Category: People

A 78-year-old convicted felon gets his facts wrong

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Geography, History, People, Politics

Welcome back to New Zealand’s 5th least favourite website! I’ve had my break, so Some Geek Told Me is ready for 2025, with more incoherent rants and poorly written topics. I was going to start with something a lot more positive, but my OCD got the better of me.

You see, a certain 78-year-old convicted felon held a press conference the other day and made some fascinating and entertaining statements that were, in the nicest way possible, incorrect.

Before I stumble my way through this blog post, I need to go over something with you. A few weeks ago, I posted a blog about TIME’S Person of the Year. When talking about a certain 78-year-old convicted felon, I said,

“Any attention that man gets is good attention, because it means people are talking about him, and that’s what he wants. And we have all given it to him, which is why he has dominated the news cycle.

By ignoring his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, we are condoning his behaviour; therefore, we are enabling him. By calling out his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, he can play the “I’m a billionaire victim because the false news and the deep state are out to get me” card; therefore, we are enabling him.

He’s like a male succubus, but instead of feeding and living off sexual energy and activity, he thrives on communication. The more people discuss him, the stronger he becomes. His ego feeds off the attention.”

Moving forward into 2025 and beyond, I’m going to talk about him, without talking about him. I’m going to do this by doing two things:

  • If his behaviour is truly that terrible, I will name him. Otherwise, I will do my best to avoid naming him. Words have power, so I won’t give him any more attention than he needs or deserves, starting with his name.
  • If I discuss his antics, I won’t repeat the lies or absurdities; instead, I will provide a counterpoint or the truth to his unfounded claims. For instance, if he were to say, “We’re going to cure people of being gay because it’s a disease,” or “Vaccines are immoral and illegal,” or “Sour Cream and Chives is the greatest flavour in the world,” I will not echo the falsehoods.
  • Instead, I will explain that homosexuality is not a disease, vaccines are legal and one of humanity’s greatest inventions, and as for the last claim, I’ll make an emphatic argument in favour of Salt and Vinegar.

What I’m trying to say is that if he or anyone from the League of Losers makes a false statement or says something that’s utterly outrageous, I won’t repeat it here. Instead, I’ll counter with his kryptonite: facts and logic. Even if Mark Zuckerberg no longer agrees with it, I believe that #FactsMatter.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay

So, without further delay, let’s establish the facts over six things the famous 78-year-old convicted felon boasted about at his recent press conference concerning the Western Hemisphere. Someone is in big trouble for showing him either a globe or an atlas.

1.) There is no scientific evidence of any type to suggest that wind turbines hurt or kill whales, let alone drive them crazy.

Credit: ABC

2.) There is no criminal evidence of any type to suggest that Hezbollah were involved in the United States Capitol attacks and riots on 6th January 2021.

Rioters storm the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021. Credit: Ricky Carioti / The Washington Post via Getty Images file

3.) The Gulf of Mexico shares a border with Mexico, Cuba, and the United States. The gulf’s name first appeared on maps used by Spanish explorers from the 16th century. Apparently, there is a map that displays the name, Gulf of Mexico, from 1607.

No single individual can change the name of a body of water. Such a decision would need to be made by a recognised authority, like the International Hydrographic Organization. Even if the United States were to change the name from the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, countries like Mexico, Cuba, and others around the world would not be obligated to adopt the new name.

Millions, if not billions of dollars would be wasted in changing maps, websites, and books to alter the name, which only one country on the planet would use. And there’s no guarantee it would last because the next administration could just change it back.

Map of the Gulf of Mexico. Credit: Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.

4.) The Panama Canal, to everybody’s surprise, is located in Panama. It’s a shortcut that allows ships access to the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, through the use of locks. Construction started in 1904 and was only finished in 1914, at a cost of roughly, at the time, US$500 million.

The waterway stretches 82 km, and it is vital to shipping and trade around the world. Yes, it is true that the United States did build the canal in Panama, through negotiations for economic, geopolitical, and strategic reasons, among others.

It’s also true that the United States owned and administered the Panama Canal, which was a very lucrative operation for them. That changed in the 1970s when President Jimmy Carter transferred the administration to a joint agency of the United States and Panama. Panama gained full control of the canal in 1999. 

It’s been recently criticised that Carter was wrong and stupid for giving up control of the Panama Canal for nothing, but there were valid reasons for this.

  • Carter wanted to show the countries of Central and South America, that the United States was their friend and ally, not a bully. Basically, it was because of peaceful diplomacy.
  • The 1956 Suez Canal crisis, reinforced the notion that the world’s waterways should be neutral and for everybody; even communist countries like the Soviet Union and China, to prevent them from constructing their own canals.
  • The cost of keeping and maintaining the Panama Canal, especially since the introduction of nuclear silos, instead of deploying warships with nuclear weapons, meant that administering the canal outweighed the benefits.

The Panama Canal is owned by the Government of Panama, and operated by the Panama Canal Authority, not the Chinese Government. The United States has no legal right to annex the Panama Canal.

Map of the Panama Canal Credit: Thomas Römer

5.) Canada is the United States’ northern neighbour and shares the world’s longest international land border with them. Canada is made up of 10 provinces and 3 territories and has a population of about 40 million people. The country’s head of government is the Prime Minister, currently Justin Trudeau, but not for long; while the Governor General is Mary Simon, and the Monarch is King Charles III.

Although Canada and the United States are distinct independent sovereign countries, they share significant cultural and historical ties, as well as being crucial trading partners, allies, and friends. Both countries must address the harm done to Indigenous and First Nations peoples, but their relationships with the United Kingdom have varied. This has led the two countries into conflict with each other.

Having said that, the Dominion of Canada is not the United States of America, and the United States of America is not the Dominion of Canada. The United States has no legal right to annex Canada.

Canada is also a member of NATO, which means if the United States, a member of NATO itself, invades or attacks Canada, Canada could invoke Article 5 of the NATO charter, so all of the other charter NATO members will come to the defence of Canada, against the United States.

Map of Canada Credit: WorldAtlas

6.) Greenland is the world’s largest island at 2,166,086 km2 and has a population of 55,000 people. Greenland is physically and geographically closer to North America, but it is economically and politically tied to Europe, Denmark in particular.

Greenland is an autonomous territory of Denmark, but it has an interesting history because people have lived in Greenland for at least 4,500 years. However, in the context of the Greenland/Denmark debate, the following history is this:

  • In 1721, the first Danish settlement was established in Greenland.
  • In 1814, the Treaty of Kiel (Unification with Denmark) brought Greenland formally under Danish control.
  • In 1940, Nazi Germany invaded and occupied Denmark, cutting links to Greenland. The United States steps in and administers the island.
  • In 1945, after Nazi Germany’s surrender, Denmark is given control back over Greenland, but the United States kept a base of operations there.
  • In 1949, Denmark joined NATO.
  • In 1953, having integrated with Denmark and representation in the Danish parliament, the citizens of Greenland were also citizens of Denmark.
  • From 1979-2008, Greenland attains home rule and greater autonomy.

Simply put, Greenland has autonomy, but it has limits and restrictions, as it’s still formally under Danish control. There has been a push for greater autonomy for Greenland, in the form of independence, over the last decade.

Having said that, the United States has no legal right to annex Greenland, and just like Canada, if it did, Denmark could invoke Article 5 of the NATO charter, so all other charter NATO members would come to the defence of Denmark, against the United States.

Now why this 78-year-old convicted felon said those inaccurate statements, could be boiled down to five things:

a.) He made up some of those things on the spot to sound powerful and important, forgot what he said, read about what he said, and then talked about what great ideas they were, so he’ll take the advice and follow them through.

b.) He knows how to gaslight and scare people and the media, so he has no intention to follow through with any of them. He’s saying it because he can, just for shits and giggles since there is no such thing as bad attention for him. He loves and craves the drama.

c.) He’s serious about some of them, and less so about the others, but it’s the media’s job to figure out which ones are which.

d.) He’s honestly going to invade Canada, annex Greenland and the Panama Canal, and rename the Gulf of Mexico.

e.) The whole thing is a distraction, to stop people from realising that his campaign promises will go unfulfilled, like ending the war in Palestine and Ukraine quickly, decreasing the cost of groceries and fuel, and increasing employment.

Credit: BBC

As for the correct answer, take your pick, because maybe he doesn’t even know. Anyway, buckle up because the next four years will be chaos.

That’s another rant for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please be generous and donate to the aid and refugee funds for the conflicts in Sudan, Palestine, and Ukraine, as well as for the emergency responses in Tibet and California.

Look after yourself and I’ll see you next week, because nobody’s favourite Tour of the Solar System is back!

Happy New Year MMXXV

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People

If you’re still nursing a headache from the party, I won’t shout. If you’re still partying, then you’re better than me. And with that, 2024 has eaten the last slice of pizza, spilt wine on the couch, vomited on the carpet, and left the house for good.

Don’t panic, though. It’s time for 2025 or MMXXV, if you prefer, to party hard for 365 days. The Gregorian Calendar is still popular at our house; however, there is a small campaign to swap to the Shire Calendar. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Happy New Year and I hope this year will be better for you than the last one.

Image by Erad from Pixabay

You can expect more badly written and ill-advised weekly blog posts from me because I don’t know how to do anything else.

I’m currently on holiday and hoping that UMC1 and UMC2 will be willing to be seen in public with me, even if I’m not wearing Minecraft clothes. I’ll continue posting daily on Twitter and Mastodon, but my unofficial return is on 6th January, and my official return to New Zealand’s fifth least favorite website will be on 13th January.

Until then, Happy New Year, be safe and I’ll see you next week.

Merry Christmas 2024

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People


So this is Christmas
And what have you done?
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you had fun

Thanks, John and Yoko.

On behalf of everybody involved with Some Geek Told Me, we hope everybody has a Merry Christmas! I’m on my Christmas break, so I’m taking time away for the blog. However, I’ll still post daily nonsense on Twitter and Mastodon, so don’t fret.

The Pōhutukawa tree, often referred to as the New Zealand Christmas tree, is an iconic symbol of the holiday season. Its bright red flowers, blooming in December, are not only used for decoration but also feature on Christmas cards. This tree’s association with Christmas dates back to the mid-1800s and is deeply rooted in local culture.

Thank you for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me through 2024. Look after yourself and your family, and I’ll see you on 1st January 2025.

Forever a Summer Christmas

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People

I’ve been saving this blog post for some time, for obvious reasons. I mean, why discuss Christmas in March or September? Even for me, that’s a little strange. No offence to Emily and Stephen.1

Christmas is just around the corner, and from an advertising standpoint, it has been present since late September or early October. Whether through cards, literature, songs, movies, or posters, we have all been exposed to the essence of Christmas—the birth of Jesus Christ, among other themes.

Credit: Working in New Zealand

Other themes include snow, fireplaces, eggnog, snowmen, ice skating, jackets, jerseys, snow, snow, and more snow. I know this because different mediums have explained this to us for years.

Bing Crosby had a massive hit with White Christmas, Charles Dickens succeeded with A Christmas Carol, and Die Hard 2, Home Alone, and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, showcase snow-related Christmas violence. These works of pop culture, and many more, have helped to reinforce the notion that Christmas is an event that involves snow—or at the very least, happens in Winter.

We sing songs about dashing through the snow, display pictures of snowmen on windows, and dream about having the perfect Christmas Day experience by having it snow. It’s great and it sounds like a lot of fun. It does. We are told that this is the most superior Christmas experience on the planet, and it’s what everybody strives for and wishes for.

If you’re a follower of this wayward blog, you will realise that something is coming; and you would be correct. I don’t have a problem with a white Christmas. I lived in London for three years and the closest I got to that was a white Boxing Day. I loved it, and I enjoyed the experience of being cold on Christmas Day.

I do have a small issue with how Christmas is portrayed in the media though, specifically as a Winter holiday. It seems to be presented as the only version. The truth is, and this might frustrate Flat Earthers, that the Earth’s axis is tilted at an angle of 23.45° relative to its orbit. This tilt means that countries in the Northern Hemisphere experience Christmas in Winter. If they’re fortunate, they may even have snow on Christmas Day.

The thing is that not everybody gets that, and it’s not because they don’t want it. It’s because they can’t have it, since countries in the Southern Hemisphere will experience Christmas in Summer. Like myself in New Zealand.

Christmas here involves shorts, jandals, t-shirts, sand, barbeques, cricket, sunglasses, sunscreen, and pavlovas. That being the case, it can be difficult sometimes to take media seriously when you see children having snowball fights at Christmas in a movie, when your Christmas Day is 25°C in the shade.

Stuff like that I find hilarious, however, what really twists my undies is not Christmas media from the United States or the United Kingdom, or any other Northern Hemisphere country promoting white Christmases. I understand that and accept it.

No, to my eternal dismay and horror, the biggest promoters of a white Christmas to New Zealanders, are other New Zealanders. I would love to joke about this, but I’m not. In a Southern Hemisphere country, which means we have Christmas in Summer, what do other New Zealanders do? You’re smart, so I know you’ll get it.

Yes, businesses dealing with customer services, whether they are hairdressers, clothing stores, or supermarkets, decorate their businesses with snowflakes and snowmen. It could be on their windows, website, or hanging from the ceiling, but they are covered in Winter-related paraphernalia. Why do you have Frosty the Snowman in your window? It’s 32°C outside!

Not that I’m huge into Christmas decorations, except for the tree and wreath, but I often think about how having more accurate decorations would be better. Sorry, I’m a geek that judges, but I’m trying really hard not to do it!

Seeing Santa Claus wearing shorts and sunglasses, Rudolph playing cricket, kiwis wearing Santa hats, or a sandman at the beach, are more apt for us. Do we complain about it? No, not really. Who’s going to listen to us anyway?

I would love for us to stop looking as intelligent as the Coyote, after his new ACME product has failed, yet again. I love my quirky country, I just wish we could stop trying to be like our Northern cousins and just be the best vowel-slaughtering version of ourselves.

That was a weird one, so I hope somebody might relate to it, though my blogs can be off-centre sometimes.

Since Wednesday is Christmas Day, I’ll put up another blog post, but it will be shorter…..because I’m on holiday. Yay!!! This means I’ll be having my Christmas break, which will be for two weeks.

Thank you once again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please don’t forget to walk your dog, read a banned book, go watch Merry Little Batman and the Superman teaser trailer, and I’ll see you on Christmas Day.

1 Bonus geek points for understanding those two references.

TIME’s Person of the Year is not what you think it is

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Literature, People, Politics

I realise there are more pressing issues confronting the world currently. These include the danger of climate change, the Sudanese civil war, the cryptocurrencies of Cristiano Ronaldo and the Hawk Tuah girl, Israel’s genocide of Palestine, when the Superman trailer is going to drop, and whether The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim, will rule them all at the box office.

In saying that, I must acknowledge last week’s announcement of TIME’s 2024 Person of the Year. If you’ve been living under a rock or listening to Chumbawamba’s Tubthumping at full volume for a week, then you would have heard that the lucky winner was 2016’s winner, Donald John Trump. You know, the star of Zoolander, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Two Weeks Notice, The Little Rascals, and Eddie.

As you can imagine, the concept of Donald Trump winning TIME’s 2024 Person of the Year, has delighted millions of people and equally enraged millions more. On one hand, people are praising the decision, because he’s the OG of MAGA, defeated Kamala Harris in the US Presidential election, survived an assassination attempt, and is the proud father of three of his five children.

On the other hand, Trump’s been busy. He was convicted on 34 felony charges for falsifying business records related to hush money payments to a porn star, found liable for sexual assault and defamation, and has more legal issues concerning the IRS, and the Trump Organisation, among others.

So the two questions on many people’s minds are, yes, bananas do grow upside down, but also, why was a convicted felony and President-elect selected as TIME’s 2024 Person of the Year? Sadly, the answer is boring and nuanced, because, and say it with me, TIME’s Person of the Year is not what you think it is.

Credit: TIME

Let’s go back a few steps to 1927, when TIME, the American news magazine, first introduced the award of Person of the Year to Charles Lindbergh.1 Now you would think gracing the cover of TIME for the Person of the Year, would be a great honour, worthy of the amazing contributions you have made to humanity for the past year.

Again, you could imagine that it was because you had developed a vaccine, brokered a peace treaty and ended a war, discovered a new early human species, won the World Cup, was the star of a $2 billion blockbuster, or won an election. If you thought this, you would be wrong, oh so wrong.

According to TIME editors, to be awarded Person of the Year, you need to fit this criteria:

“Featuring a person, group, idea, or object that “for better or for worse … has done the most to influence the events of the year.”

I’m going to let that sink in for you. Influence the events of the year. Not curing children’s diseases; not clearing mines from a warzone; not freeing sex slaves; not persecuting racists, like the Ku Klux Klan, or Neo-Nazis; not developing carbon capture devices; or not fighting for human and animal rights; but influence the events of the year.

After reading that, and for better or for worse, tell me that person(s) is not Donald Trump. Did I want it to be him? Of course not, because both my grandfathers would return from the grave to beat some sense into me if I did.

However, this is the reason Donald Trump was awarded the title; not because he’s a good, honest, positive, decent, law-abiding and amazing person, but because he has dominated the news cycle in 2024. He really has. Even here in New Zealand, we have read and watched his shenanigans this year, whether they were election-based or legal-based.

To highlight the selection, I give you two quotes from TIME”s website on the announcement, to better explain the choice from their point of view:

“For 97 years, the editors of TIME have been picking the Person of the Year: the individual who, for better or for worse, did the most to shape the world and the headlines over the past 12 months. In many years, that choice is a difficult one. In 2024, it was not.”

“Today, we are witnessing a resurgence of populism, a widening mistrust in the institutions that defined the last century, and an eroding faith that liberal values will lead to better lives for most people. Trump is both agent and beneficiary of it all. For marshaling a comeback of historic proportions, for driving a once-in-a-­generation political realignment, for reshaping the American presidency and altering America’s role in the world, Donald Trump is TIME’s 2024 ­Person of the Year.”

Nobody on the planet had dominated and influenced the news cycle in 2024 more than Donald Trump. Even Palestine was drowned out by the MAGA Emperor. Using TIME’s definition of “Featuring a person, group, idea, or object that “for better or for worse … has done the most to influence the events of the year”, Donald Trump is the clear winner.

I know this decision has upset people, but I want to leave you with two things; one negative and one positive. If you’re angry about the choice, don’t blame Trump. He’s a 78-year-old narcissist, who doesn’t have the need, desire, or ability to change.

Don’t blame TIME, by trash-talking or boycotting them. It’s their rules and they are just following them.

If you want someone to blame for Trump winning this award, blame yourself. Blame your parents, children, spouse, siblings, neighbours, and politicians. Blame teachers, lawyers, journalists, reporters, scientists, librarians, talk show hosts, activists, social influencers, podcasters, singers, actors, and world leaders, for this mess.

You could blame everybody and anybody you’ve ever talked to in the last 10 years. Hell, you can even blame me. The reason is that all of these people, regardless of their political philosophy and beliefs, or mine, all have something in common: whether it’s positive or negative, we all talk about Trump.

Any attention that man gets is good attention, because it means people are talking about him, and that’s what he wants. And we have all given it to him, which is why he has dominated the news cycle.

By ignoring his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, we are condoning his behaviour; therefore, we are enabling him. By calling out his crazy rants and lies, along with his illegal dealings, he can play the “I’m a billionaire victim because the false news and the deep state are out to get me” card; therefore, we are enabling him.

He’s like a male succubus, but instead of feeding and living off sexual energy and activity, he thrives on communication. The more people discuss him, the stronger he becomes. His ego feeds off the attention. But hey, what do I know? Even writing this stupid post will probably mean Trump will reach Super Saiyan God status now.

As for the positive part, just remember that even though Trump won this award, he joins some other previous top-quality winners of the award like Chiang Kai-shek and Soong Mei-ling (1937), Adolf Hitler (1938), Joseph Stalin (1939 and 1942), Richard Nixon (1971 and 1972), Henry Kissinger (1972), Ruhollah Khomeini (1979), Jeff Bezos (1999), Vladimir Putin (2007), and Mark Zuckerberg (2010).

Trump and the rest of the League of Losers can’t hold a candle to recent winners like The Ebola Fighters (2014), Angela Merkel (2015), The Silence Breakers (2017), and Greta Thunberg (2019); along with my favourites, The Protester (2011), The Guardians (2018), and Volodymyr Zelensky and The Spirit of Ukraine (2022).

And with that, I’m going to shut my mouth and go to bed. We are well into Summer here, which I’ll discuss somewhat next week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, keep watching Syria and Palestine, and I’ll see you next week. Christmas is coming!

1 The award was actually first named Man of the Year, but eventually, equality caught up.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1955

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People, Politics

And here we go again! One of my infamous bad ideas is still continuing to pay dividends, with the 7th entry detailing the historical references in We Didn’t Start the Fire by Billy Joel. Yes, I know the song is 35 years old, and other people have already done this before, but they haven’t done it this badly.

For the uninitiated, here are the previous entries:

Because you’re clever and eat carrots, you will realise we are up to the glorious year of 1955. And just like last time, strap yourself in because I’m going to be firing some facts at you! Good luck!

Credit: Collinson & Cunninghame Ltd: Publisher

1955

Albert Einstein 

Arguably, the most famous scientist of the 20th century, if not for the last 3,000 years, was Albert Einstein. Born in 1879, Einstein was a theoretical physicist who researched and published work on the photoelectric effect, Brownian motion and the Einstein relation, special relativity, the principle of mass-energy equivalence (E=mc2), statistical mechanics, and many more outstanding contributions to science.

I would be as mad as a guest at one of the Mad Hatter’s tea parties if I didn’t mention his work on general relativity, which changed the world. Einstein’s theory of general relativity was once described as, “…the highest intellectual achievement in the history of humanity.” In my poor opinion, I believe it’s an accurate statement.

Einstein died on 18th April 1955, at Princeton, New Jersey, USA. In scientific and academic circles, Einstein was a rock-star scientist, and he crossed over to become a pop culture icon. For the death of a modern famous scientist, I’m going to offer the late great British theoretical physicist and cosmologist, Stephen Hawking, who died in 2018.

Albert Einstein (1879-1955) at home in Princeton. 1944. Credit: Unknown

James Dean

1955 was a difficult year for science lovers and movie fans because just five months after Einstein died, James Dean died on 30th September 1955, aged only 24 years old.

Dean was a Hollywood heartthrob, who had a bad boy image. He became a professional actor in 1951, and his acting experience covered theatre, television, and film. In saying that, the two films, East of Eden and Rebel Without a Cause, helped to boost his rising star into the stratosphere, both being released in 1955.

Dean was driving his new Porsche 550 Spyder on U.S. Route 466, when he crashed at the junction of SR 46 and SR 41 near Cholame, California. His passenger, Rolf Wütherich, survived and sustained multiple injuries, but Dean was killed instantaneously.

A contemporary example would be the actor, Paul Walker, who died in a car accident on 30th November 2013.

James Dean in the 1955 film “Rebel Without a Cause.” Credit…John Kobal Foundation/Hulton Archive, via Getty Images

Brooklyn’s got a winning team 

We’re going to break free of celebrities dying and focus on a sports team. A baseball team to be precise. In the 1950s, the Brooklyn Dodgers were a Major League Baseball team operating out of, you guessed it, Brooklyn, in New York City.

They were in the National League, where they had won the pennant 10 times previously. However, 1955 was a big year for the Dodgers, because they won the National League again, but this time over the Milwaukee Braves. In the World Series, they met the New York Yankees, which was the fifth time in nine years that the Dodgers and the Yankees met in that format.

The 1955 World Series was special for the Dodgers, since they defeated their rivals 4-3, winning the trophy for the first time. If you remember Roy Campanella from the 1953 post, you’ll also remember that Campanella played for the Brooklyn Dodgers.

In 1957, the New York Giants and the Brooklyn Dodgers moved to California, becoming the San Francisco Giants and the Los Angeles Dodgers.

I’ve said this before, but baseball is not in my wheelhouse of expertise, so I’ll leave it up to a baseball fan to give us a modern equivalent for the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers, because I have no idea. However, I do know that the Los Angeles Dodgers won the 2024 World Series, beating the New York Yankees again, 4-1.

The team photo of the 1955 World Champion Brooklyn Dodgers at Ebbets Field. The Dodgers won their first World Championship in Brooklyn. Credit: walteromalley.com

Davy Crockett

This is an odd one, but I’m sure we’ll bumble our way through it. The great Davy (David) Crockett was a folk hero in American culture, being a politician, militia officer and frontiersman, from 1786-1836. He became famous for his hunting, coonskin cap, politics, military service, and his death, at the Battle of the Alamo.

In 1954, a television mini-series named Davy Crockett was released, and it became extremely popular as Davy Crockett-mania swept the United States, with Davy Crockett merchandise exploding everywhere. The show had five episodes, with Fess Parker starring as the “King of the Wild Frontier.”

In 1955, Walt Disney Productions edited and recut the original first three episodes into a theatrical film named Davy Crockett: King of the Wild Frontier. The film made $2.15 million at the box office, which would be $25.3 million today, adjusted for inflation.

In contemporary times, turning a television programme into a movie, via means of a reboot, is commonplace now. Just look at 21 Jump Street, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Baywatch, Charlie’s Angels, and so many more.

But even though Hollywood of 2024 can be guilty of rehashing and rebooting movies, as well as pumping out sequels, editing episodes of a television show and repackaging them as a theatrical film, is a line that Hollywood of 2024 would not cross. Maybe.

This is a poster for Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier. Credit: Walt Disney Studios

Peter Pan

The character of Peter Pan, the leader of the Lost Boys, and eternal foe of Captain Hook, has been translated into many mediums over the years, such as plays, literature, animated and live-action films, and television programmes, since his creation in 1902.

On 7th March 1955, NBC Television did something quite radical. The Peter Pan Broadway Show was ending soon, so the studio decided to broadcast a television adaption of Peter Pan, using the original Broadway cast.

What makes this production so special, was that it was broadcast live and in colour. It amassed 65 million viewers, even though colour television sets were still developing in popularity. It was such a success, that NBC did it again in 1956 for a second live broadcast.

Comparing this reference to a modern one is difficult because live colour broadcasts are the standard for television viewing in 2024, however the ability to stream your favourite television programmes via devices like tablets, computers, or phones, has changed the way people interact with the world, but also how we consume our entertainment, for good or for ill.

Mary Martin, Kathleen Nolan, Joseph Richard Stafford, and Robert Harrington in Peter Pan (1955) Credit NBC Studios

Elvis Presley

It’s taken us until 1955, but we are ready to talk about the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. Like James Dean, Presley’s star power was developing, so on either 20th or 21st November 1955, aged only 20 years old, Presley signed a record contract with RCA Records. Although he was legally a minor, technically, his father signed the contract.

His previous contract with Sun Records was purchased for $40,000, which was audacious for the time. During this period, Presley also signed a contract to create two new music businesses to showcase his musical talents and to expand his growing stardom.

I’m not down with the kids today, but some contemporary equivalents would be Justin Bieber, Adele, or Rihanna.

Elvis signs his first contract with RCA Records. Credit: Graceland

Disneyland 

Disneyland opened on 17th July 1955, in Anaheim, California, USA. It was the first theme park created by the Walt Disney Company and the only one that Walt Disney personally designed and constructed.

It took only a year to build for $17 million, which adjusted for inflation, works out to be around $153 million. 28,000 people attended the opening, but things didn’t go exactly to plan, with several mistakes happening, which drew negative attention and press.

Walt Disney went on to refer to the opening day as Black Sunday. In 2024, there are six Disney theme parks located in California, Florida, (United States) Hong Kong, Tokyo (Japan), Paris (France), and Shanghai (China).

An aerial view shows Disneyland as guests attend opening-day festivities in Anaheim, California, on July 17, 1955. Credit: Associated Press.

So for 1955, we covered the deaths of a theoretical physicist and an actor, a baseball team, a movie, a television broadcast, a music contract, and a theme park. This took longer than I had anticipated, so 1956 isn’t going to be any easier. Cool.

And that’s it for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. I’m still haunting Twitter and Mastodon, so please drop by for some useless daily information.

Before I go, keep your eyes on Syria, because after ruling and brutalising the country for 24 years, Bashar al-Assad has been overthrown and fled to Russia. Having survived 13 years of civil war, will Syria be able to keep moving forward with progress, justice, and democracy, or will Assad’s absence cause more conflict? I have no idea, but I hope it’s the former and not the latter.

Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, go and tell a Nazi to fuck off, and I’ll see you next week. Christmas is coming!

Culture wars: Coming to a town near you

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn Children, Parents, People, Politics, Social Media

I want to talk about culture wars today. Why? Well, it’s easy, because as popular, hilarious and crazy as they are, they seem to be spreading everywhere faster than The Flash’s diarrhoea.

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

And in their country they had a culture war, E-I-E-I-O!

With a culture war here, and a culture there,

There a culture war, here a culture war,

Everywhere a culture war,

Old Mac (Insert name of politician/celebrity) had a country, E-I-E-I-O!

Culture wars have been making headlines for a few years, around different places on our beautiful planet. Even here, in Godzone, sadly.

Before I venture into my lecture, let’s take the time to define what a culture war is, because just like Christmas or Salt and Vinegar chips, it can mean different things to different people. However, for today, we are going to define a culture war as:

1.) A conflict that is usually between two different social groups, that disagree about a particular subject that involves challenging ideas, virtues, or beliefs, that are political, social, or religious.

2.) It’s not really a war, but rather a battle of words, backed up with protests and other expressions of free speech.

I’m not an expert on this because if I were, I would have much more fun with it! Maybe in the last 10-15 years, culture wars have slowly invaded our lexicon, like cuckoos laying their eggs in another bird’s nest.

They have infected our homes, schools, workplaces, supermarkets, and even the highest levels of government. I mean, our glorious 79-year-old Deputy Prime Minister, The Right Honourable Winston Peters, loves discussing how he works against the “secret woke agenda.”

The culture wars of today involve debates about areas like politics, religion, society, and entertainment, but also views concerning prejudice, racism, sexism, and bigotry are getting tossed around like a hot potato. Sadly, even science has been dragged into these ridiculous discussions because of conspiracy theories.

There is also a case to be made that culture wars are just a different form of class war. Food for thought? Preferably pizza, thanks.

Image by Javier Robles from Pixabay

So, what are some examples of culture wars? Great question; you’re good at that! I’m looking at this through the lens of a New Zealander, but I think some culture wars are global. Here are some of them, but not all of them; but they emphasise the “us vs them” mentality, depending on what side of the fence you sit down or land on. These examples get people angry and passionate, whether you are for or against them.

Do any of these culture wars seem familiar to you?

  • Having bilingual names for government departments, along with street and road signs.
  • Promoting an indigenous or native language.
  • Drag story time at libraries.
  • Painting rainbows over pedestrian crossings.
  • Pushing a “woke” agenda, or just being “woke”.
  • Hakas should only be performed on a sports field, marae, or on a stage, and nowhere else.
  • Being pro-Israeli means you’re anti-Islamic.
  • Being pro-Palestinian means you’re Anti-Semitic.
  • Embryos should have the same rights as humans; so IVF and abortion are murder.
  • Immigrants are the root cause of our country’s problems.
  • Governments promote smoking to generate revenue.
  • If someone can’t speak the official language of the country they live in, they should leave.
  • Islam is evil.
  • Pronouns are a source of conflict.
  • Urban policies vs rural policies.
  • Annexing or invading another sovereign country is fine and legal, if, to you, that country is not legitimate.
  • Vaccines and face masks don’t work.
  • The Earth is Flat.
  • Climate change is a hoax and not real.
  • Indigenous people should not be given a representative voice in government, nor have any extra or special rights.
  • Burqas, hijabs and turbans should be banned in Western countries.
  • The Great White Replacement Theory.
  • The gender you were assigned at birth should determine the gender related to the public and school toilets or changing rooms you use. This applies to both children and adults.
  • Members of the LGBTQIA+ should not be able to marry each other, along with not being able to adopt or work with children.
  • You’re a Nazi or fascist if you believe in right-wing politics or conservative policies.
  • You’re a communist or socialist if you believe in left-wing politics or progressive policies.
  • People should be allowed to peacefully protest, but only for the values and beliefs you agree with.
  • Politicians who are multi-millionaires but show conflict of interests.
  • Is hate speech a form of free speech?
  • Critical Race Theory.
  • Black Lives Matter.
  • Defending a country’s right to protect itself, means they need to break international law to do so.
  • Wars in another countries are not relevant to my country, because we don’t look like them, therefore, they are not our concern. Eg Sudan and Myanmar.
  • Punishments for breaking anti-homosexual laws.
  • MeToo movement.
  • Major tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy, landlords, and large corporations.
  • Depending on the country you live in, having great access to firearms.
  • Whitewashing history.
  • There are only two genders.
  • Suppressing some people’s right to vote is important because they might not vote for your party.
  • The vandalism and removal of statues of historical figures linked to racism, slavery, colonisation, murder, sexism, or genocide.
  • The increasing amount of book banning, challenging, and censorship, across school and public libraries.
  • Any person born a male, should not be able to participate in any female sports; regardless of age or level of transition.
  • Males should not be able to work in a female-dominated industry.
  • Females should not be able to work in a male-dominated industry.
  • Criticising another country because they have a theocracy government, but actively promoting and advocating for your own country to be one as well.
  • Totalitarianism, authoritarianism, and dictatorships are effective because they can weed out the undesirables.

And the list could go on and on.

Given the rise of culture wars worldwide, I’d like to offer some reasons why and how this has happened, or maybe I’m just talking out of my arse. Again, I’m coming at this from a New Zealand perspective, but also observations worldwide, so some culture wars could be known or relevant to you.

1.) The name “culture war” is relevantly new, but the concept and notion of it are not. At a best estimate, some culture wars started over 150 years ago. The concept is not new, just the name.

2.) With elections, whether they are at local or national levels, always seem to bring out an increased amount of warriors, fighting in their particular culture war. I feel this is done to target minorities, or fringe communities, and highlight how dangerous they could be because they are different and not mainstream.

The result is that people are encouraged to become passionate and empowered about these ideas, instead of focussing on larger and more important subjects like crime and unemployment rates, or the state of the economy.

It’s a form of distraction; it’s all smoke and mirrors. You can’t vote for/against or understand an important policy if politicians only even talk about trivial things that don’t matter.

“Don’t worry about the tobacco lobbyists having meetings with government ministers, you should worry about the man dressed as a woman, reading books to children at the library.”

3.) Using social media, conspiracy theories and misinformation makes it harder for people to differentiate fact from fiction, truth from lies, and understanding from bigotry.

“I read it on the internet, so it must be true.”

“I saw a news report about it, this is serious!”

“I agree with the TV host, they need to be stopped. We need to think of the children.”

Sound familiar? It’s easier to believe in a beautiful lie, than to accept the awful truth; especially if someone you trust is saying exactly what you’re thinking.

Judging people is easier than helping people, isn’t it?

4.) I think culture wars can bring out the best and worst of humanity, which causes more division within our communities; especially with gaslighting. Oh, gaslighting, where would the righteous few be without gaslighting? Not living in the White House I would imagine.

How many arguments have you had with your father over public protests? Or your mother over immigrants? Or your co-workers about vaccines, or drag story time with your siblings?

If culture wars keep getting pushed onto us by politicians, religious leaders, celebrities, and billionaires, then who wins? The conservatives? The progressives? I’ll tell you this for nothing, I may not be able to tell you who wins, but I can tell you who loses, and that us. You, me, the vulnerable, the prosecuted, the poor, and the oppressed.

I think some culture wars need to be explored, debated and argued. It helps you to draw a line in the sand, so you can understand and define your own morality, but also to understand where your neighbour, friend, child, parent, or spouse’s ideas are coming from. Some things need to be discussed.

Some culture wars, on the other hand, don’t need to be discussed, because it’s about common sense, or the lack of it. I mean, you’re not going to win an argument with a person who has the IQ of a carrot, are you? In these cases, I feel it’s better to smile and ignore them, so let them live their best life by being stupid. Let them do them, so you can do you.

The problem is identifying the real culture wars from the batshit crazy ones; which I’ll admit, I’m still learning how to do.

Did I miss any culture wars? What culture wars are you invested in? As always, please let me know.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and I’ll see you next week.

Also, if you happen to see Vladimir Putin or Benjamin Netanyahu cruising around in a country other than Russia or Israel, please do me a favour, and tell the ICC and your government. That would make my year.

The Lincoln Project: Living rent-free in Trump’s head

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People, Politics, Social Media

Growing up as a member of the Commonwealth, the 5th of November has always been synonymous with the Gunpowder Plot, in the form of Guy Fawkes Night, Bonfire Night or Fireworks Night. 419 years later, people still remember it.

If you haven’t already guessed or been living in Worzel Gummidge’s hat, this 5th of November is also unique, because it’s the date for the United States presidential election. At the time of writing this blog post, the polls are tighter than Uncle Scrooge’s wallet, between Kamala Harris and everybody’s favourite bankrupting casino owner, Donald Trump.

Over the years, you don’t have to do a lot to incur Trump’s wrath, by getting under that beautiful orange skin or living rent-free in his head. And nobody does it better than the Lincoln Project. For the uninitiated, the Lincoln Project was founded by former Republican Party members and moderate conservatives, who publish and release anti-Trump content. And they are very good at what they do. They oppose Trump and his policies, along with his Dick Tracy villain doppelgangers.

I can’t remember the first Lincoln Project video I saw, but I was stunned and confused to learn that it was Republicans and conservatives bashing Trump. Even though I’m a New Zealander and not a US citizen, I thought this was weird; however, I thought it was so brilliant that I subscribed to them.

Whether it’s because their origins are based on right-leaning politics or they have some extremely driven people, they seem to have an uncanny way of pissing Trump off. Whenever I hear the phrase, “If you can’t say anything nice, say something clever and devastating,” I will always think of the Lincoln Project.

The ‘Lincoln Project’ is made up of Republicans dissatisfied with the direction the party has taken under Trump. Credit: Reproduction/Facebook.

Their videos fall into several groups. Some videos have focused on promoting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, by encouraging people to vote for them. Other videos highlight American values and how Trumpism and Republicans are against it. There are also videos highlighting the shenanigans of some Republicans, comparing Harris to Trump, and talking about the January 6th riots.

The irony is that these videos are created by conservatives. Additionally, the ones directed at Trump can be described as “beautiful nightmares.” They are devastating, accurate, intelligent, funny, and sharp. I often show them to my wife while doing my geek dance, saying, “Oh, you need to see this; it’s amazing!”

In my opinion, all of the anti-Trump panels, videos, columns, podcasts, and articles combined, pale in comparison to the humiliation that the Lincoln Project has inflicted on everybody’s favourite 78-year-old convicted felony.

Below, I have collected several of my favourite recent Lincoln Project videos that directly attack Trump and his policies. And damn, these are burns! Some honourable mentions are the recent Things Fascists Say videos, highlighting Trump’s love for dictators and strong male leaders. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so serious.

Without any more delay, let’s look at some of my favourite Lincoln Project videos that belittle Trump’s age, cognitive ability, intelligence, morals, and just about anything. Please enjoy!

The next two videos are not humorous, but they are very effective at highlighting how dangerous Trump is. As for that last one, well, it’s my favourite.

What’s your favourite Lincoln Project video? As always, please let me know. If you haven’t already subscribed to the Lincoln Project, I suggest you do so. They are exceptional at what they do.

That’s another rant, for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. And just like last week, please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote for Kamala Harris. I want to witness Trump whine about losing and how difficult his life is being a 78-year-old white male billionaire. Please!

Take care and I’ll see you next week.

We Didn’t Start the Fire: 1954

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn History, Music, People, Politics

Because of various reasons, I got distracted last month, which to be fair, was the constant statement throughout my school reports. This distraction meant we didn’t have a We Didn’t Start the Fire blog post, which will soon be fixed. I’m not sure if Billy Joel would approve.

Just like an ejection seat in a helicopter, my We Didn’t Start the Fire references are a bad idea. Nevertheless, it’s back for another month. Previous chapters in this ongoing mess include:

If you’ve been keeping score, we looked at 1953 last time, so we’re moving on to 1954. So, strap yourself in because it’s going to be a bumpy ride! And away we go!

Credit: Jay Blotcher/Twitter

1954

Roy Cohn:

We’re going to kick 1954’s references off with Roy Cohn, who was an American prosecutor and lawyer. To me, Cohn is famous for a few odd things. Hopefully you remember Joseph McCarthy, the communist-hunting senator from the 1950 list. It may not come as a surprise, but not only did Cohn and McCarthy know each other, Cohn worked as chief counsel for McCarthy in the 1954 Army–McCarthy hearings.

The hearings were a political embarrassment for McCarthy and his anti-communism policies, so after the hearings had finished, Cohn fell on his sword and resigned from McCarthy’s staff. This caused a minor scandal across the country, which led Cohn to work as an attorney in New York City.

Do you remember the Rosenbergs (Julius and Ethel Rosenberg) from the 1951 list? Take three guesses to name one of the prosecutors involved in their case. That’s right, it was Cohn.

For a modern context, I previously referred to Joseph McCarthy as everybody’s favourite convicted felony and ex-president, Donald Trump. So, if Trump is McCarthy, then Cohn would be Michael Cohen; if you follow my logic.

Roy Cohn speaking at the Army-McCarthy hearings in 1954. Credit: Everett/Shutterstock.com

Juan Perón:

Juan Perón served as President of Argentina from 1946 to 1955 and then again from 1973 to 1974. He is a significant figure in the history of Argentina and Latin America, with a complex legacy. His policies, known as Peronism, evolved, and he eventually became a dictator. Additionally, he provided refuge to wanted Nazi war criminals, contributing to the ongoing crisis.

During his second term in 1954, Perón was becoming less popular, while Argentina faced economic problems like high inflation, huge debt, and a decrease in productivity. Perón was also having trouble with the Roman Catholic Church. He pushed for the decriminalisation of divorce and prostitution; deported two Catholic priests; promoted a constitutional amendment to separate State and Church; publicly accused bishops and priests of sabotaging his government; and suppressed religious education in schools. He was a busy guy.

Perón was finally deposed in a coup d’état in 1955, mainly because of the bombing of Plaza de Mayo by Argentine military aircraft, which killed over 300 people.

A modern equivalent is somewhat difficult because sadly, we have many choices to select from, like Alexander Lukashenko, Bashar al-Assad, Kim Jong Un, Slobodan Milošević, Vladimir Putin, Augusto Pinochet, Pol Pot, Francisco Franco, Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo, Muammar Gaddafi, or Idi Amin. Take your pick, because they all suck.

President Juan Perón. Credit: Unknown

Arturo Toscanini:

The beloved Arturo Toscanini was one of the most famous conductors on the planet. After years of working around the world, Toscanini moved to the United States. He worked with several symphony orchestras before securing a position with the NBC Symphony Orchestra, which was a radio orchestra.

This job lasted from 1937 to 1954 when Toscanini stepped down from the position of conductor and retired at 87 years old. That was his last live public performance.

For a modern conductor, I don’t want to start a fight about which conductor is the best in the world. This is outside of my lane, but some examples could be Sir Simon Rattle, Marin Alsop, Gustavo Dudamel, Seiji Ozawa, Nathalie Stutzmann, Sir Neville Marriner, Daniel Barenboim, Sir Antonio Pappano, Susanna Mälkki, Carlos Kleiber, or maybe Bernard Haitink.

The conductor Arturo Toscanini. Photograph by Bettmann / Getty

Dacron:

This is the first non-human entry on the list, and it is very useful. In 1954, Polyethylene terephthalate, also known as PET, PETE, and Dacron, was released to the public. Dacron is an artificial fibre that changed the way people live and interact with the world.

It’s recyclable plastic number 1 and was mainly trademarked as a synthetic polyester fabric, but it expanded to all facets of modern life. The demand for this product is insane. The annual production of PET was 56 million tons in 2016, with 30% being made up of bottle production worldwide.

I would give you a modern version, but Dacron is still being used today.

Credit: Wikipedia Commons

Dien Bien Phu falls:

We are continuing with another non-human entry because this one is a city or rather a battle. Dien Bien Phu, or Điện Biên Phủ, is a city located in Vietnam. Back in 1946, Vietnam was known as French Indochina, and it was supported and controlled by…wait for it…the French.

This resulted in the First Indochina War, with the French fighting the Viet Minh, aka the Democratic Republic of Vietnam, the newly minted nation.

In 1954, the French Far East Expeditionary Corps fought the Viet Minh, at the French encampment in Dien Bien Phu, between 13th March and 7th May. History remembers this as the Battle of Dien Bien Phu. The size of the armies, along with the casualties, vary to different records, but whatever the case, the Viet Minh claimed victory.

This was a humiliating defeat for the French, as it was the decisive battle of the war. The legacy of this battle resulted in the creation of North Vietnam (the Democratic Republic of Vietnam) and South Vietnam (the Republic of Vietnam). Eventually, the Second Indochina War started a year later, though it’s known by another name; The Vietnam War.

An image of Viet Minh troops planting their flag over the captured French headquarters at Dien Bien Phu, 1954. Credit: Vietnam People’s Army Museum System.

Rock Around the Clock:

One, two, three o’clock, four o’clock, rock
Five, six, seven o’clock, eight o’clock, rock
Nine, ten, eleven o’clock, twelve o’clock, rock
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight

Dubbed as the first rock-and-roll song, Rock Around the Clock was a smash hit. Released in May 1954 by Bill Haley & His Comets, Rock Around the Clock only lasted 2:08 minutes, but it changed music history.

The single sold 25 million copies and became the unofficial anthem for the growing rebellious youth around the world, and brought this developing sound of music to mainstream audiences.

It defined a generation, much like Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”, Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, and Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”

So for 1954, we covered a prosecutor, a dictator, a conductor, an artificial fabric, a battle, and a song. This was a strange and mixed list, but we will have seven entries for 1955, so I need to start planning for next month. I mean, maybe the writing will get better.

And that’s it for another week. Thanks again for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, and if you’re a US citizen, please vote to send a certain 78-year-old into retirement. Take care and I’ll see you next week.

Jobs that I would suck at: Vol 1

On By somegeektoldme@gmail.comIn People

I want to talk about jobs today, but before I get into my rant, how is everybody doing? I think there’s a polite answer, and there’s an honest answer, with the truth lying somewhere in the middle. Whatever the case, I hope you’re doing well.

Because you’re attentive readers, you would have noticed the title of today’s blog post. Jobs can be important for multiple reasons. They can provide you with money, so you can continue living and existing by paying for the rent and mortgage or buying food, clothes, Salt and Vinegar chips and anything else you have set your heart on.

Jobs can also give you stability, purpose, direction, status, and experience, and for many people, a job is a lifeline. It could be the only thing keeping someone’s head above the water because jobs and life are tough.

The quantity of money you receive is subjective because the same wage or salary could be a godsend to one person, while it could be a bane for someone else.

It’s also true about the quality of the job, which is subjective. A particular job could be a nightmare for one person, while being a dream job for someone else. Of course, some people are just trying to get by, and a job is simply a job.

I suppose there is the trap that you are defined as your job, and that’s how you are known to the world. You’re a nurse, musician, painter, road worker, or a builder, so that’s what your identity is versus whether you’re a good or happy person.

I believe if you’re lucky enough, you can find a job that pays well and makes you happy. But there is a tiny flaw in that plan; you need to be qualified, or at the very least, actually good at it. This painfully long introduction finally brings us to the point of this rant.

This is the first volume of a series detailing three jobs each time that I believe, I would suck at. Whether I describe myself at being terrible, horrible, ill-suited, unqualified, or just wrong, these jobs would not be for me. I would suck at them.

I’m going to add a disclaimer here before I continue. Any job that makes this list does not by definition, make it terrible. Your job may appear here today or at a later date, and that’s fine for you because I’m not saying your job sucks. I’m just saying your job would suck for me because of several reasons.

Sweet as? Cool bananas and away we go!

Image by kalhh from Pixabay

Real Estate Agent

This job is one of the easiest to explain why I would be terrible at. I’m awful at making small talk, let alone having and creating a salesperson personality. I’m such a bad salesperson, I wouldn’t be able to sell lifejackets to the Navy. I would probably end up buying merchandise from them instead.

I once had a job as a street talker, and it lasted one day. Even though it was for a charity, I couldn’t approach people on the street and convince them to sign up for monthly donations. I was awful.

So the concept of me trying to convince people to buy a big-ticket item like a house seems ludicrous, because as I would be showing off the house’s advantages, I would also be discussing the disadvantages.

I wouldn’t be able to lie because it would weigh on me too much. Also, I would be too honest and suggest the house would not suit the potential owners, coupled with the fact that I’m sure I would not be meeting my monthly quota of sales. I would give my sales manager daily headaches.

These factors would completely condemn me in this profession. I can’t stress enough on how greatly I would suck as a real estate agent. I would be terrible.

Receptionist

Receptionists always seem to have a friendly, positive and calm demeanour, which is quite impressive. Put me in that job, and you would get the opposite. Scheduling appointments, answering the phone, dealing with angry customers, and all with a smile on my face? Forget it.

After dealing with the phone ringing every three minutes, I can only imagine I would be answering the calls by saying, “Please stop ringing! I’m trying to eat my lunch!” It would also mean my small talk would include discussing a new movie trailer, asking what that smell was, and laughing at Trump’s new criminal charges.

I would transfer calls to the wrong department, schedule a booking on the wrong day, accidentally cut the call off, and also sound like I would be much happier if I was lying on my couch reading, instead of dealing with random people.

I have so much trouble scheduling appointments for my family, talking to my wife on the phone, and dealing with my hungry and angry children because the last chocolate biscuit has been eaten, that I couldn’t possibly do it for a living.

And even if I could handle those things, I would have to play host to people entering the workplace. I’d have to offer tea, coffee, and whatnot. I’m a terrible host. I would eat all of the biscuits and stuff the orders up. Besides, who in their right mind would want me?

Even if the job was at a book shop, that sold pizza and Salt and Vinegar chips, I would glare at everybody that walked in, because they would be giving me more work to do. I wouldn’t be able to hide the disappointment on my face.

I would suck at being a receptionist.

My wife’s job

The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it? Take my wife and I, because we often talk about swapping roles. She would like to get back to paid employment by working at a full-time job and being the primary breadwinner.

As for me, I think it would be great to leave the paid 40-50 hour work week behind and concentrate on the house and family.

However, the reality of it is far scarier. For one thing, I enjoy cooking and making food for my family, whether breakfast, lunch or dinner. The sad part is that my recipe skills are limited since I can only make a few meals in several different ways.

If I had my wife’s job, I would need to improve my cooking skills to accommodate my family’s dietary restrictions and allergies. I would also have to introduce new foods to UMC1 and UMC2. I wouldn’t be able to rely on weekend cooking anymore; I would have to cook like Julia Child to satisfy and nourish my family.

I’m a chicken/fish and three vegetables man, so I would have to learn how to make new meals that everybody could eat. All of my time would be taken up with thinking, “Can I add tomato sauce to this?” I doubt anybody would want the same dinner five times each week.

It would also mean that I would have to design and build, all of my children’s wild and creative ideas, using limited resources and money. This would involve being able to papier-mâché, but also painting, cutting, drawing, sewing, designing and building various things.

I would be left floundering to understand and follow different recipes, as well as trying to figure out how to make a papier-mâché helmet or functioning catapults. If my wife and I had both started projects at the same time, based on ideas from UMC1 and UMC2, she would have finished three weeks before me, because I would still be in the planning stage.

If my wife’s amazing creative skills were compared to the Joker, mine would be Condiment King. If you haven’t heard of Condiment King, I rest my case.

Are there any jobs you feel you would be terrible at? As always, please let me know. Alright, that’s another pointless rant for another week, but before I go, I’d like to mention that today marks the first anniversary of the Israel–Hamas war.

This conflict and the media seem to have created a narrative where if you support Israel, that means you’re anti-Islamic. If you support Palestine, that means you’re anti-Semitic. People are calling for the destruction of Israel, while others want Palestine’s annihilation.

You can debate the moral, political, and ethical reasons behind this war, but Hamas were wrong to attack Israel on 7th October 2024. However, Israel’s response was also wrong. For me, there needs to be more people calling for a cease-fire, because over 16,000 children have been killed.

Martyrs are becoming made on both sides through this endless cycle of violence, which just fuels it for the next time. Nobody can honestly say to me, that to have security for either side, over 16,000 children needed to die because I would call you a liar.

Here’s hoping on 7th October 2025, we will be talking about peace accords, the rebuilding of Palestine and the real options working towards the Two State solution, and not another year of dead hostages and children.

Thanks for reading, following, and subscribing to Some Geek Told Me. Please remember to walk your dog, read a banned book, eat some bananas, and I’ll see you next week.