Welcome back to New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website! I’ve had my break, so Some Geek Told Me is ready for 2025, with more incoherent rants and poorly written topics. I was going to start with something a lot more positive, but my OCD got the better of me.

You see, a certain 78-year-old convicted felon held a press conference the other day and made some fascinating and entertaining statements that were, in the nicest way possible, incorrect.

Before I stumble my way through this blog post, I need to go over something with you. A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about TIME’S Person of the Year. When talking about a certain 78-year-old convicted felon, I said,

“Any attention that man gets is good attention, because it means people are talking about him, and that’s what he wants. And we have all given it to him, which is why he has dominated the news cycle.

By ignoring his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, we are condoning his behaviour; therefore, we are enabling him. By calling out his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, he can play the “I’m a billionaire victim because the false news and the deep state are out to get me” card; therefore, we are enabling him.

He’s like a male succubus, but instead of feeding and living off sexual energy and activity, he thrives on communication. The more people discuss him, the stronger he becomes. His ego feeds off the attention.”

Moving forward into 2025 and beyond, I’m going to talk about him, without talking about him. I’m going to do this by doing two things:

• If his behaviour is truly that terrible, I will name him. Otherwise, I will do my best to avoid naming him. Words have power, so I won’t give him any more attention than he needs or deserves, starting with his name.
• If I discuss his antics, I won’t repeat the lies or absurdities; instead, I will provide a counterpoint or the truth to his unfounded claims. For instance, if he were to say, “We’re going to cure people of being gay because it’s a disease,” or “Vaccines are immoral and illegal,” or “Sour Cream and Chives is the greatest flavour in the world,” I will not echo the falsehoods.
• Instead, I will explain that homosexuality is not a disease, vaccines are legal and one of humanity’s greatest inventions, and as for the last claim, I’ll make an emphatic argument in favour of Salt and Vinegar.

What I’m trying to say is that if he or anyone from the League of Losers makes a false statement or says something that’s utterly outrageous, I won’t repeat it here. Instead, I’ll counter with his kryptonite: facts and logic. Even if Mark Zuckerberg no longer agrees with it, I believe that #FactsMatter.

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So, without further delay, let’s establish the facts over six things the famous 78-year-old convicted felon boasted about at his recent press conference concerning the Western Hemisphere. Someone is in big trouble for showing him either a globe or an atlas.

1.) There is no scientific evidence of any type to suggest that wind turbines hurt or kill whales, let alone drive them crazy.

2.) There is no criminal evidence of any type to suggest that Hezbollah were involved in the United States Capitol attacks and riots on 6th January 2021.

3.) The Gulf of Mexico shares a border with Mexico, Cuba, and the United States. The gulf’s name first appeared on maps used by Spanish explorers from the 16th century. Apparently, there is a map that displays the name, Gulf of Mexico, from 1607.

No single individual can change the name of a body of water. Such a decision would need to be made by a recognised authority, like the International Hydrographic Organization. Even if the United States were to change the name from the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, countries like Mexico, Cuba, and others around the world would not be obligated to adopt the new name.

Millions, if not billions of dollars would be wasted in changing maps, websites, and books to alter the name, which only one country on the planet would use. And there’s no guarantee it would last because the next administration could just change it back.

4.) The Panama Canal, to everybody’s surprise, is located in Panama. It’s a shortcut that allows ships access to the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, through the use of locks. Construction started in 1904 and was only finished in 1914, at a cost of roughly, at the time, US$500 million.

The waterway stretches 82 km, and it is vital to shipping and trade around the world. Yes, it is true that the United States did build the canal in Panama, through negotiations for economic, geopolitical, and strategic reasons, among others.

It’s also true that the United States owned and administered the Panama Canal, which was a very lucrative operation for them. That changed in the 1970s when President Jimmy Carter transferred the administration to a joint agency of the United States and Panama. Panama gained full control of the canal in 1999. 

It’s been recently criticised that Carter was wrong and stupid for giving up control of the Panama Canal for nothing, but there were valid reasons for this.

• Carter wanted to show the countries of Central and South America, that the United States was their friend and ally, not a bully. Basically, it was because of peaceful diplomacy.

• The 1956 Suez Canal crisis, reinforced the notion that the world’s waterways should be neutral and for everybody; even communist countries like the Soviet Union and China, to prevent them from constructing their own canals.

• The cost of keeping and maintaining the Panama Canal, especially since the introduction of nuclear silos, instead of deploying warships with nuclear weapons, meant that administering the canal outweighed the benefits.

The Panama Canal is owned by the Government of Panama, and operated by the Panama Canal Authority, not the Chinese Government. The United States has no legal right to annex the Panama Canal.

5.) Canada is the United States’ northern neighbour and shares the world’s longest international land border with them. Canada is made up of 10 provinces and 3 territories and has a population of about 40 million people. The country’s head of government is the Prime Minister, currently Justin Trudeau, but not for long; while the Governor General is Mary Simon, and the Monarch is King Charles III.

Although Canada and the United States are distinct independent sovereign countries, they share significant cultural and historical ties, as well as being crucial trading partners, allies, and friends. Both countries must address the harm done to Indigenous and First Nations peoples, but their relationships with the United Kingdom have varied. This has led the two countries into conflict with each other.

Having said that, the Dominion of Canada is not the United States of America, and the United States of America is not the Dominion of Canada. The United States has no legal right to annex Canada.

Canada is also a member of NATO, which means if the United States, a member of NATO itself, invades or attacks Canada, Canada could invoke Article 5 of the NATO charter, so all of the other charter NATO members will come to the defence of Canada, against the United States.

6.) Greenland is the world’s largest island at 2,166,086 km2 and has a population of 55,000 people. Greenland is physically and geographically closer to North America, but it is economically and politically tied to Europe, Denmark in particular.

Greenland is an autonomous territory of Denmark, but it has an interesting history because people have lived in Greenland for at least 4,500 years. However, in the context of the Greenland/Denmark debate, the following history is this:

• In 1721, the first Danish settlement was established in Greenland.
• In 1814, the Treaty of Kiel (Unification with Denmark) brought Greenland formally under Danish control.
• In 1940, Nazi Germany invaded and occupied Denmark, cutting links to Greenland. The United States steps in and administers the island.
• In 1945, after Nazi Germany’s surrender, Denmark is given control back over Greenland, but the United States kept a base of operations there.
• In 1949, Denmark joined NATO.
• In 1953, having integrated with Denmark and representation in the Danish parliament, the citizens of Greenland were also citizens of Denmark.
• From 1979-2008, Greenland attains home rule and greater autonomy.

Simply put, Greenland has autonomy, but it has limits and restrictions, as it’s still formally under Danish control. There has been a push for greater autonomy for Greenland, in the form of independence, over the last decade.

Having said that, the United States has no legal right to annex Greenland, and just like Canada, if it did, Denmark could invoke Article 5 of the NATO charter, so all other charter NATO members would come to the defence of Denmark, against the United States.

Now why this 78-year-old convicted felon said those inaccurate statements, could be boiled down to five things:

a.) He made up some of those things on the spot to sound powerful and important, forgot what he said, read about what he said, and then talked about what great ideas they were, so he’ll take the advice and follow them through.

b.) He knows how to gaslight and scare people and the media, so he has no intention to follow through with any of them. He’s saying it because he can, just for shits and giggles since there is no such thing as bad attention for him. He loves and craves the drama.

c.) He’s serious about some of them, and less so about the others, but it’s the media’s job to figure out which ones are which.

d.) He’s honestly going to invade Canada, annex Greenland and the Panama Canal, and rename the Gulf of Mexico.

e.) The whole thing is a distraction, to stop people from realising that his campaign promises will go unfulfilled, like ending the war in Palestine and Ukraine quickly, decreasing the cost of groceries and fuel, and increasing employment.

As for the correct answer, take your pick, because maybe he doesn’t even know. Anyway, buckle up because the next four years will be chaos.

That’s another rant for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please be generous and donate to the aid and refugee funds for the conflicts in Sudan, Palestine, and Ukraine, as well as for the emergency responses in Tibet and California.

Look after yourself and I’ll see you next week, because nobody’s favourite Tour of the Solar System is back!

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