I want to talk about 9.5 years. Why? This is the age gap between my wife and myself. Now I’m sure you have heard of the phrases, “Age is just a number” or “You are only as old as you feel.” To me, it’s a way for an older person to be in a relationship with an much younger person, like Arwen and Aragorn.
So let’s put my marriage under the microscope and explain what’s like to be married to someone 9.5 years younger than myself. Let’s begin with some positive things, shall we?
It’s great when I hear something first or second hand, when someone assumes I’m the same age as my wife. Externally I would smile and politely correct the assumption. However internally, I’m fist pumping myself and doing my happy geek dance. It’s one of these times where I’m glad someone gets something wrong about me, and it’s awesome!
Though with my wife, it’s a little bit different because I spend a lot of the time just trying to impress her. Being 9.5 years older than her, can come in extremely handy, when discussing historical events; whether it’s politics, sports, or some type of geek reference.
My wife will ask me a random question and if I can actually answer it; it’s because of two reasons: I’m old enough to have remembered it actually happening, or I’m old enough to have read about it. I can suddenly impress her with my vast knowledge of things that don’t actually mean anything or matter in any way.
So you might be thinking about the many advantages I have. Yes, that’s true, you could be thinking that, but there is the other side of the coin. For every positive, there is a negative; for every bag of Salt and Vinegar chips, there is a bag of Sour Cream and Chives.
Take music for example. I might be listening to a song, and for whatever reason, it’s the first time I’ve heard it, or it could be a song, I’ve just started to take notice of. I’ll tell my wife about this new song, and ask if she has heard it.
My wife will then explain that said song, has been out for 5 or 10 years! She’ll follow this up with a remark about how I only listened to music until 2000, so anything past that, and I have no knowledge of it. I laugh it off, but sometimes I worry she could actually be correct. It’s about as scary as discovering that Hannibal Lecter is your Tinder date.
Another thing that shows the age gap are computers and social media. My wife will be laughing at a meme, and I’ll make the mistake of asking about what’s funny. She will slowly turn and show me the meme, laughing her head off as she does it.
Of course I’m staring at it, with a big dumb look at my face; in which in turn, I have to confess that I don’t get it. My wife will then explain why the meme is funny, then continue to laugh about how funny the meme is, but also about how old I am because I didn’t understand it.
An extension of this is the Floss dance, also known as Flossing. Whenever the discussion of Flossing comes up my wife or boys, I will start Flossing, whether it’s at the supermarket, or the kitchen, or waiting in a line.
My wife will be extremely quick to point out, that every time that I Floss, it’s wrong. She would then demonstrate the correct way to do it. My automatic response to this, “Well, isn’t that exactly what I just did?” Trust me, it never is. She will then proceed to teach me again, on how to Floss. I like my way better because I can actually do it.
Asking my wife to explain a treading acronym I have never heard of, is sometimes humiliating as in, “Why are you asking me that? Have you only just discovered that word?” Yes, yes I have. The word has been travelling backwards through time, and it’s only just reached me now! Obviously I’m not cool enough to know the word or use it.
Because we grew up in different decades, and in different parts of the country, we often discuss what movies, tv shows, or books, we had growing up. Sometimes I’ll mention something, only to learn that she’s never seen, read, or heard about it before. In contrast, she would name some tv shows that she watched as a kid that I had heard of, but never had watched, because I was too old for them. Good times.
I think it all balances out somehow, because we’ll probably at the same maturity level. Anyway, life is certainly interesting because of the age difference; but also it gives UMC1 and UMC2, material to make fun of how old their Dad is.
Thanks for reading, stay safe and I’ll see you next week.
I want to talk about fashion. Why? Well, as crazy as this sounds, but blogs about fashion seem to be quite popular. Who would have thought it? Not me, obviously. This led me to sit inside my head, where I came to the realisation that I had never written a fashion blog before.
I have to admit that fashion is well outside my comfort zone of things to discuss. However, I’m into fashion; I mean I do wear clothes. So just like Theseus followed the ball of string to his goal, I followed the ill-conceived logic from I’m someone that wears clothes, to writing a blog, not just about fashion; but geek fashion.
I have consulted the entire staff of Some Geek Told Me, and nobody; not a single staff member said to me, “Scott, that is a terrible idea.” Because those words have not been spoken to me over this topic, may I present for your reading pleasure: Geek Fashion: Shoes Edition.
BTW, I don’t own the shoes below, but I wish I did. I don’t have street cred to wear them.
Let’s start with my dependable black and green jandals. The brand name is Beach Works, though the soles are getting obliterated, just like Alderaan; although millions of voices have not suddenly cried out in terror, as I have worn them. However people may be frightened of my horrific tan line, located around my ankles.
I think I’ve had them 4 years, so they’re holding up quite well. Notice the indents from my heels and toes; the word from Milan is that this style is called Vagabondo da spiaggia, or so I’ve been told by fans nowhere.
These jandals allow me the freedom to walk on the beach; and walk about during Summer. And just to prove just how sick these bad boys can be, I don’t even wear socks with them. Believe it.
The greatest pair of jandals in the known world.
Gumboots
What would a shoe collection belonging to a geek be, without some arse-kicking gumboots? Like any other geek, I wear my gumboots for mowing the lawn, and anything else I feel like.
Need to go to the supermarket? Wear gumboots. Need to go to the hardware store? Wear gumboots. Need to pick your child up from school? Wear gumboots. Need to go running? Don’t wear gumboots, that’s just stupid.
I wear my old, paint smeared, black and blue gumboots around town, to give the illusion that I’m a man of action. In reality, I’m at home wearing my gumboots and staring at the mailbox, wishing the latest manga would appear in it. I heard the look is called Le faux, in Paris, because I’m an early adopter.
Notice the extra cracks to allow water to cool my feet?
Social
There are times when a geek needs to interact with other geeks in person, or maybe meet non-geeks in a social setting. Because of this, I have my social/casual shoes. These black and white carnage creators, allow me to blend into parties, bars, baby showers, and anything else.
Sadly, these shoes do come with two forms of kryptonite. The first is that, the shoe laces are long. When I mean long, I mean as long as Plastic Man can stretch his face.
To counter act this flaw, I have to tie my shoe laces; not once, not twice, but triple knot them. Seriously, I have to tie them into triple knots, because I am that cool. Oh, as for the second problem, because of the insane length of the shoe laces, I can only wear these shoes with jeans.
The utterly mental reason why this has to happen, is so I can cover the cuff over the shoe, to hide the remaining shoe laces. It’s hilarious when I’m drunk, and I’ve stepped on the laces. It means I have to re-knot them; drunk. It never goes well.
Watch out, a geek is stepping out!
Work
This brings us to the masterpieces of my shoe collection, my work shoes. I need to quickly point out that the Nike shoes, are recently demoted running shoes, but they fit perfectly with the style of No Grip.
Damn, these are mighty fine shoes!
The provocative new style of No Grip, allows the user to wear shoes, that have no tread on the sole; ie no grip. These shoes are great on liquid surfaces, because one second you are vertical, the next you are horizontal on the floor.
No Grip is sweeping the world, because people need to actually sweep people off the floor. You’re find yourself performing feats of athleticism, you never could imagine; especially in front of your co-workers. It’s great.
No Grip; coming to a hospital near you!
Thanks for letting me discuss my fashion experience with shoes. Stay safe and I’ll see you next week.
I want to talk about my relationship with The Sandman. Why? Because the Netflix TV show is getting released some time this year, so I thought now would be a great time to discuss the Lord of Dreams, and my relationship with him.
Let’s establish some facts first. When I say the Sandman, I am not referring to the Sandman, one of the villains in Spider-Man’s rogue’s gallery; one of the original members of the Sinister Six. You know, the sand guy from Spider-Man 3 and Spider-Man: No Way Home. It’s not that guy.
And no, I’m not referring to the Wesley Dodds, Garrett Sanford, Hector Hall, or Sandy Hawkins versions of the character, published by DC Comics; however great they are. I think you’re smart enough to know that I’m referring to the Sandman character from Vertigo/DC Comics; aka Dream of the Endless.
For those of you that have no idea about what I’m talking about; you’re not alone, it happens all the time. Just ask my wife, or UMC1 and UMC2. In the shortest summary of the character I can do justice to, The Sandman was the titular character of a comic book that was published by Vertigo/DC Comics, from 1989-1996.
The series was created by Neil Gaiman, with Sam Kieth, Mike Dringenberg, Todd Klein, Dave McKean, and many more.1 The Lord of Dreams and his siblings, The Endless, have appeared in multiple stories over the years, but also with characters from the Dreaming.
The Sandman #6
Alright, I have to veer off for a moment to discuss something. Yes, it’s another thing, sorry. The rest of this blog will not be donated in listing the different awards the series has won; or the cultural impacts on society it’s made, or a deconstruction analysis of the characters.
This is about my relationship with Dream; along with his dysfunctional family, and what they mean to me.
It all started with fear. I’ve been reading comic books for a long time, and over the years, I’ve dabbled in superhero, fantasy, horror, science fiction, western, and literary comics; and sadly, many others.
The point I’m very badly making, is that while I was reading all of these different titles and genres; I had never read The Sandman. To be honest, it was because I was afraid of it. Wow, this will take some explaining!
When The Sandman was being published, three things were happening to me:
1.) I had just started reading monthly comics.
2.) Through advertisement in magazines and comics, I slowly started to hear more about The Sandman.
3.) There was no way The Sandman was available to read, in my home town. Because of this, I was an observer to the never ending critical acclaim for the series, in magazines, newspapers, comics, and eventually the internet.
After moving to the South Island’s titan city of Christchurch, and years of falling into the rabbit hole of comic books, the media had given me the impression that the Sandman series was for two different kinds of people; it was a comic book for people that didn’t read comic books, and also it was a comic book for intelligent people.
It was for this stupid reason, that I had built up an image of what I thought The Sandman was: something that if I read it, I wouldn’t understand it. I hate not understanding something, so my fear was I would feel like an idiot during and after reading it.
“I don’t need to read a comic book to make me feel stupid, I can do that all myself.” That was my policy moving forward. I would avoid reading The Sandman, because I felt it will just make me feel stupid.
This carried on for years, until I found myself living back in Christchurch. One fateful day, I was looking at a very famous auction based New Zealand website, when I saw The Sandman #1 for $15 NZD. I really wanted to look away from it, but it was like passing a car accident; I couldn’t stop looking at it.
As the story goes, I ended up purchasing the issue. When it arrived, I made the awkward decision that I would actually read it. And I did and I loved it. This led me to read the trades from the library, but they didn’t have the entire collection.
This of course meant only one thing; if I wanted to continue reading the story of Dream, and if the library was unable to stock the missing trades…I was going to have to search the globe and buy the single issues.
And that is precisely what I did. I searched familiar and new websites for back issues, and even though it took me a few years, I managed to complete the series, so I could actually continue reading it. When I had collected all of them, I went back and started reading again, caught up to the point where I had to previously stop, then I kept going.
Because of this, and in my humble opinion, the story was astounding. For me, The Sandman transformed what was possible for the medium, but also for the scope of the project. From the writing, the art, inking, colouring, and the lettering, The Sandman had become an instant classic for me.
I’ve always been a slow starter, so I felt it was on point that it took me years to finally catch up with the world, on their love for The Sandman. The funny thing is that while I was reading about Dream and his world, I never felt stupid. It was honestly the opposite.
So what positive impacts has The Sandman had on me? Not counting the previously two paragraphs; it would be these:
1.) I’ve read comics through trades via the library before, and have been unable to finish the story; but this was the first time, I went out and purchased the comics, BECAUSE I needed to know how the story ended.
2.) My taste in comics has changed, because I have been more open minded about new titles. If a new title sounds and looks interesting, I’m going to try it. If it turns out that I don’t like it, then I’ll know. I am not going to have another Sandman on my hands, where I’ll think that I’m beneath the comic.
3.) Usually at some weddings, there are readings made from famous literature, to celebrate the union, like from the Bible, or a poem or a song. I asked my sister to read out Rose Walker’s Have you ever been in love? speech from The Sandman. Not the whole speech, but enough to drive the message home. Yes, The Sandman was quoted at my wedding.
4.) For the naming of UMC2, female and male names were discussed, because we didn’t want to know the gender of the baby. For the boy’s name, I campaigned hard for Daniel. Not Dan, or Danny, but Daniel. If UMC2 was going to be a boy, I really wanted him to be named after Dream. He didn’t of course, because I had to compromise by giving him a Jedi name, but the desire was there.2
5.) With any new projects connected to TheSandman or TheDreaming getting released, I’m going to buy them. Always. I’m a fan for life now.
6.) We don’t have Netflix, but I’m still excited that The Sandman has been adapted. I have no idea how I’ll ever watch the show, but after showing my wife the trailer, she mentioned that she had never read the series, and since I had the entire single issue collection, she asked if she could read mine.
I pretended not to hear her, until I gave her the reply, “I love you, but please don’t make me answer that question.You may not like the answer.”
If you have never read The Sandman, don’t be like me and put it off. After reading this blog, go out into this crazy world and find it. Your future self will thank you.
I want to talk about war, in particular, some of the ongoing conflicts that are raging across this planet. Why? The Temptations and Edwin Starr had similar feelings towards it, as I do.
The thing is, I’ve been rattling this blog around in my antique head for awhile now, trying to decide whether I should write it or not. It’s not like I’m trying to glorify war, or celebrate it. It’s quite the opposite.
Because of this, I feel it’s important to highlight seven of the longest ongoing wars, currently being fought. Maybe you have never heard of them, or maybe you have. However, I think it’s extremely relevant to know about these things, because to quote Scarlet Johansson’s character in Lucy, “Ignorance brings chaos, not knowledge.” Being informed about something, equips you to make better choices.
This can certainly relate to nations or factions waging war against each other, whether you’re directly or indirectly supporting them. I’ve chosen one war from each continent, just to demonstrate that war is not trade marked; because as Billy Joel said, “It was always burning, since the world’s been turning.”
I’d like to point out, there are many wars currently being fought across the world, that have become humanitarian disasters, like the Yemeni crisis; the Tigray war; Chad; Syria; and Ethiopia. The only reason these conflicts are not on the list, is because they are quite recent, compared to the others. Sadly, these conflicts will be on a future blog.
The former nation known as Burma, Myanmar has been at war with itself since 1948. The whole situation is quite difficult to unravel, but there have been many different players and events in this debacle, ranging from the Empire of Japan; the British Empire; the Communist Party of Burma; Karen National Union; the Panglong Agreement; Aung San; the Chin, Kachin and Sha people; Military juntas; Burma Socialist Programme Party; Aung San Suu Kyi; the Rohingya people; the Tatmadaw; the People’s Defence Force; genocide; and one or two Coup d’états; among others.
The brutality of this conflict, has cost an estimated 150,000 lives from 1948-2011, with millions of people being dispossessed. This does not even include the Rohingya genocide, or the current military junta’s killings. Myanmar has a rich and proud history, but in the eyes of the world, the civil war is a problem that nobody quite knows how to solve or permanently end.
Europe: The Georgian conflicts with Abkhazia and South Ossetia (33 years: 1989-Present)
Since 10th November 1989, Georgia was been fighting on two fronts: to the west against Abkhazia; and the other to the centre, against South Ossetia. Abkhazia and South Ossetia, are both former autonomous regions of Georgia.
Since the dissolution of the Soviet Union, the region has been rocked with various ethnic conflicts. This has led to various factions to declare independence, which has divided not just countries, by also ethnic boundaries; the Russian invasion of Ukraine and Georgia in 2014 and 2008, are perfect examples of this.
Over the years, Georgia’s conflicts with Abkhazia and South Ossetia, have killed over 30,000 people, with tensions still running high between the neighbouring nations.
Africa: Lord’s Resistance Army Insugency (35 years: 1987-Present)
This is a brutal one to discuss. The Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) is a terrorist army that mainly operates in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, South Sudan, the Central African Republic, and Northern Uganda.
Some of their crimes include abduction, murder, war crimes, child-sex slavery, mutilation, and recruitment of child soldiers. Their fight against the Ugandan government has spilled over to neighbouring countries, which in turn has brought in the United States military, the United Nations, and other international watchdog organisations.
Because of the actions of the LRA, over 100,000 people have been killed, over 20,000 children had been abducted, and over 1.5 million people have been displaced. The LRA have been reduced in size over the years, however their leader Joseph Kony, is still evading capture.
North America: Mexican Drug War (15 years: 2006-Present)
This entry is not a traditional war between two nations, over religious, political or ethnic issues. It’s about the flow of drugs; namely cocaine, through Mexico, via the drug cartels.
On one side, you have the Mexican drug cartels, which covers all of Mexico. They control a huge amount of illegal drugs for drug trafficking, and they are heavily resourced and organised.
And on the other side of the conflict, you can find the Mexican government; which consists of the Mexican Armed Forces, The National Guard, and Federal Police, and other police forces. They also an ally/ enemy in the Popular Revolutionary Army, whom hate the government, just as much as the drug cartels.
The United States government, and the Australian and Colombian Police, also provide training and support against the drug cartels. All of these groups are trying to stop the flow of the illegal drugs.
Since 2006, this unorthodox war has claimed between 40,000-400,000 lives, depending if you are counting homicides from organised crime or not. In 2018, the Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador, stated that the war was over, but boots on the ground tell a different story.
South America: Colombian conflict (57 years: 1964-Present)
Just like the Myanmar Civil War, the Colombian conflict is complicated, because there have been several factions and groups involved over the years. The major players are the Colombian government, army and police, right-wing paramilitary groups, drug cartels, crime syndicates, and left-wing guerrilla groups.
These groups have changed and evolved over the years, but the constant theme is that they are still fighting each other. Each group has their own reason for fighting, with each one believing they are justified in waging war.
The problem is that Colombia is still suffering because of this. 220,000 men, women and children have been killed during the conflict, with 7 million people have been displaced, because of the fighting. An estimated 16.9% of the Colombian population has been identified as a victim of the war.
When will it stop? You tell me.
Oceania: Papua conflict (59 years: 1962-Present)
Even my beautiful continent of Oceania,1 has not been spared. The Papua conflict is about the island, Western New Guinea, also known as Papua; which belongs to Indonesia, and shares a border with the nation of Papua New Guinea. The disputed region is a province called Papua, because the Free Papua Movement, which is a group, trying to gain independence from Indonesia.
Indonesia has branded the Free Papua Movement, a terrorist organisation; because of its use of guerrilla warfare, against Indonesian civilians, police, and military. However the Free Papua Movement has accused the Indonesian government of conducting a campaign of genocide, against the people of Papua.
Overall, an estimated death toll is between 100,000-500,000 victims. And just like many of the entries on this list, there seems no end in sight for the violence.
Antarctica: Aquatic Mammal War (Orcas vs Leopard Seals)
The origins of this conflict has been lost to the mists of time. This is because either nobody knows how or when it started, or all human evidence has been removed or destroyed by special agents.
The Antarctica Aquatic Mammal War, or as I call it, AAMW; has been waged between two of the top predators in Antarctica; orcas and leopard seals. To my understanding, the Cold War between the USA and the USSR, was modelled and named after this conflict.
From what humans can understand, orcas and leopard seals have been known to engage in some minor fighting, but it’s really a war of attrition. Hunting in each other’s territories, tagging logos on ice sheets, and recruiting proxy allies, like dolphins and seals; have made this conflict very dangerous.
Each side is not above insulting each other. The orcas call the leopard seals, “otters,” while the leopard seals, insult the orcas, by calling them “sharks.” All it takes, is one drunk orca, or a cocky young leopard seal, to start insulting the other group at a sit down, and all hell breaks loose.
The orca’s current leader is called Dolores P. Switchblade, and the leopard seals are led by ‘Arry “the Janitor” McClane, because he always takes out the trash. Not even the world’s greatest natural science communicator, Sir David Attenborough, knows how to solve this problem.
Well that’s it. Hopefully there’s something in this rambles of a blog, that you might have discovered. Thanks again for reading, it’s appreciated as much as quarks appreciate the strong nuclear force.2
1 Oceania has always been at war with Eurasia; except that time it had always been at war with Eastasia.
I want to talk about becoming a new father, in particular my two experiences of witnessing childbirth. Why? I’ve been thinking lately and comparing how woefully physically and mentally ill prepared, I actually was for the two events.
Before I go on, let’s quickly address the fact that I did not give birth to my two boys; that was my wife. This is about my experience becoming a father twice over. This also led me to think about the time when I didn’t have children, and I’m just stuck with this one question: What did I do with my free time before children? That is an extremely difficult question to answer, because I don’t know.
So let’s start at the beginning and go back to the lead up to UMC1’s birth. At the time, we lived near a birthing unit, so we decided that going there, was better than to try and make our way to the city hospital, which was in the CBD.
We had done some birthing classes together, but it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was a room full of women asking insightful questions, while the men were getting ready to pass out, while listening to the answers. The only thing those classes did for me, was to make me more nervous and anxious about the event, which is so stupid; but that’s what happened.
I was starting to feel somewhat terrified about the delivery, from the point of view, that I didn’t want to be useless at the delivery; I needed to know what I could actually do to help my wife during the birth. I mean I could feel useless doing everyday things, but a delivery room was the last place I wanted to feel that.
Being a geek, the only recourse was to read some books about what I could do, with my role at birth. After that, I had come to the conclusion, that I will do whatever my wife or the midwife asks me to do. If I was asked to sing or recite some movie dialogue to help the situation, then that was exactly what I was going to do. I thought that was going to be the safest option.
Now this is going to sound quite strange, but my wife had already sorted out what she was going to wear for the birth. She selected on practical and sensible clothes, which is fair enough. The problem was, it had never occurred to me, about what I was going to wear.
I consulted my palantír;1 and I selected my running shoes, black tracksuit pants, and my Superman t-shirt for the big day. How else am I supposed to welcome the newest geek to the club?
Anyway, let’s fast forward events to the day of the birth. We arrived at the birthing unit at 6 p.m. While I was there, I was a cauldron of bubbling emotions that ranged from happiness and joy to anxiousness and worry, but I did well not to show it. Drax would have been proud of me.
Without going into too much detail, I did whatever my wife and the midwife asked of me. Yah! I didn’t pass out or run away, so go me! My wife did an amazing job with the birth, and I’m still intimidated on how strong she actually is, because UMC1 was born at 9 p.m. I was even allowed to cut the umbilical cord, which was a pretty cool thing to do.
The stupid thing was everything was under control, it went exactly how it was supposed to. Well, except one thing.
I remember that the first time I held UMC1, was after he had spent some time with his mother. It was a fantastic feeling holding him, however every single person in the room forgot about something: the meconium.
We were all swept up with the excitement of the birth, when I was just holding UMC1, and he did his first poop, right on my Superman t-shirt. We were far too slow with putting on his first nappy. And to think, it was at that moment that it really hit me, that I wasn’t going to have nice things anymore.
We took UMC1 home three days later, and I remember the first two weeks were mental. I remember there were days, we did not leave the house, apart from walking the dog. I remember days where it was an achievement, if I had managed to get of my pyjamas for the day. Having said that, those weeks were amazing.
With that, let’s engage our warp drive and fast forward three years to the impending arrival of UMC2.
Our family of geeks had gone through some changes, before UMC2 arrived on the scene. We were now living in a new house, in a new town, because I had a new job. Also added to the fact that my wife is very stubborn, we had signed on to have a home birth. It’s very funny to be looking back on it now, but every time we discussed having a homebirth, I could actually feel the hairs on my head turning grey, because I was getting stressed.
We lived only a five minute drive from the hospital, so if anything went wrong with the birth, we could call an ambulance or we could all jump in the car, and in five minutes we could be at the hospital. In theory of course.
So the big day came and my wife’s water broke, as we were getting ready to go to the supermarket. I called the midwife as fast as I could, so she came over and my wife did another amazing job. A few hours later, UMC2 attended his first family gathering.
One extraordinary event happened with UMC2’s birth, was that I was the first person to touch him. When my wife was pushing, the midwife asked me, if I would you like to catch the baby. I was really stunned with that, because I never thought that was an option, ever.
I thought you had to be qualified to do something like that. Anyway I said yes, so I held out my hands, like I was a test cricketer playing at 2nd slip; and before I knew it, I was holding a baby. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to replicate that wonderful feeling, and hilarious as it was, I was holding the baby when the midwife asked me if the baby was a boy or a girl.
This was because we had never found out what the baby’s gender was going to be, so I was just so overcome with emotion, that I never looked at the baby’s gender, because I was just so stoked to have a new baby. Later on, I got to cut UMC2’s umbilical cord, which once again, was pretty cool.
I think back now on how stupid that was, to not have looked for the gender, but hey, new fathers do stupid things. And just to make sure that the universe was balanced, because UMC1 graced me with his meconium, UMC2 made it fair by giving his meconium to his mother. When it happened, I realised that could not have gone any better. The Force was balanced in our family now.
What I learnt from these two experiences 3.5 years later? One thing is that my wife’s amazing and I probably don’t tell her that enough everyday. I’ve also learnt that some things work out themselves, so I don’t need to worry about it. The best I can explain this as: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
As a parent and especially as a father, I feel like I don’t have every single answer, that relates to UMC1 and UMC2. I wish I did, but I don’t. But on the other side of the equation, I have learnt things as well. Like how many times you can sing a particular song to your child, and not rage quit about it; or the number of times you can read a particular book; or when they are becoming really upset about something, the best thing I can do for them, is to give them a hug.
Although the hours are long, and the pay is crap, being a parent is the best job I have ever had.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week.
1 I stole one of the seven seeing stones, just don’t tell Sauron.
I want to talk about the James Webb Space Telescope or JWST. Why? I like learning about new things, whether it’s the history of the Opium Wars; the mating habits of the kākāpō; or the positive philosophical implications of enjoying Salt and Vinegar chips; I like learning new things.
If I was immortal, then one day I might learn and know everything, but alias, I am not. The exponential growth of my grey hair proves this. Another one of my mortal problems is that my mind is like a black hole; it takes in information, but it’s nearly impossible to retrieve it.
However there are some topics like Astronomy, that once I start talking, it’s easier to make Judge Dredd laugh, than to get me to stop talking about that subject. Which brings us to the James Webb Space Telescope.
If you haven’t already heard about it, the JWST is a new space telescope, that was launched on 25th December 2021. Now I could try and give you a detailed analysis and history of the JWST, but I’m not going to.
There are two reasons for this; the first one being after so many delays, the telescope has actually launched, so I’m just ecstatic. The second reason is because there have been so many articles already written about the telescope, explaining the history and the technology, that I feel it’s a bit redundant going over this. However what I am going to talk about, is what the telescope actually means to me and why I’m excited.
Without sounding like too much of a massive geek; which I’m going to fail extremely badly at, the JWST is the next generation of space telescopes. I’m crossing my fingers here, but the telescope is hopefully going to unlock more secrets of the universe, that we have only ever dreamt of.
It’s mission has four goals: to study planetary systems and the origins of life; to understand the formation of stars and planetary systems; to study the formation and evolution of galaxies; and to search for light from the first stars and galaxies that formed in the universe after the Big Bang. No pressure then. I for one, can’t wait for the discoveries that the JWST is going to make.
Hundreds of people from round the world, working thousands of hours, using cutting edge technology, have designed, built and have launched the JWST. I think that’s amazing, and every single person involved in this project deserves our congratulations and thanks.
The information the JWST is going to collect and present to humanity, will give us a better understanding of our place in the universe. It’ll also give us better tools to research and hopefully get answers, to questions that have plagued astronomers and astrophysicists for decades.
That’s exciting, it really is, because it may also help us in finding solutions to problems that the world is currently facing at the moment, like Climate Change, cancer, and Sour Cream and Chives chips.
You might feel anxious about what the future holds for us, but an event like the launch of the JWST, can somehow; at least to me, be truly inspiring, and it gives me the belief that not everything in this world is doom and gloom.
Right now, the telescope is travelling at 1.39 km per second, on it’s way to the second Lagrange Point (L2) in our solar system; which is 1.5 million km, directly behind the Earth, when viewed from the Sun.
A Lagrangian point is a location in space, where the orbital motion of a body and gravitational forces, can balance each other out. They can be used by spacecraft to hover, and that is exactly what the JWST is doing to do. To quote everyone’s favourite Vulcan science officer; to me, that is fascinating.
Whether you’re interested in space exploration, or just like to keep up with latest news events, the launch of the James Webb Space Telescope is quite frankly priceless, and a great way to put 2021 behind us.
I want to talk about Christmas, in particular, experiencing Christmas with a three year old. Why? Because experiencing anything with a three year old, let alone Christmas, can be extremely hazardous.
So what am I actually talking about? Have you ever laid the ground work for Christmas, by preparing a three year old for the event? As a parent, you discuss what Christmas means, why we celebrate it, what’s going to happen, but also the fact that other people will be receiving presents; not just them. It’s more difficult than a Rebel character surviving Rogue One.
I say this because this is UMC2’s first Christmas, where he’s old enough to help us prepare for it. This of course had led to some interesting conversations, that can be broken down into three sections.
UMC2 has been hilarious leading up to Christmas. My wife and I have sat down with him, and tried to list things that his family members like to do, over a few separate occasions. For myself, he said I liked eating and sleeping; which is very true.
The next step was to look at that list, and to think of some gifts that person would like. An example would be UMC1; he likes books and turtles, so a turtle book would be a clever idea for gift.
In theory, this worked on paper, however not so much in reality. When we were discussing these lists, UMC2 wanted to create one about himself, because he was concerned, everybody had forgotten about him.
We promised him that wasn’t the case, and we already had a list for him. That was a really dumb thing to say, because he wanted to see the list and for us to read it out. UMC2’s reasoning was that he wanted to make sure that his gifts would actually be things that he actually liked.
We tried in vain to explain to him, that if we told him what the gifts would be, then they would not be a surprise for him anymore; so on Christmas Day, there would be no surprises for him, because he would know the contents of all of my gifts. UMC2 was completely fine with that, and proceeded once again to campaign to see the list.
2.) Shopping
After we had made our lists, UMC2 and I went Christmas shopping on a budget, which is always interesting. I invited UMC2 to help with me this, because I wanted him to understand what was happening, and to be involved. You may have already guessed where this is headed.
UMC2 was amazing at some gift suggestions for other people, he really was. Only one of his suggestions was Spider-Man related, which to be honest, was a miracle in itself, because he loves Spider-Man and the Flash.
As we had finished the shopping, I told UMC2 that we would be going home. This puzzled UMC2, because he was under the impression, that I was also going to be buying him some Christmas presents, under his supervision.
We had already purchased his gifts, but they were safely hidden away, but UMC2 did not know this. He started explaining that while we were out Christmas shopping, I could purchase some gifts for him.
I responded by explaining, that if I took him to a store to buy something for him, it would not be a surprise. UMC2’s solution to this problem was that he would close his eyes, so he wouldn’t be able to see the gift.
3.) Negotiating
For the last part, this only happened in the last week of Christmas. UMC2 came up to me and asked if he could please open some of his gifts, that were under the Christmas tree. I asked him if there was a special reason why this needed to happen.
UMC2 replied that he knew the contents of several gifts, that were for different people. He goes on to say that he hadn’t told anybody what their gifts were; so because of this fact, was it possible for him to be rewarded for this, by opening some of his own gifts.
I told him that he’s made some really good choices, but that was not going to happen. UMC2 tried to renegotiate by saying, that he hadn’t broken or ripped anybody’s gifts, so was it still possible for him to be rewarded for this, by opening some of his own gifts.
I smiled, because I thought that was quite clever. Anyway, UMC2 did not get to open any gifts early, but not though the lack of trying. On Christmas Day, he was amazing. He handed out gifts to everybody, before opening his own gifts. I thought for a three year old, that had tried several different ways to learn the contents of his gifts, he showed a lot of patience.
A side note to Christmas morning; both UMC1 and UMC2 had slept in. It was at 7.45am, when I started playing AC/DC’s Thunderstruck, when they both rolled out of bed, because we had family coming over at 8.00am. They soon got over being woken up, at the realisation that it was Christmas!
Sorry if this blog was a strange one, but I’m trying to spend as much time with my family as I can over the holidays, so I can go back to playing cricket, building Lego, and flying X-wings round the house, with my boys.
Anyway, I hope everybody had a great Christmas, look after yourselves, and I’ll see you in 2022.
This is just a short message today, but on behalf of UMC1, UMC2, my wife, and all of the staff at Some Geek Told Me1, we hope everybody has a Merry Christmas and a COVID-19 free New Year!
By the way, this is what happens when you let your children decorate the Christmas tree.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Monday!
Every Christmas Tree needs Superman, Batman, and a Gingerbread Man
1 The entire staff of Some Geek Told Me, consists of only one guy, that eats too much pizza, needs more sleep, and subconsciously hums Baby Shark.
I want to talk about misconceptions in geography. Why? Well, because sometimes I laugh and smile at them, while other times, I let myself down and I get angrier than Bruce Banner in a traffic jam.
Let’s clear something up first; what do I mean by misconceptions? What I’m talking about is a piece of information that people believe to be true, but in actual fact, it isn’t.
An example of this is the famous misconception from Star Wars. In Empire, when Darth Vader is monologuing to Luke, about how great the Dark Side of the Force actually is, he utters the immortal words, “No, I am your father.” The misconception is that people believe the line is, “Luke, I am your father.”
Because of this, people are walking about quoting and repeating misconceptions, that are simply just not true. Every subject or topic has misconceptions within it, but for some strange reason, geographical misconceptions really get under my skin, like the Ceti eel. Chekov and Khan know all about it.1
So without anymore fanfare, here are some geographical misconceptions that, to my eternal shame, upset me.
This is the one that drives me totally crazy. Really, really crazy, because it’s so wrong. Whether its racism or ignorance, this misconception sends my all ready high blood pressure, into the atmosphere.
Against what some Hollywood studios and tv shows try to tell you, Africa is not a country, but one of seven officially recognised continents on Earth. Africa is home to 54 countries and 4 dependencies, with rich and diverse cultures. It’s not a country, but a continent.
2.) The Earth is Flat
I have discussed this before, but the Earth is not flat. No matter how many hours you have researched this topic on YouTube, it is still not flat. Although the Earth appears to be perfectly round, it actually bulges slightly at the equator. Also just to reinforce this, the Earth is not flat.
3.) Lapland is a country
If you have ever heard of Lapland, and wondered why they don’t clean up at the Winter Olympics, there’s a reason: It’s not a country. Lapland is the northern region of Finland, but also incorporates parts of Norway, Sweden and Russia. Even though Lapland sounds like a country, it’s really not.
4.) Capital cities are confused
I feel this one is extremely common, in way or another. Some cities round the world, are sometimes referred to, or confused with the real capital city of a country. Some examples of these are:
Auckland, New Zealand: Reality-Wellington.
Sydney, Australia: Reality-Canberra.
Marrakesh, Morocco: Reality-Rabat.
Dar es Salaam, Tanzania: Reality-Dodoma.
Lagos, Nigeria: Reality-Abuja.
Istanbul, Turkey: Reality-Ankara.
Geneva, Switzerland: Reality-Bern.
The Hague, The Netherlands: Reality-Amsterdam.
Toronto, Canada: Reality-Ottawa.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: Reality-Brasilia.
5.) Countries that people still think actually exist
This is a crazy one. I saw on a game show, only a few years ago, that if they won, a contestant said they wanted to visit Yugoslavia. My jaw hit the floor, faster than Garfield eats lasagna, because Yugoslavia doesn’t exist anymore.
During the 20th century, many countries went through civil wars, political unrest, revolutions, and invasions. Whether it’s a just a name change, or the country has broken up, there are some people they still believe the countries on the below list, still exist in the 21st century. Though to be fair, two names on the list were Empires.
Austro-Hungarian Empire: Dissolved in 1918, into Austria and Hungary again.
Prussia: Dissolved in 1918.
Ottoman Empire: Dissolved in 1922, later became Turkey.
Tibet: Annexed in 1950, by China.
United Arab Republic: Dissolved in 1961, and changed name to Egypt in 1971.
East Pakistan: Changed name to Bangladesh in 1971.
Ceylon: Changed name to Sri Lanka in 1972.
South Vietnam: Unified with Vietnam in 1976.
Rhodesia: Changed name to Zimbabwe in 1979-1980.
Burma: Changed name to Myanmar in 1989.
North Yemen and South Yemen: Unified in 1990.
Union of Soviet Socialist Republics/Soviet Union: Dissolved in 1991, later became Russia; along with Armenia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Estonia, Georgia, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Lithuania, Moldova, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Ukraine, and Uzbekistan.
Yugoslavia: Broke up in 1992, later became Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia, and Slovenia; but also including the regions of Kosovo and Vojvodina.
Czechoslovakia: Dissolved in 1993, became the Czech Republic and Slovakia.
6.) Polar bears live in Antarctica/Penguins live in the Arctic
This is just funny, because I see this mentioned a lot. Polar bears only live in the Arctic Circle, whereas penguins only live in the Southern Hemisphere; which includes Antarctica. You will not find polar bears in Antarctica, nor penguins in the Arctic.
7.) Tigers live in Africa
I understand why this misconception exists; lions and cheetahs live in different countries in Africa, so why not tigers?
Although some members of the big cat family, originally started in Africa, tigers do not live there. Tigers can actually be found in countries like India, Nepal, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Myanmar, Russia, China, Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam; but not any African country.
Anyway, I’ll shut up now. Hopefully this rant was enlightening somehow to you, so thanks again for reading, and I’ll see you soon.
1 One of the best sequels ever made, and it’s in my top three best Star Trek films of all time; Wrath of Khanis gorgeous.
I want to talk about the Earth for my blog today. Why? Because there seems to be a argument floating about, and I feel as a geek, I would like to add my $3.50 to it.
So the crux of the argument is this: should we be spending time, resources, and money to try and fix the problems and issues, that are plaguing our world currently, or should we be investing time, resources, and money into the colonisation of space? This is a grossly over-simplified explanation of the issue, but it’s still very valid, much like the terrible photo on my driver’s licence.
On one side of the argument, we have people campaigning for the preservation and protection of Earth; mainly against deforestation, pollution, and Climate Change. To be fair, I agree that Climate Change is one of, if not the biggest problem facing life on this planet. That and Sour Cream and Chives, in all it’s forms.
The issue is the catastrophic changes we are making to this planet, are happening in real world time. It’s happening right in front of us and we are the cause of it. There is a campaign to shift the mindset of people across the world, so they can get them on board, to fight Climate Change and to protect not just humanity, but life all over the world.
Some people say we should be investing in clean renewable energy, and to find new sustainable solutions. Whether this is upgraded solar, wind, and thermal technology or my personal favourite, nuclear fusion energy.1 Sadly, the CO2 rates just keep climbing, so the entire global biosphere in in jeopardy.
We are on the abyss and if we can’t change our ways, if we can’t pull back from this, we’re going to tip over, and we will drag everything with us. To add to this argument, is that there are people who believe that investing in space colonisation is wrong.
They believe this to be a complete waste of time, resources, and money; to be exploring and experimenting with space technology, when we need it on Earth to save the planet. I can understand this, it’s a fair point.
However, on the other side of the argument, are people that believe that space exploration and colonisation, terraforming planets, and the building of generational starships, are not just wants, but a necessity to save our unique species.
Going back to the Moon, landing on Mars, and developing technology that will allow humans to live in space longer, are concepts that some people firmly believe in, to enhance space exploration and colonisation. This is where they believe, we need to be donating our time, resources, and money in developing new technology. Again, I kind of feel it’s a very fair point.
So what can I do to solve this conundrum? As a very proud geek, am I pro-Earth or pro-Space? I think the problem is very much like nearly everything society launches at us. It’s forcing us to make a choice between two options, whether it’s Team Jacob or Team Edward; Team Batman or Team Superman; Freddy vs Jason; or Godzilla vs Kong.
But what would happen, if you choose neither of them and both of them at the same time? We just need to place the Earth in a box, so Schrödinger could explain about collapsing wave functions, and Climate Change could be the poison.
But seriously, my answer is this: why can’t we have both? Why can’t we develop the technology to change our lifestyle habits, and to save yourselves, but also the other nonhuman residents of this planet, by fighting Climate Change? By actively protecting the planet, why can’t we do that, as well as developing technology to take us off the planet and live among the stars?
There’s something about the future, that no matter how much you can dismiss it, no matter how much you don’t want to think about it or read about it, that you can’t escape from. There is something that is going to happen to our planet, but it’s not going to happen in our lifetime.
One day from now, around 5 billion years in the future, life will not be able to survive or exist on this planet. This is because, the closest star to us is currently halfway through it’s life cycle, and one day it will burn through it’s hydrogen reserves, and then start fusing helium. When that happens, the Sun will expand its outer layers, and swallow Mercury, Venus and, quite possibly the Earth. 2
And there is nothing, absolutely nothing humanity can do to stop this fact. The only thing we can do, is preserve the Earth for as long as possible, because one day we are going to have to leave this planet, if we are going to survive.3
The way I see it, we don’t own the Earth, we never have. We’re just renting it. Who or what actually owns the planet, is a blog for another day; but the point is, the Earth is not forever or ours. We are only here for a short period, because we are renters.
As a former renter myself, you try to do whatever you can to keep the house working. You mow the lawns, you wash the windows, you try to keep everything clean and tidy, so the house can still function. Sometimes you may have to get a tradesperson in to the fix the washing machine or the fridge, in consultation with the landlord; but the idea is that, while you are living in that house, you do everything possible to keep it in a working condition, so you can actually live in it and not be evicted.
But like I said, as a former renter, there is always a terrible thought at the back of your mind; you know you can’t stay there forever. It doesn’t matter how much you like living there, or how much blood, money or sweat, you put in to protecting and preserving the house; one day you’re going to have to leave it.
Even if this house goes to the next generation, and the generation after that, their job will be the same: to protect and preserve the house as long as possible. Because one day, you will have to leave, whether it’s your choice or not. And when you do, you’ll need somewhere to go, and the only place we can go, is space.
We need to learn how to live in space on a permanent basis and be safe, but also to terraform planets. If we’re going to survive as a species, we need to do two things: we need to fix our problems and mistakes regarding Climate Change, and we need to do it quickly. We also need to do it together, but at the same time, the long-term plan is that we’re going to have to leave.
Surely we can do this. Surely we can multitask and solve Climate Change, as well as developing space exploration technology, at the same time.
As a species, we’ve made Salt and Vinegar chips, Star Wars, football, pizza, manga, and the Periodic Table. Surely we can solve this. Surely we can have a short-term plan and a long-term plan. Why can’t we do both? There is no reason, no reason at all, why we can’t do this, for the fact to survive as a species, we have to do both.
But then, what do I know? I live in a house with two individuals that believe the height of intellectual entertainment are farts, and my wardrobe is filled with comic books. What do I know?
Anyway, thank you once again for reading, and I’ll see you next week.
1As a New Zealander, I feel like I’m betraying my country; but I extremely believe that nuclear fusion energy, is one of the best tools to fight against Climate Change.
2 The Sun is a star, so even if you’re outside during the day, you are still being bathed in starlight.
3 If you haven’t just realised, I have just described Kal-El’s origin.
SOME GEEK TOLD ME 
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