Lockdown, lockdown, lockdown. I think this second national lockdown is bringing out some interesting behaviour in people; though it’s not limited to humans. I’ll do my best to explain, but since I’m on lockdown time, things will get done, when they get done.

I love that during lockdown, the highlight of your day, could be a solo trip to the supermarket. Whether it’s for some small or large items, you mask up and off you go. It’s so satisfying and so sad at the same time, though. It’s a strange feeling being the designated shopper, because to me, it’s like you’re being rewarded and punished altogether.

The days are starting to merge into each together, so the only way to identify any of them, is to mark Wednesday on the calendar, which is bin day. The arrival of the rubbish and recycling trucks has fast become a weekly highlight to our household, as well as other homes.

Beady eyed children can be seen peering through their windows, staring at the trucks; along with their parents. Previously, the arrival of the trucks would have escaped the attention of a lot of parents, but now they are just as excited to witness the trucks appear, as their children.

Speaking of windows, I have tried very hard to raise my kids to not judge people by their appearance. Whether it’s by their gender, religion, race, you name it, we have discussed it. That policy is in the bin, thanks to lockdown.

We all eat lunch by the front window now, passing the time and some type of judgment on anything or anyone we see now. It could be their shoes, car, hair, jacket or even a dog; the family that judges together, stays together. This is our new form of entertainment.

I’ve also noticed a few odd things during lockdown in my house. One is that my house has slowly turned into a museum of Lego and Duplo projects. There are space shuttles, space probes and starships in the hallway; fire engines and police cars under the table; a train outside the bathroom; a construction site in the boys’ room; a submarine and a dump truck in the kitchen; and for some unknown reason, there is a postie that is sitting on a flying pizza delivery motorcycle, on my bedside cabinet.

Apparently UMC1 and UMC2 are not claiming ownership of these vehicles, but I am not allowed to move them, in case the owner or owners came back. Seriously, these projects are driving me crazy, because I feel like I’m Godzilla that has to walk carefully through a city, so I don’t destroy anything.

Another problem is that the couch in the lounge keeps exploding every 15 minutes, but luckily it’s only the cushions that end up on the floor, and nobody has been injured yet. In a totally unrelated matter, UMC1 and UMC2 have informed me that the floor in the lounge has sadly turned into lava. I had no idea my house was a prime location for convection, since the house was so obviously been built over a hot spot.

How do you judge success? During this lockdown, it’s just making everybody get out of their pyjamas before 11am; the beds get actually made; everybody gets fed; teeth get brushed; nobody gets divorced; and the dog gets a walk. The bar is set very low indeed.

ZOOM calls can be a bit dicey at the moment. I feel conflicted about having ZOOM meetings and calls, while sometimes wearing pyjama pants. Also, have you ever tried to take a ZOOM meeting or a call, with two children under 7 years old in the house?

It takes a lot of self control, not to bury my head in my hands during a ZOOM session, when my youngest son enters into the room to proclaim that he has removed his underwear, because he is now a rocket sensor, and rocket sensors don’t wear underwear.

He then flings his undies at me, to stress how serious he is about not wearing underwear. I have no idea about what exactly is a rocket sensor; but we have introduced a new rule in the house: Even rocket sensors have to wear underwear.

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New Zealand society is also starting to change and an example of this are the cats. Yes, you heard me correctly, the cats. I live in a cul-de-sac that does not get a huge amount of traffic. Because of this, the cats in the neighbourhood tend to wander about, wherever they want…because they’re cats.

The thing is, since we have gone into lockdown, the cat population has become seriously more assertive. Instead of a cat visiting our property once every three days, we are getting three-four cats, every single day. Our dog is enjoying chasing them away, though to be fair, during lockdown he is unofficially off duty.

The cats are now sitting on the footpath and the road like they have claimed everything. Some of them stretch out and to go sleep. They are everywhere. If you were walking on the footpath and met a cat before lockdown, they would quickly get up and run away.

Not now though. Now, if you are walking along the footpath and encounter a cat, they refuse to move. Whether you step round them or step over them, they will not move. Even if a cat is sitting in the middle of the road, and a car is driven towards them, they will not move. It’s almost like they are saying “You want me to move? Come and make me.”

I’m not sure if it’s because the cats are slowly taking over the neighbourhood or they are just sick of lockdown and they don’t want to spend extra time with their families. I’m not intelligent enough to know the answer.

In addition to this, we have an issue at multiple supermarkets across the country. Some supermarkets have been running out of toilet paper and it’s getting that bad, some stores are restricting one bag of toilet paper per customer. I can think of only two reasons for the shortage: Either the entire population of New Zealand have diarrhoea or people are stockpiling toilet paper, because they’re selfish; and I don’t know which scenario is worse.

I have also noticed the rise in anti-vaxxing and anti-mask content, both locally and nationally. Because these two delightful little misinformed groups have actually managed to push my science literacy buttons, I’m going to donate the next two blog posts addressing myths and claims surrounding mask wearing and COVID-19 vaccines.

Until then, mask up, get a vaccine, wash your hands, and look after yourselves and your families.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you in a few days!