Author: somegeektoldme@gmail.com

Being a New Dad: Hospital Birth vs Home Birth

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children

I want to talk about becoming a new father, in particular my two experiences of witnessing childbirth. Why? I’ve been thinking lately and comparing how woefully physically and mentally ill prepared, I actually was for the two events.

Before I go on, let’s quickly address the fact that I did not give birth to my two boys; that was my wife. This is about my experience becoming a father twice over. This also led me to think about the time when I didn’t have children, and I’m just stuck with this one question: What did I do with my free time before children? That is an extremely difficult question to answer, because I don’t know.

Image by Narcis Ciocan from Pixabay

So let’s start at the beginning and go back to the lead up to UMC1’s birth. At the time, we lived near a birthing unit, so we decided that going there, was better than to try and make our way to the city hospital, which was in the CBD.

We had done some birthing classes together, but it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was a room full of women asking insightful questions, while the men were getting ready to pass out, while listening to the answers. The only thing those classes did for me, was to make me more nervous and anxious about the event, which is so stupid; but that’s what happened.

I was starting to feel somewhat terrified about the delivery, from the point of view, that I didn’t want to be useless at the delivery; I needed to know what I could actually do to help my wife during the birth. I mean I could feel useless doing everyday things, but a delivery room was the last place I wanted to feel that.

Being a geek, the only recourse was to read some books about what I could do, with my role at birth. After that, I had come to the conclusion, that I will do whatever my wife or the midwife asks me to do. If I was asked to sing or recite some movie dialogue to help the situation, then that was exactly what I was going to do. I thought that was going to be the safest option.

Now this is going to sound quite strange, but my wife had already sorted out what she was going to wear for the birth. She selected on practical and sensible clothes, which is fair enough. The problem was, it had never occurred to me, about what I was going to wear.

I consulted my palantír;1 and I selected my running shoes, black tracksuit pants, and my Superman t-shirt for the big day. How else am I supposed to welcome the newest geek to the club?

Anyway, let’s fast forward events to the day of the birth. We arrived at the birthing unit at 6 p.m. While I was there, I was a cauldron of bubbling emotions that ranged from happiness and joy to anxiousness and worry, but I did well not to show it. Drax would have been proud of me.

Without going into too much detail, I did whatever my wife and the midwife asked of me. Yah! I didn’t pass out or run away, so go me! My wife did an amazing job with the birth, and I’m still intimidated on how strong she actually is, because UMC1 was born at 9 p.m. I was even allowed to cut the umbilical cord, which was a pretty cool thing to do.

The stupid thing was everything was under control, it went exactly how it was supposed to. Well, except one thing.

I remember that the first time I held UMC1, was after he had spent some time with his mother. It was a fantastic feeling holding him, however every single person in the room forgot about something: the meconium.

We were all swept up with the excitement of the birth, when I was just holding UMC1, and he did his first poop, right on my Superman t-shirt. We were far too slow with putting on his first nappy. And to think, it was at that moment that it really hit me, that I wasn’t going to have nice things anymore.

We took UMC1 home three days later, and I remember the first two weeks were mental. I remember there were days, we did not leave the house, apart from walking the dog. I remember days where it was an achievement, if I had managed to get of my pyjamas for the day. Having said that, those weeks were amazing.

With that, let’s engage our warp drive and fast forward three years to the impending arrival of UMC2.

Our family of geeks had gone through some changes, before UMC2 arrived on the scene. We were now living in a new house, in a new town, because I had a new job. Also added to the fact that my wife is very stubborn, we had signed on to have a home birth. It’s very funny to be looking back on it now, but every time we discussed having a homebirth, I could actually feel the hairs on my head turning grey, because I was getting stressed.

We lived only a five minute drive from the hospital, so if anything went wrong with the birth, we could call an ambulance or we could all jump in the car, and in five minutes we could be at the hospital. In theory of course.

So the big day came and my wife’s water broke, as we were getting ready to go to the supermarket. I called the midwife as fast as I could, so she came over and my wife did another amazing job. A few hours later, UMC2 attended his first family gathering.

One extraordinary event happened with UMC2’s birth, was that I was the first person to touch him. When my wife was pushing, the midwife asked me, if I would you like to catch the baby. I was really stunned with that, because I never thought that was an option, ever.

I thought you had to be qualified to do something like that. Anyway I said yes, so I held out my hands, like I was a test cricketer playing at 2nd slip; and before I knew it, I was holding a baby. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to replicate that wonderful feeling, and hilarious as it was, I was holding the baby when the midwife asked me if the baby was a boy or a girl.

This was because we had never found out what the baby’s gender was going to be, so I was just so overcome with emotion, that I never looked at the baby’s gender, because I was just so stoked to have a new baby. Later on, I got to cut UMC2’s umbilical cord, which once again, was pretty cool.

I think back now on how stupid that was, to not have looked for the gender, but hey, new fathers do stupid things. And just to make sure that the universe was balanced, because UMC1 graced me with his meconium, UMC2 made it fair by giving his meconium to his mother. When it happened, I realised that could not have gone any better. The Force was balanced in our family now.

What I learnt from these two experiences 3.5 years later? One thing is that my wife’s amazing and I probably don’t tell her that enough everyday. I’ve also learnt that some things work out themselves, so I don’t need to worry about it. The best I can explain this as: Don’t sweat the small stuff.

As a parent and especially as a father, I feel like I don’t have every single answer, that relates to UMC1 and UMC2. I wish I did, but I don’t. But on the other side of the equation, I have learnt things as well. Like how many times you can sing a particular song to your child, and not rage quit about it; or the number of times you can read a particular book; or when they are becoming really upset about something, the best thing I can do for them, is to give them a hug.

Although the hours are long, and the pay is crap, being a parent is the best job I have ever had.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.

1 I stole one of the seven seeing stones, just don’t tell Sauron.

Who cares about the James Webb Space Telescope? I do!

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

I want to talk about the James Webb Space Telescope or JWST. Why? I like learning about new things, whether it’s the history of the Opium Wars; the mating habits of the kākāpō; or the positive philosophical implications of enjoying Salt and Vinegar chips; I like learning new things.

If I was immortal, then one day I might learn and know everything, but alias, I am not. The exponential growth of my grey hair proves this. Another one of my mortal problems is that my mind is like a black hole; it takes in information, but it’s nearly impossible to retrieve it.

However there are some topics like Astronomy, that once I start talking, it’s easier to make Judge Dredd laugh, than to get me to stop talking about that subject. Which brings us to the James Webb Space Telescope.

James Webb Space Telescope by Northrup Grumman

If you haven’t already heard about it, the JWST is a new space telescope, that was launched on 25th December 2021. Now I could try and give you a detailed analysis and history of the JWST, but I’m not going to.

There are two reasons for this; the first one being after so many delays, the telescope has actually launched, so I’m just ecstatic. The second reason is because there have been so many articles already written about the telescope, explaining the history and the technology, that I feel it’s a bit redundant going over this. However what I am going to talk about, is what the telescope actually means to me and why I’m excited.

Without sounding like too much of a massive geek; which I’m going to fail extremely badly at, the JWST is the next generation of space telescopes. I’m crossing my fingers here, but the telescope is hopefully going to unlock more secrets of the universe, that we have only ever dreamt of.

It’s mission has four goals: to study planetary systems and the origins of life; to understand the formation of stars and planetary systems; to study the formation and evolution of galaxies; and to search for light from the first stars and galaxies that formed in the universe after the Big Bang. No pressure then. I for one, can’t wait for the discoveries that the JWST is going to make.

Hundreds of people from round the world, working thousands of hours, using cutting edge technology, have designed, built and have launched the JWST. I think that’s amazing, and every single person involved in this project deserves our congratulations and thanks.

The information the JWST is going to collect and present to humanity, will give us a better understanding of our place in the universe. It’ll also give us better tools to research and hopefully get answers, to questions that have plagued astronomers and astrophysicists for decades.

That’s exciting, it really is, because it may also help us in finding solutions to problems that the world is currently facing at the moment, like Climate Change, cancer, and Sour Cream and Chives chips.

You might feel anxious about what the future holds for us, but an event like the launch of the JWST, can somehow; at least to me, be truly inspiring, and it gives me the belief that not everything in this world is doom and gloom.

Right now, the telescope is travelling at 1.39 km per second, on it’s way to the second Lagrange Point (L2) in our solar system; which is 1.5 million km, directly behind the Earth, when viewed from the Sun.

A Lagrangian point is a location in space, where the orbital motion of a body and gravitational forces, can balance each other out. They can be used by spacecraft to hover, and that is exactly what the JWST is doing to do. To quote everyone’s favourite Vulcan science officer; to me, that is fascinating.

Whether you’re interested in space exploration, or just like to keep up with latest news events, the launch of the James Webb Space Telescope is quite frankly priceless, and a great way to put 2021 behind us.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week!

Christmas with a Three Year Old

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, People

I want to talk about Christmas, in particular, experiencing Christmas with a three year old. Why? Because experiencing anything with a three year old, let alone Christmas, can be extremely hazardous.

So what am I actually talking about? Have you ever laid the ground work for Christmas, by preparing a three year old for the event? As a parent, you discuss what Christmas means, why we celebrate it, what’s going to happen, but also the fact that other people will be receiving presents; not just them. It’s more difficult than a Rebel character surviving Rogue One.

I say this because this is UMC2’s first Christmas, where he’s old enough to help us prepare for it. This of course had led to some interesting conversations, that can be broken down into three sections.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

1.) Lists

UMC2 has been hilarious leading up to Christmas. My wife and I have sat down with him, and tried to list things that his family members like to do, over a few separate occasions. For myself, he said I liked eating and sleeping; which is very true.

The next step was to look at that list, and to think of some gifts that person would like. An example would be UMC1; he likes books and turtles, so a turtle book would be a clever idea for gift.

In theory, this worked on paper, however not so much in reality. When we were discussing these lists, UMC2 wanted to create one about himself, because he was concerned, everybody had forgotten about him.

We promised him that wasn’t the case, and we already had a list for him. That was a really dumb thing to say, because he wanted to see the list and for us to read it out. UMC2’s reasoning was that he wanted to make sure that his gifts would actually be things that he actually liked.

We tried in vain to explain to him, that if we told him what the gifts would be, then they would not be a surprise for him anymore; so on Christmas Day, there would be no surprises for him, because he would know the contents of all of my gifts. UMC2 was completely fine with that, and proceeded once again to campaign to see the list.

2.) Shopping

After we had made our lists, UMC2 and I went Christmas shopping on a budget, which is always interesting. I invited UMC2 to help with me this, because I wanted him to understand what was happening, and to be involved. You may have already guessed where this is headed.

UMC2 was amazing at some gift suggestions for other people, he really was. Only one of his suggestions was Spider-Man related, which to be honest, was a miracle in itself, because he loves Spider-Man and the Flash.

As we had finished the shopping, I told UMC2 that we would be going home. This puzzled UMC2, because he was under the impression, that I was also going to be buying him some Christmas presents, under his supervision.

We had already purchased his gifts, but they were safely hidden away, but UMC2 did not know this. He started explaining that while we were out Christmas shopping, I could purchase some gifts for him.

I responded by explaining, that if I took him to a store to buy something for him, it would not be a surprise. UMC2’s solution to this problem was that he would close his eyes, so he wouldn’t be able to see the gift.

3.) Negotiating

For the last part, this only happened in the last week of Christmas. UMC2 came up to me and asked if he could please open some of his gifts, that were under the Christmas tree. I asked him if there was a special reason why this needed to happen.

UMC2 replied that he knew the contents of several gifts, that were for different people. He goes on to say that he hadn’t told anybody what their gifts were; so because of this fact, was it possible for him to be rewarded for this, by opening some of his own gifts.

I told him that he’s made some really good choices, but that was not going to happen. UMC2 tried to renegotiate by saying, that he hadn’t broken or ripped anybody’s gifts, so was it still possible for him to be rewarded for this, by opening some of his own gifts.

I smiled, because I thought that was quite clever. Anyway, UMC2 did not get to open any gifts early, but not though the lack of trying. On Christmas Day, he was amazing. He handed out gifts to everybody, before opening his own gifts. I thought for a three year old, that had tried several different ways to learn the contents of his gifts, he showed a lot of patience.

A side note to Christmas morning; both UMC1 and UMC2 had slept in. It was at 7.45am, when I started playing AC/DC’s Thunderstruck, when they both rolled out of bed, because we had family coming over at 8.00am. They soon got over being woken up, at the realisation that it was Christmas!

Sorry if this blog was a strange one, but I’m trying to spend as much time with my family as I can over the holidays, so I can go back to playing cricket, building Lego, and flying X-wings round the house, with my boys.

Anyway, I hope everybody had a great Christmas, look after yourselves, and I’ll see you in 2022.

Merry Christmas 2021

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People

This is just a short message today, but on behalf of UMC1, UMC2, my wife, and all of the staff at Some Geek Told Me1, we hope everybody has a Merry Christmas and a COVID-19 free New Year!

By the way, this is what happens when you let your children decorate the Christmas tree.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Monday!

Every Christmas Tree needs Superman, Batman, and a Gingerbread Man

1 The entire staff of Some Geek Told Me, consists of only one guy, that eats too much pizza, needs more sleep, and subconsciously hums Baby Shark.

Geographical Misconceptions

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Geography

I want to talk about misconceptions in geography. Why? Well, because sometimes I laugh and smile at them, while other times, I let myself down and I get angrier than Bruce Banner in a traffic jam.

Let’s clear something up first; what do I mean by misconceptions? What I’m talking about is a piece of information that people believe to be true, but in actual fact, it isn’t.

An example of this is the famous misconception from Star Wars. In Empire, when Darth Vader is monologuing to Luke, about how great the Dark Side of the Force actually is, he utters the immortal words, “No, I am your father.” The misconception is that people believe the line is, “Luke, I am your father.”

Because of this, people are walking about quoting and repeating misconceptions, that are simply just not true. Every subject or topic has misconceptions within it, but for some strange reason, geographical misconceptions really get under my skin, like the Ceti eel. Chekov and Khan know all about it.1

So without anymore fanfare, here are some geographical misconceptions that, to my eternal shame, upset me.

Image by lance87 from Pixabay

1.) Africa is a country

This is the one that drives me totally crazy. Really, really crazy, because it’s so wrong. Whether its racism or ignorance, this misconception sends my all ready high blood pressure, into the atmosphere.

Against what some Hollywood studios and tv shows try to tell you, Africa is not a country, but one of seven officially recognised continents on Earth. Africa is home to 54 countries and 4 dependencies, with rich and diverse cultures. It’s not a country, but a continent.

2.) The Earth is Flat

I have discussed this before, but the Earth is not flat. No matter how many hours you have researched this topic on YouTube, it is still not flat. Although the Earth appears to be perfectly round, it actually bulges slightly at the equator. Also just to reinforce this, the Earth is not flat.

3.) Lapland is a country

If you have ever heard of Lapland, and wondered why they don’t clean up at the Winter Olympics, there’s a reason: It’s not a country. Lapland is the northern region of Finland, but also incorporates parts of Norway, Sweden and Russia. Even though Lapland sounds like a country, it’s really not.

4.) Capital cities are confused

I feel this one is extremely common, in way or another. Some cities round the world, are sometimes referred to, or confused with the real capital city of a country. Some examples of these are:

Auckland, New Zealand: Reality-Wellington.

Sydney, Australia: Reality-Canberra.

Marrakesh, Morocco: Reality-Rabat.

Dar es Salaam, Tanzania: Reality-Dodoma.

Lagos, Nigeria: Reality-Abuja.

Istanbul, Turkey: Reality-Ankara.

Geneva, Switzerland: Reality-Bern.

The Hague, The Netherlands: Reality-Amsterdam.

Toronto, Canada: Reality-Ottawa.

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: Reality-Brasilia.

5.) Countries that people still think actually exist

This is a crazy one. I saw on a game show, only a few years ago, that if they won, a contestant said they wanted to visit Yugoslavia. My jaw hit the floor, faster than Garfield eats lasagna, because Yugoslavia doesn’t exist anymore.

During the 20th century, many countries went through civil wars, political unrest, revolutions, and invasions. Whether it’s a just a name change, or the country has broken up, there are some people they still believe the countries on the below list, still exist in the 21st century. Though to be fair, two names on the list were Empires.

Austro-Hungarian Empire: Dissolved in 1918, into Austria and Hungary again.

Prussia: Dissolved in 1918.

Ottoman Empire: Dissolved in 1922, later became Turkey.

Tibet: Annexed in 1950, by China.

United Arab Republic: Dissolved in 1961, and changed name to Egypt in 1971.

East Pakistan: Changed name to Bangladesh in 1971.

Ceylon: Changed name to Sri Lanka in 1972.

South Vietnam: Unified with Vietnam in 1976.

Rhodesia: Changed name to Zimbabwe in 1979-1980.

Burma: Changed name to Myanmar in 1989.

North Yemen and South Yemen: Unified in 1990.

Union of Soviet Socialist Republics/Soviet Union: Dissolved in 1991, later became Russia; along with Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Estonia, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukraine, and Uzbekistan.

Yugoslavia: Broke up in 1992, later became Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia, and Slovenia; but also including the regions of Kosovo and Vojvodina.

Czechoslovakia: Dissolved in 1993, became the Czech Republic and Slovakia.

6.) Polar bears live in Antarctica/Penguins live in the Arctic

This is just funny, because I see this mentioned a lot. Polar bears only live in the Arctic Circle, whereas penguins only live in the Southern Hemisphere; which includes Antarctica. You will not find polar bears in Antarctica, nor penguins in the Arctic.

7.) Tigers live in Africa

I understand why this misconception exists; lions and cheetahs live in different countries in Africa, so why not tigers?

Although some members of the big cat family, originally started in Africa, tigers do not live there. Tigers can actually be found in countries like India, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Russia, China, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam; but not any African country.

Anyway, I’ll shut up now. Hopefully this rant was enlightening somehow to you, so thanks again for reading, and I’ll see you soon.

1 One of the best sequels ever made, and it’s in my top three best Star Trek films of all time; Wrath of Khan is gorgeous.

Do We Save the World or Leave It?

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

I want to talk about the Earth for my blog today. Why? Because there seems to be a argument floating about, and I feel as a geek, I would like to add my $3.50 to it.

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

So the crux of the argument is this: should we be spending time, resources, and money to try and fix the problems and issues, that are plaguing our world currently, or should we be investing time, resources, and money into the colonisation of space? This is a grossly over-simplified explanation of the issue, but it’s still very valid, much like the terrible photo on my driver’s licence.

On one side of the argument, we have people campaigning for the preservation and protection of Earth; mainly against deforestation, pollution, and Climate Change. To be fair, I agree that Climate Change is one of, if not the biggest problem facing life on this planet. That and Sour Cream and Chives, in all it’s forms.

The issue is the catastrophic changes we are making to this planet, are happening in real world time. It’s happening right in front of us and we are the cause of it. There is a campaign to shift the mindset of people across the world, so they can get them on board, to fight Climate Change and to protect not just humanity, but life all over the world.

Some people say we should be investing in clean renewable energy, and to find new sustainable solutions. Whether this is upgraded solar, wind, and thermal technology or my personal favourite, nuclear fusion energy.1 Sadly, the CO2 rates just keep climbing, so the entire global biosphere in in jeopardy.

We are on the abyss and if we can’t change our ways, if we can’t pull back from this, we’re going to tip over, and we will drag everything with us. To add to this argument, is that there are people who believe that investing in space colonisation is wrong.

They believe this to be a complete waste of time, resources, and money; to be exploring and experimenting with space technology, when we need it on Earth to save the planet. I can understand this, it’s a fair point.

However, on the other side of the argument, are people that believe that space exploration and colonisation, terraforming planets, and the building of generational starships, are not just wants, but a necessity to save our unique species.

Going back to the Moon, landing on Mars, and developing technology that will allow humans to live in space longer, are concepts that some people firmly believe in, to enhance space exploration and colonisation. This is where they believe, we need to be donating our time, resources, and money in developing new technology. Again, I kind of feel it’s a very fair point.

So what can I do to solve this conundrum? As a very proud geek, am I pro-Earth or pro-Space? I think the problem is very much like nearly everything society launches at us. It’s forcing us to make a choice between two options, whether it’s Team Jacob or Team Edward; Team Batman or Team Superman; Freddy vs Jason; or Godzilla vs Kong.

But what would happen, if you choose neither of them and both of them at the same time? We just need to place the Earth in a box, so Schrödinger could explain about collapsing wave functions, and Climate Change could be the poison.

But seriously, my answer is this: why can’t we have both? Why can’t we develop the technology to change our lifestyle habits, and to save yourselves, but also the other nonhuman residents of this planet, by fighting Climate Change? By actively protecting the planet, why can’t we do that, as well as developing technology to take us off the planet and live among the stars?

There’s something about the future, that no matter how much you can dismiss it, no matter how much you don’t want to think about it or read about it, that you can’t escape from. There is something that is going to happen to our planet, but it’s not going to happen in our lifetime.

One day from now, around 5 billion years in the future, life will not be able to survive or exist on this planet. This is because, the closest star to us is currently halfway through it’s life cycle, and one day it will burn through it’s hydrogen reserves, and then start fusing helium. When that happens, the Sun will expand its outer layers, and swallow Mercury, Venus and, quite possibly the Earth. 2

And there is nothing, absolutely nothing humanity can do to stop this fact. The only thing we can do, is preserve the Earth for as long as possible, because one day we are going to have to leave this planet, if we are going to survive.3

The way I see it, we don’t own the Earth, we never have. We’re just renting it. Who or what actually owns the planet, is a blog for another day; but the point is, the Earth is not forever or ours. We are only here for a short period, because we are renters.

As a former renter myself, you try to do whatever you can to keep the house working. You mow the lawns, you wash the windows, you try to keep everything clean and tidy, so the house can still function. Sometimes you may have to get a tradesperson in to the fix the washing machine or the fridge, in consultation with the landlord; but the idea is that, while you are living in that house, you do everything possible to keep it in a working condition, so you can actually live in it and not be evicted.

But like I said, as a former renter, there is always a terrible thought at the back of your mind; you know you can’t stay there forever. It doesn’t matter how much you like living there, or how much blood, money or sweat, you put in to protecting and preserving the house; one day you’re going to have to leave it.

Even if this house goes to the next generation, and the generation after that, their job will be the same: to protect and preserve the house as long as possible. Because one day, you will have to leave, whether it’s your choice or not. And when you do, you’ll need somewhere to go, and the only place we can go, is space.

We need to learn how to live in space on a permanent basis and be safe, but also to terraform planets. If we’re going to survive as a species, we need to do two things: we need to fix our problems and mistakes regarding Climate Change, and we need to do it quickly. We also need to do it together, but at the same time, the long-term plan is that we’re going to have to leave.

Surely we can do this. Surely we can multitask and solve Climate Change, as well as developing space exploration technology, at the same time.

As a species, we’ve made Salt and Vinegar chips, Star Wars, football, pizza, manga, and the Periodic Table. Surely we can solve this. Surely we can have a short-term plan and a long-term plan. Why can’t we do both? There is no reason, no reason at all, why we can’t do this, for the fact to survive as a species, we have to do both.

But then, what do I know? I live in a house with two individuals that believe the height of intellectual entertainment are farts, and my wardrobe is filled with comic books. What do I know?

Anyway, thank you once again for reading, and I’ll see you next week.

1 As a New Zealander, I feel like I’m betraying my country; but I extremely believe that nuclear fusion energy, is one of the best tools to fight against Climate Change.

2 The Sun is a star, so even if you’re outside during the day, you are still being bathed in starlight.

3 If you haven’t just realised, I have just described Kal-El’s origin.

Happy One Year Anniversary: Part Four

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Blogs

Welcome to the fourth and final part of my one year anniversary of Some Geek Told Me. I’ve been running this badly written blog for a year now, so what has changed for me? What have I actually learnt? There are many things, but they’re not very interesting.

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Behold, this list contains various things that I have learnt, during the last 12 months:

  • I’ve learnt that some of the blogs I’ve written, that I thought would be quite boring, proved to be popular; and vice versa.
  • Thinking of an interesting and engaging topic for a blog, has been a lot harder than discovering Batman’s secret identity.
  • Sometimes I’ll have a great idea for a blog, then it blows up in my face.
  • I tend to get extremely distracted when writing a blog, which is why I can generally only do one per week.
  • Proofreading and editing my work at 11pm, is not the best time to do it.
  • Writing about topics that anybody could discover in a book or online, is quite difficult or stupid; not sure which one, to be honest.
  • I don’t want to even think about what my pay rate for the blogs are.
  • I’ve discovered a new level of gratefulness, when someone subscribes or likes a blog.
  • I need to improve on my science communication blogs, because even Mr. Fantastic would disapprove of them.
  • Changing the subject for the next week’s blog, multiple times a day, is not particularly helpful.
  • Social distancing, contact tracing, and self isolation are now part of our lexicon. Thanks COVID.
  • And finally; I still enjoy doing this side project. It’s keeping me away from participating in Street Countdown1 and cleaning the bathroom.

Anyway, thank you for reading and supporting Some Geek Told Me, it means a lot to me, and I’ll see you next week.

1 Who else loves the IT Crowd?

Happy One Year Anniversary: Part Three

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Jokes

Kia Ora and welcome to the third part of my one year anniversary of Some Geek Told Me. For my final joke, I have seen three different versions of it; and all of them are funny as hell. At least to me, anyway.

So to make it more enjoyable, I have combined all three versions into one mega joke. I always mess this joke up when I’m telling it to someone, because I’m laughing too much. This joke has been around online for a few years, but it’s still awesome. Alright then, enjoy.

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Heisenberg, Schrödinger, Bohr, Einstein, and Ohm, are travelling in a car, when they get pulled over for speeding. The officer asks the driver, Heisenberg, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg replies, “No, but we know exactly where we are!” The officer looks at him confused and says, “You were going 140 km per hour!”

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, “Great! Now we’re lost!” The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger, sitting in the passenger seat, if the men have anything in the boot of the car. “A cat,” Schrödinger replies.

The cop looks in the boot and yells “Hey! This cat is dead.” Schrödinger angrily replies, “Well, he is now.”

Bohr points out, “On the bright side, a moment ago we didn’t have a position, speed, or a cat. Now we have all three!”

The officer is getting annoyed with the men and says, “I just want to know how many of you I need to bring back to the station!”

“Roll dice for it?” Einstein asks. The officer is fed up now, and moves to arrest all of them. Ohm resists.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week.

Happy One Year Anniversary: Part Two

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Jokes

Welcome to the second part of my one year anniversary of Some Geek Told Me. I know, it’s so exciting. On Monday I shared one of my favourite jokes with you, and today is no different. Sorry, but I have known this joke since I was 11 years old, so it’s pretty bad.

https://pixabay.com/images/id-1147720/

A naval ship is docked at port and the captain has given his crew of 100 sailors, 12 hours of shore leave. However, he explains that every single sailor needs to be back at the port by midnight. No exceptions. The crew rejoice and leave.

12 hours later, the captain is standing alone at the port. Not a single sailor has made it back. Just then, a sailor appears. The captain is pleased, but angry at the sailor and demands to know why he is late.

The sailor replies, “I was walking back to the port, when I noticed I was going to be late, and just then, a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, and I felt relieved. The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain knew this was a lie, but he thought it was quite creative, so he decided not to punish the sailor. At that moment, another sailor arrived. The captain quickly demanded the sailor explain their lateness.

The sailor explained, “I was visiting some of my family, when I noticed the time and I knew I was going to be late. I quickly started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, which was amazing! The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain was annoyed to have heard the same excuse, but ultimately decided not to punish the sailor. Just then, another sailor arrived, and the captain again demanded to know what happened.

The sailor explained, “I was sitting in a cinema, watching a movie, when I looked at my watch. I was going to be late. I quickly started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port, which was brilliant! The problem was just as we were nearing the port, the horse just dropped dead, so I had to run the rest of the way.”

The captain was starting to get angry now, because this was the third time he had heard this excuse; but it didn’t end. Every time a new sailor appeared, they would give the same story of doing something; noticing the time; a horse drawn milk cart gives them a ride; the horse dies; then they run to the port.

99 sailors had arrived back at the port, and 99 sailors had basically given the same excuse of why they were late. The 100th and final sailor eventually arrived at the port, and by this time, the captain was beyond furious.

“Let me guess what happened to you,” said the captain to the sailor. “You were doing some amazing thing, when you noticed the time and realised you were going to be late. You started running towards the port, when a horse drawn milk cart arrived to give you a ride. Just when you thought you would make it on time, the horse dropped dead, so you needed to run the rest of the way. Am I correct?”

“No, Captain, you’re not,” answered the sailor. The captain was stunned. “But what happened to you, then?” queried the captain.

“Well, Captain, I had just finished eating dinner, when I realised I needed to get back to the port. I had plenty of time, but I didn’t want to be late. It was around that time, a horse drawn milk cart arrived. The milkman offered me a ride to the port and I accepted. It was a lovely ride, but sadly I had to walk the rest of the way, when we got near the port.”

“Why did you have to walk?,” asked the captain.

“The road was blocked.”

“What was blocking the road?”

“Dead horses.”

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you on Friday.

Happy One Year Anniversary: Part One

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Jokes

I want to talk about a very small literary achievement. Why? Because this week I get to celebrate one year of posting blogs. So I was thinking, what could I do to mark the occasion?

How about some of the best jokes I know and love, to share with everybody?

Good idea? Sweet! I’m going to share one joke today, one on Wednesday, and the final joke on Friday.

Alright, let’s do it!

Photo by Lukas Kloeppel on Pexels.com

A man went on holiday to America for the first time. He had booked himself into one of the country’s most expensive hotels, which had a bar for guests, on the top floor.

The man was really excited to be there, so he decided to have a celebratory drink. He walked into the bar and glanced around the room. There was a bartender and one other man, wearing a blue suit, sitting down drinking.

The man was so happy to be there, sat down next to the blue suited man, and ordered a cocktail from the bartender.

While the bartender was making the drink, the blue suited man turned and asked the man, if this was his first time to the city. The man replied that it was, but also, it was his first trip to America.

The blue suited man replied, “Excellent, excellent.” “Did you happen to see the smog outside the hotel, as you arrived?”

The man said, “Yes, I did. It looks awful.”

“It is,” replied the blue suited man. “It’s so bad, you could jump out of a window, and the smog is so thick, you would just bounce straight off it, and bounce back up inside.”

“That’s impossible!,” said the man. “I would love to see that.”

“Ok, then,” answered the blue suited man. “How about I bet you $50 that I can do it?”

“$50?” replied the man. “Alright then,” as he slapped $50 down onto the bar.

The blue suited man smiled, then stood up, and calmly walked over to the open window. He then turned and waved to the man, and jumped out of the window. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was stunned. “I don’t believe it. That was amazing!” He took out $100 and slapped it down. “$100 says you can’t do it again!”

The blue suited man took his offer. He once again smiled, and calmly walked over to the open window. He turned and waved once again, then jumped. A few seconds later, he jumped back inside.

The man was erupting with excitement. “Can I do it?,” the man said.

The blue suited man laughed and responded, “Of course you can. Just walk over to the window and look down, until you can see the smog. Then close your eyes and jump. The smog is like a trampoline, so once you hit it, it’ll bounce you straight back.”

The man said, “I have to do this!”. He walked over to the window, looked down, closed his eyes and jumped. After a few seconds had passed, the man had not appeared at the window.

The blue suited man walked over to the window and looked down to see the man lying dead on the ground. He nodded, turned away and calmly sat down; but not before pocketing the $150.

The bartender had returned with the cocktail, then said, “Gee Superman, you can be a real bastard when you’re drunk.”

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Wednesday.