To introduce some levity to this crazy old world of ours, occasionally, my wife will remember that my blog exists, and when that happens, she’ll ask what my next blog post will be about. Usually, I can tell her about my latest stupid idea, but this time, I asked her if she had good ideas. She laughed at this and replied that she was a good idea.
Anyway, after she threw out a few suggestions, she talked about me making a list of comic book characters with the best porn actor or actress names. I gave her a two-pronged answer; yes, that was a good idea, and no, I don’t want to know how you came up with that idea.
It seems pretty straightforward: To create a list of comic book characters—both heroes and villains—whose names could easily be mistaken for those in a porn movie. If you weren’t familiar with these comic book characters and heard one of these names in a porn movie, you probably wouldn’t think twice about it.
There is a catch, though. To finalise the list, I had to consult my wife. If she reacted neutrally or negatively to a name, it didn’t make the cut. Conversely, if she had a positive reaction—such as smiling or laughing—the name was added to the list. This meant I had to throw a lot of names at her, often during the most inconvenient times of the day.
1.) I have not included group names, like The Enforcers, and The Hand, or alien races, because that would be another list for another day. 2.) Every single name on this list is real, I have not made up any of them. 3.) I hope the characters will forgive me for creating this list, though in my defence, I didn’t create the names.
That was a rare, short introduction from me today. Weird. I’ve grouped them by alphabetical order, with male and female names mixed, regardless of their origin. And with that, away we go!
Abra Kadabra
Beast Boy
Beast Girl
Big Barda
Black Mask
Blob
Boom-Boom
Bullseye
Candyman
Colossal Boy
Colossus
Condiment King
Conquest
Doc Seismic
Doctor Hurt
Doctor Octopus
Dream Girl
Duke of Deception
Elasti-Girl
Elongated Man
Enchantress
Eruptor
Fiddler
Finisher
Giganta
Grand Director
Growing Man
Heat Wave
Hush
Impulse
Invincible
Juggernaut
Lock-Up
Man of Miracles
Martian Manhunter
Masked Marauder
Mister Alpha
Mister Terrific
Night Nurse
Nightcrawler
Nightmask
Overdrive
Peek-a-Boo
Piledriver
Plastic Man
Polka Dot Man
Power Girl
Prankster
Prowler
Punisher
Puppet Master
Rainbow Raider
Rampage
Rhino
Ringmaster
Scream
Screwball
Shaggy Man
Shredder
Shrinking Violet
Smasher
Spawn
Speed Demon
Spore
Sugar Man
Supergirl
Superman
Sweet Boy
Taskmaster
Ten-Eyed Man
Toyman
Vandal Savage
Violator
White Rabbit
Wonder Man
Wonder Woman
What other names should be on this shameful and terrible list? As always, please let me know. And with that, this blog post is brought to a close.
Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I usually end my blog posts with my moronic little phrase of remembering to walk your dog and to read a banned book, but today, my ending is different, because some people in authority have forgotten something, and it’s simple to remember.
If Russia stops fighting, there will be no more war. If Ukraine stops fighting, there will be no more Ukraine.
From the bottom of my geek-infused soul, Slava Ukraini.
Take care and I’ll see you next week, for the return of the Solar System’s worst tour.
Today’s blog post is a bit unusual, so I hope you’ll bear with me. Longtime followers of my wayward account know that I have enjoyed reading comics for most of my life. As a result, I’ve encountered a variety of characters over the years. Some characters hold significant importance to me, while others are favourites for different reasons, and I have a few that I just have a soft spot for.
I’ve previously stumbled my way through posts about Invincible, Saga, The Sandman,Hellboy, and One-Punch Man, but today, as you can tell from the title, I’m going to be talking about Superman, or at least, how I describe it, his recent renaissance.
Superman was co-created by writer Jerry Siegel, and artist Joe Shuster, having made his first appearance in Action Comics #1, in 1938. Over the last 87 years, Superman has become very much beloved the world over and has transitioned to every medium imaginable, as well as conquering the retail market, covering his name and face over all manner of items.
The thing is, I’m not here to detail what Superman means to me, because that can be another blog for another time. No, today I’m talking about his recent resurgence in the media and how the public understands and relates to him.
Before we continue, let’s be clear: Superman is a fictional character and not a real person. However, due to the various strategies that creators and actors have used to portray him, many people feel a personal connection to him. They understand and know him as if he were a friend, even though we don’t get to spend much time with him.
I also need to point out some strong talking points about him, that I feel many people have forgotten, or quite simply, just don’t realise. The character has three names; Superman, Kal-El, and Clark Kent, and although they are all the same person, they are different, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.
To start with, he was born as Kal-El, a refugee from the now destroyed planet called Krypton. His backstory has been changed and altered over the last eight decades, but what has not changed was that he was an alien baby that landed on Earth. Kal-El is his Kryptonian name, his birth name.
When a storyline requires a cosmic perspective or involves Kal interacting with other Kryptonians, such as Zod, Kara Zor-El (Supergirl), or his parents, the name Kal-El is frequently used. Other characters in his inner circle can also refer to him by this name, as it is a trusted secret name that he shares with them.
So, going back to his arrival on Earth, he is discovered and adopted by an American couple, Martha and Jonathan Kent, who give him the name, Clark Kent. This is his human or Earth name, the name people call him as he interacts with the world, like with his family and friends, whether they are superheroes or not.
The final name is Superman. This is the name the public at large, as in the world calls him; coined famously by Lois Lane. This is his superhero name.
The small, but technical point is this; he responds to all three names, but there is a difference between Clark and Superman.
Clark is the person, no matter what clothes he is wearing, but Superman is something that Clark can do and be. Superman is the mask that Clark wears to the world, not the other way around. His loved ones (family and friends) call him Clark, whether he’s in costume or not. Clark is the person, while Superman is the disguise.
Sweet? Excellent, let’s move on. Going back to the recent Superman renaissance, we are very lucky to be living in this amazing period of Superman content. If there is some other project that I’ve missed, I’m sorry; especially to the ongoing comics featuring or starring Superman being published. I’ll try to keep this short because my introduction was far too long.
I think this live-action TV show was at first set in the Arrowverse world, then shifted to its own separate continuity. I was nervous about the show, from the point that I thought I needed to have watched all of the Arrowverse shows, especially Supergirl and The Flash, to understand the characters and past events, because I hadn’t been keeping up with them.
The irony was that there was no reason to feel nervous about understanding the show because the first episode explained it all, and from that point, I was on board. I feel that Clark and Lois are stronger characters, both physically and emotionally when they are together. I liked this iteration because it hammered home this point. This was because they took the time to explain that Clark loved Lois, but Lois fell in love with Clark and not Superman.
I would also like to establish that Tyler Hoechlin’s portrayal of Clark and Superman was awesome. Added into the mix having Clark and Lois as parents, brought a new side to their relationship, that you don’t see in live-action.
I loved this show for a lot of different reasons including the special effects, the twins, Smallville, the Department of Defence, Clark and Lois being parents, the supporting cast, but mainly, driving the distinction between Clark and Superman, with Clark walking around his house wearing his glasses; even though he doesn’t need to.
Also having Superman racing off to save people not just in the United States, but in other countries as well, was important, at least to me, because I’ve always thought of Superman as a superhero for the world, not just protecting and serving one country.
It was a great show and that final episode made me cry since it reinforced how important Superman is to the public’s psyche, along with installing hope to a negative and cynical world.
My Adventures with Superman (2023-Current)
I’ve only seen the first season of this animated TV show, and I liked it, which surprised me. Set in it’s own continuity, this series sees Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen working at the Daily Planet as interns, with Lois Lane being the senior reporter.
It features the three characters becoming friends and dealing with villains from the Superman mythos. Additionally, Clark discovers more about himself and his abilities.
This series starts with Clark and Lois meeting for the first time and slowly developing feelings for each other. The animation is inspired by anime, which bleeds through and, at least to me, offers a new perspective on the classic story.
I also have to acknowledge that making Lois Lane half-Korean, has brought positive and negative attention to the show, and how its been handled.
I think this series is interesting, quirky, and charming, and I like it so much, I’m going to let UMC1 watch it. I’d have to think about UMC2 watching it though, but I think it’s off to a strong start as a modern retelling of Superman. The potential for My Adventures with Superman is huge.
Absolute Superman (2024-Current)
Multiverse stories have existed in comics for decades, because it gives creators freedom to have characters living different, but crazy lives, by not being part of the main continuity.
In the early 2000s, Marvel launched the Ultimate line of comics, which reimagined Spider-Man, the Avengers, the X-Men, the Fantastic Four, and other characters in a different universe set in contemporary times. This new setting represented their version of the age of superheroes. The Avengers in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) are based on the Ultimates, which is the version of the Avengers from that alternate world.
DC Comics has done a similar idea by creating the Absolute line of comics. On this world, the superheroes are not as respected, or privileged as their counter-selves, since they are missing vital elements and advantages that go with their story.
The line started with Absolute Batman and Absolute Wonder Woman, with Absolute Flash, Absolute GreenLantern and Absolute Martian Manhunter making their first appearances soon. With this new publishing initiative, Superman is involved in the form of Absolute Superman.
Absolute Superman #1 was released in November 2024, by writer Jason Aaron, and artist, Rafa Sandoval, and features some radical differences between Absolute Superman and the main continuity Superman.
Firstly, Absolute Kal-El did not arrive on Earth as a baby, but as a teenager, so the majority of his life was on Krypton. His mother, Lara-El, is some type of mechanical engineer, while his father, Jor-El, is a mining engineer.
Krypton is ruled by a caste system, with the El’s being part of the Labour Guild, which Kal-El refers to as the People of Steel. Members of the Labour Guild also wear the “S” shield on their chests, to identify themselves as part of the Labour Guild, like caste groups too.
The Absolute Kal-El does not appear to be as strong as the main continuity Superman, because he needs to recharge his cells (which act like solar batteries) at night, in addition to wearing an AI suit called Sol, which guides and protects Kal-El. Sol can create a cape made of a Kryptonian rock named sunstone, which can materialise and dematerialise.
Because Absolute Kal-El’s heritage is connected with labourers and workers, he identifies with the workers from Earth, who are being used and exploited by large greedy corporations, who he is railing against, as well as saving people.
We have also been exposed to the backstory of what happened with the tragedy of Krypton, via environmental disasters. The creators seem to be tapping into the current trend of supporting the working classes, while fighting against the ruling and elite classes, but also discussing climate change.
People have come out to decry the title for numerous reasons, including presenting Superman as a supporter of woke ideology. However, other people are equally loving it. Whether the series is a success remains to be seen, though sales have been quite strong, because Superman remains a hero of the people.
I’ve read Absolute Superman #1-3, and from what I’ve seen, I want to continue this journey, because I find it fascinating. To me, the creators have hit their respected Absolute titles out of the park, especially Absolute Superman. The greatest compliment I can give them is that I want to read the next issue, I love it.
Main covers for Absolute Superman #1-6. Credit: DC Comics
Superman(2025)
11th July 2025 is the release date for Superman, though I don’t know if that’s worldwide, or just for the United States. For New Zealand, I have no idea.
Written and directed by James Gunn, Superman is the first film in the new DCU (DC Universe), and armed with a budget of at least US$200 million, there is a lot of pressure for the film to resonate with audiences.
Some of the film’s cast includes David Corenswet (Clark Kent / Superman), Rachel Brosnahan (Lois Lane), Nicholas Hoult (Lex Luthor), Edi Gathegi (Michael Holt / Mister Terrific), Anthony Carrigan (Rex Mason / Metamorpho), Nathan Fillion (Guy Gardner / Green Lantern), Isabela Merced (Hawkgirl), Skyler Gisondo (Jimmy Olsen), Sara Sampaio (Eve Teschmacher), María Gabriela de Faría (Angela Spica / The Engineer), and Wendell Pierce as Perry White.
When the teaser trailer was released, social media was flooded with people’s reactions and comments about the trailer, mainly gushing about how good it looks, and that they can’t wait to see it. They were comparing it to Henry Cavill’s Superman, and trashing Cavill and Zack Snyder’s DC films.
Fast forward one month to a TV spot advertising the film, the social media backlash over David Corenswet flying was surprising. They were comparing it to Cavill’s Superman, and praising Cavill and Zack Snyder’s DC films. Sadly, some fans are never happy.
I’m looking forward to this film, especially if it’s good enough to take UMC1 and UMC2 to see it. I’ll watch it first, then make that decision, unless it somehow becomes age-appropriate for children aged at least 7 years old. My father took me to the cinema to see Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, so I want to do this for my boys.
I’m looking forward to seeing the movie, so I’ll write one of my famous previews/reviews in July. I’m especially excited about Krypto making his live-action movie debut; so I have high hopes for the film. When the trailer dropped, I mentioned how Krypto resembled a larger version of my dog, Indy. The moment when Krypto saved Clark hit me hard, but in a good way. When Clark started whistling, I couldn’t help but cry.
For the actual movie, I will probably cry watching Krypto run and fly around, being a good boy. Nothing, and I mean nothing, better happen to Krypto. Don’t do it, James; don’t do it.
What are your thoughts about Superman & Lois, and My Adventures with Superman? Have you read Absolute Superman, or goingtowatch Superman? As always, please let me know.
That’s another blog for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, say no to kryptonite, visit the Gulf of Mexico, and I’ll see you next week because we’re going back to 1956!
BTW, New Zealanders are regarded as generous and polite people, but we have nothing on Canada. So imagine what it would feel like to piss off the entire population of the politest nation on Earth? Damn, grab the popcorn, because angry Canadians were not on my 2025 bingo card.
Welcome back to New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website! A case could be made for the 4th or the 6th; though it depends on a certain point of view. Thanks, Obi-Wan.
I realise not every person on the planet gives a damn about elections, least of all elections in another country. Because of that amazing observation, and to take my little mind off it, I’ve decided to create an original blog post. Something similar, but different. Like Pepsi and Pepsi Max, Rugby Union and Rugby League, Salt and Vinegar chips and Sour Cream…wait. That last example is completely wrong.
I’ve stumbled through previews and reviews before, but I have never compared mediums when it comes to an adaption. Whether this is a smart idea or not, I’ll let my Chief Consultant of Bad Ideas be the judge of that.
As loyal and attentive readers know, I’m a fan of the Right Hand of Doom, otherwise known as Big Red, Anung Un Rama, and of course, Hellboy. I’ve been wasting money reading and collecting Hellboy comics for decades. Remember, I’m a geek, so it’s in the name. I even have a Right Hand of Doom money bank. It has no coins in it, but it still looks cool.
This means I have also seen Hellboy’s three live-action movies, along with the two lesser-known animated films. Like I said before, I’m a geek.
I’ve just seen Hellboy: The Crooked Man at my local cinema. Now I know it’s had a limited release around the world, and especially across New Zealand. It’s so limited that my local cinema only had one screening of it: 7.45 pm on Halloween. When I discovered that the screening was going to be rarer than seeing Donald Trump’s tax records, I knew I had to go.
Only three people were in the theatre for it, myself included, which was both a positive and negative experience.
Before we begin, this intellectual entertainment offering will not be reviewing the film as such like previous reviews, but rather comparing the source material to the adaption. This is new for me as well, and just like many things in life, we will have to see whether it’s a stupid idea or not.
I will add my thoughts about the future of the movie franchise at the bottom if I can remember.
Credit: Mike Mignola & Richard Corden/Dark Horse Comics-Millennium Media/Dark Horse Entertainment
Clear as mud? Great, let’s establish the mediums first. In 2008, Dark Horse Comics released Hellboy: The Crooked Man #1-3, which was a limited series, running from July to September. Mike Mignola, Hellboy’s creator, was the writer, with Richard Corben supplying the art.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man was released on the 8th of October 2024 in the United States, written by Christopher Golden, Mike Mignola, and Brian Taylor; with Taylor serving as the director. It was released by Millennium Media and Dark Horse Entertainment.
Right off the bat, I think the movie is a faithful adaptation of the comics, regardless of what you think of the movie itself. Having said that, there are always subtle and creative changes when translating a story into another medium. Always has been and always will be.
At least to me, the comics and the movie differ in three different ways. Firstly, is the opening for the comic, where you have Hellboy wandering about the Appalachian Mountains alone, when he meets Tom Ferrell after Hellboy had finished with some stuff down South, as explained.
As for the movie, Hellboy is travelling on a train with BPRD agent Bobbie Jo Song, and another government agent. They were transporting some type of supernatural evil spider, so of course the spider broke loose, the train carriage derailed, and Hellboy and Song ended up in the Appalachian Mountains.
The second major difference was true fanboy service. During the movie, Hellboy receives a vision of a witch on fire, alongside a giant raven, who is a devil. Hellboy sees her later on and interacts with her. It turns out the witch is his mother, Sarah Hughes, and the devil is his father, Azzael. The vision, which is like a flashback, retells Sarah’s descent into Hell to be with her lover, Azzael, who turns directly to Hellboy and speaks to him.
In the comics, a similar scene unfolds where Hellboy falls asleep in the church where he first appeared in 1944. During his dream, he sees a witch repenting, however, a giant devil comes to claim her and her unborn child, addressing Hellboy and referring to him as, “…my favourite son.”
The difference here is that this scene did not happen in Hellboy: The Crooked Man limited series, but rather in Dark Horse Presents 1000 #2 (1995). It gives a great origin for the character, but it happened in a different comic.
The third major difference is the confrontation between Tom and Hellboy against The Crooked Man (Jeremiah Witkins) in his mansion. In the comics, Witkins was already injured and weakened from the church fight, so when Tom and Hellboy arrived at his mansion, he had reverted to his true form, which was a demonic crab-type creature. Tom throws his witchbone; which was the source of the shenanigans to start with, at Witkins, who vanishes back to Hell.
The movie is different, because why would I be talking about this if it wasn’t? The movie features Tom and Hellboy arriving at the mansion, with Song and Reverend Watts running about in the coal mines underneath.
Song and Watts’ mission was added to the movie, along with the extended goal of locating and destroying Witkins in the mansion. The comic displayed it as a straightforward operation, whereas the movie presented it as a final boss battle. It seemed Witkins was a lot more powerful in the movie than in the comics, but you need to make the villain a real threat to the heroes, so I get it.
Like I said, I think the movie is a fairly accurate and faithful adaption of the comics, so I was impressed with that. Considering Mignola was a co-writer of the script, you would expect it to be.
Now remember, that this blog post was comparing the comics and the movie, and not reviewing the movie itself. For that, you should seek out a real professional journalist, and not amateur hour with Some Geek Told Me.
However, and here it comes, I’ll say this. The movie is different from the three previous entries, mainly for two reasons. The first is that the film’s budget was only $20 million, compared to Hellboy‘s (2004) $60–66 million, Hellboy II: The Golden Army‘s $82.5–85 million, and Hellboy‘s (2019) $50 million. If you have less money to work with than previous films, the sets, CGI, actors, and practical effects will look and sound different.
The other random thing to consider is that the three previous movies in the Hellboy series have all centred on Hellboy saving the world, from the likes of Grigori Rasputin and the Ogdru Jahad, Prince Nuada and the Golden Army, and of course, Nimue the Blood Queen and her minions.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man gave us a version of Hellboy, who was not fighting to save the world, but rather centred on fighting to save one person, Tom Ferrell. If you’re a fan of the Hellboy movies, then this movie appears to be lacking by not turning the stakes up high, like trying to save the world.
But I would argue that this Hellboy presents a more honest version of the character, because he’s the world’s greatest paranormal investigator. This means he runs into ghouls, demons, ghosts, devils, monsters, vampires, witches, and everything else.
Not all of his missions require the world to be saved; it’s personal, like trying to save a person, a family, or a town. Comic book fans would back me on this, I’m sure! Maybe, if I say pretty please?
Also, if this is the future of Hellboy movies, I’m ok with that. I would rather see a live-action version of Hellboy like this or a live-action TV show, than no Hellboy at all.
Have you read Hellboy: The Crooked Man or seen the movie? How did they compare? As always, please let me know your thoughts.
So that’s another rant finished for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. And I’m going to repeat this for a third week in a row, but please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote for Kamala Harris.
I want to see Donald Trump complain and whine about how his life is so unfair. Please, America, kick that man to the curb. For the world’s sake, please vote for Kamala Harris.
I realise that the world is not a perfect place. Wherever you look, there seems to be injustice, war, corruption, and lies. Yet, hope remains in the form of people going about their daily lives and doing the things that they love.
This can take many different forms, as people can help strangers in unexpected and wonderful ways. I respect numerous jobs and careers, as well as particular individuals around my town, country, and the world.
But life can deliver you a googly, and you’re left standing in shock and confusion on the cricket pitch, trying to understand how you missed the ball because it’s taken the middle stump.
Today is one of those days. Depending on the circles you travel in, you may have heard the sad news that Tūheitia Pōtatau Te Wherowhero VII, James Earl Jones, and John Cassaday died within days of each other. I’m not a professional writer, which is painfully obvious, but I would still like to acknowledge these three icons because they have helped me.
For those of you who didn’t recognise his name, Tūheitia Pōtatau Te Wherowhero VII was known as Kīngi Tūheitia, the seventh Māori monarch. He was coronated on 21st August 2006, on the last day of the tangi (funeral) of his mother, the Māori Queen, Te Arikinui Dame Te Atairangikaahu.
He reigned until his death on 30th August 2024, aged 69. His successor is his daughter, the eighth monarch and second-only Māori queen, Ngā Wai Hono i te Pō Pōtatau Te Wherowhero VIII.
Tūheitia’s mother was the monarch when I was born, so she was the only Māori monarch I had known. When she died, it was a major event in the country’s history. I remember watching the tangi and Tūheitia’s coronation, and I found it quite profound.
I respected and liked Tūheitia for many different reasons, which included and were not limited to reintroducing the need and concept of the Māori King movement to a new generation; promoting Māori culture around Aotearoa and the world; advocating for justice and prison reform for all people; representing Māori when meeting heads of state; trying to reduce the number of Māori incarcerated; desiring to unite all Māori; helping to lead the protests at national huis (meetings) against the current government’s recent policies towards Māori; and for being a passionate, positive and kind leader.
He will be missed.
Kīngi Tūheitia Pootatau Te Wherowhero VII. Photo supplied by New Zealand Government, Office of the Governor-General
The great American actor, James Earl Jones died at his home in New York, on 9th September 2024, aged 93. James leaves behind a gargantuan body of work in theatre, television and film. He started acting in 1953 and only retired in 2021. James also belongs to the small group of performers who have won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony award. He was an excellent actor and performer.
He overcame a shutter as a child and went on to have one of the world’s most recognised voices. I suppose it depends on the generation that you’re from, where you would identify his most famous roles, which include, but not all of them, Lt. Lothar Zogg (Dr. Strangelove), Jack Jefferson (The Great White Hope), Douglass Dilman (The Man), Thulsa Doom (Conan the Barbarian), King Jaffe Joffer (Coming to America), Terence Mann (Field of Dreams), Admiral James Greer (The Hunt for Red October), Mufasa (The Lion King), Raymond Murdock (A Family Thing), Junius Johnson (Heat Wave), Gabriel Bird (Gabriel’s Fire), many Shakespeare productions, and quite arguably, his most famous role, being the voice of the Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader.
He will be missed.
James Earl Jones in NYC talking about his movie “Field of Dreams.” Credit: Robert Deutsch/USA Today
And finally, we need to discuss John Cassady. John died on 9th September 2024, in New York City; he was only 52 years old. John was one of these comic book artists, that you only needed 1-2 seconds to identify his work because it was very recognisable and gorgeous; whether he was the interior or cover artist. Damn, he was good.
This is a strange way to describe his art style, but I always thought his art was very “straight or linear.” At least to me, it seemed very different and unique, so I think that’s why I liked his work. Whether it was Astonishing X-Men, Planetary, Captain America, Star Wars,The Lone Ranger, Uncanny Avengers, or so many others, I feel lucky that I managed to witness his amazing work.
The number of awards that John received, reinforces that he was a very creative and talented man.
He will be missed.
Comics artist John Cassaday at a January 16, 2015 signing for Star Wars #1 at Midtown Comics Downtown in Manhattan. Credit: Luigi Novi / Wikimedia Commons
I never had the opportunity to meet these three men, but all of them, in their own way, have brought hope and joy to my life.
The list of people I always thought I would get to meet one day, is slowly becoming smaller and shorter.
I’ve said this before, but I’ll repeat it.
In New Zealand, we have some mighty trees called tōtaras. They are symbolically important because they are massive, straight, light, and resistant to rot. Basically, they’re forest giants. Māori would use them to make large wakas (canoes), but also carve the tōtara to decorate maraes.
These are not my words, but they convey my thoughts and feelings:
KUA HINGA TE TOTARA I TE WAO NUI A TANE
THE TOTARA HAS FALLEN IN THE FOREST OF TANE
THE TOTARA IS A HUGE TREE THAT GROWS FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS. THE GREATNESS OF THE TOTARA IS A METAPHOR FOR WHEN SOMEONE OF IMPORTANCE PASSES AWAY.
To me, Tūheitia, James and John were tōtaras.
That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, be kind to yourself and I’ll see you next week for my 200th blog post!!
This is the third year I’ve done this, but I like making fun mistakes. It’s that time of the year to discuss one of the biggest geek events on the planet: no, it’s not me wearing my Batman socks and my Iron Man t-shirt, at the same time. However cool and brave that event is, it pales compared to San Diego Comic-Con.
I’ve never been to it, mainly because it’s over 10,000 km away and I can’t afford to go; like ever. But that doesn’t mean I still can’t enjoy it, right? Right?!
San Diego Comic-Con is the opportunity for some of the world’s leading entertainment companies to showcase their upcoming products, whether toys, anime, computer games, manga, books, comics, movies, or TV shows, to the ticket-paying fans, and the rest of the world.
Standing in line for hours to meet an idol, overpriced food, cool tote bags, and cosplaying, what’s more to love?! Information, that’s what; specifically trailers, panels, and media statements.
After going through the list of upcoming projects, like a dog bin-diving, who is searching for a disgusting tissue, I have found some things that interest me. I have said this before about San Diego Comic-Con, but I haven’t read or watched every single scrap of information that was released. Tragic, but true.
So, what projects are coming to a cinema or store near you? Well, it’s a concoction, stranger than Dr Jekyll’s elixir. As always, with nearly every one of my posts, there are some rules. Of course, there are.
1.) I have not read or seen, every article or trailer released from San Diego Comic-Con. I can only discuss the things I know of, but also things I’m interested in. However, I will not be picking up a copy of The Bloody Beetroot #1, thank you very much.
2.) Just because a product is on my list, doesn’t mean I’ll get to see, or purchase it. Quite simply, if something has landed on this list, it has my attention; regardless if I watch or purchase it.
3.) I have included some information and trailers that were released, just before San Diego Comic-Con. This is because I’m the chief shareholder in the company. That sounds very fair.
Before I go on, I realise the world is a crazy place, and not everything that happens is positive. I’m aware of this, which is why this nonsense blog exists. Cool bananas?
Ok, I’m not here to shag spiders, so let’s do this!
Image: Michael Buckner/Variety via Getty Images
Literature: (Books and Comics)
With the comics selection, the biggest projects that sparked my interest were from DC and Marvel. I’m not saying other companies have nothing of interest to me, but as I have said before, I can only talk about projects that I know of.
AbsoluteUniverse
Yes, Marvel already did this with the Ultimate Universe, so over 20 years later, it’s DC’s turn. I don’t know all the details, but it seems they have reimagined key heroes like Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman in a new universe.
Bruce has no money or Batcave, Clark has no family, and Diana is the last of the Amazons. The concept is simple, but the designs for the characters are impressive. There are more Absolute titles coming, like The Flash, Green Lantern, and Martian Manhunter.
I don’t know if I’ll buy any of these titles, but they look interesting, and sometimes that’s half the battle.
Credit: DC Comics
Star Wars
I need to remember to write about Star Wars: The High Republic. It’s been another year, and I still haven’t done it, so I’m sorry about that. We’re approaching the halfway point of the third and final phase of the project, but my love for Star Wars remains strong.
Information concerning Star Wars literature include:
Star Wars: The Acolyte: Wayseeker(novel)
Star Wars: The High Republic: Fear of the Jedi (limited series-Marvel)
Star Wars: Battle of Jakku: Insurgency Rising(limited series-Marvel)
Star Wars: The High Republic: Edge of Balance: Premonition(manga-Viz Media)
Credit: Marvel Comics
Here’s a quick update about the project that I discussed about last year’s Comic-Con. Knights Vs Samurai, is finally getting released in September, and I’m looking forward to it.
Credit: Image Comics
Movies:
Star Trek: Section 31
Technically, this is a television movie, but let’s not split hairs too much.1 Like any geek, I love Star Trek, and this spin-off from Star Trek: Discovery seems intriguing. Michelle Yeoh’s Philippa Georgiou was a stand-out character in the series, who eventually went on her own growth and development arc. Granted, I’m not entirely sure when the film is set in the timeline, but it’s enough to grab my attention.
It’s going to be on a streaming service, like nearly everything else, so I just hope I’ll be able to see it. Maybe finding a magic lamp will help.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man
Any long-time followers of this vanity project will know my love for Anung un Rama, aka Hellboy. I’ve been slowly going bankrupt for years, reading and collecting Hellboy comics; which led me to read the classic Hellboy: The Crooked Man mini-series, when it came out in 2008.
I knew a fourth Hellboy movie was being produced, but when I understood it was going to be about The Crooked Man, well, I did my infamous Daddy-Dance in front of my wife; and she just rolled her eyes.
After watching the trailer, I danced again, because the film looks immaculate. Leaning into the horror aspect of Hellboy’s world, goes in step with the ghouls and demons that live there. This is a film I am 100% going to see.
Captain America: Brave New World
Captain America: Brace New World is the MCU’s first film for 2025, wait..2025? Really? I remember going to see Iron Man only a few years ago…oh. Damn.
Anyway, I want to see this film, but just like Loki and the TVA in Deadpool & Wolverine, I haven’t seen The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, surprise, surprise. So basically, will people understand the progression of events in the movie, if they haven’t seen the mini-series?
I have no idea, but I’m keen as a bean to see whether Red Hulk will be intelligent or not. I’ll have to visit The Falcon and the Winter Soldier’s Wikipedia page before visiting my local cinema, to get myself up to speed. Will this be enough? Again, I have no idea, but I still would like to see it.
Alien: Romulus
I want to see Alien: Romulus because I’m a fan of the Alien movies. The trailer makes it look dark, claustrophobic, and intense, just like any Alien movie should be.
However, after watching an army of face huggers running around a space station in the trailer, I’ve decided I’m going to watch the movie at home. I don’t want to be scared in public, so I’ll save the pants-peeing and pants-shitting for my living room. I still haven’t had the courage to watch Alien: Covenant yet!
Television shows:
The Penguin
Colin Farrell was unrecognisable as Oswald Cobblepot, aka Penguin in 2022’s The Batman; which was an amazing film. He was fantastic as Cobblepot, and if I understand the plot correctly, the show is set after the first film, but before the second, which is in preproduction.
After Carmine Falcone died in The Batman, Cobblepot is attempting to take over Gotham’s underworld and install himself as the new crime lord. That being the case, I think Batman will only be used in conversations, and not actually appear.
Maybe more of Batman’s Rogue’s gallery will turn up in the mini-series, because Sofia and Alberto Falcone are involved, so they could be setting up a live-action version of The Long Halloween. Who knows? Whatever the case, Farrell looks like he’s bringing the heat and it’s a show that my wife and I will watch together. And who said romance is dead?!
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds: Season 3
Like I said about Star Trek: Section 31, I’ve been enjoying Star Trek: Discovery, but my admiration of the saga, also includes Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. I have to be honest, this show keeps surprising me, and that’s a good thing.
Witnessing these familiar, but also unfamiliar characters has been great, and the cliffhanger for Season 2 was unexpected. Strange New Worlds has helped me to fall in love with Star Trek, all over again. Isn’t that cute and nice?
Superman & Lois: Season 4
Superman & Lois has been a TV show that destroyed my expectations of it. Seriously. These versions of Clark and Lois are wonderful, and I fully believe that Clark and Lois are better together on screen. This show brings out their strengths and highlights that Clark can’t be Superman, without the support of his family; which to me, makes him only stronger.
Add in Season 3’s cliffhanger fight with Doomsday, and I’ve reserved my ticket for the final season. I’m going to miss this show.
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Season 2
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power was quite divisive among fans for several reasons. I did watch the first season, so I can understand some of the criticisms, which I’ve discussed before on this magnificent blog.
However, unlike the hundreds, if not thousands of fans that have distanced themselves from the project, I am more than willing to give this show another shot at greatness. Have things improved on the show? I don’t know, but I promise I’m going to watch it. I see that Tom Bombadil is in the show, but I still want Melkor to have a cameo!
Also, this is a special mention about Batman: Caped Crusader. I’m going to write my first preview/review about a television show, and Batman: Caped Crusader gets to be the lucky winner. I’ll talk more about this closer to the time, but I’m optimistic about the show.
Anyway, that’s it for another week. What announcements from San Diego Comic-Con were you interested in? As always, please let me know. Remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, keep watching the Olympics, and I’ll see you next week for the return of the Solar System’s worst tour!
1 Like Vulcans, I embrace technicalities; but not for this section. The double pun is very much intended.
As you can tell, today is not a Monday; so why is there a short blog post from me? That’s a simple answer, because not only is today Star Wars Day, but it’s also Free Comic Book Day!
Star Wars Day is always held on the 4th of May, regardless of what day it is, just so people can say, May The 4th Be With You. Free Comic Book Day (FCBD), however, is traditionally held on the first Saturday in May.
I feel they are two of the largest pop culture dates on the geek calendar, so it’s not often that Star Wars Day coincides with FCBD, but I think it just gives people twice the reason to celebrate the day.
I have mentioned it before, but Star Wars has a special place in my family. We enjoy it through movies, books, toys, board games, TV shows1 and cosplay. This also includes comics. Throughout the years, I have gathered a collection of Star Wars comics, so FCBD holds significant importance for me.
Credit: Disney/Lucasfilm & DC/Marvel/FCBD
So, what’s the point of this post? Easy, if you’re a fan of the adventures of characters from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, then today is your day to watch the movies or TV shows, read that book, play that computer game, or simply wear that Darth Vader t-shirt to the supermarket. Own this day, own it!
If you’re a fan of comic books, you need to get yourself down to your local comic book store; if possible, so you can support them by picking up some free comic books, cosplaying as your favourite characters, and buying some items. These stores are the lifeblood of the industry, so please support them.
And if you’re a fan of both Star Wars and Comics, well…today’s the day you can live your best life! My family recently made their own fantastic Stormtrooper helmets, which UMC1 and UMC2 will be wearing somewhere today.
How are you celebrating Star Wars Day and Free Comic Book Day? Please let me know. Ok, that’s it for me. Enjoy this amazing day and I’ll see you on Monday.
1.) One day I’m going to get Disney +. It’s not today, but one day.
The World Destroyer. The Right Hand of Doom. The Beast of the Apocalypse. Anung un Rama. Hellboy has been called many things over the years, as well as being an outstanding arse-kicker. Supporters of New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website will undoubtedly know that I’m a fan of Hellboy. I’ve seen all five movies (three live-action and two animated), and I even have The Right Hand of Doom money box on my set of drawers, minus the money.
One of these days, I’m going to write about my love for the character and his world, but not today. In saying that, as a fully-fledged geek, I’ve been reading and collecting Hellboy comics since Adam was a cowboy. Because of this useless fact, I thought it would be a wonderfully terrible idea to discuss my favourite Hellboy comic book covers.
I feel stupid for admitting this, but I’m not a huge fan of variant comic book covers; however, there is an exception. If there is a variant cover drawn by Hellboy’s creator Mike Mignola, then you can bet your bingo money that I’m going to choose that one. I meant, come on, it’s a Hellboy cover drawn by Mike Mignola, you can’t ignore it!
For a lot of geeks like myself, our introduction to Hellboy was through his first mini-series, Seed of Destruction. And just like with the Legends Star Wars Universe, the timeline was divided into BBY (Before the Battle of Yavin) and ABY (After the Battle of Yavin), with Hellboy being somewhat similar.
For me, Hellboy comics can be divided into five groups:
1.) BeforeSeed of Destruction: Detailing Hellboy’s adventures from his discovery in 1944, to Seed of Destruction in 1994.
2.) After Seed of Destruction: Detailing Hellboy’s adventures after the Seed of Destruction mini-series, from 1994 onwards.
3.) Out of continuity: These comics deal with stories about Hellboy involving crossovers with many out-of-company characters, as well as the Hellboy: Weird Tales series.
4.) Spin offs: Characters that have been involved with Hellboy, are given comics to flesh out their stories like B.P.R.D., Rise of the Black Flame, Koshchei the Deathless, Sir Edward Grey: Witchfinder, Rasputin: The Voice of the Dragon, Frankenstein Underground, Sledgehammer 44, and The Visitor: How & Why He Stayed.
5.) Collected Editions/Trade Paperbacks: Sometimes when Hellboy comics are collected into a trade or an anthology edition, they include some Hellboy short stories that are only found in those editions; you can’t find them anywhere else.
The comic book covers I’m going to be focusing on will be in the first group, because I’m a geek. Now there are some key points I would like to establish before I do this.
Obviously Mike Mignola is going to feature on this list as a cover artist, but not all entries will be drawn by him.
I’m only looking at comic book covers and not the actual issues themselves, because that is another list for another day.
I’m not looking at the covers of collected editions or trades, only single issues.
The comics are listed according to when they occurred in Hellboy’s timeline; not when they were published or how awesome they are.
I’ve chosen these covers as my favourites in the Before Seed of Destruction era for a lot of different reasons that include their colour, symbolism, character poses, shadowing, and of course, just how amazing Hellboy looks!
One more thing before we start, 14 of the 15 comics I selected have Hellboy on the cover; with only one that doesn’t. This is because the cover is gorgeous, so I decided to swipe right.
With all of the entries, I’ve included the title, the year it was published, the cover artists (artist and colourist), and also what year the comic was set in Hellboy’s history. Ok, without a drum roll, let’s do this!
B.P.R.D.1946 #1, 2008, Mike Mignolaand Nick Filardi (1946)
Hellboy: The Midnight Circus HC (one-shot), 2013, Mike Mignola and Dave Stewart (1948)
Hellboy and the B.P.R.D. 1953 #1: The Phantom Hand and Kelpie, 2015, Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1953)
Hellboy and the B.P.R.D. 1953 #2: The Witch Tree and Rawhead & Bloody Bones,2015, Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1953)
Hellboy and the B.P.R.D. 1954 #1: Ghost Moon,2017, Brian Churillaand Dave Stewart (1953)
Dark Horse Presents#151, Vol 1,2000,Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1954)
Hellboy in Mexico(one-shot),2010,Richard Corbenand Dave Stewart (1956)
Dark Horse Presents #31, Vol 2,2013,Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1956)
Hellboy: The Crooked Man #3, 2008,Richard Corbenand Dave Stewart (1958)
Hellboy: The Corpse and the Iron Shoes(one-shot), 1996, Mike Mignola and James Sinclair (1959 & 1961)
Hellboy: Long Night at Goloski Station(one-shot), 2019,Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1967)
Hellboy: Krampusnacht (one-shot), 2017, Mike Mignola and Adams Hughes (1975)
Hellboy and the B.P.R.D: Her Fatal Hour and The Sending (one-shot), 2020,Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1979)
Hellboy: The Bones of Giants #4, 2022, Matt Smith and Chris O’Halloran (1988)
Hellboy:Makoma (or A Tale Told by a Mummy in the New York City Explorers’ Club on August 16, 1993) #1, 2006,Mike Mignolaand Dave Stewart (1993)
Do you agree with my choices or have I missed out on some of your favourite Hellboy comics from the BeforeSeed of Destruction era? As always, please let me know. At a later time, which is very inconvenient for me, I’ll look at some other Hellboy covers from the other groups. Awesome.
Well, that’s it for another week. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, call for a ceasefire in Palestine, look after yourself, and I’ll see you next week.
I had a completely different blog lined up for this week, but after the media announcement on Friday, I changed my mind and wrote this instead. Akira Toriyama, the legendary manga creator, died on 1st March from an acute subdural hematoma, aged 68 years old.
Toriyama had created and worked on many different projects and video games over the years, like Dr. Slump, the Dragon Quest series, Chrono Trigger, and Blue Dragon. However, his most famous creation was Dragon Ball, which showcased his talents to Japan and the world.
So what’s the point of this blog?
I’m crying about the death of a man I had never met.
Akira Toriyama. Credit: Dragon Ball Wiki
It won’t come as a shock, but I’m a fan of Dragon Ball because I’m a fan of Toriyama’s work. His art was outrageous, explosive, and detailed, whether it was manga or anime. It was unreal. I mentioned this before, but I loved the way he drew ears, for some strange reason. You could see a character and judging by their ears, you could tell whether they belonged to Toriyama or not.
As for his vehicles, they were so well designed, that you could see yourself driving one of them, whether they travelled by air, land, or sea. They were so good!
The plots were just as fantastic. People will talk about his art, but Toriyama was an amazing storyteller. His characters went on huge quests, and fought powerful foes, but also went through massive personal growth, so his characters were always evolving.
I’m sad about his passing for many reasons. Even not personally, Toriyama introduced me to manga, anime, and other parts of Japanese culture. For a geek living in New Zealand, his characters and art were extraordinary. My love of manga and anime can be traced back to him.
It’s been astonishing to see the outpouring of tributes to Toriyama from fans around the world. He was beloved by so many people. It made me think of all of the hundreds of artists, writers, singers, actors, directors, scientists, athletes, and anybody else, whose work has indirectly shaped our lives. They’re in the background of our subconscious.
It’s not until one of them dies, that you reflect and realise how influential they were to you and your life. That’s how I feel about Toriyama. His influence on pop culture has changed the world; the word Saiyan, is now part of the world’s lexicon, regardless of language or culture.
I read how many different manga and anime creators have come out and cited Toriyama as their source of inspiration. I find this amazing because even Toriyama was inspired to pursue a career in illustration. I find the creation and history of entertainment, similar to the history of science, where all creators are standing on the shoulders of giants. And make no mistake, Toriyama was a giant.
Imagine if Toriyama was never inspired to draw and create? It’s in the realms of possibility that maybe someone down the road would have drawn characters with energy beams, have awesome names for attack styles, teleportation, explosive fights, cities being destroyed, and badass vehicles.
But where would we be without Toriyama and powering/levelling-up sequences? Think about it. We would be lost in the abyss. For me, the powering/levelling-up sequences in Dragon Ball represented the brilliance and glorious scope of Toriyama’s skills.
I don’t know what Toriyama’s legacy will be for the world, but I feel it will be eternal. As for me, the biggest praise I can give Toriyama is that when UMC1 and UMC2 are ready, I’ll be showing them Dragon Ball. I can’t wait to sit down with them both, and let them experience the crazy and beautiful nature of Toriyama’s work; along with practising their own Kamehameha waves.
Like I said before, I can never thank Toriyama enough for his work, so all I can do is let the next generation live it and breathe it. Right, I need to control my crying, so that’s it for this week. What’s your favourite art drawn by Akira Toriyama? Please let me know.
Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Don’t forget to walk your dog; watch a banned movie; go read some manga, and I’ll see you next week because we’re going to check in on the Coalition of Chaos.
Some comic book artists go together with characters amazingly well, like salt and vinegar; fish and chips; ice cream and cones; and finally, Vegemite and toast. As a follower of this small endeavour into lunacy, you may recall my love for comic books.
In saying that, and with all due respect to writers, inkers, letterers, colourists, and editors, where would comics be without the artists? They are a pretty visual element to the storytelling, and extremely vital for promoting the style and tone of the comic book.
There have been thousands of comic book characters created over the last 100 years, along with hundreds of different artists; all of which have drawn multiple characters for many different companies, or creator-owned projects.
Over the years, I have read a few comics, so I can appreciate various artists across various genres, like superheroes, horror, science fiction, fantasy; and like the road, the list goes on and on. So because of this, I have subconsciously linked an artist to a character.
What I’m not talking about is linking a famous run or storyline to an artist; what I’m actually talking about is an artist that I believe is synonymous with a particular character. An unrelated example is when I think of Western movies, I think of Clint Eastwood. If I think of rugby, I think of the All Blacks; if I think of dysfunctional families, I think of the Skywalkers.
The comic book artists on this list, are not made up of my favourite artists; though some of them would be. However, that is another blog for another day. No, at least to me, these artists have drawn the best versions of certain characters. In my humble opinion, they are my favourite artists to draw these particular characters. Basically, if I could choose anybody to draw these characters, it would be these artists.
Some of these decisions were extremely difficult, so hopefully I mean no disrespect to any other artists.
I’ve only included 15 characters for the first round, but I promise you, I’ll write several more of these lists! I’ve included heroes and villains to be fair, as well as limiting one artist per character.
Alright then, we are doing this in alphabetical order, so sit back, relax, and away we go!
Some of these artists have died, so out of respect for them, I’ll indicate this with a *
Batman by Tim Sale*
Credit: Tim Sale and DC Comics
Captain America by George Perez*
Credit: George Perez, Wizard Magazine and Marvel Comcs
Captain Marvel (Mar-Vell) by Jim Starlin
Credit: Jim Starlin and Marvel Comics
Captain Marvel (Shazam!) by Alex Ross
Credit: Alex Ross and DC Comics
Deadman by Neal Adams*
Credit: Neal Adams and DC Comics
Doctor Doom by John Byrne
Credit: John Byrne and Marvel Comics
Harley Quinn by Amanda Conner
Credit: Amanda Conner and DC Comics
Hellboy by Mike Mignola
Credit: Mike Mignola and Dark Horse Comics
Invincible by Ryan Ottley
Credit: Ryan Ottley and Image Comics
Judge Dredd by Ron Smith*
Credit: Ron Smith and 2000AD
Spawn by Todd McFarlane
Credit: Todd McFarlane and Image Comics
Superman by Dan Jurgens
Credit: Dan Jurgens and DC Comics
The Joker by José Luis García-López
Credit: José Luis García-López and DC Comics
The Phantom by Sy Barry
Credit: Sy Barry and King Features Syndicate
The Silver Surfer By Jack Kirby*
Credit: Jack Kirby and Marvel Comics
As a bonus entry, I’d like to point out that my favourite Star Wars artist is Jan Duursema.
Credit: Jan Duursema and Dark Horse Comics
Do you agree with any of my choices? Who’s your favourite Batman, Captain America, or Superman artist? As always, please let me know.
And that concludes another blog; which coincidentally is my 148th blog post. It’s 147 more than I thought I’d do, that’s for sure. Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me.
Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, eat some Salt and Vinegar chips, watch some Rugby World Cup games, and I’ll see you next week.
To quote Huey Lewis and the News, “The power of love is a curious thing, Make a one man weep, Make another man sing.” Love can change and transform a person; it can make them loving, compassionate, brave, empathetic, happy, and basically everything else positive society can throw a label on.
Like many things or concepts in this mad little world, love is like a coin; it has two sides or two faces.1 On one face of the coin, is love as described by Jane Austen: witty, lovely, romantic, charming, and enduring. On the other face, well, we have love described by the Brontë sisters: dark, jealousy, twisted, obsessive, and secretive. Love can make people do some pretty crazy stuff and not all of it is good.
There are many couples throughout history and pop culture that personify romantic love. We can admire these couples as role models; whether straight, gay, or everything else. However, there are equally couples that are so bad for each other, that everybody knows they shouldn’t be together, or at least, have some extreme Brontë issues to work through.
Toss the love coin for a couple and see where it lands. Does it land Austen face up, or is it Brontë? That seems easy, doesn’t it? But what about the couples in the centre of the Venn diagram? What if the coin does not land face down, but is actually on its side? 2
Some people look and say that these couples are lovely and romantic, so they must belong together. They are admired, romanticised, and even idolised. Now I’m not an expert on love; ask my wife, but I have three couples that do not deserve your admiration. As a collective society, we need to stop lying to ourselves about these couples.
May I submit three couples that we desperately need to stop admiring: 1 x historical couple and 2 x fictional couples. Let’s break some hearts!
Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow were part of the Barrow Gang, which included Clyde’s brother Marvin“Buck” Barrow, and his wife Blanche. They operated in the Central United States of America, during 1932-1934, committing small-time heists and bank robberies.
Bonnie and Clyde were romanticised at the time, and still are. They were a young couple, living their best life, which fed into the counterculture, with part of the public admiring and adoring them. One of the reasons was that Bonnie was already married to a man named Roy Thornton, but she was in love with Clyde.
In the grips of the Great Depression, these love birds were fighting to be free and live wild. The growing problem was their crimes were becoming more violent, which resulted in people being killed. This made the public slowly turn on them, and law enforcement officers hunted them.
On 23rd May 1934, Bonnie and Clyde’s crime spree ended. They were ambushed in their car, by law enforcement officers and were shot to death. Bonnie had 26 bullet wounds, and Clyde received 17; with both suffering head shots.
Over the years, their romantic legacy has grown across the world, especially because of the Academy Award-winning 1967 film, Bonnie and Clyde. But let’s face facts; Bonnie and Clyde committed multiple robberies of banks, gas stations, and small stores, but also killed at least 12 people; which included nine law enforcement officers.
It’s been 89 years since their death, and I’m sorry to say, we need to stop admiring them.
RomeoMontagueand Juliet Capulet (Romeo and Juliet)
Did you see this one coming?! First performed in 1597, William Shakespeare’s immortal play Romeo and Juliet, has been touted as one of the greatest love stories ever told. It’s been adapted into film, ballet, opera, paintings, and literature, and is still performed through theatre around the world. Over 420 years later, people are still experiencing and revisiting the story.
Though should we still be experiencing Romeo and Juliet? Hell, yes! I’m not smart enough to articulate just how impactful and amazing the play is, and why it’s important. To me, it’s good, it’s so, so good. However, that isn’t the correct question we should be asking.
We should hold on to Romeo and Juliet, until the potential heat death of the universe. But should we keep romanticising them? Hell, no!
I want you to think about a few things:
The entire play is set over six days. Yes, just six days!
When Romeo meets Juliet for the first time, he’s on the rebound from Rosaline (Sunday evening).
Romeo and Juliet fall in love with each other (Sunday evening).
Romeo meets Juliet for the second time and agree to marry (Late Sunday evening).
The next day, Romeo and Juliet marry (Monday afternoon).
By Friday morning, both Romeo and Juliet are dead by their own hands.
Imagine if your child or grandchild came to you and said, that the person they were planning on marrying today, they had only met them the day before? What would you do? Seriously, what would you say?
From the time I first met my future wife, to actually getting married was 20 months. I used to think that was fast, but that’s at a snail’s pace, compared to Romeo and Juliet’s 24 hours!
This brings me to their ages. At the time of the wedding, I believe Romeo was 16 years old, and Juliet was just 13 years old. Granted the play was set in Verona, around the 14th/15th century, but still.
Another love myth to break about the couple is that by the end of the play, six people had died. They were Mercutio, Tybalt, Lady Montague, Paris, and the idiots of the story, Romeo and Juliet. Yes, Romeo and Juliet did kill themselves, but through their actions; directly and indirectly, four other people paid the ultimate price for their one-night stand. Romeo alone personally killed three people!
“These violent delights have violent ends.”
If you’re looking for romance, love, or shenanigans in a Shakespearian play, then admire these couples: Sebastian and Olivia, Viola and Orsino, Lucentio and Bianca, Petruchio and Katherina, Bassanio and Portia, Beatrice and Benedick, or Orlando and Rosalind.
Romeo and Juliet truly belong with the other tragic couples: Othello and Desdemona, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, Antony and Cleopatra, Duke of Albany and Goneril, Duke of Cornwall and Regan, and of course, Hamlet and Ophelia.
The tale of Romeo and Juliet is not a love story, because nobody is left happy at the end. I think one of the points of the play is not to admire Romeo and Juliet; because they don’t deserve it, but to see their flaws and mistakes, so you don’t have to make them yourself.
The Joker and Harley Quinn (The Joker and Harleen Quinzel)
I’m not going to spend a lot of time with this couple because they are the textbook example of a toxic relationship. When everybody’s favourite Arkham Asylum escapee was recaptured and brought back, the Joker met, manipulated, seduced, and corrupted psychologist Harleen Quinzel, and helped her to transform into Harley Quinn.
Harley Quinn became the Joker’s accomplice and girlfriend, but it was an awful abusive relationship. Over the years and in different versions, the Joker has done some pretty horrible things to Harley. These involve various methods, and include and not limited to throwing her into a vat of industrial chemicals; pushing her out of a window; torturing her by beating, cutting, and hanging her half to death; setting Harley’s own hyenas onto her; planning to kill her in front of the Dark Knight; tried to cut her face off; locked her into a rocket; he killed her and transformed her into a constellation; constantly beating and casting her out before wooing her back; and one time, he didn’t even notice that Harley had left for a year.
And just to clarify, Harley is not blameless in this mess. By the Joker’s own admission, he believes that Harley is crazier than him. The way the Joker controlled and manipulated Harley, only worked because Harley thought his abusive behaviour was a sign that he loved her. It wasn’t.
The Joker would have rather beaten Harley to a bloody pulp than admit he cared for her; as much as a homicidal, sadistic psychopath can care for someone.
Unlike the previous two entries on this list, there is a happy ending of a sort. Harley ultimately left the Joker forever and is now in a loving, positive, and healthy relationship with Poison Ivy. Though whether Harley being involved in another relationship with a villain is a good idea, remains to be seen.
And there you have it. Just like Fat Boy Slim said, “Like a favourite pair of jeans that you won’t give up on,” we need to give up on the idea that these three couples are to be romanticised, admired, or idolised because they don’t deserve it. You wouldn’t wish any family member to be involved in any relationship, similar to these disasters, would you? Well, maybe it depends on the family member.
Have I missed any toxic couples out? As always please let me know. I know I didn’t include Heathcliff and Catherine, but to be honest, this blog got away from me, so I’ll include them next time. 3
Thanks once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m also on Twitter and Mastodon, where I have daily posts, and attempt to be funny.
Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, avoid playing Monopoly at all costs, watch some Rugby World Cup games, and I’ll see you next week.
1 It’s been a long time since I snuck in a Batman reference.
2 This is a shout out to Heathcliff and Catherine. I see you, I see you.
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