The Comic Book Characters with the Best Porn Star Names

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Comics

To introduce some levity to this crazy old world of ours, occasionally, my wife will remember that my blog exists, and when that happens, she’ll ask what my next blog post will be about. Usually, I can tell her about my latest stupid idea, but this time, I asked her if she had good ideas. She laughed at this and replied that she was a good idea.

Anyway, after she threw out a few suggestions, she talked about me making a list of comic book characters with the best porn actor or actress names. I gave her a two-pronged answer; yes, that was a good idea, and no, I don’t want to know how you came up with that idea.

It seems pretty straightforward: To create a list of comic book characters—both heroes and villains—whose names could easily be mistaken for those in a porn movie. If you weren’t familiar with these comic book characters and heard one of these names in a porn movie, you probably wouldn’t think twice about it.

There is a catch, though. To finalise the list, I had to consult my wife. If she reacted neutrally or negatively to a name, it didn’t make the cut. Conversely, if she had a positive reaction—such as smiling or laughing—the name was added to the list. This meant I had to throw a lot of names at her, often during the most inconvenient times of the day.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

Three more things to point out:

1.) I have not included group names, like The Enforcers, and The Hand, or alien races, because that would be another list for another day.
2.) Every single name on this list is real, I have not made up any of them.
3.) I hope the characters will forgive me for creating this list, though in my defence, I didn’t create the names.

That was a rare, short introduction from me today. Weird. I’ve grouped them by alphabetical order, with male and female names mixed, regardless of their origin. And with that, away we go!

Abra KadabraBeast Boy  Beast Girl  Big Barda  
Black Mask  Blob  Boom-Boom  Bullseye  
Candyman  Colossal Boy  Colossus  Condiment King  
Conquest  Doc Seismic  Doctor Hurt  Doctor Octopus  
Dream Girl  Duke of Deception  Elasti-Girl  Elongated Man  
EnchantressEruptor  Fiddler  Finisher  
Giganta  Grand Director  Growing Man  Heat Wave  
Hush  Impulse  Invincible  Juggernaut  
Lock-Up  Man of Miracles   Martian Manhunter  Masked Marauder   
Mister Alpha  Mister Terrific  Night NurseNightcrawler  
Nightmask  Overdrive  Peek-a-Boo  Piledriver  
Plastic Man  Polka Dot Man  Power Girl  Prankster  
Prowler  Punisher  Puppet Master  Rainbow Raider  
Rampage  Rhino  Ringmaster  Scream  
Screwball  Shaggy Man  Shredder  Shrinking Violet  
Smasher  Spawn  Speed Demon  Spore  
Sugar Man  Supergirl  Superman  Sweet Boy  
Taskmaster  Ten-Eyed Man  Toyman  Vandal Savage  
Violator  White Rabbit  Wonder ManWonder Woman

What other names should be on this shameful and terrible list? As always, please let me know. And with that, this blog post is brought to a close.

Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I usually end my blog posts with my moronic little phrase of remembering to walk your dog and to read a banned book, but today, my ending is different, because some people in authority have forgotten something, and it’s simple to remember.

If Russia stops fighting, there will be no more war. If Ukraine stops fighting, there will be no more Ukraine.

From the bottom of my geek-infused soul, Slava Ukraini.

Take care and I’ll see you next week, for the return of the Solar System’s worst tour.