Month: November 2024

Culture wars: Coming to a town near you

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents, People, Politics, Social Media

I want to talk about culture wars today. Why? Well, it’s easy, because as popular, hilarious and crazy as they are, they seem to be spreading everywhere faster than The Flash’s diarrhoea.

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

And in their country they had a culture war, E-I-E-I-O!

With a culture war here, and a culture there,

There a culture war, here a culture war,

Everywhere a culture war,

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

Culture wars have been making headlines for a few years, around different places on our beautiful planet. Even here, in Godzone, sadly.

Before I venture into my lecture, let’s take the time to define what a culture war is, because just like Christmas or Salt and Vinegar chips, it can mean different things to different people. However, for today, we are going to define a culture war as:

1.) A conflict that is usually between two different social groups, that disagree about a particular subject that involves challenging ideas, virtues, or beliefs, that are political, social, or religious.

2.) It’s not really a war, but rather a battle of words, backed up with protests and other expressions of free speech.

I’m not an expert on this because if I were, I would have much more fun with it! Maybe in the last 10-15 years, culture wars have slowly invaded our lexicon, like cuckoos laying their eggs in another bird’s nest.

They have infected our homes, schools, workplaces, supermarkets, and even the highest levels of government. I mean, our glorious 79-year-old Deputy Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Winston Peters, loves discussing how he works against the “secret woke agenda.”

The culture wars of today involve debates about areas like politics, religion, society, and entertainment, but also views concerning prejudice, racism, sexism, and bigotry are getting tossed around like a hot potato. Sadly, even science has been dragged into these ridiculous discussions because of conspiracy theories.

There is also a case to be made that culture wars are just a different form of class war. Food for thought? Preferably pizza, thanks.

Image by Javier Robles from Pixabay

So, what are some examples of culture wars? Great question; you’re good at that! I’m looking at this through the lens of a New Zealander, but I think some culture wars are global. Here are some of them, but not all of them; but they emphasise the “us vs them” mentality, depending on what side of the fence you sit down or land on. These examples get people angry and passionate, whether you are for or against them.

Do any of these culture wars seem familiar to you?

  • Having bilingual names for government departments, along with street and road signs.
  • Promoting an indigenous or native language.
  • Drag story time at libraries.
  • Painting rainbows over pedestrian crossings.
  • Pushing a “woke” agenda, or just being “woke”.
  • Hakas should only be performed on a sports field, marae, or on a stage, and nowhere else.
  • Being pro-Israeli means you’re anti-Islamic.
  • Being pro-Palestinian means you’re Anti-Semitic.
  • Embryos should have the same rights as humans; so IVF and abortion are murder.
  • Immigrants are the root cause of our country’s problems.
  • Governments promote smoking to generate revenue.
  • If someone can’t speak the official language of the country they live in, they should leave.
  • Islam is evil.
  • Pronouns are a source of conflict.
  • Urban policies vs rural policies.
  • Annexing or invading another sovereign country is fine and legal, if, to you, that country is not legitimate.
  • Vaccines and face masks don’t work.
  • The Earth is Flat.
  • Climate change is a hoax and not real.
  • Indigenous people should not be given a representative voice in government, nor have any extra or special rights.
  • Burqas, hijabs and turbans should be banned in Western countries.
  • The Great White Replacement Theory.
  • The gender you were assigned at birth should determine the gender related to the public and school toilets or changing rooms you use. This applies to both children and adults.
  • Members of the LGBTQIA+ should not be able to marry each other, along with not being able to adopt or work with children.
  • You’re a Nazi or fascist if you believe in right-wing politics or conservative policies.
  • You’re a communist or socialist if you believe in left-wing politics or progressive policies.
  • People should be allowed to peacefully protest, but only for the values and beliefs you agree with.
  • Politicians who are multi-millionaires but show conflict of interests.
  • Is hate speech a form of free speech?
  • Critical Race Theory.
  • Black Lives Matter.
  • Defending a country’s right to protect itself, means they need to break international law to do so.
  • Wars in another countries are not relevant to my country, because we don’t look like them, therefore, they are not our concern. Eg Sudan and Myanmar.
  • Punishments for breaking anti-homosexual laws.
  • MeToo movement.
  • Major tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, landlords, and large corporations.
  • Depending on the country you live in, having great access to firearms.
  • Whitewashing history.
  • There are only two genders.
  • Suppressing some people’s right to vote is important because they might not vote for your party.
  • The vandalism and removal of statues of historical figures linked to racism, slavery, colonisation, murder, sexism, or genocide.
  • The increasing amount of book banning, challenging, and censorship, across school and public libraries.
  • Any person born a male, should not be able to participate in any female sports; regardless of age or level of transition.
  • Males should not be able to work in a female-dominated industry.
  • Females should not be able to work in a male-dominated industry.
  • Criticising another country because they have a theocracy government, but actively promoting and advocating for your own country to be one as well.
  • Totalitarianism, authoritarianism, and dictatorships are effective because they can weed out the undesirables.

And the list could go on and on.

Given the rise of culture wars worldwide, I’d like to offer some reasons why and how this has happened, or maybe I’m just talking out of my arse. Again, I’m coming at this from a New Zealand perspective, but also observations worldwide, so some culture wars could be known or relevant to you.

1.) The name “culture war” is relevantly new, but the concept and notion of it are not. At a best estimate, some culture wars started over 150 years ago. The concept is not new, just the name.

2.) With elections, whether they are at local or national levels, always seem to bring out an increased amount of warriors, fighting in their particular culture war. I feel this is done to target minorities, or fringe communities, and highlight how dangerous they could be because they are different and not mainstream.

The result is that people are encouraged to become passionate and empowered about these ideas, instead of focussing on larger and more important subjects like crime and unemployment rates, or the state of the economy.

It’s a form of distraction; it’s all smoke and mirrors. You can’t vote for/against or understand an important policy if politicians only even talk about trivial things that don’t matter.

“Don’t worry about the tobacco lobbyists having meetings with government ministers, you should worry about the man dressed as a woman, reading books to children at the library.”

3.) Using social media, conspiracy theories and misinformation makes it harder for people to differentiate fact from fiction, truth from lies, and understanding from bigotry.

“I read it on the internet, so it must be true.”

“I saw a news report about it, this is serious!”

“I agree with the TV host, they need to be stopped. We need to think of the children.”

Sound familiar? It’s easier to believe in a beautiful lie, than to accept the awful truth; especially if someone you trust is saying exactly what you’re thinking.

Judging people is easier than helping people, isn’t it?

4.) I think culture wars can bring out the best and worst of humanity, which causes more division within our communities; especially with gaslighting. Oh, gaslighting, where would the righteous few be without gaslighting? Not living in the White House I would imagine.

How many arguments have you had with your father over public protests? Or your mother over immigrants? Or your co-workers about vaccines, or drag story time with your siblings?

If culture wars keep getting pushed onto us by politicians, religious leaders, celebrities, and billionaires, then who wins? The conservatives? The progressives? I’ll tell you this for nothing, I may not be able to tell you who wins, but I can tell you who loses, and that us. You, me, the vulnerable, the prosecuted, the poor, and the oppressed.

I think some culture wars need to be explored, debated and argued. It helps you to draw a line in the sand, so you can understand and define your own morality, but also to understand where your neighbour, friend, child, parent, or spouse’s ideas are coming from. Some things need to be discussed.

Some culture wars, on the other hand, don’t need to be discussed, because it’s about common sense, or the lack of it. I mean, you’re not going to win an argument with a person who has the IQ of a carrot, are you? In these cases, I feel it’s better to smile and ignore them, so let them live their best life by being stupid. Let them do them, so you can do you.

The problem is identifying the real culture wars from the batshit crazy ones; which I’ll admit, I’m still learning how to do.

Did I miss any culture wars? What culture wars are you invested in? As always, please let me know.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and I’ll see you next week.

Also, if you happen to see Vladimir Putin or Benjamin Netanyahu cruising around in a country other than Russia or Israel, please do me a favour, and tell the ICC and your government. That would make my year.

Tour of the Solar System: The Moons of Uranus

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Science

The world seems a little dark and bleak at the moment, so what better time for Some Geek Told Me’s Tour of the Solar System to return! That and I believe it’s well overdue. So it’s back, the tour nobody in the history of this planet has asked for is back for another month.

If you’re one of these unlucky people who have missed the tour stops, fear not because here is the list of the previous stops.

1.) Meet the Family

2.) The Sun

3.) Planets vs. Dwarf planets

4.) Mercury

5.) Venus

6.) Earth

7.) The Moon

8.) Mars

9.) The Asteroid Belt

10.) Ceres

11.) Jupiter

12.) The Galilean moons

13.) Saturn

14.) Titan

15.) The Moons of Saturn

16.) Uranus

17.) Titania

Our last amazing tour stop was at Uranus’ largest moon, Titania. This means we’re moving on from discussing the Jake Paul and Mike Tyson fight, and on to the other moons of Uranus. Not all of them, of course, but some of them.

A near-infrared image of the six largest moons and eight inner moons of Uranus as captured by the James Webb Space Telescope on 4 September 2023. Credit: NASA’s James Webb Telescope and team

Even though Uranus’ bigger siblings, Jupiter and Saturn, can get a lot of attention from space enthusiasts, Uranus can still bring them to the yard. Uranus has 28 confirmed moons, which is more than the moons of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, and even Pluto combined. That’s impressive.1

As I mentioned in my excellent blog post about Uranus, the names of its moons are not derived from Roman or Greek mythology like other moons in our solar system, but rather characters from the works of William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope. I’ve always thought this was literary genius. You would not find that information on any Flat Earth social media account, I promise you.

Since we met Titania last time, I will only discuss the next five largest moons, purely because I’m old, hungry, and tired. Plus the All Blacks won five games, then lost one, so I’m wallowing in self-doubt.

So, let’s do this!

Oberon:

Oberon is named after King Oberon, the king of the fairies, from Shakespeare’s rom-com, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Oberon has a diameter of 1,522 km, making it the second-largest moon of Uranus, after Titania. Oberon is the farthest of Uranus’ five major moons, at an average distance of 584,000 km.

It was discovered by William Herschel in 1787; the same William Herschel who discovered Uranus in 1781. Like several other moons in the solar system, Oberon resembles our Moon, because of its colour and crater-covered surface.

And just because I think it’s cool, some of Oberon’s surface features bear names like Antony, Caesar, Coriolanus, Falstaff, Hamlet, Lear, Macbeth, Othello, and Romeo; which are named after famous Shakespearian characters.

Processed using green, violet, and unfiltered images of Oberon (moon of Uranus) taken by Voyager 2 on January 24 1986. Original data is taken from NASA/JPL-Caltech.

Umbriel:

Umbriel was discovered by William Lassell in 1851. By the way, please remember Lassell’s name, because he is going to pop up again. Umbriel has a diameter of 1,169 km, making it the third-largest moon of Uranus. Its name is taken from a character in the 1712 poem, The Rape of the Lock, by Alexander Pope.

Umbriel orbits Uranus at about 266,000 km, which makes it the third farthest from the planet among its five major moons. Umbriel is covered with craters and canyons, but what makes it odd is the fact that the surface does not reflect a lot of light, which is less than half as much light as Ariel, another of Uranus’ moons of similar size. This works out to be only 16% of the light that strikes its surface is reflected.

According to spectrograph data, scientists believe that about 40% of Umbriel’s mass is a dense non-ice component, along with water ice and carbon dioxide on the surface. Umbriel is a moon that scientists would love to research more.

The southern hemisphere of Umbriel displays heavy cratering in this Voyager 2 image, taken Jan. 24, 1986, from a distance of 557,000 kilometers (346,000 miles).
Credit: NASA/JPL

Ariel:

And speaking of Ariel, this moon is crazy. It’s the fourth-largest moon of Uranus, with a diameter of about 1,157 km. It was discovered in 1781, by Lassell again, on the same day of his Umbriel discovery. As for the name, Ariel was named after two characters, from the aforementioned The Rape of the Lock, but also The Tempest, by Shakespeare.

Out of the five major moons of Uranus, Ariel is the second closest to the planet, with an orbiting distance of about 190,000 km. Unlike Umbriel, Ariel is the most reflective moon of Uranus, and it’s believed that Ariel’s surface is the youngest of Uranus’ moons, making it the brightest.

Ariel is tidally locked with Uranus, meaning it rotates synchronously with its orbit, so it keeps the same face toward the planet; just like our Moon does to Earth. This process has meant that given its distance from the Sun, Ariel experiences extreme seasonal cycles of permanent day or night, that last 42 years. And if you cast your mind back to my post about Uranus, you’ll remember that this crazy-ass event occurs on Uranus as well.

Ariel in greyscale as imaged by Voyager 2 in 1986. Processed by Kevin M. Gill, taken from data by NASA/JPL-Caltech

Miranda:

Before you ask, no, Uranus does not have any more moons with names of characters from Sex in the City. Fans of Carrie, Charlotte, and Samantha will survive, unlike Mr. Big. Ouch. The real origin of the name comes from Prospero’s daughter, Miranda, from The Tempest, by every English teacher’s favourite cult hero, William Shakespeare.

Miranda is the fifth-largest of Uranus’ moons, but also the smallest and innermost of the moons. Relatively speaking, Miranda was discovered quite recently in 1948, by Gerard Kuiper. It had the designation of Uranus V before it was given the name, Miranda.

This moon is only 470 km in diameter, which is one-seventh the size of our Moon. Miranda’s total surface area is about equal to that of the U.S. state of Texas. Miranda is tidally locked, just like Ariel, as well as sharing the extreme seasonal cycles.

Miranda’s surface is a collection of valleys, grooves, fault scarps, and cratered highlands, but it also has terrain that could be less than 100 million years old. This suggests that the moon may still be geologically active.

Uranus’ icy moon Miranda, captured by NASA’s Voyager 2 spacecraft on Jan. 24, 1986. Credit: NASA/Jet Propulsion Laboratory-Caltech

Puck:

Our last stop for today is at Puck. Not named after Wolverine’s friend in Alpha Flight, but rather the spite in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, written by…and all together now, William Shakespeare! 10 points to Hufflepuff. Hufflepuff represent!

Puck is the sixth-largest of Uranus’ moons, but only has a diameter of 162 km. This strange moon was discovered by images taken by the Voyager 2 spacecraft, and Stephen P. Synnott, an astronomer and Voyager scientist at JPL, in 1985.

Puck’s orbit sits between the rings of Uranus and Miranda, the first of the planet’s large moons. It orbits Uranus in less than one Earth day and has a dark, heavily cratered surface with spectral signs of water ice. 

One extra interesting thing about Puck is that the moon has three craters named Bogle, Butz, and Lob, which are named after misbehaving spirits from Scottish, German, and British folklore and legends.

 Image taken from Voyager 2/NASA on 24 January 1986 of the Uranian moon Puck.

There are 22 other moons to discuss, but alas, my hourly rate of $0.00 has come to an end today. What’s your favourite moon of Uranus? As always, please let me know.

Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m still on Twitter and Mastodon, trying to bore people with useless facts.

Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, watch out for Lauren Boebert’s underwater alien bases and hybrids, and I’ll see you next week.

1 Yes, it’s true that Mercury and Venus do not have any moons, but what I said still counts.




So what happens next with the Red Elephant?

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Politics2 Comments

So…did anything interesting happen during the week? Well, the All Blacks defeated Ireland 23-13 in Dublin, the Wellington Phoenix smashed Central Coast Mariners 3-0, Ireland’s parliament passed a motion declaring that Israel is committing genocide in Gaza, and Heretic was released.

Oh, I forgot. Everybody’s favourite ex-McDonalds worker and star of Home Alone 2 was elected President of the United States of America. Again. The way I understand it, the Republican Party will control the White House and the US Senate in 2025, and is currently very close to taking control of the US House of Representatives as well.

I heard that during the election, someone had posted that waiting for the election results was like the country was waiting on the results of an STI test. It doesn’t matter now though, because they have hooked up their with ex for another four years.

The pointless aim of this blog post is not to analyse and reflect on Donald Trump’s victory or Kamala Harris’ defeat. It’s not about explaining the rejection of the Democrats’ policies from the majority of the United States, or the new embrace of the MAGA movement. If you want that, there are already hundreds of articles, opinion pieces, and panels discussing those issues.

Compared to those professionals, I’m a nobody, with a rugby obsession and a Sour Cream and Chives-hating disorder.

Image by Larisa from Pixabay

.The point is that it happened, and we need to accept these awkward and brutal truths:

  • Donald Trump won the election and will become the 47th President of the United States of America, and the potential leader of the free world.
  • The Republican Party will control the Senate, and with all likelihood, the House as well.
  • Elon Musk, the richest person on the planet, will probably be involved in Trump’s administration, in some capacity.

For some people, this is great news, it’s what they wanted. For others, it’s not. They are working their way through the five stages of grief, and sadly, it can’t be stopped. You need to understand that nothing you do or say, can alter these facts. It’s inevitable as the Joker escaping from Arkham Asylum, or as Appa saving Team Avatar.

I’m sure any Vulcan would agree with me on this, but I find it fascinating that the Republican Party, which is all about personal freedoms and keeping the government out of people’s personal lives, will be the party that will be stripping and removing freedoms from people, because of this election result.

You can yell and scream at the insanity of it all, but this is democracy at work. I should know, because we elected Trump Lite, in the form of Prime Minister Luxon last year. Seriously, I get it. New Zealand is already fighting culture wars that the United States had started, which our government is actively promoting and fuelling.

No, the point of this blog post is to lament about what happens next, because my geeky arse is worried.

Before I go on, I feel I need to bring up a very important question:

I’m not a US citizen, so why should I care about what happens?

It’s easy because there are two answers. The first is that, and I’ve said this before, the United States exports ideas, whether they are positive and constructive or negative and destructive.

Secondly, I’m a member of the Homo sapiens species, so I care. Even though I’m at the bottom of the South Pacific, their decisions are going to affect me and my family, but also millions of families around the planet.

I’m not an expert on US politics, Project 2025, or culture wars, because if I was, I would be a lot smarter and have a cooler job. However, as I understand it, and I could be wrong here, if Republicans and conservatives control the White House, the Senate, and the House, along with the majority of Governors and members of the Supreme Court, it seems to me that Trump will be unrestrained when he is unleased upon the country and the world, with no adult supervision, because it’s all been removed.

I worry about the damage Trump and the Republicans are going to do to the United States and the world, regardless of the amount of support they have. My concerns are and not limited to:

United States of America:

  • The deportation of millions of people will cripple families, the immigration and justice systems, and the economy.
  • The cost of new tariffs will be passed onto the public.
  • The unlawful prosecution of political opponents and rivals.
  • The rise of science scepticism and the fall of science literacy.
  • The Supreme Court has given Trump the green light to do whatever he wants as President.
  • Reporters and journalists will be arrested for writing and publishing real facts or anti-government information.
  • Far-right and hate groups like Neo-Nazis, the Ku Klux Klan, and Proud Boys will be empowered.
  • Hate crimes towards the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, non-whites, Muslims, and Jews will only increase.
  • The unemployment rate will increase.
  • New local, state, and federal laws will target minorities.
  • Book banning and censorship will continue to increase.
  • Average American temperatures will only increase.
  • Gay and lesbian marriages could be banned.
  • Violent conservatives and MAGA supporters could be immune from prosecution, or pardoned.
  • Sexist, racist and bigoted views will become more mainstream and acceptable.
  • Unqualified and unsuited people will be placed in government departments.
  • Government oversight will decrease, as will government corruption increase.
  • US history could be reinterpreted to reflect a more conservative perspective.
  • Legal and illegal immigrants will be deemed eternal pariahs, as they will be promoted as the root cause of the country’s problems.
  • More pro-gun legislation will be passed, along with school and town shootings increasing.
  • More anti-birth control and anti-abortion legislation will be passed.
  • Suicide rates among youth will increase, while funding for support and outreach groups will decrease.
  • More tax cuts to the elite and mega-wealthy.
  • IVF treatment will be banned at the state and federal levels.
  • Government agencies will be given more power to micro-manage people’s lives.
  • Voter suppression will continue across the country.
  • The levels of misinformation and disinformation will blanket the country.
  • People will be encouraged to be loyal to Trump and the party and not the country.
  • All forms of gender affirmation will be heavily under threat if not completely banned.
  • The US Constitution will be amended to reflect a more conservative perspective.
  • The rise of evangelical Christianity, by treating Trump as the Lord’s one true voice in America.
  • The demonisation of followers of Islam, Judaism, and other non-Christian religions will increase.
  • Vaccines for childhood illnesses like polio and measles will be discouraged.
  • Production and use of fossil fuels will increase, while green and renewal energy funding will be slashed.
  • Emergency funding and relief aid for disaster victims will only be administered to counties and states, that voted for the federal government.
  • The military will start a new nuclear arms race.
  • More civil rights will be removed, to promote the “us vs them” mentality.
  • Equality and diversity will be seen as un-American.

The World:

  • The United States will leave NATO.
  • The United States will withdraw from any international treaty or contract, about reducing greenhouse gas emissions.
  • The United States will reduce funding to the United Nations.
  • American weapons exports will increase to authoritarian countries and governments.
  • Aid, resources and money sent to Ukraine will be cut, allowing Russia to annex and eventually conquer Ukraine.
  • Weapons sales to Israel will increase, ensuring Gaza and the West Bank will be annexed, along with the Palestinian people being annihilated.
  • Immigration rates around the world will be reduced.
  • The prosecution of the LGBTQIA+ community will increase worldwide.
  • American airstrikes against poor and vulnerable communities and countries will increase.
  • The United States will reduce international aid to developing and third-world countries.
  • The United States will leave WHO.
  • The International Court of Justice may not be recognised by the United States.
  • Stock markets and international currencies are going to jump around.
  • International trade deals will heavily favour the United States.
  • Tensions between the United States, North Korea, China, and Iran will only increase.

There’s plenty more I could list in these two groups, but I want to discuss something positive with you before I go.

Like I said before, Trump’s return to the White House could be a wet dream for millions of people around the world, but for others, it’s a nightmare. This can look and sound quite bleak, and to be honest, it’ll probably get a lot worse before it ever gets better.

But this is the point; you’re not alone. The fear and anxiety that you’re feeling, is shared with millions of people across the United States and around the world. You’re really not alone, I promise you.

When Trump takes the Oath of Office as the 47th President, the Earth will continue to rotate, the Moon will keep travelling around the Earth, and the Earth will keep orbiting the Sun. The universe will continue to function, regardless of whether a convicted felony is governing a country or not. The universe won’t care, and that’s ok.

But do you know what is ok? Your ability to feel hope and anger. Hope gets us out of bed in the morning. Hope allows us to love our families and accept love ourselves. Hope can transform us, and empower us to become better people.

But your anger…your anger is a gift. Your anger can move mountains and change the world. Anger allows you to see the lines in the sand that companies and governments cross. Whether it’s at your local level, national, or international, your anger is a gift that you can use to bring about positive change and social reforms. Depending on where you live, the next four years are going to be tough; some more than others.

Get angry at the problems facing your region, country and the world. Get angry at the corruption and injustices, because they’ve been here for some time, and there’s more to come. Talk to your mayor, your council, your local politician and religious leaders, and get them to act.

Don’t sit down and dismiss problems because they’re not your concern or they’re too massive; you need to fight. Non-violent civil disobedience to be precise. I mean, ask the British Empire or Mahatma Gandhi if that works.

The world can’t fix itself, so use your rage and anger to help. You’re not alone, I promise.

Just one more thing to remember is that any law is temporary. It’s not forever, because governments rise and fall, and depending on who is holding the pen, they get to write the laws or rewrite them. Oppressive policies and laws are not forever, they are just temporary. And we win, by surviving and demanding better from all of our leaders.

Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, wear socks to bed, and I’ll see you next week because the worst tour in the Solar System is back! Take care and look after yourselves.

The Hellboy: The Crooked Man Comparison

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Comics, Movies

Welcome back to New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website! A case could be made for the 4th or the 6th; though it depends on a certain point of view. Thanks, Obi-Wan.

I realise not every person on the planet gives a damn about elections, least of all elections in another country. Because of that amazing observation, and to take my little mind off it, I’ve decided to create an original blog post. Something similar, but different. Like Pepsi and Pepsi Max, Rugby Union and Rugby League, Salt and Vinegar chips and Sour Cream…wait. That last example is completely wrong.

I’ve stumbled through previews and reviews before, but I have never compared mediums when it comes to an adaption. Whether this is a smart idea or not, I’ll let my Chief Consultant of Bad Ideas be the judge of that.

As loyal and attentive readers know, I’m a fan of the Right Hand of Doom, otherwise known as Big Red, Anung Un Rama, and of course, Hellboy. I’ve been wasting money reading and collecting Hellboy comics for decades. Remember, I’m a geek, so it’s in the name. I even have a Right Hand of Doom money bank. It has no coins in it, but it still looks cool.

This means I have also seen Hellboy’s three live-action movies, along with the two lesser-known animated films. Like I said before, I’m a geek.

I’ve just seen Hellboy: The Crooked Man at my local cinema. Now I know it’s had a limited release around the world, and especially across New Zealand. It’s so limited that my local cinema only had one screening of it: 7.45 pm on Halloween. When I discovered that the screening was going to be rarer than seeing Donald Trump’s tax records, I knew I had to go.

Only three people were in the theatre for it, myself included, which was both a positive and negative experience.

Before we begin, this intellectual entertainment offering will not be reviewing the film as such like previous reviews, but rather comparing the source material to the adaption. This is new for me as well, and just like many things in life, we will have to see whether it’s a stupid idea or not.

I will add my thoughts about the future of the movie franchise at the bottom if I can remember.

Credit: Mike Mignola & Richard Corden/Dark Horse Comics-Millennium Media/Dark Horse Entertainment

Clear as mud? Great, let’s establish the mediums first. In 2008, Dark Horse Comics released Hellboy: The Crooked Man #1-3, which was a limited series, running from July to September. Mike Mignola, Hellboy’s creator, was the writer, with Richard Corben supplying the art.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man was released on the 8th of October 2024 in the United States, written by Christopher Golden, Mike Mignola, and Brian Taylor; with Taylor serving as the director. It was released by Millennium Media and Dark Horse Entertainment.

Right off the bat, I think the movie is a faithful adaptation of the comics, regardless of what you think of the movie itself. Having said that, there are always subtle and creative changes when translating a story into another medium. Always has been and always will be.

At least to me, the comics and the movie differ in three different ways. Firstly, is the opening for the comic, where you have Hellboy wandering about the Appalachian Mountains alone, when he meets Tom Ferrell after Hellboy had finished with some stuff down South, as explained.

As for the movie, Hellboy is travelling on a train with BPRD agent Bobbie Jo Song, and another government agent. They were transporting some type of supernatural evil spider, so of course the spider broke loose, the train carriage derailed, and Hellboy and Song ended up in the Appalachian Mountains.

The second major difference was true fanboy service. During the movie, Hellboy receives a vision of a witch on fire, alongside a giant raven, who is a devil. Hellboy sees her later on and interacts with her. It turns out the witch is his mother, Sarah Hughes, and the devil is his father, Azzael. The vision, which is like a flashback, retells Sarah’s descent into Hell to be with her lover, Azzael, who turns directly to Hellboy and speaks to him.

In the comics, a similar scene unfolds where Hellboy falls asleep in the church where he first appeared in 1944. During his dream, he sees a witch repenting, however, a giant devil comes to claim her and her unborn child, addressing Hellboy and referring to him as, “…my favourite son.”

The difference here is that this scene did not happen in Hellboy: The Crooked Man limited series, but rather in Dark Horse Presents 1000 #2 (1995). It gives a great origin for the character, but it happened in a different comic.

The third major difference is the confrontation between Tom and Hellboy against The Crooked Man (Jeremiah Witkins) in his mansion. In the comics, Witkins was already injured and weakened from the church fight, so when Tom and Hellboy arrived at his mansion, he had reverted to his true form, which was a demonic crab-type creature. Tom throws his witchbone; which was the source of the shenanigans to start with, at Witkins, who vanishes back to Hell.

The movie is different, because why would I be talking about this if it wasn’t? The movie features Tom and Hellboy arriving at the mansion, with Song and Reverend Watts running about in the coal mines underneath.

Song and Watts’ mission was added to the movie, along with the extended goal of locating and destroying Witkins in the mansion. The comic displayed it as a straightforward operation, whereas the movie presented it as a final boss battle. It seemed Witkins was a lot more powerful in the movie than in the comics, but you need to make the villain a real threat to the heroes, so I get it.

Like I said, I think the movie is a fairly accurate and faithful adaption of the comics, so I was impressed with that. Considering Mignola was a co-writer of the script, you would expect it to be.

Now remember, that this blog post was comparing the comics and the movie, and not reviewing the movie itself. For that, you should seek out a real professional journalist, and not amateur hour with Some Geek Told Me.

However, and here it comes, I’ll say this. The movie is different from the three previous entries, mainly for two reasons. The first is that the film’s budget was only $20 million, compared to Hellboy‘s (2004) $60–66 million, Hellboy II: The Golden Army‘s $82.5–85 million, and Hellboy‘s (2019) $50 million. If you have less money to work with than previous films, the sets, CGI, actors, and practical effects will look and sound different.

The other random thing to consider is that the three previous movies in the Hellboy series have all centred on Hellboy saving the world, from the likes of Grigori Rasputin and the Ogdru Jahad, Prince Nuada and the Golden Army, and of course, Nimue the Blood Queen and her minions.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man gave us a version of Hellboy, who was not fighting to save the world, but rather centred on fighting to save one person, Tom Ferrell. If you’re a fan of the Hellboy movies, then this movie appears to be lacking by not turning the stakes up high, like trying to save the world.

But I would argue that this Hellboy presents a more honest version of the character, because he’s the world’s greatest paranormal investigator. This means he runs into ghouls, demons, ghosts, devils, monsters, vampires, witches, and everything else.

Not all of his missions require the world to be saved; it’s personal, like trying to save a person, a family, or a town. Comic book fans would back me on this, I’m sure! Maybe, if I say pretty please?

Also, if this is the future of Hellboy movies, I’m ok with that. I would rather see a live-action version of Hellboy like this or a live-action TV show, than no Hellboy at all.

Have you read Hellboy: The Crooked Man or seen the movie? How did they compare? As always, please let me know your thoughts.

So that’s another rant finished for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. And I’m going to repeat this for a third week in a row, but please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote for Kamala Harris.

I want to see Donald Trump complain and whine about how his life is so unfair. Please, America, kick that man to the curb. For the world’s sake, please vote for Kamala Harris.

Take care and I’ll see you next week.