This title sounds awful, but I have my wife’s permission to write about this. To take a step back, I have written several blog posts about my wife, particularly on the topic of reading, so the idea of me doing this is not new. See here for a reference.

For a condensed version, my wife enjoys reading, but usually only a series she already owns and has read multiple times.

She generally only starts a new series if all of the books have been published; therefore, the story has finished. She likes to read Book one of a series, and work her way through them, until she reaches the final book. She does this by reading them one after another, either through the library or from her own collection. In her mind, reading 3-4 books in a row of a particular series is like reading one very long book.

If she likes a certain series enough after reading them through the library, she will buy them second-hand to complete the set. She often rereads a great deal of content—I’m talking about a significant amount. Some of the series she has deemed worthy of her collection include the Twilight saga, the Harry Potter series, the Fifty Shades of Grey saga, and The Hunger Games series, among others.

This makes her cautious to branch out and try an unknown series, because what would happen if she tried a new book and she didn’t like it? She would have wasted her time, so it’s easier to stick with books and characters that she knows and loves; but also, a completed series has a beginning and an end, so she doesn’t need to wait for future instalments.

This is also because, and this is important, my wife hates waiting for things, as she can be very impatient. Seriously, you don’t know what it’s like. We once read the Image comic series, Saga, together, but she gave up reading it, because…can you guess? Yes, she had to wait a whole month for a new issue, which was far too long for her, let alone when the creative teams went on their 6-18 month hiatus. She didn’t cope well with that.

Ultimately, she would make a terrible comic book reader, as she only wants to read a story that is finished, so waiting a whole month, just so you could read the next chapter, was torture for her. With me so far? Great. So here is where my wife is showing some growth and development. I’m not entirely sure how it happened, but I believe it’s because her friend works at a local book shop and would recommend various book series.

Enter a new genre, at least to me: fairy smut and or fantasy smut. Upon advice from her friend, my wife stepped out of her comfort zone of beloved books and tried a new series, from scratch. She started reading a new series, The Plated Prisoner, but it was still a completed series, with all six books already published. To my amazement, she started looking for more series in that genre, but only completed series. It’s so important to remember that point.

This had led her to devour various completed series in the genre, as well as giving me a detailed update on each story, when I’ve been stupid enough to ask. She’ll describe some physically impossible sex scenes and positions, but since these characters have magical abilities, nothing is off the table. Or on the table, under it, against the wall, flying, and the list goes on.

Books containing plots where sex is a major driving force in the story aren’t something that I look for. I mean, the book with the greatest amount of sex that I have actually read could be The Time Traveler’s Wife, Brave New World, or anything about Greek Mythology, like Mythos.

I don’t know how to interpret that. Is that a positive or negative thing? Am I normal or abnormal? Though, to be fair, what is normal? Whatever it is, I’m properly not it.

Now, here, my wife’s reading habits can relate to mine, to a point. Reading One-Punch Man opened my eyes to the world of manga, and my bookshelf has never been the same. The same can be said with my wife and The Plated Prisoner, because after that series, the veil has been lifted, and she’s reading other completed series now, which are fairy smut or fantasy smut related.

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Her reading habits have changed so much that it’s now hilarious to see what she’s become.

She now tries new series, not stand-alone books, of course, that’s just crazy. However, these series have a catch: some of them are incomplete, as in, they are not finished. There are still more books to be published in the different series, and she has now become someone she tried in vain to avoid, but fate had a plan for her. My impatient wife now has to wait for books to be published and released, and the consequences of this are far too funny to describe.

She has preordered certain books from the local book shop and checks in once a week, just in case her books have arrived. She follows particular authors on Instagram and Facebook for updates, as well as receiving monthly newsletters from the publishers, in a desperate attempt to gain new information about future books. She has even taken to making requests through the library to persuade them to purchase the upcoming books, just to get her hands on them faster.

She has multiple series on the go now, and my support and empathy for her can only go so far. When a much-anticipated book finally arrives, she is stoked and so happy, and I’m happy for her. In saying that, when she discovers a book from a series that will be released in 2027 or even 2028, she does not take the news well. When this happens, I play the nice and supportive role of her loving spouse, but internally, I’m doing everything I can, not to laugh.

She usually goes through the five stages of grief when receiving bad news about the publication of her desired upcoming books.

• The first stage is that she will deny the information as real, believing the publishers have just gotten the titles confused. It couldn’t possibly be my title they are discussing! It can’t be coming out in 2027, it’s not true!
• Anger is the second stage. She’ll point out that she can’t wait that long, and that she wishes she had never started reading that series in the first place. She may suggest that the series wasn’t that great to begin with.
• The next stage is all about bargaining. This takes the form of rereading all of the current series, several times, as well as any spin-offs and prequels, before the new book is released.
• Depression sets in now, when the publication date has been worked out in years, months, weeks, or days. She will mention how old she’ll be when she gets to read it, in addition to the ages of the boys, for some unknown reason.
• This, of course, brings us to acceptance, where she knows that nothing that she can do, absolutely nothing, will alter the timeline of the publication of the book.

As a monthly comic book reader, I understand that delays can happen for various reasons. However, the common practice seen with titles like Saga, where creators go on hiatus to regroup, teaches you patience. Additionally, I can’t help but be frustrated by the release schedules for manga titles, but that’s life.

But considering that, I’m the Patron Saint of Patience compared to my impatient wife.

And that’s it for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, and go and watch some of the Women’s Six Nations Championship. I’ll see you at the weekend for a rare Saturday post. See you then.

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