sun’s light to reach Ceres; as opposed to Earth’s eight minutes. Ceres’ orbital speed is 17.9 km/s, which is still slower than UMC2 running to eat chocolate.

1,682 Earth days, or roughly 4 years and 6 months, is the length of time it takes Ceres to orbit the Sun, which equals one year. However, one day on Ceres is only 9 hours, because of its rotation. Imagine a day that’s only 9 hours!

Ceres also has a few quirky aspects to it. Its axis of rotation is slightly tilted compared to its orbit around the Sun. This allows Ceres to avoid experiencing seasons, unlike Earth and other tilted planets, which is quite bizarre. Given its small size, Ceres is also covered in more craters, than pimples on a teenage boy’s face. I’m allowed to say that because I’ve lived that experience.

Ceres does have an atmosphere, but it’s very thin. Traces of water vapour were detected by the Dawn spacecraft in 2015, though the leading hypothesis is that it’s caused by cryovolcanoes, which is an awesome term for “ice volcanoes.” Instead of lava spewing out of the vents, cryovolcanoes erupt methane, ammonia, or water, but because of the cold environment, the vents eject plumes and vapour. This geological process also occurs on many other moons in the Solar System, so it’s not unheard of.

If any microorganisms do live on Ceres, they would have to be able to survive the crippling temperatures. They can range from −73 °C (−100 °F) in the daytime on the surface, to -143 °C (225 °F). That’s not exactly holiday weather, is it?

Scientists are curious about Ceres for multiple reasons. It’s estimated that Ceres has a mantle of water ice, which means, potentially, Ceres could be made up of 25% water. Using the latest gadgets from NASA like Dawn, gave us information and images about Ceres’ ice craters and cryovolcanoes. This gives us the tiny chance there could be organic life in the form of microorganisms, living in the water ice.

This is exciting for two reasons:

1.) Just like the Moon, having another planetoid like Ceres with ice reserves is invaluable for a spacefaring civilisation. This is because the water could be mined and used for either rocket fuel or liquid water for astronauts and their crops.

2.) The possibility of finding life outside of Earth is strong, if liquid water can be found. One of the best places in our Solar System for this is in the form of interior oceans and cryovolcanoes, and Ceres is a great place to look.

The funny thing is, whenever I think of humans drinking water from another source, other than Earth, I think of the Doctor Who episode, The Waters of Mars. Even now, The Flood is still terrifying!

Ceres gets a bum rap, as it’s often left off Solar System charts or diagrams, which to this geek, is utterly crazy, purely because Ceres was discovered 45 years before Neptune! Anyway, there’s a lot more to Ceres, but alas, our time is up for this week. What’s your favourite Ceres fact? As always, please let me know.

We are making a slow and steady march to Christmas, which is always equal parts interesting, and insanity. I’ve a got Christmas blog coming soon, but not next week. This is because on 1st December, Some Geek Told Me will be turning three years old…and I don’t know what that means.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, bend your knees when picking up your comic box, and I’ll see you next week.