I want to talk about Zack Snyder’s Justice League cut. Why? Because a lot of people are talking about it and I’ve actually seen it. I also realise I’m a little late to the party about this, but hey, it’s all good. Oh, I forgot to actually mention that I really liked this movie. I really did! Hence why I’m babbling like the idiot that I am. I’m also sorry, because this a long one.

Now I’m a comic book fan, so I don’t like getting dragged into the DC vs Marvel debate, because it’s like which of your two children that you love the most; they are both similar and different, but you still love them the same.¹

I have to admit though, I actually didn’t think this version of the movie would ever be seen. Seriously, I thought the 2017 Whedon cut was going to be the only version, but God must be a pop culture fan, because it’s a miracle that we get to see the 2021 version.

The purpose of this blog is not to compare the two versions of the film, or to offer a critical review of the film; I don’t get pay enough for that…or at all.

So what I am going to do, is look mainly at how the characters have changed in the Snyder cut among other things. To start with, the movie gave me the energy and impression, that it was a comic book. It was like I was reading and looking at a comic book! Some of the scenes, were to me almost like looking at some comic panels. That surprised me, in a good way. Or maybe I’m just bias; I mean, I am a geek, so I could be making connections that are not really there.

Also the running time of 3 hours and 52 minutes, was truly astounding. I say this, because if I had sat in a cinema² to watch that film, for that exact running time…my bladder would have exploded! However, watching it in my own home, gave me the luxury of pausing whenever I needed to; especially when a spouse might ask questions like “Who’s that?” or “What can they do?” or “Pause the movie and explain to me what the Anti-Life Equation is, in 30 words or less.” No pressure.

The really strange thing about watching the film; and Einstein will back me on this, was this: I know I spent 3 hours and 52 minutes watching a film, but I did not experience it like that. To me, it could have been 5 hours long and I would have not noticed. Basically what I’m saying is that I was so engaged in the film, I didn’t notice time passing, because time didn’t matter, only the film mattered. That’s a big compliment.

Image by Some Geek Told Me

Let’s look at some of the characters now, so we begin with Arthur and how different Jason Momoa’s Aquaman was in the Snyder cut.³ Arthur plays the part of the lone wolf or the reluctant hero, but just like everybody’s favourite Corellian smuggler, he arrives just in time to save the team, just like in the tunnel.

With the Atlantis’ scenes, it was great to see Willem Dafoe’s Vulko have a cameo appearance, because it gave you some Easter Eggs for the future (though now in the past) Aquaman movie. Also with Mera, she gave the viewer more information about Atlantis, as well as making Arthur take a hard look at himself. I can’t forget to mention that fight scene when Mera is taking on Steppenwolf by herself, it was a badass scene.

Basically to me, bringing out more Atlantis culture and lore, in addition to Arthur’s more developed story arc, made Arthur a better character. Also having Arthur and Diana discussing their shared distrust of each other’s nation, was quite clever. It reminded me of T’Challa of Wakanda and Namor of Atlantis, discussing their mutual disliking of each other. Hell, what do I know? Outrageous!⁴

Now before I move on, I need to talk about Diana and The Amazons. When Steppenwolf arrives on Themyscira, Hippolyta calls out “Amazons, show him your fear!” and they answer back “We have no fear!” It was a bloody good fight scene, as well as an awesome answer. The Amazons were amazing and were awe inspiring; they were so fantastic, to show the lengths they would go to, so the Mother Box would be protected or destroyed.

Diana’s role in this version of the movie, I felt actually increased. Having her discover the arrow in the Shrine of the Amazons, meant she could discover information about the invasion of Earth, the Mother Boxes and a certain character with dreamy eyes and a rock chiseled face.

This was smart, because it meant Diana was learning the history of the world, at the same time as the viewer. To me, she was the moral compass of the team, because she knew what was at stake. She had so many great moments like with Alfred, Bruce, Victor and also saving the school children.

But the best Diana moment was when she killed Steppenwolf. I mean, after Steppenwolf gloating to her after the death of her sisters and mother, Diana was pissed. So when Steppenwolf was killed, Diana was not just executing him to save the world, or avenge the deaths of the Amazons; but also for herself. I think Zack Snyder mentioned somewhere in terms with Diana and Steppenwolf, “…that it takes a god to kill a god.”

Diana kicked a huge amount of arse in this film, but at the same time, she revealed more of her compassion. Though isn’t that what Diana really is: a paradox. Someone willing to go to war, to achieve peace?

Moving along, we have to discuss Barry Allen.⁵ I felt Ezra Miller’s portrayal of the Fastest Man Alive was definitely expanded upon in the Snyder cut, over two scenes. The first was obviously with meeting Iris West and displaying his speed for all of the viewers to see. It was awesome to see Barry unleash his abilities and I sat there with a big dumb grin on my face.

Side note, I will never get tired of watching speedsters interacting with the world, when they are running at super speed. Scenes like Quicksilver saving everybody in X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: Apocalypse, but also Metro Man in Megamind; serve as great examples of someone moving at super speed and watching the world as if time has stopped. I love it!

And we’re back in the room! The second part is of course when Barry enters the Speed Force and reverses time. Having read the adventures of Barry and Wally throughout my geek positive life, I thought it was excellent to have the Flash, not just save the team and the world; but actually using time travel to do it.

For me, time travel misadventures go hand-in-hand with the Flash. It’s one of the coolest abilities that the character can do and I was so pumped to see this socially awkward and very human character, save EVERYBODY. I also like the way he runs; because he’s moves like an ice skater. It’s something I haven’t seen before and for me, it works. And that’s a real Flash Fact.

We now can move to Bruce. For me, Batman does not always play nicely with others. I mean, think about it. Anyway, in the Snyder cut, at least to me; Bruce is broadcasting two emotions. The first is regret, as in his indirect actions, caused Clark’s death in Dawn of Justice.⁶ You see this as Bruce, unnaturally talking about a mistake he made and admitting that he was wrong.

The second emotion is redemption and/or hope. I think he said something along the lines of that since he was the one that divided them, he needed to be the one that united them. It’s this motivation that is not only driving the plot forward, but also Bruce as a character too.

Bruce is acknowledging that he can’t fix or solve this problem by himself. He is putting aside his paranoia and arrogance, to step out of the shadows, so he can trust others and show humility, by building the League. Though, I bet he still knows how to take every single member down, if he needs to. Why? Because he’s Batman.

With Clark/Kal-El, things get more interesting. In Man of Steel and Dawn of Justice, it seemed we had a strange version of Clark, where he is confused or possibly feels guilty for helping people. Now I’ve been a Superman fan for as long as I can remember. Seriously, a very long time. Because of this, I was relieved to see Henry Cavill’s Clark smiling and being happy.

With Clark’s resurrection, it supposedly leads to the future vision of the Knightmare world, where Superman falls under the influence of Darkseid. From there, he becomes an evil Superman and does whatever the hell he likes. For me, this trope of Superman turning evil is slowly becoming more tiresome. We have similar storylines in the video game Injustice, in Justice League Unlimited with the Justice Lords, the Elseworlds mini-series Superman: The Dark Side, Kal-El from Earth-TUD22 in Superman & Lois and many, many more.

My point is seeing an evil Superman, is something I am starting to hate. I mean, Superman is the standard for superheroes; not just as powers, but as conduct. He is the benchmark, yet different writers feel the need to break him down and reduce him to “the threat that could and will always happen.” It reminds me of the Underworld Unleased storyline, where the ruler of the DC version of Hell, Neron, launches a huge plot to upgrade villains’ abilities, but also trying to corrupt the soul of the innocent Captain Marvel (Shazam!), instead of pushing more unstable heroes, over the edge.

Clark is a better character having Lois in his life, regardless of the medium that he is appearing in. Having Clark becoming a husband and a father, is the ultimate way he can shine through as the ultimate superhero. It’s because of Clark having a wife and child, helps define him, so they are strengths of his and not the weaknesses that some writers want you to believe. To me, it’s just lazy writing to make him turn evil.

Rounding off the team is Victor. I left him for last for two reasons. The first is his back story. In the Snyder cut, we get a far more detailed look at Victor’s pre-accident life. The film also establishes Victor’s relationships with his mother and father; and at the same time, allowing him and the viewer to explore and discover what his new abilities are and what he can do. For me, Victor has a more balanced story and you can connect with him far better, than with the original version.

This brings me to the second part, which I had an epiphany watching Victor do something. The scene in question is the one where he is observing the single mother working and taking care of her child, through different video footage. You get the impression that she is a hard working woman, that loves her child, but is fighting and losing against a system that is preventing her from forward with her life. She is struggling to maintain her head above water, so in speak and you can see her soul getting crushed while reading, what I think is an eviction notice. She is a good person, so she is trying not to fail for herself and her child.

During Victor’s back story, you learn how he hacked into the school’s database and changed some of the students’ grades, but not his own. His mother defends him against the principal, with along the lines of “..Victor is a good kid. He helped those students, which is more than you did.” It’s not word for word, but you get the idea that Victor is an extremely talented athlete, but he’s also intelligent, kind and has compassion.

All of this is brought back into focus, when after observing the waitress struggling through life, Victor uses his new abilities to deposit millions of dollars into her bank account. This scene works for three reasons. The first is the utter joy and happiness that the waitress shows, when she discovers the money. The second is that Victor doesn’t hang around to be congratulated or rewarded for his good deed; doing the deed was the reward.

The third and final reason is the act of Victor giving the waitress that amount of money, actually means something to her. Victor has not just saved that woman’s life, but he has actually changed it. To me, it is profound. If we are just talking about superhero movies, I can name many scenes where the hero(es) win. They save the city, a country, the world, or reality. Unnumbered people are alive because of their actions; however what Victor did for that waitress, was something I don’t think I had seen before in a movie; and if I have, I can’t remember it. Victor changed that woman’s life.

It reminds me of Paul Dini and Alex Ross’ giant editions: Superman: Peace on Earth, Batman: War on Crime, Shazam!: Power of Hope and Wonder Woman: Spirit of Truth. They were amazing, because instead of the heroes fighting supervillains or trying to restore reality or timelines, they will dealing with everyday and real problems that people face, every single day. You had the heroes trying to actually change people’s lives. It made an excellent message. So when Victor changed that woman’s life, by giving her that money, it was one of the coolest and kindest things I have since in a superhero movie for the longest time.

Also there was the small⁷ supporting role of Ryan Choi, one of the scientists working for S.T.A.R. Labs. He ended up becoming the director of nanotechnology. I say this because the answer is Ryan Choi. The question is “Who will end up becoming The Atom?”

Let us move our graze upon the residents of that cheerful and hopeful world, Apokolips. If you are unsure about what I’m talking about, it was that place that you could see through the portal, in the final battle. During the movie, we got to see the sadistic, DeSaad the Torturer; but also a brief cameo of the brutal, Granny Goodness.

However, I am going to discuss just two citizens of Apokolips and the first and most obvious is Steppenwolf. Steppenwolf has had a major power upgrade, new armour and also a more detailed and fleshed out back story. Uncle to his Lord and God, Steppenwolf has almost been reinvented. The fight scenes in Themyscira and Atlantis were outstanding, to show the viewer, just how vicious and uncompromising he can be. I mean, he was spilling a lot of blood.

For his motivation, you can understand more about what he is doing, but also, why he’s doing it. After betraying his nephew; his Lord and God, Steppenwolf is exiled and must conquer 150,00 worlds in the name of his Lord, before he can come home. From this angle, Uncle Steppenwolf just wants to go home and if he has to crush Earth to do it, then that is exactly what he needs to do. It adds a level of desperation to the character, which actually makes him more dangerous.

Now I realise that I have waffled on a long time, but this section must be done. Darkseid, Darkseid, Darkseid. Growing up, I knew about different villains from DC, Marvel and other mediums. Villains like the Joker, Green Goblin, Darth Vader and even Skeletor. But none of them gave me more pause than Darkseid.

To see the Lord of Apokolips in a live action movie, was amazing. To me, if the Joker is running around, call Batman. If Mirror Master is being a jerk, call The Flash. If Sinestro is explaining how superior he is, call Green Lantern of Space Sector 2814.1 or 2814.2 or ….you get the idea. However, if Darkseid turns up, you call everybody. I love that idea.

I had another stupid grin on my face when he invaded Earth, another when he talked to Steppenwolf, and other right at the end. Darkseid. As a comic book fan, seeing Darkseid talking about grinding worlds to dust and the glory of Anti-Life was awesome. In saying that, my Spidey Sense was going off. Comic fans get and understand him, but would the average superhero movie fan?

Would they understand what Darkseid brings to the table? My wife pointed out that he could not be the big bad Alpha male, if he was taken down by an arrow and an axe, in the Ancient Earth invasion scene. He could not be that tough or dangerous. She had a point. She usually does. After the film, I had think about that before I gave an answer. I remembered the fight, then it came to me. Darkseid was a New God, but he was taken by the Old Gods. It takes a god to kill a god, or at least wound one. It had taken the Old Gods to remove Darkseid from the battlefield. Gods. That is the strength of the character and I think my wife accepted the answer, though she didn’t like it!

Also watching Darkseid kill the Justice League in the future Knightmare world⁸, was excellent. It reinforced the sheer power of the character and his raw desire to conquer. Plus, you got to see his Omega Beams in action. Can’t wait for the Flash to outrun those babies!

Having Darkseid as a motion capture performance was the better option, instead of just having a guy in a costume. Darkseid to me, is the ultimate DC cosmic villain and it was so good to see him, walking around being pissed.

“Live for Darkseid. Work for Darkseid. Die for Darkseid. Who is your Lord and God? Darkseid is.”

It would a Hamlet level of tragedy to not bring up Mother Boxes and The Anti-Life Equation. In the Snyder cut, Mother Boxes are given more back story, but also and correctly named as something not good or evil; just a machine that has the ability to do both; just like a human. Side note, I really want to hear the PING of the Mother Box, just once!

For as the Anti-Life Equation, it can be summed up like this: the obsessions that Thanos has with the Infinity Stones and Death, is the same for Darkseid and the Anti-Life Equation. For him, there is no future or can be no future without possessing and controlling the Anti-Life Equation. Darkseid is Ahab and he will not stop hunting for his white whale. The equation has changed over the years, because of different writers’ interpretations of it, but it still remains at the top of Darkseid’s Christmas list.

And finally we have arrived at the end, but just in time to discuss of one of the coolest, yet misunderstood superheroes of all time: Jonzz J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter. When I saw his reveal, I made the horns salute and said “Jonzz J’onzz, it’s Jonzz J’onzz!” My wife turned to me and said “Stop it”. I replied “I can’t, it’s Jonzz J’onzz, Jonzz J’onzz!” “Stop it, you look ridiculous, you idiot!” was her reply. “Fine” I answered. “It’s the Martian Manhunter!” and continued making horns. Seriously, you can not have the Justice League without Jonzz J’onzz. He is the soul of the team and in my humble opinion, one of the most empathetic and compassionate characters in all of comics.

This whole rant is actually me saying to Zack Snyder, “I’m sorry for your loss, but thank you for delivering the goods on this film. As a lifelong DC and comics fan, thank you.”

The problem is, how does the DCEU go forward now?

Thanks for reading and see you in a fortnight!

¹ Seriously, if we are going to do a versus debate, Team Sour Cream and Chives can suck eggs! Team Salt and Vinegar forever!

² Who can remember the last film you saw at the cinema? If I’m driving my car and COVID-19 is crossing the road, I’m sorry, but I’m not braking.

³ When you have known them for as long as I have, you are allowed to call them by their first names.

⁴ Brave and the Bold, anybody?

⁵ Sorry, I had to use a pun.

⁶ It’s a first world problem, but I really don’t refer to the second DCEU film as Batman vs Superman. I call it Dawn of Justice. Yes, yes, I know it’s pedantic, but that’s me.

⁷ Sorry, another pun.

⁸ Well, having the Joker teaming up with Batman and the others, was something I did not see coming.

I’m not afraid to admit this, but I’m a Bond fan. I’ve read the books, watched the films and they’re awesome. Some more than others, though that can be related to any franchise. I think the main reason I like them, is the utter absurdity of them.

The funny thing is that after reading the books and watching the films, the biggest difference between the two mediums, is that even though Bond does sleep with women in the books, he actually tries to build relationships with them; he’s a lot more respectful to them in the books, than in the films.

Anyway, I may not be able to name the first Bond film I saw on television, but I do I remember my first cinema experience with the famous British secret intelligence service agent.

It was 1987 and my Dad took me to see The Living Daylights, starring Timothy Dalton. I think it was the first time, just the two of us had gone to the cinema, so it was special for me. Dad liked Bond, I mean who didn’t like Bond? Except for Blofeld, Jaws, S.P.E.C.T.R.E, the Soviets and honestly…Q.

Image by Some Geek Told Me

A few years ago, I was reading Ian Fleming’s Moonraker, which was the third book in the original James Bond series. Two things struck me while reading it; the first was that the film was nothing like the book. I mean, apart from the lead villain sharing the same name, they were two completely different stories. The second was at the end of the book (SPOLIERS START!),¹ where Bond basically kills a submarine with a rocket. (SPOILERS END!)

It got me thinking, I wonder how many people could have been on that submarine? How many people did Bond just kill? I thought the answer would be quite difficult to discover. This led me to wonder about the number of people Bond had killed over the years, across the books. I thought this answer would be even more difficult, considering the number of books been written, across different authors, publishing companies and reboots.

And that’s when it hit me: the movies. I could sit down and watch every single Bond film and record every single person that Bond kills. Is that possible? I didn’t know, but I wanted to find out. Luckily for me, I had my girlfriend.²

The first film we saw together at the cinema was Skyfall and knowing I was a Bond fan, she gave a DVD box set of all of the Bond films at the time. Because of this, I had the means, so I needed the time. I told my girlfriend about my plan and after mentioning it was a ridiculous idea, she agreed to help me.

In fact, she was the one that suggested that we record the number of women she sleeps with as well! I had never thought of that; it was brilliant! So each Saturday night, we would sit down and watch the films in order and record the number of shags and kills. Now I knew, sometimes we could not always be able to watch them together, so we needed to establish some rules for counting.

For counting shags, we decided to make three rules: 1.) If Bond sleeps with the same character twice, over two different films, that is counted as 2 different shags. 2.) If Bond sleeps with twins at the same time, that is counted as 2 shags 3.) All hook-ups must be consensual.

Counting the kills were going to a lot trickier. We decided in order to count a kill for Bond, we needed to actually see him kill someone; whether it’s with a gun, knife or in a fight. Also, the person had to be dead. If there was any situation where the villain or henchman could feasibly survive the encounter, we could not count it.

Another point was if Bond blew something up like a building or a vehicle, and without knowing the exact number of people within the building or vehicle, we could only count the people we saw; guessing the number was not going to be fair measurement.

For the final rule, a villain or henchman needed to be killed by Bond’s direct action to them. What this meant was if Bond was driving a car and went left, while his pursuers went right and drove off a cliff, Bond did not kill them. They died because they were stupid, not because of Bond’s superior killing skills. If anybody died an avoidable death; because they were idiots, then Bond did not kill them, so they could not counted.

Before I reveal the results of the survey, I need to point out two things. The first is that I have watched 25 James Bond films. Now, wait a minute, you’re probably thinking; there are only 24 films, not 25. Yes, that is very true, because the 25th Bond film, No Time to Die, will be released sometime in 2021.³

The issue is this, all 24 films (not counting No Time to Die) were made by Eon Productions, so they are all official or canon films. However in 1983, Taliafilm released Never Say Never Again, starring Sean Connery as James Bond. This film is a sort of remake of the original 1965 movie Thunderball and the reason it exists at all, is just too bizarre to explain or to believe.

Anyway, I had to make a choice: do I count only Eon Production films or include a Non-Eon Production film like, Never Say Never Again? ⁴ I discussed it with my future wife and we both decided, that since James Bond was being played by Sean Connery in Never Say Never Again, we had to include it, because it was a James Bond film…with the OG Sean Connery; so we had to count it.

The second point is that nobody is perfect. Someone else may have watched these films and have come up with a different set of number and results. Because of this, we may have miscounted somewhere along the line; but I really hope we didn’t!

Each of the six actors whom have played James Bond, have been coloured coded, along with their movies. I have also recorded what happened to the villain(s) at the end of the movie. If an entry says for example SHOT + DROWNED, it means the villain was shot and drowned. If an entry says for example HUNG/STABBED, it related to the fate of each of the two lead villains in the movie. Sweet? Alright then, let’s do it and I hope you enjoy it!

The results of the survey are:

Sean Connery: 7 films = 20 shags/71 kills   average: 2.9 shags/10.1 kills

George Lazenby: 1 film = 3 shags/5 kills     average: 3 shags/5 kills

Roger Moore: 7 films = 19 shags/74 kills   average: 2.7 shags/10.6 kills

Timothy Dalton: 2 films = 4 shags/16 kills    average: 2 shags/8 kills

Pierce Brosnan: 4 films = 10 shags/106 kills  average: 2.5 shags/26.5 kills

Daniel Craig: 4 films = 6 shags/76 kills    average: 1.5 shags/19 kills

Highest kill count in a film: Goldeneye: 34

Lowest kill count in a film: The Man with the Golden Gun: 1

Highest shag count in a film: From Russia with Love, Never Say Never Again: 4, A View to a Kill: 4

Lowest shag count in a film: Diamonds are Forever: 1, Casino Royale, Quantum of Solace: 1

Highest kill count per average film: Pierce Brosnan: 26.5

Lowest kill count per average film: George Lazenby: 5

Highest shag count per average film: George Lazenby: 3

Lowest shag count per average film: Daniel Craig: 1.5

All time highest kill count: Pierce Brosnan: 106

All time lowest kill count: George Lazenby: 5

All time highest shag count: Sean Connery: 20

All time lowest shag count: George Lazenby: 3

Total:  25 films = 62 shags/348 kills   average: 2.48 shags/13.92 kills per film

Thanks for reading and see you in a fortnight!

¹ Yes, I know the book was published in 1955 and people have had 66 years to read it, but some people have not.

² It should not be a surprise, but that girlfriend, I mentioned, found a Power Morpher and morphed into my wife.

³ Thanks again, 2020. You and COVID-19 have a lot of explaining to do.

⁴ Yes, I have not forgotten about 1967’s Casino Royale with Peter Sellers and David Niven. I have not included it because it was a parody and not a serious arse-kicking action film. My survey, my rules.