Culture wars: Coming to a town near you

On November 25, 2024December 1, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents, People, Politics, Social Media

I want to talk about culture wars today. Why? Well, it’s easy, because as popular, hilarious and crazy as they are, they seem to be spreading everywhere faster than The Flash’s diarrhoea.

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

And in their country they had a culture war, E-I-E-I-O!

With a culture war here, and a culture there,

There a culture war, here a culture war,

Everywhere a culture war,

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

Culture wars have been making headlines for a few years, around different places on our beautiful planet. Even here, in Godzone, sadly.

Before I venture into my lecture, let’s take the time to define what a culture war is, because just like Christmas or Salt and Vinegar chips, it can mean different things to different people. However, for today, we are going to define a culture war as:

1.) A conflict that is usually between two different social groups, that disagree about a particular subject that involves challenging ideas, virtues, or beliefs, that are political, social, or religious.

2.) It’s not really a war, but rather a battle of words, backed up with protests and other expressions of free speech.

I’m not an expert on this because if I were, I would have much more fun with it! Maybe in the last 10-15 years, culture wars have slowly invaded our lexicon, like cuckoos laying their eggs in another bird’s nest.

They have infected our homes, schools, workplaces, supermarkets, and even the highest levels of government. I mean, our glorious 79-year-old Deputy Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Winston Peters, loves discussing how he works against the “secret woke agenda.”

The culture wars of today involve debates about areas like politics, religion, society, and entertainment, but also views concerning prejudice, racism, sexism, and bigotry are getting tossed around like a hot potato. Sadly, even science has been dragged into these ridiculous discussions because of conspiracy theories.

There is also a case to be made that culture wars are just a different form of class war. Food for thought? Preferably pizza, thanks.

So, what are some examples of culture wars? Great question; you’re good at that! I’m looking at this through the lens of a New Zealander, but I think some culture wars are global. Here are some of them, but not all of them; but they emphasise the “us vs them” mentality, depending on what side of the fence you sit down or land on. These examples get people angry and passionate, whether you are for or against them.

Do any of these culture wars seem familiar to you?

Having bilingual names for government departments, along with street and road signs.
Promoting an indigenous or native language.
Drag story time at libraries.
Painting rainbows over pedestrian crossings.
Pushing a “woke” agenda, or just being “woke”.
Hakas should only be performed on a sports field, marae, or on a stage, and nowhere else.
Being pro-Israeli means you’re anti-Islamic.
Being pro-Palestinian means you’re Anti-Semitic.
Embryos should have the same rights as humans; so IVF and abortion are murder.
Immigrants are the root cause of our country’s problems.
Governments promote smoking to generate revenue.
If someone can’t speak the official language of the country they live in, they should leave.
Islam is evil.
Pronouns are a source of conflict.
Urban policies vs rural policies.
Annexing or invading another sovereign country is fine and legal, if, to you, that country is not legitimate.
Vaccines and face masks don’t work.
The Earth is Flat.
Climate change is a hoax and not real.
Indigenous people should not be given a representative voice in government, nor have any extra or special rights.
Burqas, hijabs and turbans should be banned in Western countries.
The Great White Replacement Theory.
The gender you were assigned at birth should determine the gender related to the public and school toilets or changing rooms you use. This applies to both children and adults.
Members of the LGBTQIA+ should not be able to marry each other, along with not being able to adopt or work with children.
You’re a Nazi or fascist if you believe in right-wing politics or conservative policies.
You’re a communist or socialist if you believe in left-wing politics or progressive policies.
People should be allowed to peacefully protest, but only for the values and beliefs you agree with.
Politicians who are multi-millionaires but show conflict of interests.
Is hate speech a form of free speech?
Critical Race Theory.
Black Lives Matter.
Defending a country’s right to protect itself, means they need to break international law to do so.
Wars in another countries are not relevant to my country, because we don’t look like them, therefore, they are not our concern. Eg Sudan and Myanmar.
Punishments for breaking anti-homosexual laws.
MeToo movement.
Major tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, landlords, and large corporations.
Depending on the country you live in, having great access to firearms.
Whitewashing history.
There are only two genders.
Suppressing some people’s right to vote is important because they might not vote for your party.
The vandalism and removal of statues of historical figures linked to racism, slavery, colonisation, murder, sexism, or genocide.
The increasing amount of book banning, challenging, and censorship, across school and public libraries.
Any person born a male, should not be able to participate in any female sports; regardless of age or level of transition.
Males should not be able to work in a female-dominated industry.
Females should not be able to work in a male-dominated industry.
Criticising another country because they have a theocracy government, but actively promoting and advocating for your own country to be one as well.
Totalitarianism, authoritarianism, and dictatorships are effective because they can weed out the undesirables.

And the list could go on and on.

Given the rise of culture wars worldwide, I’d like to offer some reasons why and how this has happened, or maybe I’m just talking out of my arse. Again, I’m coming at this from a New Zealand perspective, but also observations worldwide, so some culture wars could be known or relevant to you.

1.) The name “culture war” is relevantly new, but the concept and notion of it are not. At a best estimate, some culture wars started over 150 years ago. The concept is not new, just the name.

2.) With elections, whether they are at local or national levels, always seem to bring out an increased amount of warriors, fighting in their particular culture war. I feel this is done to target minorities, or fringe communities, and highlight how dangerous they could be because they are different and not mainstream.

The result is that people are encouraged to become passionate and empowered about these ideas, instead of focussing on larger and more important subjects like crime and unemployment rates, or the state of the economy.

It’s a form of distraction; it’s all smoke and mirrors. You can’t vote for/against or understand an important policy if politicians only even talk about trivial things that don’t matter.

“Don’t worry about the tobacco lobbyists having meetings with government ministers, you should worry about the man dressed as a woman, reading books to children at the library.”

3.) Using social media, conspiracy theories and misinformation makes it harder for people to differentiate fact from fiction, truth from lies, and understanding from bigotry.

“I read it on the internet, so it must be true.”

“I saw a news report about it, this is serious!”

“I agree with the TV host, they need to be stopped. We need to think of the children.”

Sound familiar? It’s easier to believe in a beautiful lie, than to accept the awful truth; especially if someone you trust is saying exactly what you’re thinking.

Judging people is easier than helping people, isn’t it?

4.) I think culture wars can bring out the best and worst of humanity, which causes more division within our communities; especially with gaslighting. Oh, gaslighting, where would the righteous few be without gaslighting? Not living in the White House I would imagine.

How many arguments have you had with your father over public protests? Or your mother over immigrants? Or your co-workers about vaccines, or drag story time with your siblings?

If culture wars keep getting pushed onto us by politicians, religious leaders, celebrities, and billionaires, then who wins? The conservatives? The progressives? I’ll tell you this for nothing, I may not be able to tell you who wins, but I can tell you who loses, and that us. You, me, the vulnerable, the prosecuted, the poor, and the oppressed.

I think some culture wars need to be explored, debated and argued. It helps you to draw a line in the sand, so you can understand and define your own morality, but also to understand where your neighbour, friend, child, parent, or spouse’s ideas are coming from. Some things need to be discussed.

Some culture wars, on the other hand, don’t need to be discussed, because it’s about common sense, or the lack of it. I mean, you’re not going to win an argument with a person who has the IQ of a carrot, are you? In these cases, I feel it’s better to smile and ignore them, so let them live their best life by being stupid. Let them do them, so you can do you.

The problem is identifying the real culture wars from the batshit crazy ones; which I’ll admit, I’m still learning how to do.

Did I miss any culture wars? What culture wars are you invested in? As always, please let me know.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and I’ll see you next week.

Also, if you happen to see Vladimir Putin or Benjamin Netanyahu cruising around in a country other than Russia or Israel, please do me a favour, and tell the ICC and your government. That would make my year.

Tour of the Solar System: The Moons of Uranus

On November 18, 2024October 27, 2025 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

The world seems a little dark and bleak at the moment, so what better time for Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System to return! That and I believe it’s well overdue. So it’s back, the tour nobody in the history of this planet has asked for is back for another month.

If you’re one of these unlucky people who have missed the tour stops, fear not because here is the list of the previous stops.

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

11.) Jupiter

12.) The Galilean moons

13.) Saturn

14.) Titan

15.) The Moons of Saturn

16.) Uranus

17.) Titania

Our last amazing tour stop was at Uranus’ largest moon, Titania. This means we’re moving on from discussing the Jake Paul and Mike Tyson fight, and on to the other moons of Uranus. Not all of them, of course, but some of them.

A near-infrared image of the six largest moons and eight inner moons of Uranus as captured by the James Webb Space Telescope on 4 September 2023. Credit: NASA’s James Webb Telescope and team

Even though Uranus’ bigger siblings, Jupiter and Saturn, can get a lot of attention from space enthusiasts, Uranus can still bring them to the yard. Uranus has 28 confirmed moons, which is more than the moons of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, and even Pluto combined. That’s impressive.¹

As I mentioned in my excellent blog post about Uranus, the names of its moons are not derived from Roman or Greek mythology like other moons in our solar system, but rather characters from the works of William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope. I’ve always thought this was literary genius. You would not find that information on any Flat Earth social media account, I promise you.

Since we met Titania last time, I will only discuss the next five largest moons, purely because I’m old, hungry, and tired. Plus the All Blacks won five games, then lost one, so I’m wallowing in self-doubt.

So, let’s do this!

Oberon:

Oberon is named after King Oberon, the king of the fairies, from Shakespeare’s rom-com, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Oberon has a diameter of 1,522 km, making it the second-largest moon of Uranus, after Titania. Oberon is the farthest of Uranus’ five major moons, at an average distance of 584,000 km.

It was discovered by William Herschel in 1787; the same William Herschel who discovered Uranus in 1781. Like several other moons in the solar system, Oberon resembles our Moon, because of its colour and crater-covered surface.

And just because I think it’s cool, some of Oberon’s surface features bear names like Antony, Caesar, Coriolanus, Falstaff, Hamlet, Lear, Macbeth, Othello, and Romeo; which are named after famous Shakespearian characters.

Processed using green, violet, and unfiltered images of Oberon (moon of Uranus) taken by Voyager 2 on January 24 1986. Original data is taken from NASA/JPL-Caltech.

Umbriel:

Umbriel was discovered by William Lassell in 1851. By the way, please remember Lassell’s name, because he is going to pop up again. Umbriel has a diameter of 1,169 km, making it the third-largest moon of Uranus. Its name is taken from a character in the 1712 poem, The Rape of the Lock, by Alexander Pope.

Umbriel orbits Uranus at about 266,000 km, which makes it the third farthest from the planet among its five major moons. Umbriel is covered with craters and canyons, but what makes it odd is the fact that the surface does not reflect a lot of light, which is less than half as much light as Ariel, another of Uranus’ moons of similar size. This works out to be only 16% of the light that strikes its surface is reflected.

According to spectrograph data, scientists believe that about 40% of Umbriel’s mass is a dense non-ice component, along with water ice and carbon dioxide on the surface. Umbriel is a moon that scientists would love to research more.

The southern hemisphere of Umbriel displays heavy cratering in this Voyager 2 image, taken Jan. 24, 1986, from a distance of 557,000 kilometers (346,000 miles).
Credit: NASA/JPL

Ariel:

And speaking of Ariel, this moon is crazy. It’s the fourth-largest moon of Uranus, with a diameter of about 1,157 km. It was discovered in 1781, by Lassell again, on the same day of his Umbriel discovery. As for the name, Ariel was named after two characters, from the aforementioned The Rape of the Lock, but also The Tempest, by Shakespeare.

Out of the five major moons of Uranus, Ariel is the second closest to the planet, with an orbiting distance of about 190,000 km. Unlike Umbriel, Ariel is the most reflective moon of Uranus, and it’s believed that Ariel’s surface is the youngest of Uranus’ moons, making it the brightest.

Ariel is tidally locked with Uranus, meaning it rotates synchronously with its orbit, so it keeps the same face toward the planet; just like our Moon does to Earth. This process has meant that given its distance from the Sun, Ariel experiences extreme seasonal cycles of permanent day or night, that last 42 years. And if you cast your mind back to my post about Uranus, you’ll remember that this crazy-ass event occurs on Uranus as well.

Ariel in greyscale as imaged by *Voyager 2* in 1986. Processed by Kevin M. Gill, taken from data by NASA/JPL-Caltech

Miranda:

Before you ask, no, Uranus does not have any more moons with names of characters from Sex in the City. Fans of Carrie, Charlotte, and Samantha will survive, unlike Mr. Big. Ouch. The real origin of the name comes from Prospero’s daughter, Miranda, from The Tempest, by every English teacher’s favourite cult hero, William Shakespeare.

Miranda is the fifth-largest of Uranus’ moons, but also the smallest and innermost of the moons. Relatively speaking, Miranda was discovered quite recently in 1948, by Gerard Kuiper. It had the designation of Uranus V before it was given the name, Miranda.

This moon is only 470 km in diameter, which is one-seventh the size of our Moon. Miranda’s total surface area is about equal to that of the U.S. state of Texas. Miranda is tidally locked, just like Ariel, as well as sharing the extreme seasonal cycles.

Miranda’s surface is a collection of valleys, grooves, fault scarps, and cratered highlands, but it also has terrain that could be less than 100 million years old. This suggests that the moon may still be geologically active.

Uranus’ icy moon Miranda, captured by NASA’s Voyager 2 spacecraft on Jan. 24, 1986. Credit: NASA/Jet Propulsion Laboratory-Caltech

Puck:

Our last stop for today is at Puck. Not named after Wolverine’s friend in Alpha Flight, but rather the spite in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, written by…and all together now, William Shakespeare! 10 points to Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff represent!

Puck is the sixth-largest of Uranus’ moons, but only has a diameter of 162 km. This strange moon was discovered by images taken by the Voyager 2 spacecraft, and Stephen P. Synnott, an astronomer and Voyager scientist at JPL, in 1985.

Puck’s orbit sits between the rings of Uranus and Miranda, the first of the planet’s large moons. It orbits Uranus in less than one Earth day and has a dark, heavily cratered surface with spectral signs of water ice.

One extra interesting thing about Puck is that the moon has three craters named Bogle, Butz, and Lob, which are named after misbehaving spirits from Scottish, German, and British folklore and legends.

Image taken from Voyager 2/NASA on 24 January 1986 of the Uranian moon Puck.

There are 22 other moons to discuss, but alas, my hourly rate of $0.00 has come to an end today. What’s your favourite moon of Uranus? As always, please let me know.

Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m still on Twitter and Mastodon, trying to bore people with useless facts.

Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch out for Lauren Boebert’s underwater alien bases and hybrids, and I’ll see you next week.

¹Yes, it’s true that Mercury and Venus do not have any moons, but what I said still counts.

So what happens next with the Red Elephant?

On November 11, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Politics2 Comments

So…did anything interesting happen during the week? Well, the All Blacks defeated Ireland 23-13 in Dublin, the Wellington Phoenix smashed Central Coast Mariners 3-0, Ireland’s parliament passed a motion declaring that Israel is committing genocide in Gaza, and Heretic was released.

Oh, I forgot. Everybody’s favourite ex-McDonalds worker and star of Home Alone 2 was elected President of the United States of America. Again. The way I understand it, the Republican Party will control the White House and the US Senate in 2025, and is currently very close to taking control of the US House of Representatives as well.

I heard that during the election, someone had posted that waiting for the election results was like the country was waiting on the results of an STI test. It doesn’t matter now though, because they have hooked up their with ex for another four years.

The pointless aim of this blog post is not to analyse and reflect on Donald Trump’s victory or Kamala Harris’ defeat. It’s not about explaining the rejection of the Democrats’ policies from the majority of the United States, or the new embrace of the MAGA movement. If you want that, there are already hundreds of articles, opinion pieces, and panels discussing those issues.

Compared to those professionals, I’m a nobody, with a rugby obsession and a Sour Cream and Chives-hating disorder.

.The point is that it happened, and we need to accept these awkward and brutal truths:

Donald Trump won the election and will become the 47th President of the United States of America, and the potential leader of the free world.

The Republican Party will control the Senate, and with all likelihood, the House as well.

Elon Musk, the richest person on the planet, will probably be involved in Trump’s administration, in some capacity.

For some people, this is great news, it’s what they wanted. For others, it’s not. They are working their way through the five stages of grief, and sadly, it can’t be stopped. You need to understand that nothing you do or say, can alter these facts. It’s inevitable as the Joker escaping from Arkham Asylum, or as Appa saving Team Avatar.

I’m sure any Vulcan would agree with me on this, but I find it fascinating that the Republican Party, which is all about personal freedoms and keeping the government out of people’s personal lives, will be the party that will be stripping and removing freedoms from people, because of this election result.

You can yell and scream at the insanity of it all, but this is democracy at work. I should know, because we elected Trump Lite, in the form of Prime Minister Luxon last year. Seriously, I get it. New Zealand is already fighting culture wars that the United States had started, which our government is actively promoting and fuelling.

No, the point of this blog post is to lament about what happens next, because my geeky arse is worried.

Before I go on, I feel I need to bring up a very important question:

I’m not a US citizen, so why should I care about what happens?

It’s easy because there are two answers. The first is that, and I’ve said this before, the United States exports ideas, whether they are positive and constructive or negative and destructive.

Secondly, I’m a member of the Homo sapiens species, so I care. Even though I’m at the bottom of the South Pacific, their decisions are going to affect me and my family, but also millions of families around the planet.

I’m not an expert on US politics, Project 2025, or culture wars, because if I was, I would be a lot smarter and have a cooler job. However, as I understand it, and I could be wrong here, if Republicans and conservatives control the White House, the Senate, and the House, along with the majority of Governors and members of the Supreme Court, it seems to me that Trump will be unrestrained when he is unleased upon the country and the world, with no adult supervision, because it’s all been removed.

I worry about the damage Trump and the Republicans are going to do to the United States and the world, regardless of the amount of support they have. My concerns are and not limited to:

United States of America:

The deportation of millions of people will cripple families, the immigration and justice systems, and the economy.
The cost of new tariffs will be passed onto the public.
The unlawful prosecution of political opponents and rivals.
The rise of science scepticism and the fall of science literacy.
The Supreme Court has given Trump the green light to do whatever he wants as President.
Reporters and journalists will be arrested for writing and publishing real facts or anti-government information.
Far-right and hate groups like Neo-Nazis, the Ku Klux Klan, and Proud Boys will be empowered.
Hate crimes towards the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, non-whites, Muslims, and Jews will only increase.
The unemployment rate will increase.
New local, state, and federal laws will target minorities.
Book banning and censorship will continue to increase.
Average American temperatures will only increase.
Gay and lesbian marriages could be banned.
Violent conservatives and MAGA supporters could be immune from prosecution, or pardoned.
Sexist, racist and bigoted views will become more mainstream and acceptable.
Unqualified and unsuited people will be placed in government departments.
Government oversight will decrease, as will government corruption increase.
US history could be reinterpreted to reflect a more conservative perspective.
Legal and illegal immigrants will be deemed eternal pariahs, as they will be promoted as the root cause of the country’s problems.
More pro-gun legislation will be passed, along with school and town shootings increasing.
More anti-birth control and anti-abortion legislation will be passed.
Suicide rates among youth will increase, while funding for support and outreach groups will decrease.
More tax cuts to the elite and mega-wealthy.
IVF treatment will be banned at the state and federal levels.
Government agencies will be given more power to micro-manage people’s lives.
Voter suppression will continue across the country.
The levels of misinformation and disinformation will blanket the country.
People will be encouraged to be loyal to Trump and the party and not the country.
All forms of gender affirmation will be heavily under threat if not completely banned.
The US Constitution will be amended to reflect a more conservative perspective.
The rise of evangelical Christianity, by treating Trump as the Lord’s one true voice in America.
The demonisation of followers of Islam, Judaism, and other non-Christian religions will increase.
Vaccines for childhood illnesses like polio and measles will be discouraged.
Production and use of fossil fuels will increase, while green and renewal energy funding will be slashed.
Emergency funding and relief aid for disaster victims will only be administered to counties and states, that voted for the federal government.
The military will start a new nuclear arms race.
More civil rights will be removed, to promote the “us vs them” mentality.
Equality and diversity will be seen as un-American.

The World:

The United States will leave NATO.
The United States will withdraw from any international treaty or contract, about reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
The United States will reduce funding to the United Nations.
American weapons exports will increase to authoritarian countries and governments.
Aid, resources and money sent to Ukraine will be cut, allowing Russia to annex and eventually conquer Ukraine.
Weapons sales to Israel will increase, ensuring Gaza and the West Bank will be annexed, along with the Palestinian people being annihilated.
Immigration rates around the world will be reduced.
The prosecution of the LGBTQIA+ community will increase worldwide.
American airstrikes against poor and vulnerable communities and countries will increase.
The United States will reduce international aid to developing and third-world countries.
The United States will leave WHO.
The International Court of Justice may not be recognised by the United States.
Stock markets and international currencies are going to jump around.
International trade deals will heavily favour the United States.
Tensions between the United States, North Korea, China, and Iran will only increase.

There’s plenty more I could list in these two groups, but I want to discuss something positive with you before I go.

Like I said before, Trump’s return to the White House could be a wet dream for millions of people around the world, but for others, it’s a nightmare. This can look and sound quite bleak, and to be honest, it’ll probably get a lot worse before it ever gets better.

But this is the point; you’re not alone. The fear and anxiety that you’re feeling, is shared with millions of people across the United States and around the world. You’re really not alone, I promise you.

When Trump takes the Oath of Office as the 47th President, the Earth will continue to rotate, the Moon will keep travelling around the Earth, and the Earth will keep orbiting the Sun. The universe will continue to function, regardless of whether a convicted felony is governing a country or not. The universe won’t care, and that’s ok.

But do you know what is ok? Your ability to feel hope and anger. Hope gets us out of bed in the morning. Hope allows us to love our families and accept love ourselves. Hope can transform us, and empower us to become better people.

But your anger…your anger is a gift. Your anger can move mountains and change the world. Anger allows you to see the lines in the sand that companies and governments cross. Whether it’s at your local level, national, or international, your anger is a gift that you can use to bring about positive change and social reforms. Depending on where you live, the next four years are going to be tough; some more than others.

Get angry at the problems facing your region, country and the world. Get angry at the corruption and injustices, because they’ve been here for some time, and there’s more to come. Talk to your mayor, your council, your local politician and religious leaders, and get them to act.

Don’t sit down and dismiss problems because they’re not your concern or they’re too massive; you need to fight. Non-violent civil disobedience to be precise. I mean, ask the British Empire or Mahatma Gandhi if that works.

The world can’t fix itself, so use your rage and anger to help. You’re not alone, I promise.

Just one more thing to remember is that any law is temporary. It’s not forever, because governments rise and fall, and depending on who is holding the pen, they get to write the laws or rewrite them. Oppressive policies and laws are not forever, they are just temporary. And we win, by surviving and demanding better from all of our leaders.

Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, wear socks to bed, and I’ll see you next week because the worst tour in the Solar System is back! Take care and look after yourselves.

The Hellboy: The Crooked Man Comparison

On November 4, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Comics, Movies

Welcome back to New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website! A case could be made for the 4th or the 6th; though it depends on a certain point of view. Thanks, Obi-Wan.

I realise not every person on the planet gives a damn about elections, least of all elections in another country. Because of that amazing observation, and to take my little mind off it, I’ve decided to create an original blog post. Something similar, but different. Like Pepsi and Pepsi Max, Rugby Union and Rugby League, Salt and Vinegar chips and Sour Cream…wait. That last example is completely wrong.

I’ve stumbled through previews and reviews before, but I have never compared mediums when it comes to an adaption. Whether this is a smart idea or not, I’ll let my Chief Consultant of Bad Ideas be the judge of that.

As loyal and attentive readers know, I’m a fan of the Right Hand of Doom, otherwise known as Big Red, Anung Un Rama, and of course, Hellboy. I’ve been wasting money reading and collecting Hellboy comics for decades. Remember, I’m a geek, so it’s in the name. I even have a Right Hand of Doom money bank. It has no coins in it, but it still looks cool.

This means I have also seen Hellboy’s three live-action movies, along with the two lesser-known animated films. Like I said before, I’m a geek.

I’ve just seen Hellboy: The Crooked Man at my local cinema. Now I know it’s had a limited release around the world, and especially across New Zealand. It’s so limited that my local cinema only had one screening of it: 7.45 pm on Halloween. When I discovered that the screening was going to be rarer than seeing Donald Trump’s tax records, I knew I had to go.

Only three people were in the theatre for it, myself included, which was both a positive and negative experience.

Before we begin, this intellectual entertainment offering will not be reviewing the film as such like previous reviews, but rather comparing the source material to the adaption. This is new for me as well, and just like many things in life, we will have to see whether it’s a stupid idea or not.

I will add my thoughts about the future of the movie franchise at the bottom if I can remember.

Credit: Mike Mignola & Richard Corden/Dark Horse Comics-Millennium Media/Dark Horse Entertainment

Clear as mud? Great, let’s establish the mediums first. In 2008, Dark Horse Comics released Hellboy: The Crooked Man #1-3, which was a limited series, running from July to September. Mike Mignola, Hellboy’s creator, was the writer, with Richard Corben supplying the art.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man was released on the 8th of October 2024 in the United States, written by Christopher Golden, Mike Mignola, and Brian Taylor; with Taylor serving as the director. It was released by Millennium Media and Dark Horse Entertainment.

Right off the bat, I think the movie is a faithful adaptation of the comics, regardless of what you think of the movie itself. Having said that, there are always subtle and creative changes when translating a story into another medium. Always has been and always will be.

At least to me, the comics and the movie differ in three different ways. Firstly, is the opening for the comic, where you have Hellboy wandering about the Appalachian Mountains alone, when he meets Tom Ferrell after Hellboy had finished with some stuff down South, as explained.

As for the movie, Hellboy is travelling on a train with BPRD agent Bobbie Jo Song, and another government agent. They were transporting some type of supernatural evil spider, so of course the spider broke loose, the train carriage derailed, and Hellboy and Song ended up in the Appalachian Mountains.

The second major difference was true fanboy service. During the movie, Hellboy receives a vision of a witch on fire, alongside a giant raven, who is a devil. Hellboy sees her later on and interacts with her. It turns out the witch is his mother, Sarah Hughes, and the devil is his father, Azzael. The vision, which is like a flashback, retells Sarah’s descent into Hell to be with her lover, Azzael, who turns directly to Hellboy and speaks to him.

In the comics, a similar scene unfolds where Hellboy falls asleep in the church where he first appeared in 1944. During his dream, he sees a witch repenting, however, a giant devil comes to claim her and her unborn child, addressing Hellboy and referring to him as, “…my favourite son.”

The difference here is that this scene did not happen in Hellboy: The Crooked Man limited series, but rather in Dark Horse Presents 1000 #2 (1995). It gives a great origin for the character, but it happened in a different comic.

The third major difference is the confrontation between Tom and Hellboy against The Crooked Man (Jeremiah Witkins) in his mansion. In the comics, Witkins was already injured and weakened from the church fight, so when Tom and Hellboy arrived at his mansion, he had reverted to his true form, which was a demonic crab-type creature. Tom throws his witchbone; which was the source of the shenanigans to start with, at Witkins, who vanishes back to Hell.

The movie is different, because why would I be talking about this if it wasn’t? The movie features Tom and Hellboy arriving at the mansion, with Song and Reverend Watts running about in the coal mines underneath.

Song and Watts’ mission was added to the movie, along with the extended goal of locating and destroying Witkins in the mansion. The comic displayed it as a straightforward operation, whereas the movie presented it as a final boss battle. It seemed Witkins was a lot more powerful in the movie than in the comics, but you need to make the villain a real threat to the heroes, so I get it.

Like I said, I think the movie is a fairly accurate and faithful adaption of the comics, so I was impressed with that. Considering Mignola was a co-writer of the script, you would expect it to be.

Now remember, that this blog post was comparing the comics and the movie, and not reviewing the movie itself. For that, you should seek out a real professional journalist, and not amateur hour with Some Geek Told Me.

However, and here it comes, I’ll say this. The movie is different from the three previous entries, mainly for two reasons. The first is that the film’s budget was only $20 million, compared to Hellboy‘s (2004) $60–66 million, Hellboy II: The Golden Army‘s $82.5–85 million, and Hellboy‘s (2019) $50 million. If you have less money to work with than previous films, the sets, CGI, actors, and practical effects will look and sound different.

The other random thing to consider is that the three previous movies in the Hellboy series have all centred on Hellboy saving the world, from the likes of Grigori Rasputin and the Ogdru Jahad, Prince Nuada and the Golden Army, and of course, Nimue the Blood Queen and her minions.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man gave us a version of Hellboy, who was not fighting to save the world, but rather centred on fighting to save one person, Tom Ferrell. If you’re a fan of the Hellboy movies, then this movie appears to be lacking by not turning the stakes up high, like trying to save the world.

But I would argue that this Hellboy presents a more honest version of the character, because he’s the world’s greatest paranormal investigator. This means he runs into ghouls, demons, ghosts, devils, monsters, vampires, witches, and everything else.

Not all of his missions require the world to be saved; it’s personal, like trying to save a person, a family, or a town. Comic book fans would back me on this, I’m sure! Maybe, if I say pretty please?

Also, if this is the future of Hellboy movies, I’m ok with that. I would rather see a live-action version of Hellboy like this or a live-action TV show, than no Hellboy at all.

Have you read Hellboy: The Crooked Man or seen the movie? How did they compare? As always, please let me know your thoughts.

So that’s another rant finished for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. And I’m going to repeat this for a third week in a row, but please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote for Kamala Harris.

I want to see Donald Trump complain and whine about how his life is so unfair. Please, America, kick that man to the curb. For the world’s sake, please vote for Kamala Harris.

Take care and I’ll see you next week.

The Lincoln Project: Living rent-free in Trump’s head

On October 28, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People, Politics, Social Media

Growing up as a member of the Commonwealth, the 5th of November has always been synonymous with the Gunpowder Plot, in the form of Guy Fawkes Night, Bonfire Night or Fireworks Night. 419 years later, people still remember it.

If you haven’t already guessed or been living in Worzel Gummidge’s hat, this 5th of November is also unique, because it’s the date for the United States presidential election. At the time of writing this blog post, the polls are tighter than Uncle Scrooge’s wallet, between Kamala Harris and everybody’s favourite bankrupting casino owner, Donald Trump.

Over the years, you don’t have to do a lot to incur Trump’s wrath, by getting under that beautiful orange skin or living rent-free in his head. And nobody does it better than the Lincoln Project. For the uninitiated, the Lincoln Project was founded by former Republican Party members and moderate conservatives, who publish and release anti-Trump content. And they are very good at what they do. They oppose Trump and his policies, along with his Dick Tracy villain doppelgangers.

I can’t remember the first Lincoln Project video I saw, but I was stunned and confused to learn that it was Republicans and conservatives bashing Trump. Even though I’m a New Zealander and not a US citizen, I thought this was weird; however, I thought it was so brilliant that I subscribed to them.

Whether it’s because their origins are based on right-leaning politics or they have some extremely driven people, they seem to have an uncanny way of pissing Trump off. Whenever I hear the phrase, “If you can’t say anything nice, say something clever and devastating,” I will always think of the Lincoln Project.

The ‘Lincoln Project’ is made up of Republicans dissatisfied with the direction the party has taken under Trump. Credit: Reproduction/Facebook.

Their videos fall into several groups. Some videos have focused on promoting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, by encouraging people to vote for them. Other videos highlight American values and how Trumpism and Republicans are against it. There are also videos highlighting the shenanigans of some Republicans, comparing Harris to Trump, and talking about the January 6th riots.

The irony is that these videos are created by conservatives. Additionally, the ones directed at Trump can be described as “beautiful nightmares.” They are devastating, accurate, intelligent, funny, and sharp. I often show them to my wife while doing my geek dance, saying, “Oh, you need to see this; it’s amazing!”

In my opinion, all of the anti-Trump panels, videos, columns, podcasts, and articles combined, pale in comparison to the humiliation that the Lincoln Project has inflicted on everybody’s favourite 78-year-old convicted felony.

Below, I have collected several of my favourite recent Lincoln Project videos that directly attack Trump and his policies. And damn, these are burns! Some honourable mentions are the recent Things Fascists Say videos, highlighting Trump’s love for dictators and strong male leaders. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so serious.

Without any more delay, let’s look at some of my favourite Lincoln Project videos that belittle Trump’s age, cognitive ability, intelligence, morals, and just about anything. Please enjoy!

The next two videos are not humorous, but they are very effective at highlighting how dangerous Trump is. As for that last one, well, it’s my favourite.

What’s your favourite Lincoln Project video? As always, please let me know. If you haven’t already subscribed to the Lincoln Project, I suggest you do so. They are exceptional at what they do.

That’s another rant, for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. And just like last week, please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote for Kamala Harris. I want to witness Trump whine about losing and how difficult his life is being a 78-year-old white male billionaire. Please!

Take care and I’ll see you next week.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1954

On October 21, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People, Politics

Because of various reasons, I got distracted last month, which to be fair, was the constant statement throughout my school reports. This distraction meant we didn’t have a We Didn’t Start the Fire blog post, which will soon be fixed. I’m not sure if Billy Joel would approve.

Just like an ejection seat in a helicopter, my We Didn’t Start the Fire references are a bad idea. Nevertheless, it’s back for another month. Previous chapters in this ongoing mess include:

If you’ve been keeping score, we looked at 1953 last time, so we’re moving on to 1954. So, strap yourself in because it’s going to be a bumpy ride! And away we go!

1954

Roy Cohn:

We’re going to kick 1954’s references off with Roy Cohn, who was an American prosecutor and lawyer. To me, Cohn is famous for a few odd things. Hopefully you remember Joseph McCarthy, the communist-hunting senator from the 1950 list. It may not come as a surprise, but not only did Cohn and McCarthy know each other, Cohn worked as chief counsel for McCarthy in the 1954 Army–McCarthy hearings.

The hearings were a political embarrassment for McCarthy and his anti-communism policies, so after the hearings had finished, Cohn fell on his sword and resigned from McCarthy’s staff. This caused a minor scandal across the country, which led Cohn to work as an attorney in New York City.

Do you remember the Rosenbergs (Julius and Ethel Rosenberg) from the 1951 list? Take three guesses to name one of the prosecutors involved in their case. That’s right, it was Cohn.

For a modern context, I previously referred to Joseph McCarthy as everybody’s favourite convicted felony and ex-president, Donald Trump. So, if Trump is McCarthy, then Cohn would be Michael Cohen; if you follow my logic.

Roy Cohn speaking at the Army-McCarthy hearings in 1954. Credit: *Everett/Shutterstock.com*

Juan Perón:

Juan Perón served as President of Argentina from 1946 to 1955 and then again from 1973 to 1974. He is a significant figure in the history of Argentina and Latin America, with a complex legacy. His policies, known as Peronism, evolved, and he eventually became a dictator. Additionally, he provided refuge to wanted Nazi war criminals, contributing to the ongoing crisis.

During his second term in 1954, Perón was becoming less popular, while Argentina faced economic problems like high inflation, huge debt, and a decrease in productivity. Perón was also having trouble with the Roman Catholic Church. He pushed for the decriminalisation of divorce and prostitution; deported two Catholic priests; promoted a constitutional amendment to separate State and Church; publicly accused bishops and priests of sabotaging his government; and suppressed religious education in schools. He was a busy guy.

Perón was finally deposed in a coup d’état in 1955, mainly because of the bombing of Plaza de Mayo by Argentine military aircraft, which killed over 300 people.

A modern equivalent is somewhat difficult because sadly, we have many choices to select from, like Alexander Lukashenko, Bashar al-Assad, Kim Jong Un, Slobodan Milošević, Vladimir Putin, Augusto Pinochet, Pol Pot, Francisco Franco, Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo, Muammar Gaddafi, or Idi Amin. Take your pick, because they all suck.

Arturo Toscanini:

The beloved Arturo Toscanini was one of the most famous conductors on the planet. After years of working around the world, Toscanini moved to the United States. He worked with several symphony orchestras before securing a position with the NBC Symphony Orchestra, which was a radio orchestra.

This job lasted from 1937 to 1954 when Toscanini stepped down from the position of conductor and retired at 87 years old. That was his last live public performance.

For a modern conductor, I don’t want to start a fight about which conductor is the best in the world. This is outside of my lane, but some examples could be Sir Simon Rattle, Marin Alsop, Gustavo Dudamel, Seiji Ozawa, Nathalie Stutzmann, Sir Neville Marriner, Daniel Barenboim, Sir Antonio Pappano, Susanna Mälkki, Carlos Kleiber, or maybe Bernard Haitink.

The conductor Arturo Toscanini. Photograph by Bettmann / Getty

Dacron:

This is the first non-human entry on the list, and it is very useful. In 1954, Polyethylene terephthalate, also known as PET, PETE, and Dacron, was released to the public. Dacron is an artificial fibre that changed the way people live and interact with the world.

It’s recyclable plastic number 1 and was mainly trademarked as a synthetic polyester fabric, but it expanded to all facets of modern life. The demand for this product is insane. The annual production of PET was 56 million tons in 2016, with 30% being made up of bottle production worldwide.

I would give you a modern version, but Dacron is still being used today.

Dien Bien Phu falls:

We are continuing with another non-human entry because this one is a city or rather a battle. Dien Bien Phu, or Điện Biên Phủ, is a city located in Vietnam. Back in 1946, Vietnam was known as French Indochina, and it was supported and controlled by…wait for it…the French.

This resulted in the First Indochina War, with the French fighting the Viet Minh, aka the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, the newly minted nation.

In 1954, the French Far East Expeditionary Corps fought the Viet Minh, at the French encampment in Dien Bien Phu, between 13th March and 7th May. History remembers this as the Battle of Dien Bien Phu. The size of the armies, along with the casualties, vary to different records, but whatever the case, the Viet Minh claimed victory.

This was a humiliating defeat for the French, as it was the decisive battle of the war. The legacy of this battle resulted in the creation of North Vietnam (the Democratic Republic of Vietnam) and South Vietnam (the Republic of Vietnam). Eventually, the Second Indochina War started a year later, though it’s known by another name; The Vietnam War.

An image of Viet Minh troops planting their flag over the captured French headquarters at Dien Bien Phu, 1954. Credit: Vietnam People’s Army Museum System.

Rock Around the Clock:

One, two, three o’clock, four o’clock, rock
Five, six, seven o’clock, eight o’clock, rock
Nine, ten, eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, rock
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight

Dubbed as the first rock-and-roll song, Rock Around the Clock was a smash hit. Released in May 1954 by Bill Haley & His Comets, Rock Around the Clock only lasted 2:08 minutes, but it changed music history.

The single sold 25 million copies and became the unofficial anthem for the growing rebellious youth around the world, and brought this developing sound of music to mainstream audiences.

It defined a generation, much like Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”, Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, and Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”

So for 1954, we covered a prosecutor, a dictator, a conductor, an artificial fabric, a battle, and a song. This was a strange and mixed list, but we will have seven entries for 1955, so I need to start planning for next month. I mean, maybe the writing will get better.

And that’s it for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote to send a certain 78-year-old into retirement. Take care and I’ll see you next week.

Surviving the School Holidays Again

On October 14, 2024 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents

As you can tell, we have just finished and survived another round of school holidays. Among kiwi taming and hobbit searching, public school children in New Zealand operate on four terms during the year, with two weeks of holidays separating the terms. Of course, Term 4 ends with a six-week holiday covering the end of the year and Christmas, but we are way ahead of ourselves!

Term 4 started today, with UMC1 and UMC2 having mixed feelings about it; I sense much conflict in them. They wanted to see their friends again, but you can’t beat the school holidays! Well, from their perspective, you can’t.

So, how did the school holidays go? I have to be honest with you, we went into the holidays dealing with Indy’s death, so my wife and I put in extra effort to make these holidays fun for UMC1 and UMC2, but manageable for us. And when I say manageable, I mean our ability to survive the threats without starting divorce proceedings.

Without any more time-wasting, let’s discuss the threats we faced and see if you can relate to any of them.

Lego Invasion

This threat is an old one, but it’s still serious. UMC1 and UMC2 love working and playing around the house with Lego, but during the school holidays, this obsession gets taken to the next level.

Every room in the house, except for the bathroom, was invaded by their Lego, whether they were figures, vehicles, or everything in between. They even covered the window frame of the back door with newly designed Lego droids, so every time you opened or closed the door, droids and tears would fall.

The dining room table was the scene of multiple Lego construction sites throughout the holidays. These included on the table, under the table, on three different chairs, and the foot railings. Apparently, Lex Luthor, Boba Fett and Foot Clan Ninjas like to loiter under the table.

It’s also a hell of a thing to consistently find Lego that does not belong to you on your bed, then to be lectured about moving things that don’t belong to you.

As for the base plates, the boys created several buildings that stayed in the lounge. This meant every morning, the base plates were taken off the table and placed back onto the floor, then moved to the table again at night time, so just it could start again the next day.

Using the vacuum cleaner was a nightmare because every scrap of carpet needed to be checked for Lego, which proved to be problematic. I was also delightfully reminded of the dangers of walking shoeless in the house during the school holidays, because of the amount of Lego impaling my feet.

Pyjama Days

I don’t mind pyjamas at all, but during the school holidays, my children practically live in them. There have been numerous battles over the idea of UMC1 and UMC2 wanting to go out in their pyjamas, despite logical and reasonable arguments against it, assuming they even want to leave the house in the first place.

Their philosophy was that since it was their school holidays, they should be able to choose their clothes, meaning they were choosing to remain in their pyjamas for the whole day.

I can’t tell you the number of times I called my wife to see how things were going, just to be told that the boys were still in their pyjamas; but they were going to get changed because they were all going out. Fast forward to me seeing them in the car when they had picked me up, or when I got home, they were still in their pyjamas. I would ask about it, but my wife would just shake her head and admit defeat.

It was also funny and tragic explaining to them, that yes, it’s time to have a shower, so they needed to remove the pyjamas so they could be washed.

And yes, they could choose another pair to wear afterwards. I have no idea how many times I’ve said pyjamas over the last two weeks, but it would have been more times than The Brain has tried to take over the world.

Star Wars: Rebels

This one was not a threat, but it was weird. We had previously mentioned to UMC1 and UMC2 that they could watch Star Wars: Rebels, during the school holiday this year. Everybody had forgotten in the past holidays, so the boys were not going to miss out this time.

This involved the boys asking for Star Wars: Rebels, before and after breakfast, before and after lunch, before and after dinner, and every other time in between. Because of this, it gave my wife and me some leverage for the boys to do things, like removing pyjamas, leaving the house, buying the groceries, having showers, or tidying up, which were the prices the boys had to pay to watch the show.

A lot of negotiations occurred during the last two weeks, with Star Wars: Rebels acting as the dangling carrot to the boys. And when they did get to see it, they were fixated on it, to the point they were quiet and absorbing it all.

After watching a collection of episodes, UMC2 would also retell the plot to you, completely forgetting that you were sitting next to him throughout the show. Their role-playing started to centre on Star Wars: Rebels, which resulted in many over-enthusiastic lightsabre battles.

I have rediscovered my appreciation for sleep-ins over being woken up at 5.30 am, because UMC1 and UMC2 are recreating lightsabre battles in our bedroom. Not cool guys, not cool.

We made it through the two weeks of school holidays thanks to various forms of caffeine. Now we have about 10 weeks to recover before the six weeks of the Christmas/Summer holidays begin. During this time, I have two weeks off, so I will need plenty of energy drinks to keep up with UMC1 and UMC2. Good times!

If you have school-aged children, how to manage and survive the school holidays? As always, please let me know. Ok, that’s another rant for another week.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch The Wild Robot, and I’ll see you next week when we travel back to 1954. Cool bananas!

Jobs that I would suck at: Vol 1

On October 7, 2024November 11, 2025 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People

I want to talk about jobs today, but before I get into my rant, how is everybody doing? I think there’s a polite answer, and there’s an honest answer, with the truth lying somewhere in the middle. Whatever the case, I hope you’re doing well.

Because you’re attentive readers, you would have noticed the title of today’s blog post. Jobs can be important for multiple reasons. They can provide you with money, so you can continue living and existing by paying for the rent and mortgage or buying food, clothes, Salt and Vinegar chips and anything else you have set your heart on.

Jobs can also give you stability, purpose, direction, status, and experience, and for many people, a job is a lifeline. It could be the only thing keeping someone’s head above the water because jobs and life are tough.

The quantity of money you receive is subjective because the same wage or salary could be a godsend to one person, while it could be a bane for someone else.

It’s also true about the quality of the job, which is subjective. A particular job could be a nightmare for one person, while being a dream job for someone else. Of course, some people are just trying to get by, and a job is simply a job.

I suppose there is the trap that you are defined as your job, and that’s how you are known to the world. You’re a nurse, musician, painter, road worker, or a builder, so that’s what your identity is versus whether you’re a good or happy person.

I believe if you’re lucky enough, you can find a job that pays well and makes you happy. But there is a tiny flaw in that plan; you need to be qualified, or at the very least, actually good at it. This painfully long introduction finally brings us to the point of this rant.

This is the first volume of a series detailing three jobs each time that I believe, I would suck at. Whether I describe myself at being terrible, horrible, ill-suited, unqualified, or just wrong, these jobs would not be for me. I would suck at them.

I’m going to add a disclaimer here before I continue. Any job that makes this list does not by definition, make it terrible. Your job may appear here today or at a later date, and that’s fine for you because I’m not saying your job sucks. I’m just saying your job would suck for me because of several reasons.

Sweet as? Cool bananas and away we go!

Real Estate Agent

This job is one of the easiest to explain why I would be terrible at. I’m awful at making small talk, let alone having and creating a salesperson personality. I’m such a bad salesperson, I wouldn’t be able to sell lifejackets to the Navy. I would probably end up buying merchandise from them instead.

I once had a job as a street talker, and it lasted one day. Even though it was for a charity, I couldn’t approach people on the street and convince them to sign up for monthly donations. I was awful.

So the concept of me trying to convince people to buy a big-ticket item like a house seems ludicrous, because as I would be showing off the house’s advantages, I would also be discussing the disadvantages.

I wouldn’t be able to lie because it would weigh on me too much. Also, I would be too honest and suggest the house would not suit the potential owners, coupled with the fact that I’m sure I would not be meeting my monthly quota of sales. I would give my sales manager daily headaches.

These factors would completely condemn me in this profession. I can’t stress enough on how greatly I would suck as a real estate agent. I would be terrible.

Receptionist

Receptionists always seem to have a friendly, positive and calm demeanour, which is quite impressive. Put me in that job, and you would get the opposite. Scheduling appointments, answering the phone, dealing with angry customers, and all with a smile on my face? Forget it.

After dealing with the phone ringing every three minutes, I can only imagine I would be answering the calls by saying, “Please stop ringing! I’m trying to eat my lunch!” It would also mean my small talk would include discussing a new movie trailer, asking what that smell was, and laughing at Trump’s new criminal charges.

I would transfer calls to the wrong department, schedule a booking on the wrong day, accidentally cut the call off, and also sound like I would be much happier if I was lying on my couch reading, instead of dealing with random people.

I have so much trouble scheduling appointments for my family, talking to my wife on the phone, and dealing with my hungry and angry children because the last chocolate biscuit has been eaten, that I couldn’t possibly do it for a living.

And even if I could handle those things, I would have to play host to people entering the workplace. I’d have to offer tea, coffee, and whatnot. I’m a terrible host. I would eat all of the biscuits and stuff the orders up. Besides, who in their right mind would want me?

Even if the job was at a book shop, that sold pizza and Salt and Vinegar chips, I would glare at everybody that walked in, because they would be giving me more work to do. I wouldn’t be able to hide the disappointment on my face.

I would suck at being a receptionist.

My wife’s job

The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it? Take my wife and I, because we often talk about swapping roles. She would like to get back to paid employment by working at a full-time job and being the primary breadwinner.

As for me, I think it would be great to leave the paid 40-50 hour work week behind and concentrate on the house and family.

However, the reality of it is far scarier. For one thing, I enjoy cooking and making food for my family, whether breakfast, lunch or dinner. The sad part is that my recipe skills are limited since I can only make a few meals in several different ways.

If I had my wife’s job, I would need to improve my cooking skills to accommodate my family’s dietary restrictions and allergies. I would also have to introduce new foods to UMC1 and UMC2. I wouldn’t be able to rely on weekend cooking anymore; I would have to cook like Julia Child to satisfy and nourish my family.

I’m a chicken/fish and three vegetables man, so I would have to learn how to make new meals that everybody could eat. All of my time would be taken up with thinking, “Can I add tomato sauce to this?” I doubt anybody would want the same dinner five times each week.

It would also mean that I would have to design and build, all of my children’s wild and creative ideas, using limited resources and money. This would involve being able to papier-mâché, but also painting, cutting, drawing, sewing, designing and building various things.

I would be left floundering to understand and follow different recipes, as well as trying to figure out how to make a papier-mâché helmet or functioning catapults. If my wife and I had both started projects at the same time, based on ideas from UMC1 and UMC2, she would have finished three weeks before me, because I would still be in the planning stage.

If my wife’s amazing creative skills were compared to the Joker, mine would be Condiment King. If you haven’t heard of Condiment King, I rest my case.

Are there any jobs you feel you would be terrible at? As always, please let me know. Alright, that’s another pointless rant for another week, but before I go, I’d like to mention that today marks the first anniversary of the Israel–Hamas war.

This conflict and the media seem to have created a narrative where if you support Israel, that means you’re anti-Islamic. If you support Palestine, that means you’re anti-Semitic. People are calling for the destruction of Israel, while others want Palestine’s annihilation.

You can debate the moral, political, and ethical reasons behind this war, but Hamas were wrong to attack Israel on 7th October 2024. However, Israel’s response was also wrong. For me, there needs to be more people calling for a cease-fire, because over 16,000 children have been killed.

Martyrs are becoming made on both sides through this endless cycle of violence, which just fuels it for the next time. Nobody can honestly say to me, that to have security for either side, over 16,000 children needed to die because I would call you a liar.

Here’s hoping on 7th October 2025, we will be talking about peace accords, the rebuilding of Palestine and the real options working towards the Two State solution, and not another year of dead hostages and children.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, eat some bananas, and I’ll see you next week.

Tour of the Solar System: Titania

On September 30, 2024October 23, 2025 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

When reading this particular blog post, imagine if you could hear a soundtrack. So the obvious question is what would it be? John Williams’ Imperial March, of course! Why? What better example of badarsery to accompany the return of the tour nobody asked for. Get ready ladies and gentlemen, because the Solar System’s worst tour of the Solar System is back!

To allow yourself time to catch up on some literary madness, the previous entries on the tour have included:

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

11.) Jupiter

12.) The Galilean moons

13.) Saturn

14.) Titan

15.) The Moons of Saturn

16.) Uranus

Since January 2023, I have roughly created one rant per month about the crazy, but beautiful things in our Solar System. Because this is a slow and complicated path, we have arrived at another moon. And since our last tour stop was Uranus, it’s not a leap of reasoning to discover that today’s rant is about Uranus’ largest moon, Titania.

This high-resolution colour composite of Titania was made from Voyager 2 images taken Jan. 24, 1986, as the spacecraft neared its closest approach to Uranus.
Credit: NASA/JPL

If I say the name, Titania, our society’s current understanding of the name would be, “It’s that lady from She-Hulk, right?” Yes, Titania is a Marvel character; a particularly misguided super strong woman, but for today’s rant, this is not the Titania we’re looking for.

Titania is the largest of Uranus’ 28 moons, the eighth-largest moon in the Solar System, and the 20th-largest object in the Solar System overall. Titania has a diameter of 1,578 km and a surface area similar to that of Australia. It was discovered by William Herschel on 11th January, 1787. As a reminder, Herschel was the astronomer who discovered Uranus in 1781.

Titania and her moon siblings are special because their names are not based on Roman or Greek mythology like other moons. Oh no, these moons are named after characters from the works of William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope. Titania is named after Titania, Queen of the Fairies, in Shakespeare’s rom-com, A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

A fun fact is that on the same day Titania was discovered, Herschel also discovered another of Uranus’ moons, Oberon. And if you know your Shakespeare, you’ll know that Oberon was the Fairy King and husband to Titania in A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

Titania orbits Uranus at about 436,000 km, which puts it roughly over 2 billion km from the Sun. At this distance, it takes the Sun’s light about 2 hours and 45 minutes to reach Titania. It puts things into perspective, so you may stop complaining about your daily commute.

The rotation and orbit of Titania are also quirky. Titania’s orbit of Uranus makes it the second farthest moon from Uranus, among the five major moons, after our old mate, Oberon. The orbital period is about 8.7 days and matches its rotational speed.

Titania is part of a special group of moons that are tidally locked, meaning only one side always faces the planet, similar to our Moon. Additionally, Uranus’ magnetosphere is so large that it extends to where Titania orbits.

Since a “sphere” has been name-dropped into the conversation and can drive Flat Earthers into a frenzy, let’s talk about Titania’s atmosphere and surface, because you know, why not?!

There are three recognised classes of geological features on Titania such as craters, canyons and scarps. Titania has a notable system of fault valleys, with one of them nearly 1,609 km long, named Messina Chasm. These valleys have broken the crust in two directions, which shows the tectonic extension of the crust. Titania also appears to be made from equal parts water ice and rocky materials.

Infrared measurements have also revealed Titania has water ice on the surface, along with traces of carbon dioxide. Like some other similar moons, Titania is believed to have an interior or sub-surface ocean. The ocean could be up to 50 km thick, but more research needs to be done to confirm this.

Titania does have an atmosphere, but it’s quite weak and faint, and mainly consists of carbon dioxide.

Since Titania is so far away, a lot of the first information we have about it was revealed by the Voyager 2 space probe and its flyby in 1986. The images covered about 40% of Titania’s surface, which for 1986, was an amazing feat of engineering. Only 24% of the images were within the precision required for geological mapping.

Voyager 2’s photos helped to usher in a new wave of knowledge and understanding about the moon. Since then, no other space probe has visited Titania, but there are plans to address this problem in the future.

Some other random facts about Titania include:

Titania has an almost circular orbit.
The average orbital speed of Titania is 3.64 km/second.
Due to Titania’s tilt, each of Titania’s poles experiences 42 years in the sun and 42 years in the dark.
It’s unclear whether geological processes are still occurring on Titania or not.
The Messina Chasm is named after a location in William Shakespeare’s play, “Much Ado About Nothing.”

If Titania does have a sub-surface ocean, the question will then turn to whether life exists there or not. But that is another question for another day. And with that, our Tour of the Solar System must take a well-deserved rest.

What is your favourite fact about Titania? As always, please let me know. I wonder if The New Zealand Sour Cream and Chives Preservation Society will read this blog post?

Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I write about truly random things.

Before I sign off, I have a favour to ask. If you have a dog, please give them a pat and a hug from me. Dogs are amazing creatures, and we are lucky to have them in our lives. Take care of yourselves, and I’ll catch you next week.

200 posts and counting

On September 23, 2024September 18, 2025 By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Animals, Social Media

Well, here it is, my 200th blog post! This is not exactly what I had in mind to celebrate the milestone, but you play the cards you’re dealt. This post highlights a Pyrrhic victory for me. Firstly, let’s discuss the 200th blog post of New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website!

I started this project of hubris and vanity in December 2020, writing one blog post each fortnight. Once I found my uncoordinated groove of writing awful posts, I switched to one per week, which created a different level of anxiety.

Creating pressure on yourself to write one blog post per week about something people may find interesting and not getting paid for it? Quick, sign me up, that sounds amazing!

I’ve discussed many different topics and subjects on Some Geek Told Me. These rants have covered the Ukraine-Russia crisis, flags, comics, movies, books, children, 10 Downing St shenanigans, history, music, ANZAC Day, socks, the Rugby World Cup, the Solar System, and so many more absurd things.

There have been times when I’ve been extremely enthusiastic about a topic, while other weeks, I’ve had to stop myself from quitting this whole enterprise.

Added into the equation that I run daily Mastodon and Twitter accounts about random stuff, makes me sometimes feel I need my head examined for all the time and effort put into Some Geek Told Me!

Some weeks I’m very organised, but other weeks, it’s utter chaos. This whole writing experience has been fascinating because my writing probably hasn’t improved, but by doing this; and I’ve said this before, it stops me from going to bars or trading comic books under dark bridges.

I thought I would have failed by the 5th post, so reaching my 200th post is something I didn’t know was possible. Though, to be fair, what defines a successful blog? It is the number of subscribers? It is the number of blogs published each week? It is the amount of money earned for each post?

I have no idea, but I’m not tired of this yet. If people keep reading and subscribing to my stuff, I’ll keep writing my rants. However, none of this could be possible without the support of my family, which includes my wife, UMC1, UMC2 and our dog.

This brings me to the second part of the blog. With Some Geek Told Me, I not only discuss national and international events and topics that interest me, but I also share what’s happening to me in general. Granted, I don’t discuss everything that matters, but today is something I can’t avoid.

As many long-time readers and subscribers to this account know, I have a dog named Indy. He’s a bichon frise cross, and Indy has been the subject of a few posts, namely his eating style.

I’m sorry to say that our beautiful boy died on Friday. We said goodbye to him, and the concept that he’s no longer here with us is heartbreaking. He was my favourite non-human, and he was a fucking good dog. Indy was a part of my life for 12 years, and I’m so grateful for that time.

Indy is displaying his famous muddy paws

I’m not going to spend a lot of time talking about him, mainly for the fact that I don’t know how to write any more about him without crying. I promise I’ll write about him at a later date, just not today.

I’m going to miss and love our beautiful boy forever. To me, Indy was a tōtara.

Sorry, I’ve started crying again, so I need to stop. Anyway, like I said, this blog post is a Pyrrhic victory; Yah, I’ve written 200 blog posts, but I lost my dog.

And with that, I need to go to bed. Thank you for continuing to read, follow, and subscribe to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, be kind to yourself, and I’ll see you next week for the return of the Tour of the Solar System.

SOME GEEK TOLD ME

Author: somegeektoldme@gmail.com