I want to talk about the school holidays, in particular surviving them. Why? Would you like to take a guess?

Term 3 of the school year has started today for thousands of children across the country, here in New Zealand. They are going back to school, after coming off a nice relaxing two week holiday. They have enjoyed swimming at the beach, having water fights, and eating ice cream to cool off; is what you would say if it was the Summer/Christmas holidays.

We have not just had those holidays. Oh no, the school holidays the kids have just experienced have been in the middle of Winter. You know, the rain, the cold, the snow, gloves, beanies, and puffer jackets. That Winter.

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Now before I go any further, this is not me complaining about spending time with UMC1 and UMC2. That’s not it at all. This is all about, “It’s freezing, it’s been raining for five straight days, the kids are fighting again, so how do I survive the holidays, without using alcohol?” That is a very interesting question.

The Winter school holidays are brutal, seriously, they’re really mean. And it’s not just one factor that creates this carnage. A lot of charming things all add up to this sanity breaking experience.

Let’s set the scene in the Some Geek Told Me house, shall we? Our house is very small. I feel extremely bad for people entering it for the first time, and believing they have entered a very large walk-in wardrobe. I have to shatter that image and explain that what they’re looking at, is exactly the entire house.

Because of this, they are not many places you can actually escape to in the house, that’s away from everybody else. UMC1 and UMC2 are still learning what the words alone and privacy, actually mean.

Our only heating system in the house is a log burner, which is located in the lounge, which is connected to the kitchen, because it’s basically one room. This is where we have been living, in front of the fire. Classy.

Let’s check the weather report today. What’s this?! We’re going to have a high of 6 °C today? That’s so warm, let’s have a barbeque!; say nobody ever! The horrible weather has had a huge impact on this small family.

It would be raining or having just recently rained or quite cold outside, UMC1 and UMC2 would cut their losses, and refuse to leave the house. Even at 8 am, they would basically declare, because of the weather, the day would be a write off for them.

Their arguments were that, “It’s too wet! or It’s too cold.” Even when the few times it stopping raining or became a lot warmer; nope, they were not leaving the house.

This brings us to pyjamas. After stating that they were not leaving the house for the day, this meant UMC1 and UMC2 would be staying in their pyjamas. For the whole day. It puts all of your parenting skills to the test, to convince your children to change out of their pyjamas, knowing you’re going to fail, like Superman under a red sun.

11 am, 12 pm, 1 pm, 2 pm, and on it would march. We would feel defeated some days, knowing the boys never left the house, or never changed out of their pyjamas. On other days however, jobs had to be done outside in the big, wide, scary world.

An example of an upcoming disaster would be going to the supermarket. You’re running out of food, so you try to convince the kids to go with you. Their answer is no, because, well of course it’s going to be no. They’re too busy playing with Lego or fighting, to go to the supermarket.

That would mean leaving the house or worse, changing into regular clothes! So we did whatever a normal parent does: we offered bribes. Some Kinder chocolate here, a McDonalds hash brown there, or hot chips everywhere! Anything to leave the house, even to drive to the port and back!

After being cooped up in our tiny house because of the weather, with no escape from anybody, you just wanted to leave and see the outside world. And if you needed to bribe the kids to do it, well, you would never be judged by me.

Sometimes their response was basically, “What’s in it for us?” Unbelievable. Of course, they would always accept the bribe, but they would tease you a little bit. How far can we push Mum and Dad, before they break forever?

I had mentioned something previously, but I need to expand on it. Because of the cruddy weather, we have been inside a lot. Cramped conditions added to terrible weather, equals fighting.

Should we spin the Wheel of Misfortune to reveal what the children will be fighting about for the next four minutes?

Will be it be because UMC1 touched UMC2’s bed?

Will be it be because UMC2 looked at UMC1’s robot?

Will be it because, while sitting on the couch, UMC1 and UMC2’s elbows touched?

No, today’s answer is because someone is using someone else’s Lego!

I swear, they do actually get along. However over the last two weeks, their fighting has branched out into new fields like space on a couch, the number of crackers on a plate, the longer someone sleeps, and of course, is UMC1 or UMC2, the greatest Lego builder of all time!

On one dreary and rainy day, I mentioned to my wife that the boys had been doing really well. There had been no fighting, everybody was working together and sharing; it was awesome. I jinxed it, because UMC1 and UMC2 must have been listening, and quickly realised they needed to get their fighting quota in for the day, and promptly starting arguing about whether James was a better steam engine than Thomas.

The last two weeks have been tough and our parenting skills have been tested, failed, retested and succeeded. Anyway, how do you cope with your children during school holidays and terrible weather?

In other news, our dog injured his right front leg, while jumping up onto our bed last week. This has resulted in all of us, giving him some extra attention, which he is loving. So I’m off to rub his belly, before he starts getting angry. Thanks for reading, pat your dog, and I’ll see you next week.