I want to talk about my wife. Why? Considering she’s the only other adult in my house, we do have a lot in common. I mean, we did get married, so we must actually like each other. We both enjoy various pop culture franchises like Doctor Who, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the list could go on and on.

We both love reading and eating pizza, as well as sharing a hatred of housework. We’re also in agreement that something very strange is happening with our local corner shop, because the hours they’re open are truly bizarre.

There are many other similarities between us, but they are not as interesting as the differences concerning entertainment.

If you can break it all down, there are two major differences between us. The first is…it’s still difficult to acknowledge this publicly, but my wife enjoys Sour Cream and Chives. I know what you’re thinking; how did a Salt and Vinegar-loving and Sour Cream and Chives-hating guy like myself, end up being married to a Sour Cream and Chives-loving and Salt and Vinegar-hating woman? No one is perfect or infallible; except God, Chuck Norris, and Sir David Attenborough.

One day I’ll write about a pair of star-crossed lovers, meeting over a packet of Chicken chips, but today is not this day.

The second major difference is the consumption of entertainment; such as novels, movies, and tv shows. Let’s start with movies, shall we? I enjoy movies, either watching them at home or at the cinema; because everybody loves watching a movie in the dark with 100 other random people, while eating overpriced food.

The way I view movies can easily fall into two groups: movies I’ve seen before and movies I’ve never seen. There are a lot of movies that I would love to see again, whether they are one of my favourites, or if they are part of a series with a new addition coming out, so I want to familiarise myself with the plot and characters again. That sounds fair, right?

On the other hand that is not holding a lightsabre, there are new movies that I want to see; which to be honest is the majority of the two. Do I want to see every new movie that’s released? No, that’s insane, plus I would be broke. I just want to see some particular new movies, for whatever particular odd reason.

Ok, but what about my wife? She’s like me, that she can enjoy rewatching a favourite movie. This is something that she likes and is comfortable with. She knows the actors, the director, the plot, and the genre, so she knows what to expect. Again, that sounds fair, right?

With new movies, we do have a problem though. My wife does not like watching new movies; mainly ones she knows next to nothing about. She will happily watch a new movie at the cinema or at home, with pre-existing characters that she knows and loves. But ask her to watch a movie where she doesn’t know the characters or the plot? Hell, no. She will not watch it.

There is a loophole to this law: my wife will watch a new movie with characters she has never seen before, if…and only if, she has read the book that the movie is based on. That way, she is guaranteed to know various things about the plot and characters. You can’t expect her to watch a movie that she knows nothing about, can you?

So when it comes time for the two of us to sit and actually watch a movie together, there is a lot of discussion and negotiating involved.

Books are also treated the same way for both of us; to a point. I will reread my favourite books, but my main focus is reading new material. I have said this before, but my reading pile is reproducing asexually because it’s grown to five piles which are now sitting on my set of drawers. I have to apologise to them daily for not reading them fast enough; I have a Star Wars book that’s been sitting there for three years and counting.

Would you like to know where my wife’s reading pile lives? Those books are sitting next to the other books on the shelves, that she has already read! When my wife finishes reading a series, “What should I read next?” would be the next question. If you’re thinking, “You should read a book you’ve never read before”, then you don’t know my wife.

She will simply look through the shelves and select a book series that she has already read 100 times before, and start reading. Why you ask? It’s the same reason as the movies; she already knows the plot and characters; it’s familiar and that means the books are something that she is going to like, because…she has already liked and read them before!

I feel she’s my own personal mogwai, that comes with pop culture rules. There are exceptions to her book law: my wife does not like reading a stand-alone book, that is not part of any series. The biggest reason for this is that if she ever reads and likes the book, where does she go from there? There’s no sequel or prequel, it’s just the end. So would my wife commit her time and energy to a single book? It could go either way.

“Hang on, Scott. If your wife only ever reads books she has already read, then how does she read anything new?” That’s a great question. My wife will only read a new book if it’s based on a movie that she has already seen, or it’s a series of books that has been entirely published; like Twilight, Fifty Shades of Gray, or Harry Potter. This way, she can read the first book right through to the final book, without having to wait for the next book to be published. That’s torture for her, waiting for something to be published or released.

Also if it’s similar to something she already enjoys, like The Hunger Games, then reading the Divergent series is in the same wheelhouse, and it also fits in with her book reading criteria. I’ve known her for 10.5 years, so I understand her logic.

With television shows, you can pretty well guess where this is headed, and you are sort of right. TV shows are divided into four groups; shows that we both watch together, shows that I watch by myself, shows that she watches by herself, and shows neither of us watches.

We both tend to watch tv shows that are based on things that we have already seen, or at least read about; whether it’s a book or a comic. There are exceptions to this of course, like comedies or science-fiction. We’ve learned that if we want to watch a new tv show, we need to mention it to the other person. 90% of the time, the other spouse doesn’t want to watch it and that’s ok; however, with the other 10%, the answer is yes, which is strange, to say the least.

So what can we make of this? If anything, I like reading and watching new material, whereas my wife enjoys immersing herself in familiar content. We are both living with the opposite version of ourselves in terms of entertainment consumption, but nobody is perfect. Except God, Chuck Norris, and Sir David Attenborough.

That’s it for another rant and another week. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Remember to walk your dog; read a banned book; remember the answer is 42; and I’ll see you next week.